Fuggin scmuggin scrurpy pigmussen schmussen pissed.

THIS is what I purchased. In black. Yes, I understand what faux means. I didn’t expect it to actually, you know, corset anything – especially my fat. I did expect it to at least circumnavigate my body. Not a chance in hell. I suppose I could replace the string with a longer one but then the back would still have to be open 6-8 inches – or my entire back – to make the front close. Somehow I don’t think you’re supposed to OR HAVE TO do that. Plus it would look like crap in the front anyway because the decorative straps would sit wrong.

After checking on the return policy – none, so you’re fucked – I went to leave feedback. Hey, I tried to be neutral about the seller, but get my point across in case the next buyer bothers to check before buying.

It says XXL but there’s no way I could get this to fit my XL body. The 2 straps on the front bottom aren’t long enough or adjustable, and unstringing the back as far as it goes is still 3-4 inches less than you need to close the front. Reselling

I also sent a message saying pretty much the same thing to the seller. Not that anyone selling massive amounts of shit on eBay gives a rats ass about what their customer thinks. But this el cheapo faux corset apparently goes over real well with the skinny chicks. Whoever adjusted the pattern to fit larger people seriously needs some lessons. There’s an art to making something designed for a size 2 also look halfway decent on a plus size AND making the pattern work.

I’m really pissed that I bothered to hope. That I expected something marked XXL to at least fit around my XL body. That once again, I got screwed by my own stupidity.

EDIT: Update. I got this email this morning:

I am sorry you can not wear it. The XXL waist full close is 32inch it could be stretched about 2 inch. Could you please retract the negative feedback then i will refund $10 dollars to you. Please let me know. I am very sorry about that.

A. There’s no way in hell this thing can stretch like that. Everything else in my life is an XL and I can get it on. Ain’t happening. So that’s bullshit, period.

B. Everything she sells says NO REFUNDS. So am I too much of a cynic that I believe this is a $10 bribe to change my negative review instead of a good faith partial refund on a $40 purchase? Hmmm, I think warning the next poor sucker will make me feel better than that $10.

I’m watching last night’s Ugly Betty and doing crap on my laptop and as usual I forget it’s recorded so I can skip commercials. Duh-me. Anyway, towards the end of the program there’s a teaser for the news.

There’s been the sweat lodge story in the news for WEEKS. People died… more got really sick… you all know that, right?

And the teaser?

Self-help guru James Ray, the man at the center of the sweat lodge tragedy, taken in and we have the charges.

Wait, wait, wait, lemme guess! Burglary? False Advertising? No stupid, it’s probably manslaughter or maybe negligent homicide. Like whatever the charges are it will be a surprise and only THAT news station could possibly know the answer. C’mon. Why do news people talk to us like we’re idiots? Every news station and every newspaper and every online news site will have the charges! And if I were sitting on pins and needles wondering what they could possibly be, I certainly wouldn’t wait for the news to come on in two more hours. It’s frakking 2010! I’d Google it!

Whew, rant over.

Every-freaking-where!

End the madness. Not just on message boards, but in emails and discussion groups, every online correspondence is littered with these huge signatures.

In my personal opinion, I think signatures should include:

Your Official Name on that site/subject
Phone number IF the correspondence requires a phone number
ONE URL. ONE. Pick the one that has the most information about you people might need.

NO cute sayings.
NO list of every website you’re associated with
NO profound words from your hero of choice
NO links to your pictures of kittens

DO NOT DOUBLE SPACE – DO NOT USE ANY ANIMATION/GRAPHICS

You want to get all cute and fuzzy? Make a MySpace page full of butterflies or puking smilies and use your one URL for that.

Shit! I get sick and tired of scrolling through screen-fulls of signatures to get to the next semi-important part of a conversation. Do you even pay any attention to the crap automatically dumped at the end of every one of your posts? GROW THE FUCK UP! Especially in a more businesslike setting, try to maintain a modicum of professionalism.

Please?

Debbie spellwight Walker
spellwight.livejournal.com

Edited to add a correction: If you want to use a profound quote from your hero in place of a URL, that’s peachy too. What I’m asking for is brevity.

I did peruse the first page on Google (Google is a bitch post for another day) and didn’t find my answers. Are automatic toilet flushers battery operated or tapped into the power lines?

I HATE AUTOMATIC TOILETS! And automatic faucets, automatic soap dispensers, and automatic paper towel dispensers, etc. Why? Because they usually don’t work the way they were intended to work.

I understand that people don’t want to touch anything in the bathroom because chances are the person in front of you had hepatitis or the bubonic plague or was just plain nasty. I get that. But there’s gotta be another way. I know there are people that think automatic flushers save water. I don’t agree. More than once I’ve been alone in a public bathroom and heard toilets flushing by themselves.

I hate when there’s stuff left in the bowl from the last guest and there’s no way to set off the flusher. I hate when you’re sitting there finishing your business and lean forward to clean yourself and the flusher activates before you’re ready. I hate when the flusher activates when you’re sitting still! I hate when your flush doesn’t get it all and you want to be a decent human being and re-flush and there’s no way to do it. I hate standing at the sink waving my hands at different angles and speeds wondering what the magic combination is to get the water to turn on. I hate when the soap dispenser piddles out some tiny amount of the nastiest slimiest “soap” that doesn’t rinse off without 5 gallons of water – and then you can’t get the water to turn back ON. And I won’t even go into the stupid paper towel machines. Y’all have been there.

AAaaaAAAaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggghhhhh!

I want disposable paper gloves you get at the door, stall locks that actually lock, toilets with foot pedals that you can flush at will, feminine hygiene containers that work like diaper genies,

faucets with a single lever handle, unscented soap, stacks of paper towels, and an empty trash can at the door.

Don’t we all?