so don't ask if you don't want to know
Posts tagged sex
FCKH8
Oct 19th
Hopefully I can make myself clear without offending the people I like and still piss off those uptight people who might come across this.
Specifically those people who hate and/or can’t tolerate gay and lesbian people. Or bisexuals for that matter. What the hell does it matter what adults do in their own homes?
Personally the whole idea of girls doing girls makes me nauseous. Don’t like that kind of porn, and after having been in a F/F/M threesome in my youth, experience tells me I’ll never get over it. Eww yuck and NO. Now men with men porn I find slightly interesting. Maybe cuz I like dick too. Whatever.
But you know what? It doesn’t matter how I feel. EVERYONE HAS THE RIGHT TO FIND LOVE WHEREVER THEY CAN. You have no control over who gets your blood pumping. Neither do they so why punish them?
Imagine the person who you’ve loved and lived with for the last 10 years is in an accident and you’re told you have no right to see them or make any decisions for their care. And to add insult to injury, they aren’t covered on your health care plan. Then they die and you’re entitled to nothing.
How is that right and humane?
Imagine you’re a teenager and you have the hots for little Suzy cheerleader. And you’re Sarah. Or you’ve in love with the captain of the football team and you happen to be on the team too. Your parents, your church, your peers vilify gays and lesbians every day. Why?
Do you really feel the need to encourage kids to kill themselves? Does it make your day when some poor teenager offs himself just because he loves the wrong people? What the fuck is wrong with you?
I have a couple of lesbian friends and I like them just as much as all my other friends. I just don’t think about them (ewww yuck) having sex. I don’t think about a couple of my obese friends having (ewww yuck) sex either. In fact, I don’t imagine any of my friends having sex. Unless of course it’s that one guy or that other guy and it’s with me. What people do when they’re not with me is NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
There’s an old saying: to each his own. Here’s another saying: accept the things you cannot change. Try this one: Don’t propagate hate. As a matter of fact…
FCKH8.com Straight Talk About Gay Marriage from FCKH8.com on Vimeo.
You're gay? Well shit
May 17th
There was an interview on TV a bit ago where they asked the actor something like, “now that it’s been established that you’re not gay, are you dating anyone?” I’m like, damn that’s pretty ballsy. Gays date, right?
His response was priceless, (again, I’m paraphrasing because I wasn’t recording it and can’t remember verbatim) “I didn’t address that rumor because I don’t feel I need to defend myself against something that isn’t offensive.” Boo-ya!
Okay, I don’t think being gay is offensive at all. But I kinda do want to know who is and who ain’t. Not that it matters other than in one specific way…
It would completely ruin my fantasies to find out that certain hot male actors were in fact gay.
Seriously ladies, let me ask you… would Matthew McConaughey-hey-gay do as much for you? How about if Johnny Depp suddenly admitted it and changed teams? Sure there are hot gay actors, but they’re not cruising through my dreams. I can still appreciate them in every other way. 
I was probably one of the last people on the planet to know a certain singer was gay and I was crushed and embarrassed. There was a time when he appeared regularly in my personal late-night, though nobody knew that but me.
So I’ll continue to keep verified hetero actors in my fantasies. Unfortunately they’re getting old. Ever since Bruce Willis went bald he doesn’t hold as much interest for me. I need to find some new meat, but I’m a little apprehensive after the George Michael fiasco.
So who are the hot male over 30 (let’s not get ridiculous) actors who are NOT gay?
Cut or Uncut, continued
May 11th
Cuz, like… you know, I never could bring myself to put an uncut penis in my mouth. I dunno if I can at this late date either. 
Dudn’t look like I need to worry about dat anymore anyway. Ain’t a lot of volunteers lining up.
Other than for oral, either way it doesn’t really matter to me.
You know how you’re hungry for a certain meal and its been a long time since you had it? You think about it often at all the wrong times, you try to create it yourself but it’s just not the same so you keep jonesing for it. And then finally there it is in front of you and you just scarf it down without thinking or taking the time to really enjoy it because you’ve waited so long… devouring every last bite and still want more? And then you’re like, shit! I did that all wrong, I should have paid more attention and taken my time.
Yeah, that’s exactly like my last sexual experience a few weeks ago.
Well, I hope it wasn’t my last. I’m still hungry.
I have no gaydar
Feb 27th
Seriously, unless they’re flaming with feather boas (or some other obvious indicator) I never seem to pick up on it.
Not that it matters to me either way. Whatever floats your boat you know.
It’s just that… I have a wild fantasy life… I often (more often than I probably should) make up entire scenarios about various men I know or see or pass on the street. That’s a lot of energy to waste on the few that will never follow through… not that any will ever follow through but a girl has to dream, right?
I mean, men will never know what’s going on in my head. I don’t act like I’ve set up an elaborate fantasy involving him and I in wild animalesque ballets of sex…
unless you’re reading this now
in which case I don’t mean YOU! It’s that other guy… or maybe it was you. Whatever.
The point is, even though nobody will ever know who I fantasize about, I’m still embarrassed when I find out he’s gay. Even though it’s all in my head, I feel like I’ve just been slapped and not in a good way.
There was a really attractive gentleman that came to #evfn last night. Completely out of my league – which makes him prime fodder for starring in my latest mental pornplay – and I actually asked our mutual friend if the fella was married or gay just so I wouldn’t waste my energy on him. Mental energy that is, because there certainly hasn’t been anyone my own age returning any interest in actual playing around.
Maybe I should write some of these out?
Bon Jovi gets me off
Feb 26th
Well maybe just a little. I felt I needed an interesting title.
Monday night was a really great night. I went with Ladawn to Yucca Tap Room for open mic night and we had a really good time. I swear Ladawn is my lucky charm. Every time I go out with her I end up getting laid. Tuesday night we recorded Evo at 11. But Wednesday night was THE CONCERT EVENT OF MY LIFE! Really, the last concert I went to was George Michael back in Florida years and years ago.
Hmmm, went to Sheila’s work and we went from there to the Yard House right next to the arena. About 4:30. To drink. Oden and Rachel showed up and around 6:45 in we went. We I was not impressed by the opening band Dashboard Confessional. I didn’t recognize any songs.
Then Bon Jovi started up and I loved it. The band was great, the music was great, the energy was great, but the fat-ass big-haired bitch in front of me was NOT great.
CONCERT ETIQUETTE: IF EVERYONE AROUND YOU STANDS UP TO ROCK THE HOUSE, IT’S OKAY TO STAND UP AND ROCK THE HOUSE. BUT IF EVERYONE AROUND YOU (AND ESPECIALLY BEHIND YOUR FAT ASS) SITS DOWN TO ENJOY THE CONCERT, SIT YOUR ASS DOWN!
Just sayin. I know you paid good money for a seat and so did I.
So anyway, good concert even though I had to watch most of the concert on the jumbotrons. Lots of middle-aged women with big hair, boots and plenty of make-up. Too many screaming women like any of them stood a chance. Fanatics both amuse me and creep me out.
Fun week and tonight is #evfn back at Whole Foods in a couple of hours.
Sack up and take the hit
Feb 24th
When I was younger if a woman liked sex and had a lot of it men were quick to label her a nympho as if having a healthy sex drive needed some sort of mental illness diagnosis. There’s always been that double-standard I never understood. Men were encouraged to follow their natural inclination (as long as it was hetero of course) but if a woman did she was aberrant. So-called decent women called her a whore unless by some chance she acted as if she couldn’t control herself, then she was pitied and called a nympho though still looked down on.
The world turns and now there’s this new fake label. Married men who cat around on the side suddenly have this new diagnosis to call on. They can’t help themselves! They have a sex addiction! Instead of taking responsibility for their actions, they do this OH POOR ME bullshit. Kobe, Duchovny, Charlie Sheen – the sex addiction diagnosis excuse was made for rich fuckers to let them off the hook.
I didn’t really care about Tiger’s infidelities. That’s between him and his wife. Okay, the shear amount of women might be gossip-worthy but it was never a News story. I figure eventually Tiger’s sex life will be a joke and his golf career will be back on track. Maybe his endorsements will suffer which in my mind is wrong. I’m tired of people dictating what other people’s morals should be but that’s not the focus of this post.
What impressed me most, and makes me believe that he should be… excused… not really the word I want but it’ll do for now – is his apology. He takes responsibility for his behavior. He never once mentions being out of control or not being able to reign himself in. He felt entitled – which is understandable considering his life. Hopefully it’s all sincere. Hopefully for his wife they can come to an understanding for their children. I certainly wouldn’t take him back, but that’s me.
And I really liked his chiding the paparazzi about harassing his family. I completely agree with him. Any photographer who chases a child should die a painful death. Any stupid person who gives money to those who pay the paparazzi should lose all their belongings to a freak tornado.
Seriously, why is the sex life of someone you’re not married/committed to so important to other people?
It’s all about choice. The spouse has no choice, the child has no choice, but if someone chooses to plow the field they should accept responsibility for what comes up and that should stay between him/her and the people who they betray.
But if you’re not in a relationship, if there is nobody to betray – whats wrong with having sex with as many people as you want? So what?
Spice it up
Feb 19th
I love, love, love this new Old Spice commercial. I’m fascinated every time it comes on. Thanks to my friend Sharon (@HellZiggy) I watched this interview with the ad guys who came up with it and how it was shot, and even that doesn’t take away from how cool it is.
And here’s a link to the 15-second other one where the guy is riding backwards. I hadn’t seen that one before but I’m not as impressed.
Full disclosure, I don’t really care for the smell of Old Spice (asthma issues) but I completely agree with the man-should-smell-like-MEN point they’re making.
18 Months
Jan 4th
18 months ago tonight was the last time…
I’ve stopped looking. I certainly don’t expect anything that serendipitous to happen again, nor anything more average either. I’ve been hit on exactly once since then if you don’t count my long-lost friend who lives across the frakking country. I don’t expect anything to happen there either. It’s a nice thought though.
You know what I miss most? I miss skin. I miss naked tactile contact. I was never much of a hugger before but now I am, and I think it’s a sub-conscience substitute for that more intimate contact. I think that might be what I miss most about being married… freedom of touching.
My last little encounter, while pleasant, wasn’t even close to good – fast, fun, and other than it being situationally interesting, forgetful.
So what’s wrong with me? I get out and socialize. I’ve stopped actively hunting and being quite so obvious about my needs. I’m clean and not that fat. Everyone tells me they like me, I have friends, and even the occasional meaningless flirtage. But I can’t seem to connect with anyone. I just don’t get it.
What the hell am I doing wrong?
New Moon
Nov 20th
I don’t want to see this movie because of it’s literary brilliance. I’ve no interest in that sparkly imitation of a vampire. I can’t stand the limp noodle of a lead actress. The entire movie is a waste of time except for one thing. I want to see it because of this:
From what I understand he’s shirtless quite a bit. His character Jacob is a werewolf. You know, animal attraction and all that. Heat. This kid is HOT.
Yes, kid. He’s only 17. I feel a little dirtier than usual.
Seriously, I’m betting that with this second movie the sweet young girl focus will shift from Edward the Emo Vampire to Wicked Hot Werewolf Jacob and Robert Pattinson will become the next has-been. Books are books but people are visual and Jacob is MUCH nicer to look at.
We’ll see.
And what I can talk about
Oct 11th
I went to a play last night with some friends in support of another friend. Nina was in this play Blackbird. Actually, it was her and one other guy most of the time. Very intense play. She was excellent in her role as Una.
The gist of the play is a woman confronting the much older man who had sex with her when she was 12. It goes all over the spectrum of emotions, but shows how the event twisted her life afterward.
I’ve talked about being molested when I was very young. Like, it started before I was five. Uncle John Korte terrorized me for quite some time when I was little. I still don’t know how much that twisted me, but I will admit to openly having sex with too many men (yes men, not boys) from the age of 12. I laughingly say I was promiscuous, but the fact is would I have been that way if Uncle John hadn’t started me off early? Who knows. When girls tell stories of losing their virginity, I don’t remember ever having mine. Thanks Uncle John.
Is that why I’m so fixated on sex now? In actuality, I talk about it all the time, but it’s mostly talk. I’m not going to shag anything that offers, I’m not out hunting the wayward male, and I probably wouldn’t jump right in if asked by someone I did want. But it is always on my mind. Somehow I don’t think that’s normal. Does it stem from being indoctrinated early? And is it really bad?
I mean, I don’t want to only be known as trashy, sex-obsessed Debbie. But it sure seems like every conversation ends up with me saying something
risqué. I have been trying to roll that back a bit but I’m not having much luck. My “friends” seem to always expect me to have the one-liner to make everyone laugh – at my expense?
Hopefully I’ll find someone and be in a healthy relationship soon and that needy edge of me will fade back into the woodwork of my head. If I don’t scare everyone off first.
