Nobody gives a shit about the royal wedding. I did a poll.

In fact, most of my friends didn’t care soooo much they told me they didn’t even care enough to go to the poll.

We don’t want 24-hour coverage. We don’t want you to send anchors to report from the scene. We don’t give a shit. Seriously.

The most you need to do is post a couple of pictures after the event. Or report if anything goes wrong. Other than that, leave that poor boy alone. Hasn’t he had enough of you people in his life?

Signed,

Americans

Old article I just came across with yet another misleading title:

Tennessee Woman Arrested for Facebook ‘Poke’

So of course you’re all “that’s stupid” blah blah virtual assault blah. There were even man-on-the-street comments to that lead. Well, the real story is Woman A has a protection order against Woman B that includes “telephoning, contacting or otherwise communicating with the petitioner, directly or indirectly.”  So instead of the story being a reminder to block people or that protection orders include social media, they make light of Woman A’s complaint. Stupid.

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Over breakfast I flipped through my (for women over 40) More Magazine and I stopped at a really cute dress. Reading the blurbs that go with the picture I find it’s available for $1,895. Who the fuck pays $2k for a jersey dress and why? A competent seamstress could copy that Donna Karan dress for $18.95. Hell, even I – as an incompetent seamstress – could probably copy that dress. I don’t understand why people pay exorbitant prices for basic things. Why does having a famous designer’s name on something automatically make some people willing to pay 100 times what it’s really worth?

My son falls into that; wears lots of one label (DG or CG or one of those) clothes though they’re not at the hundred or thousand dollar level. Someone I know was so excited they finally got a new Coach bag. I don’t even remember who it was, just that they were soooo excited about this fugly bag, just because it was a Coach bag. Ever priced a new Coach bag? I once wandered through a Coach store and there wasn’t one bag in that entire store that I would carry. They’re U.G.L.Y! Handbags, clothes, sunglasses, shoes – why are people perpetuating the myth that wearing designer things somehow makes you special?

Someone please explain this to me.

I’m watching last night’s Ugly Betty and doing crap on my laptop and as usual I forget it’s recorded so I can skip commercials. Duh-me. Anyway, towards the end of the program there’s a teaser for the news.

There’s been the sweat lodge story in the news for WEEKS. People died… more got really sick… you all know that, right?

And the teaser?

Self-help guru James Ray, the man at the center of the sweat lodge tragedy, taken in and we have the charges.

Wait, wait, wait, lemme guess! Burglary? False Advertising? No stupid, it’s probably manslaughter or maybe negligent homicide. Like whatever the charges are it will be a surprise and only THAT news station could possibly know the answer. C’mon. Why do news people talk to us like we’re idiots? Every news station and every newspaper and every online news site will have the charges! And if I were sitting on pins and needles wondering what they could possibly be, I certainly wouldn’t wait for the news to come on in two more hours. It’s frakking 2010! I’d Google it!

Whew, rant over.

The last few mornings I’ve been watching the Today show. And no, I don’t think the Today show is news. It’s infotainment. What I do expect to be news is the short bursts of time they send the show back to the local affiliates. I expect local weather updates – which I usually get – and local traffic updates – which I also usually get. What I don’t expect or appreciate is the so-called serious interview with the local security expert outright selling his alarm system while the blond chickie earnestly asks pertinent questions with just the right amount of serious reporter intent.

It’s bullcrap. Magazines put a disclaimer at the top of advertisements because so many are designed to look like actual articles. If the local affiliates are using this as advertising revenue they should say so, not put it out there like it’s an actual interview. And yes, there’s a difference between this staged serious interview and the happy on-air reporter guy hanging out at the bakery because they’re giving out discounted cookies today.

So yesterday twitter went nuts with the Tiger Woods serious accident!!!!!OMGELEventY!!! I didn’t bother to click on anything, cuz there are more important things in my life than the OMG about some golf dude. After the bullshit over the balloon boy, I stopped jumping on anything trendy.

Someone posted a link last night to an article praising twitter for having the headline/story out HOURS before CNN! OMG CNN dropped the ball! We’re all smart and superior for knowing half a story before actual reporters you know, report!

I love that regular twitter users get the first heads up about important events like plane crashes and earthquakes, but I think the gossip factor about other “news stories” is out of control. It’s almost as bad as junior high girls trashing each other.

Don’t believe it just because everyone is talking about it on twitter.

This morning the story is a little more fleshed out. Apparently Tiger was fucking around on his wife which may/may not have anything to do with his accident. He somehow crashed into a fire hydrant in front of his house and his wife busted the SUV’s back window open with a golf club and dragged his sorry ass out. I’d have let him sit there for a while. That is, if I gave a shit at all about his private life. Why do you?

My point is SHUT UP TWITTER. Calm the fuck down. Don’t haphazardly retweet headlines of unproven gossip. Let’s try to be better than TMZ or FOX News.

This comment slid past my twitter stream and caught my attention:

Journalism schools should not be teaching students how to get a job. They should be teaching them to tell stories.

Wha-what?

Now I don’t want to get into a pissing match with this particular dude. He gets particularly touchy about his newspaper background. So I respond politely with:

I think stories means made-up. Maybe they should teach them to state the facts in an interesting way.

To which he replies:

That’s your bias. Stories can also be truthful and accurate. A good journalist is a storyteller.

So I look it up.

sto⋅ry

–noun
1. a narrative, either true or fictitious, in prose or verse, designed to interest, amuse, or instruct the hearer or reader; tale.
2. a fictitious tale, shorter and less elaborate than a novel.

Fine, technically a story can be truth or fiction. I still think the word story implies fiction and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone.

But after the steady declining of journalistic integrity and the news being taken over by businessmen, where are the real journalists? Should so-called journalists be telling stories?

I want real news back. I want straight facts, very little educated guessing and no fireworks and glitter. Can you imagine Walter Cronkite making shit up? Huntley or Brinkley taking sides on an issue? Or any of them spending hours gossiping about the private lives of reality show attention whores? I DON’T THINK SO!

And I don’t want to know if they ever did. I want to remember trusting the guy in the box. We need more guys in the box to trust. We need more men and women with integrity to go out and find the important news and give it to us straight with no frills, no filling and no corporate agenda.

Not tell stories.

I can get stories everywhere else.

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And I say guys in the box, because I think newspapers are dead. Yesterday’s paper can’t compete with 24 hour news channels and the Internet. I realize newspapers can go more in-depth with a subject than the local news can, but they don’t stand a chance. We’re so disenchanted with ALL journalists that we’re leery of more than the quick facts. The more I read, the more I wonder how much is fudged. I have friends in the news business and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but you’re owned by the stockholders. I don’t trust you anymore.