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Posts tagged parenting
Girl Scout Cookies
Jan 23rd
There’s been quite the controversy going on with the Girl Scouts lately. You can look it all up, but the gist is Colorado GSA allowed a transgender 7-year-old boy to join their local troop. Other troops across America have been quietly doing the same. Then apparently something called HonestGirlScouts.com got all offended and one teen GS posted a video calling for a boycott of cookie sales because OMG! Boys in the Girls Scouts!!!!
Honestly, I don’t know shit about transgender people. I don’t think I’ve ever actually met one. But if you’ve opened your eyes at all lately you would see more and more differences in children are becoming… mainstream? Not quite the word I want. Out-of-hiding? Whatever, we can find out more about different people easier if we want. One of the things you can learn is few of these differences are by CHOICE.
By the time your child has a mind of their own, you know you can’t change them. If your darling daughter hates pink, no amount of paint and glitter will make them girly. If your son prefers to play barbies with the girls, no amount of punishment will make them a football player. Kids are what they are. I can only assume transgender is the far end of the tomboy or (what some people would call) sissy-boy spectrum. So it stands to reason if your son turns out to really, really want to be a girl, you should make their life as easy as possible. That’s our jobs as parents, right? To make our children’s lives as great as we can all the while teaching them not to be serial killers by killing their little souls. You can’t beat it away.
Some Girl Scouts get it. If the boy-born is to all intents and purposes a girl, then they are a girl. If your daughter feels more like a boy, then support that.
Why would anyone spend their entire parenthood forcing their child to be something they’re not? It’s not like these kids do it all just to piss you off. If your child wanted with all their heart to be something acceptable – like a figure skater or hockey player – you’d be damned sure out there getting them to practices, paying for lessons, freezing your ass off, whatever.
So anyway, this came up on my facebook, originally posted by HGS as reasons why you should boycott Girl Scout Cookies.
You can click on it to make it big enough to read if you haven’t see it yet.
I was a Girl Scout and a leader when my daughter was a Girl Scout. I think there are a lot of good things about Girl Scouts. And this stupid graphic makes me more determined to buy cookies in support of Girl Scouts of America. That is, if I hadn’t already ordered a whole case and I can’t afford more than that. If you’re local to me I can send you a link to a local GS I know and you can order YOUR cookies online in support of Girl Scouts today.
Don’t let the misinformed bigots win. Buy your cookies, and if you don’t want them – donate.
Why people might think you’re a bad parent
Jan 19th
Let me start by saying this: At one time or another in my parenting life I have likely done most of these at least once.
- You are out in public (business, grocery, etc.) with your kids improperly dressed. The biggest faux pas is a kid in just a diaper, but I’ve recently seen kids without shoes. Not only is that just plain tacky, what if your car broke down and you all had to walk? Along with that, ratty hair and snotty faces. C’mon, I know sometimes you’ve just picked them up from daycare and you’re stopping for essentials on the way home, but take a moment to make sure they’re somewhat presentable before you enter a store.
- Your child repeatedly attempts to get your attention and you’re oblivious. Mom, mom MOM, Mommy? Pay fucking attention! It just takes a moment to answer their request, or to ask them to hang on a minute if you’re actually busy and not just perusing the jewelry counter. Give them that moment.
- Your child is running loose in a store like a wild animal and you’re nowhere to be found.
- Your child is screaming and/or crying and you’re not handling it at all. If your choice is to ignore the tantrum, at least have the decency to take your battle out of public.
- This one bugs me a lot: Child A does something to Child B and Child B retaliates and you either only see the second part or believe the wrong child. Again, you’re not paying attention. Sometimes observing your children without their knowledge teaches you a lot about how they interact and who is usually the instigator.
- You yell at your child in front of people. A tight grip and a lowered voice work better and draw less attention. Or you threaten over and over and never follow through.
Been there, done that. Except the running around the store thing. My kids ALWAYS were right near me in the store or they didn’t go. If I had a bunch of errands to do and they had to behave they got equal (and I mean to the minute equal) time at the nearest playground. One of the most important lessons my kids learned was there was a time and a place for behaving and for play.
Some “parents” just don’t give a shit. You know those that yell at their kids like dogs and drag them everywhere without a thought. Some parents are just having an off day and certainly wouldn’t want that one bad moment to be a reflection of their overall parenting. I get that, but to me they all look the same.
By the way, to those who bitch about a happy laughing or squealing child being too loud? Fuck you, the opposite behavior is much much more annoying, so get over it.
Another Parenting Tip
Dec 2nd
Having been a victim of child sexual abuse there’s something I taught my children:
YOU NEVER HAVE TO BE ALONE WITH ANY ADULT.
There is safety in numbers. There is safety in witnesses. If your teacher wants to talk to you alone, insist on someone else being in the room. If your principal calls you into his/her office alone, insist on the door being open or another staff member being present. If ANY person in authority wants to see you alone, you have my permission to politely request there be a witness or refuse to comply. If you’re uncomfortable with someone then tell me. If Mr. Whosywhatsis gives you the creeps then you have my permission to avoid him. This includes coaches, cops, church people (when they visited their friend’s churches) or anyone in authority.
There’s no reason to be rude about it unless and until it becomes confrontational. There are ways to protect yourself without being a smart-ass about it. Be calm but firm, and if you get any crap about it insist that I be called in.
Sorry sir, it’s a family rule. Period.
Because you never know. Women have been married to pedophiles and never knew, people have worked alongside these monsters and never had a clue. Children are the least capable of determining character and are easily convinced of a person’s charm until they are backed in the corner and it’s too late. Pedos are slick. They’re masters at being in the right place at the right time.
Those Catholic priests and the people who covered for them. That football coach and the people who covered for him. I just read another article where a manager of child actors has been accused. My uncle was a deacon in his church and has two adopted children – the adoption process scrutiny should have found something but it never did.
Never leave your child alone with anyone especially if they don’t want to be there. If they say they don’t like the babysitter, find another one. If their relationship with an adult suddenly changes, PAY ATTENTION to why. The child may be afraid or not have to words to explain, but figure it the hell out before you let it go.
Yeah maybe I’m a little paranoid. I have cause. All it takes is a few minutes alone to change your child’s life forever.
Loose animals
Apr 20th
Yesterday I took Kira to Sea Life at the mall. I pre-paid for our tickets to save a few bucks, but It was still $28.53 for the two of us – pretty pricey in my book.
Unfortunately we arrived at the same time as a large elementary school group. I’ve been the chaperone Mom on many of these types of trips and I know, barring a few real troublemakers, that kids that age CAN behave fairly well if taught and expected to do so. In fact, teachers always seemed to stick me with the worst of the troublemakers because I could get them to behave. There were plenty of adults with these kids from Florence and yet they were the worst bunch of kids I’ve ever come across.
Most – not all – were pushing, shoving smaller children, running, screaming, pounding on the glass tanks, climbing on the exhibits, yanking on the teaching stations… generally acting like loose animals. I saw ONE adult trying to maintain some sense of order with the 5-6 kids apparently under his control. The rest of the adults pretty much stood around smiling and taking pictures using their flash – and it’s posted EVERYWHERE not to use flash photography because it disturbs the real animals.
We tried hiding in a (useless) little theater looping a SpongeBob Squarepants short about a pickle. Kids would run in and jump up and down on the seats and holler and climb over and then run out, only for another bunch of kids to run in and repeat. I kept slipping up and speaking out to these kids – NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY – but it was that bad.
What the fuck people? If kids from my school would have acted like this in public we would have immediately stopped the trip and sent them all back to the bus until they could show some control. It didn’t matter whether the child was male or female, black/white/hispanic/polka-dot, or alone or in sets, almost every kid in that group (easily identified in uniforms) was a wild freaking animal. It’s like the adults fed them sugar on the trip up from Florence and instructed them to treat the aquarium place like their playground. If I knew which school, I’d send them an email. Maybe I’ll look and see how many elementary schools there are in Florence. Can’t be that many.
We barely made it halfway and had skipped a few exhibits when Kira wanted to leave. It was just too overwhelming for her (and me) so we ducked out and went back a little later. Though it was much more enjoyable once the hoard had left, I was already worn out. And at that price, we’ll likely never go back. Oh well.
Oh, here you are!
Aug 5th
No I didn’t forget ya, I’ve just been busy and distracted. Here’s how the last week went.
Thursday Mom called to tell me my cousin Jackie died unexpectedly. Well not that unexpectedly as I had noticed she was posting hospital testing comments on Facebook. I feel bad that I didn’t pay more attention before it was too late to commiserate. Apparently she went to her local Michigan hospital thinking she was having a heart attack and they sent her to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. Nine days later she was gone in her sleep. Something to do with Amyloidosis. I’m clueless about what that is.
Friday night #evfn at Whole Foods was fun. LaDawn and I went to Yucca Tap Room but after a drink and a game of pool I pretty much dumped her there. I had too much to do and didn’t feel well anyhow.
Saturday I spent the day packing the last of my stuff and in the afternoon Casey and bunch came over to move the heavy furniture. They said they’d move it all so I left to go have my…
Debbie’s Naked Pool Party. Seriously. Excellent. Party. I had three ciders and no problem getting naked. Good friends, good party and we even recorded a show during it.
I came home to my new apartment to find that no, in fact they did NOT move everything else after all. So Sunday Ginnie and I schlepped back and forth looking for house keys and then finally packing as much crap as I could into my car before Casey and bunch came back to move the rest…
While I drove to Phoenix to bail Max out of jail. Long story I really can’t go into, but I just paid the bail and left him to find his own way home hours later.
By Sunday night – between the moving and the stress and the humidity and the dust – I was really struggling to breathe so I ended up at the VA emergency room Monday morning. I might post more about that fiasco later. A couple of albuteral treatments and I’m just fine.
Monday night I went over to CJ’s to record their show (the first half is about Star Trek TNG/the second half about their life) about our trip together to SDCC.
I think I finally have my new apartment mostly put together. I need a few things like shelves and plug thingies. Most of the sockets in this apartment are two-prong sockets, which poses a problem in our three-prong electronic world. Easy fix, just gotta do it.
Whew, I think we’re all caught up. SmallChild and her cousin are here and we’re watching Ella Enchanted for I think the 615th time.
Children's Pageants
Jun 25th
I’m watching the latest episode of Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List where she and her Mom are guest judges at a little kids pageant.
We normal people know how sick and twisted it is to dress and make-up your 2-year-old and parade them like they are dolls. What are you teaching your child? Fake everything and maybe someone will think you’re special enough to win a trophy. And if you don’t win, then you’re JUST NOT SPECIAL ENOUGH. Beauty isn’t something a kid can practice and work on like sports or grades. You either have it or you have to fake it.
I’ve seen bits and pieces of these pageants on other shows. I tend NOT to watch because it’s all so… makesmesquickyinside. But about halfway through this episode they show the 4-6 year old little girls dressed up in their finery and egads… the look of unhappy desperation in their eyes as they stood there to be JUDGED by strangers! Just that 10 seconds is all you need to see if you’re EVER planning on putting your kid through this crap. Look at those kids eyes. It’s all there.
You might convince yourself that your child wants to do it, but in reality all your kid wants is your approval. Children perform for approval, and acting like they want what you want is part of that performance. If you really want to know if your kid is happy, watch them when they don’t know you’re watching. Better yet, have someone record your interaction with your child and watch it later. You’ll see truth when you’re not looking.
Cut or Uncut?
May 8th
I responded to a discussion on Skepchicks, one of my favorite sites. The gist of the discussion is The American Academy of Pediatrics creating a loophole for female genital mutilation to be permitted. Essentially, they say it’s better to do a small ceremonial nick to mollify weird religious parents than to say no and perhaps they go to someone who does the whole barbaric ritual of cutting and mutilating the clit on babies.
Cringe, gasp, and yes it’s a common practice in certain sects.
Anyway, the conversation eventually shifted towards circumcision on boys and blah blah blah. And I said:
The only reason I had both of my sons circumcised 20-odd years ago is because I preferred sex with a circumcised man and I figured their future partners would too. And my new DIL says thanks for thinking a-head!
Apparently these people don’t appreciate my sense of humor. The various replies were as you’d expect but the one that interests me is if I thought about my sons’ pleasure. No I didn’t. I have no idea whether a man feels better pleasure when cut vs. uncut. So I have a couple questions for you:
- Do you know any man who has had a circumcision as an adult, and has had sex before and after to compare?
- Women, which do you prefer?
Yay for choice!
May 6th
I have a new friend who is a proud DINK (dual-income, no kids). I say yay for her. She’s not young but not old. 30s maybe? Congratulations for getting to solid adulthood and not succumbing to the pressure to have kids.
My daughter swears she doesn’t want children. I have no problem with that. I’ve seen her around children and she’s not… real patient with them. She’d (so far) make a pretty bad parent. She’s slightly amused but easily annoyed by Kira and keeps her at arms length. Oh, she loves her but can’t wait until Kira’s older. I plan on supporting her decision to remain childless.
I have a another young friend. I’ve known her (online) since she was a teenager and knew she didn’t want children. She about bit my head off when I once mentioned that in my experience women often change their minds later in life depending on partner choice, professional success or family pressure. She’s still holding firm:
A metric SHIT-TON of people I know are pregnant or post-partum right now. And it’s freaking me out. Clearly, the only way to balance out the scales is for me to have a LOT of kinky protected sex, and then, I don’t know, strip naked and menstruate all over a Babies “R” Us or something, chanting, “TO BEHOLD MY ENDOMETRIUM IS TO BEHOLD YOUR DOOM. ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR.”
On a side note, this girl also kept me sane when my own children of the same age were getting into trouble and otherwise drove me nutso. I pin all my hopes for the future of mankind on her slender shoulders. (And I hope she doesn’t mind me stealing from her LJ as she’s vicious when provoked.)
I think no matter where my life had led had I made different decisions, I still would have wanted kids. But I completely support those who chose not to for whatever reason.
It’s all about personal choice. Women really don’t have to have children.
Maternal Instinct… Not
Apr 27th
I’m watching the Today Show and again today they’re discussing this married woman who disappeared with another married man.
Shit that happens ALL THE TIME.
And again today they have “experts” diagnosing her relationship with her husband, that she MUST have some sort of depression because she walked away from her 1-year-old, she MUST have had some childhood trauma or she’s a monster for abandoning her child, blah blah blah. Why label? Labels give people easy excuses for shitty behavior.
Like I said yesterday, birthing a child doesn’t make you a parent. There’s no automatic tie between the birth mother and the child (else there wouldn’t be adoptions) and not every woman has 100% maternal instinct.
My 1stSon’s “wife” started catting around pretty quickly after Kira was born. When he kicked her out she rarely wanted to see Kira and proceeded to have twins by another man and after a year, took the twins to another state and dumped them. I hear she’s moved on and is now pregnant again.
Does she suffer from depression? I doubt it. Did she have childhood trauma? Likely as she was a foster child. Personally I think she just craves attention (she was a stripper) and being pregnant and lugging around infants means the attention is on her. She’s had three kids and yet not a smidgen of maternal instinct.
Choosing to never be a parent and/or giving your baby away at birth is different. I know women who have chosen to remain childless who have more maternal instinct than a few who have kids and treat them like dogs.
Why does society insist that all women should have children? We really don’t need any more unwanted mongrels out there.
Why does society harass women who choose birth control or abortion to avoid having children they don’t want or know they’re unprepared to raise?
Why does society bitch about there not being enough babies out there to adopt, yet are so shocked and therefore harass any woman who might not want a second or third child and chooses to give it to someone who does?
That’s the one that confuses me. Say there’s a married woman who already has two kids and gets pregnant. For whatever reason she’s against abortion but really doesn’t want that third kid. What does she do? If she chose to put that third child up for adoption everyone around her would probably give her a hard time. Instead of applauding her for giving someone else a chance to parent, they’re appalled she doesn’t want that child. So she’s stuck.
Maybe if we stopped putting so much emphasis on what every woman should do and just let woman do what they’re comfortable doing we’d all be better off. When will parenting really be a choice?
I think “maternal instinct” should be knowing your own ability and making your own choices. I think women instinctively know what’s best for themselves (and any possible child) but too often succumb to family and societal pressures.
Raising Arizona Wussies
Mar 3rd
Wandering through meetup.com’s groups this morning and came across this bunch (emphasis mine):
Meet other parents who are supporters of Breastfeeding, Gentle Discipline, Child Led Weaning, Cloth diapering, Homeschooling, Babywearing, or Co-sleeping all are welcome here.We will have meet ups in Mesa, Chandler, Tempe, Phoenix, and Scottsdale. We ask that you always be respectful of the way that others parent.
Reason you have to put that disclaimer in your description? Because experienced parents know how stupid you all are! The title of the group should be How To Get Your Kid Beat Up and subtitled Or How To Raise A Columbine Killer!
What the fuck is babywearing?
I’ve been around parents who gently discipline. Those are the kids that are plowing over your kid in the play area or taking his stuff. The “Mummy” gently and in a baby voice says shit like, “no no darling, mummy asked you nicely to stop doing that. Do you want to have to do a time-out? Hmmm?” about 12 times instead of snatching their little brat up and giving him what for.
*sigh* I suppose it’s better than so-called parents who don’t do anything at all but yell at their spawn like they’re dogs.
How to be a good parent? Pay attention! That’s it. Pay attention. Be in the moment with your kid as often as possible, but also teach them that they aren’t the center of the universe. Do what you have to do – which teaches them there’s a time and place and right now you have to do the dishes or make dinner or make this business call, but when that’s done – focus on the kid for an equal amount of time! That’s all they want. Intermittent amounts of undivided attention. They want to know when they need you you’ll be there. Kids are whiny because they know you’re not really paying attention. They whine so you’ll hear them when you come out of your fog.
My disclaimer: My kids were great kids. Polite and well-behaved in public, fun on the playground, popular in school, happy well-adjusted little people. I’ve no idea what happened when they hit late teens and had all that trouble. I wish I had insight into that. Maybe raising non-wussies meant they weren’t afraid to try things they really shouldn’t have tried. But they’re doing well now. One is a single-parent raising a daughter of his own, another just discharged from the Army after two tours in Iraq and the third just moved out on her own.
