so don't ask if you don't want to know
Posts tagged sex

My bonk list
Sep 13th
We were chatting on the show the other day and I was asked if I would DO Tim Curry. Uh, no thanks.
My fantasy bonkage-weekend list doesn’t include Tim Curry but it does include:
- Bruce Willis, anytime anywhere. Even now with no hair.
- Nicolas Cage, if I could have had him maybe 20 years ago. Now he’s just kinda creepy.
- Johnny Depp, if he could be Sam from Benny and Joon the whole time. Or maybe Crybaby.
- Viggo Mortensen, but only as Aragorn. The real guy, not so much.
- Scott Cohen. Wolf was adorable. And an animal.
- Al Pacino, though he’s getting pretty old. Shave off a few years.
- Bruce Willis, (again, again)
- Dane Cook would be fun
- Matthew McConaughey – all day
- Richard T. Jones always made my toes tingle
- Vin Diesel, oh yeah
- Adam Baldwin at least once
- Nathan Fillion, but I actually just want to hang out with him more than bonk him, though I wouldn’t turn down the chance to do both.
I’ll quit for now. I’ll be (alone) in my bunk unless Bruce Willis knocks on my door.
Things are looking UP!
Jul 29th
Hell yes, R and I are talking on Facebook! And on the phone.
Shut UP!
I’m talking like a teenager because suddenly I feel more like a teenager. I’m almost giddy.
Giddy. Me.
Oh I don’t know, there are tentative discussions of visits and hawt secks. Because if memory serves, ALL our sex was hawt secks. I’m not holding my breath or banking on this. Years of trashed expectations and disappointments have taught me to not get excited about anything until it happens.
We’ll see maybe in a couple of months. I really need to brush up on my phone sex. Actually, that might be the only kind of sex I’ve never had. I’m much more of a hands on (among other parts) person.
In the meantime, I don’t give a rat’s ass if that neighbor guy ever comes over for a booty call anymore. I have better options ahead… I hope.
Family drama
Jul 26th
I know you can’t pick your family. I sure as shit wouldn’t have picked mine.
First, I’ve mentioned my niece Miss B has a new baby she named Damien Gabriel. And she’s living with a guy who is apparently a complete asshat. I don’t know him but from what everyone in the family says, he’s as useless as a third dick. Miss B has chosen against all advice to stay with this person so my lovely sister has sued for emergency custody of the baby and won. Now she’s holding this baby hostage to everyone’s good behavior. Beth is one of those people who if you cross her she cuts you out of her life. She hasn’t spoken to me in years and I still don’t know why. She hasn’t spoken to our mother either, but has graciously allowed an hour visit a week to Mom. Mom says those visits are rife with tension and false pleasantries but she refuses to be baited into argument because Beth will then have an excuse to cut her out again.
This is all happening in Florida so there’s not much I can do or say. I’m not there to get in the middle or mediate or anything. I’m disappointed in Miss B for choosing a man over her child, but her mother did the same thing years ago. I feel I should call her and remind her of how she felt when her mother shipped her out here to me. I feel I should call my sister and remind her of her own EXACT behavior years ago. But I won’t call either of them. I’m not there, I don’t know fact from hearsay and I really don’t think either of them would listen to me anyway.
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Secondly, Casey finally got around to phoning his baby mama Sky. What a fiasco that was. Kira got to talk to her Mommy for the first time since last NOVEMBER and now she’s completely confused. She thinks Mommy is near and she’s coming to see her. Then Sky’s completely deluded rant about expecting Casey to send Kira to see her in Indiana for 6 months of the year, shared custody. Are you still living in a homeless shelter? Yes. Do you have a job yet? No. She thinks she’s got a leg to stand on. I do believe this might just light a fire under Casey’s ass about actually getting the divorce started instead of just talking about it all the fucking time. She cheated, had children by another man, lived with yet another man, seldom asked to visit her daughter and when she did she’d send her back after just a couple of days, and finally left the state without notification and put her other children up for adoption. Oh yeah, mother of the year there.
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Max called yesterday and they’re in San Diego this week and will be here on Saturday. I can wait, now that he’s safely in the States. He called again a few minutes ago to laugh at all the geeks/nerds he’s seen around because of Comic-Con. I explained that he was disparaging my people and that I’d love to be there, and now he says he’ll stop by tomorrow and get me tickets for next year. They go on sale in the morning. We’ll see. I’m pretty sure if he gets the tickets I can find a place to sleep there.
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After my obligatory call to my Mother I called my Dad – which is always nicer. He spent 10 minutes talking about the wonders of 5-minute energy drinks. Dad, you do realize that’s not good for your already stressed heart? Ask your doctor before you try that again!
I vant to be alone.
There’s been a possibility of a booty call from a new neighbor. We had an almost session the other night, but he was a little too freaked out about GirlChild downstairs and a lot too drunk. I never know when I’ll be home alone and he’ll be available and I’m moving in two weeks, so it might never happen. Oh well. His favorite saying? It is what it is. And it is. We’ll see.
*** edited because I forgot to run spellcheck, so bite me.








