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Posts tagged parenting
Maternal Instinct… Not
Apr 27th
I’m watching the Today Show and again today they’re discussing this married woman who disappeared with another married man.
Shit that happens ALL THE TIME.
And again today they have “experts” diagnosing her relationship with her husband, that she MUST have some sort of depression because she walked away from her 1-year-old, she MUST have had some childhood trauma or she’s a monster for abandoning her child, blah blah blah. Why label? Labels give people easy excuses for shitty behavior.
Like I said yesterday, birthing a child doesn’t make you a parent. There’s no automatic tie between the birth mother and the child (else there wouldn’t be adoptions) and not every woman has 100% maternal instinct.
My 1stSon’s “wife” started catting around pretty quickly after Kira was born. When he kicked her out she rarely wanted to see Kira and proceeded to have twins by another man and after a year, took the twins to another state and dumped them. I hear she’s moved on and is now pregnant again.
Does she suffer from depression? I doubt it. Did she have childhood trauma? Likely as she was a foster child. Personally I think she just craves attention (she was a stripper) and being pregnant and lugging around infants means the attention is on her. She’s had three kids and yet not a smidgen of maternal instinct.
Choosing to never be a parent and/or giving your baby away at birth is different. I know women who have chosen to remain childless who have more maternal instinct than a few who have kids and treat them like dogs.
Why does society insist that all women should have children? We really don’t need any more unwanted mongrels out there.
Why does society harass women who choose birth control or abortion to avoid having children they don’t want or know they’re unprepared to raise?
Why does society bitch about there not being enough babies out there to adopt, yet are so shocked and therefore harass any woman who might not want a second or third child and chooses to give it to someone who does?
That’s the one that confuses me. Say there’s a married woman who already has two kids and gets pregnant. For whatever reason she’s against abortion but really doesn’t want that third kid. What does she do? If she chose to put that third child up for adoption everyone around her would probably give her a hard time. Instead of applauding her for giving someone else a chance to parent, they’re appalled she doesn’t want that child. So she’s stuck.
Maybe if we stopped putting so much emphasis on what every woman should do and just let woman do what they’re comfortable doing we’d all be better off. When will parenting really be a choice?
I think “maternal instinct” should be knowing your own ability and making your own choices. I think women instinctively know what’s best for themselves (and any possible child) but too often succumb to family and societal pressures.
Raising Arizona Wussies
Mar 3rd
Wandering through meetup.com’s groups this morning and came across this bunch (emphasis mine):
Meet other parents who are supporters of Breastfeeding, Gentle Discipline, Child Led Weaning, Cloth diapering, Homeschooling, Babywearing, or Co-sleeping all are welcome here.We will have meet ups in Mesa, Chandler, Tempe, Phoenix, and Scottsdale. We ask that you always be respectful of the way that others parent.
Reason you have to put that disclaimer in your description? Because experienced parents know how stupid you all are! The title of the group should be How To Get Your Kid Beat Up and subtitled Or How To Raise A Columbine Killer!
What the fuck is babywearing?
I’ve been around parents who gently discipline. Those are the kids that are plowing over your kid in the play area or taking his stuff. The “Mummy” gently and in a baby voice says shit like, “no no darling, mummy asked you nicely to stop doing that. Do you want to have to do a time-out? Hmmm?” about 12 times instead of snatching their little brat up and giving him what for.
*sigh* I suppose it’s better than so-called parents who don’t do anything at all but yell at their spawn like they’re dogs.
How to be a good parent? Pay attention! That’s it. Pay attention. Be in the moment with your kid as often as possible, but also teach them that they aren’t the center of the universe. Do what you have to do – which teaches them there’s a time and place and right now you have to do the dishes or make dinner or make this business call, but when that’s done – focus on the kid for an equal amount of time! That’s all they want. Intermittent amounts of undivided attention. They want to know when they need you you’ll be there. Kids are whiny because they know you’re not really paying attention. They whine so you’ll hear them when you come out of your fog.
My disclaimer: My kids were great kids. Polite and well-behaved in public, fun on the playground, popular in school, happy well-adjusted little people. I’ve no idea what happened when they hit late teens and had all that trouble. I wish I had insight into that. Maybe raising non-wussies meant they weren’t afraid to try things they really shouldn’t have tried. But they’re doing well now. One is a single-parent raising a daughter of his own, another just discharged from the Army after two tours in Iraq and the third just moved out on her own.
It's society's fault!
Sep 15th
One of my new favorite sites is People of WalMart. Seriously, some of these photos could be people out there at any store, but WalMart seems to draw them in. Either that or it just draws in the photographers.
One popped up today:
With this comment underneath:
Parents, STOP THIS! Stop this now! Your kid is not a dog, get him off the leash. I don’t want to hear that you are too busy to watch your child in public. Your priorities are kid first, remembering milk second. Most of the time it’s the kids on leashes that are ignored by their parents the most. But i guess its okay that little Timmy is throwing Oreos at an employee as long as he is doing it while tied to his monkey backpack leash. JUST STOP IT.
(Here’s where I’m gonna piss people off.)
This is society’s fault. The day it became unfashionable and even criminal to smack your kids in public (or at all apparently) you took the power away from the parent and put it the hands of the toddler. At that age there’s no punishment as swift or as understandable to a kid than a swat on the bottom for bad behavior. Time outs and taking away privileges might work great at home but to a little person feeling freedom LOGIC and negotiation will never work. Some kids run off and get into things no matter how closely you watch them or how you try to gently talk them out of it. Those screamers trapped in the cart? That’s your fault. Those brats running around between the racks? Yup, you did that. That boy on a leash? Accept your responsibility.
What can a parent do? I knew that my Mother would slap the shit out of me if I acted like a loose animal in public. She knew HER Mother would do the same. My kids knew I’d drag them out of the store, grasped very tightly by their upper arm, and slap them when we got in the car. Hey, at least I’d get my darling out of the store to stop his annoying other people. THIS man knew that it works, though slapping someone else’s child is never okay. He should have slapped the parent.
Yeah, I know. People shouldn’t take their bratty kids out in public. Right. I said that too before I had kids. Not everyone has the time to perfectly plan every venture out right down to the possible mood of the moment for each child. Sometimes we’re too tired of the battles. Sometimes we have to stop by the store on the way home from the daycare and our little dark angels aren’t at their best. Sometimes you just get dealt that one kid who no matter what won’t behave and you’re reduced to ignoring him hoping to get through your errand without killing him. BECAUSE HE KNOWS YOU CAN’T DO SHIT ABOUT IT. So what do parents do when they can’t discipline their kid? They give in to demands, distract them with toys or candy (exacerbating the behavior) or ignore the kid to focus on whatever brought them out in the first place.
And it’s all your fault.
Family drama
Jul 26th
I know you can’t pick your family. I sure as shit wouldn’t have picked mine.
First, I’ve mentioned my niece Miss B has a new baby she named Damien Gabriel. And she’s living with a guy who is apparently a complete asshat. I don’t know him but from what everyone in the family says, he’s as useless as a third dick. Miss B has chosen against all advice to stay with this person so my lovely sister has sued for emergency custody of the baby and won. Now she’s holding this baby hostage to everyone’s good behavior. Beth is one of those people who if you cross her she cuts you out of her life. She hasn’t spoken to me in years and I still don’t know why. She hasn’t spoken to our mother either, but has graciously allowed an hour visit a week to Mom. Mom says those visits are rife with tension and false pleasantries but she refuses to be baited into argument because Beth will then have an excuse to cut her out again.
This is all happening in Florida so there’s not much I can do or say. I’m not there to get in the middle or mediate or anything. I’m disappointed in Miss B for choosing a man over her child, but her mother did the same thing years ago. I feel I should call her and remind her of how she felt when her mother shipped her out here to me. I feel I should call my sister and remind her of her own EXACT behavior years ago. But I won’t call either of them. I’m not there, I don’t know fact from hearsay and I really don’t think either of them would listen to me anyway.
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Secondly, Casey finally got around to phoning his baby mama Sky. What a fiasco that was. Kira got to talk to her Mommy for the first time since last NOVEMBER and now she’s completely confused. She thinks Mommy is near and she’s coming to see her. Then Sky’s completely deluded rant about expecting Casey to send Kira to see her in Indiana for 6 months of the year, shared custody. Are you still living in a homeless shelter? Yes. Do you have a job yet? No. She thinks she’s got a leg to stand on. I do believe this might just light a fire under Casey’s ass about actually getting the divorce started instead of just talking about it all the fucking time. She cheated, had children by another man, lived with yet another man, seldom asked to visit her daughter and when she did she’d send her back after just a couple of days, and finally left the state without notification and put her other children up for adoption. Oh yeah, mother of the year there.
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Max called yesterday and they’re in San Diego this week and will be here on Saturday. I can wait, now that he’s safely in the States. He called again a few minutes ago to laugh at all the geeks/nerds he’s seen around because of Comic-Con. I explained that he was disparaging my people and that I’d love to be there, and now he says he’ll stop by tomorrow and get me tickets for next year. They go on sale in the morning. We’ll see. I’m pretty sure if he gets the tickets I can find a place to sleep there.
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After my obligatory call to my Mother I called my Dad – which is always nicer. He spent 10 minutes talking about the wonders of 5-minute energy drinks. Dad, you do realize that’s not good for your already stressed heart? Ask your doctor before you try that again!
I vant to be alone.
There’s been a possibility of a booty call from a new neighbor. We had an almost session the other night, but he was a little too freaked out about GirlChild downstairs and a lot too drunk. I never know when I’ll be home alone and he’ll be available and I’m moving in two weeks, so it might never happen. Oh well. His favorite saying? It is what it is. And it is. We’ll see.
*** edited because I forgot to run spellcheck, so bite me.
Tips for proper parenting
Jul 15th
Number 1. Don’t take your toddler to a midnight movie, opening night. Stupid stupid stupid parent. That kid should have been in bed. And had you actually sat in the seats in front of us I would have let you know exactly how I felt about your judgement.
Number 2. Don’t bully in front of other cars in the parking lot after a midnight movie. This teaches your child (and there were two small children in the back of this SUV) how to be rude and pushy and might just show them how to pass the time when the police arrive.
Seriously, after the Harry Potter thing last night (comments about that to follow) there was the mass exodus of people from maybe a dozen of the AMC Mesa Grand 24 theaters. I let four cars into the queue in front of me when across the parking lot comes some bitch in her SUV plowing her front end right in front of me! Her windows open, my windows open, I’m yelling “BITCH” “RUDE ASS FUCKTARD” and as she inches further into my space I see little children in the back so I’m yelling “Great Parenting Skills There You FUCKING COW” and the man in the passenger seat is completely ignoring me. Had we had any of Ginnie’s soda left I’d have chucked it at her goddam car. Had I still had that crappy Land Rover I’d have rammed the bitch. What is the fucking point of that?
So anyway, because I am the perfect parent *snicker* I took Ginnie to the midnight:20 viewing of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Though I read this series a few years ago and have seen the previous movies I was left confused as hell. First, why call it the Half Blood Prince if you’re not going to fully explain the significance? Gee the potions book had all the answer written in and surprise, it’s THAT character. None of the background was there. And second (and neither Ginnie or I can ever remember the exact sequence of events) why have the death eaters show up at that time just to watch that one part and break a few things and leave? Wasn’t there more happening at that point? This movie was like eating a crappy pizza when you see really good ones just out of reach. I give it a 3 out of 5 stars.
Hey Buck!
May 22nd
Last night was the last straw. You screwed up your last chance.
I watched her face, at the moment she was happiest and most excited, as she called you to find out where you were. Because I’m such a bitch I wanted to get out of your way so you could come over and congratulate her. And you weren’t there.
I stood there and watched her face as she was told whatever reason you weren’t there. I’ve never seen anyone so crushed in my life. Her face literally fell. There amid all her friends and people who do care about her, she fell apart. Sobbed.
You cocksucking motherfucking bastard of a so-called father. Prick. Asshole. SOB. Useless whiny piece of shit drunk-ass fucktard.
How could you? I know you hate me and I don’t really give a crap. But when you use that as an excuse to fail as a father that’s on you. YOU MISSED YOUR DAUGHTER’S GRADUATION!
I’m no longer going to encourage these kids to call you any more. I’m done taking the high road and biting my tongue and telling them to try and set up visits. Other than a few snide comments on twitter or here I have not been “trashing you all over the Internet.” Stop using me as an excuse for your own failings as a father. Accept responsibility.
You failed and it’s all on you. There are no excuses.
The latest about Her
Apr 19th
I haven’t updated about Her lately, but I’ve come across some information today so I thought I’d share.
“Her” being Casey’s ex-wife. Kira’s so-called mother. Venus (Sky) Walker. The Whore.
Casey hasn’t been able to contact her or find her since the end of January. Today I looked her up on MySpace and lo-and-behold she lists her location as Indiana!
So this is what I posted openly on her comments page.
Your daughter would like to know if you’re ever ever going to call her or visit. She asks for her mommy every day. What the fuck is this Indiana shit? Did you fucking leave the state without contacting your DAUGHTER? Shall we just write you off forever? I’m goddamn disappointed that you can’t even make the tiniest effort. Since JANUARY!
If you give a rat’s ass, they’re living with me now. And you can be sure I don’t give a damn about your excuses. Maybe you should amend your little blurb to say you repeatedly abandon your firstborn. I can’t wait for the day she stops whining for you.
Have a nice life.
It just pisses me off that she puts out this loving mother shit. Loving mother my ass, she doesn’t even bother to call. A phone call. Call collect!
Shortly after I posted that I got a friend request from Matt’s mother. Matt is the guy she was living with. Not the real father of her twin daughters mind you, just the guy who tried to step up. This woman sent me a long letter about the shenanigans the cow has been up to. She met some new guy on the Internet, took those girls to INDIANA and after new guy “mistreated” her, she’s now in a homeless shelter. And talking about dumping those babies on the state. Useless bitch. I don’t feel the least bit sorry for her.
How can one woman do so much to fuck up so many people’s lives?
Good riddance to bad rubbish. Now we have to figure out how to explain to Kira (over time) that her mother never cared enough about anyone else to bother to make any effort. It’s not Kira’s fault, but you know kids always believe that they are responsible. I need to find out how to word it just the right way to do the least amount of damage to this little girl.
But they're FAMOUS!
Jan 26th
I’ve never claimed to be the perfect parent. In fact, when my kids were very little I made all kinds of obvious mistakes. But I’ve noticed in the last couple of weeks a new one.
First there were all those parents who dragged their very small children down to the mall for the inauguration festivities. Seriously, it was freezing, there were no facilities or room for children to play, no strollers allowed, and massive amounts of people for HOURS. So there’s a new President. Great! But honestly, what exactly is a kid supposed to get out of that entire experience. They can say there were there when? That’s like me saying I saw the first moon landing from Cape Canaveral instead of safe at home. Unless you’re on the frakking space ship it’s all the same. Unless Obama could stop and take a picture with them, there’s no reason to drag your children down there.
And yesterday as I wandered through the autograph area at Phoenix Comicon I noticed Marina Sirtis holding an infant to her shoulder. That baby couldn’t have been more than few days old. My first thought was that “she’s got a baby?” and I wandered on. A few minutes later I watched as the Father handed that same baby over to Wil Wheaton and I realized some fan was getting photo opportunities for a child who might never know it.
Now I know Mirina and Wil are decent (and likely clean) human beings who would not hurt the baby, and in fact were very touched by and loving to the tiny infant. But the fact is, both of them had been shaking hands, signing whatever was handed to them, standing close to strangers for photo ops and generally NOT being in the most germ-free situation for HOURS and someone hands them a newborn. What were the parents thinking? Who else did they hand that kid off to for a stupid picture?
Taking your child into adult situations can be dangerous. As well as inauguration day went, the whole area had disaster potential. Imagine the panic of 2 million people had there been any terrorist activity – or even just some bigot making a statement – and how would you protect your child in that panic? And there’s a reason we all talk about Con funk. All those unwashed bodies spreading what have you and you’re taking an INFANT into that and handing it off to strangers? Just because these people are on TV that doesn’t mean they didn’t shake hands with disease ten minutes before you stepped up.
Parents, please give your baby a couple of months to build up some sort of immune system before you take them out in crowded places. Especially if you’re going to pass it around to strangers. I think they’d rather be alive in the future than just a memory in a photo.
Parenting Class My Ass
Dec 6th
This ineptly titled parenting class was a joke. Or rather it would have been a joke if it wouldn’t have been 4 frakking hours listening to the most scatterbrained, unfunny, disorganized old fart of the century.
Seriously.
The man spent 40 minutes describing what the class was generally about. Hey, we’re all court-ordered to be there, we all have children, we all have a copy of the (useless as it turns out) outline and we’ve all set aside 4 frakking hours (and paid $40) to be there. We all know what the damned class was generally about. Get to the point.
I found myself chanting that in my head throughout the entire evening. GET TO THE POINT! In fact there as a time when he stopped and looked right at me and I thought maybe I’d slipped and said it out loud.
16 adults needed specific information on how to help their kids cope with the uncoupling of their parents. Period. Mr. Fidget (dude waved his hands and played with his papers the WHOLE time) couldn’t focus on a topic, couldn’t finish a sentence, couldn’t manage to complete any of the sections of the outline and was so easily distracted I thought he was new at this until he said he’d been running this class for 16 years. No wonder there are so many screwed up kids around here. Geesh.
High points? Well, Alfredo looked good enough to eat. Damn! That was one sexy man. There was one woman who piped up with the story about how her husband came home and explained IN DETAIL to their four school-aged children that Daddy has a sexual addiction and Mommy wants a divorce. Another women said she’d lived with her husband in separate rooms for the last seven years until the kids made her make him move out.
Believe it or not, I didn’t speak at all. Except once when I said people should be more honest with their children rather than trying to protect them from the truth of situations. Not as truthful as that Daddy above, but kids need to know the facts and how their lives can/will change not just Daddy and Mommy don’t love each other anymore. If you give kids room to use their imaginations, those imaginations will always go the wrong way.
Well, at least I did the court-ordered thing and now I’m ready for the next step. At some point I need to turn in this certificate, but I don’t think their is any deadline besides before everything gets to a judge. Another line-through on my starting over to-do list.
