I named this journal that cuz that’s how life is. Just keep moving. If you stop moving you die, and where does that leave you? Dead, duh. How does that help you when things get better?

(This is a really long post so feel free to skip it.)

I’m so fucking stupid. Somehow I’m back in a car worth a third of what I owe. Another one.

Things were going swimmingly (forgive the pun) down at JDByrider Friday afternoon. We’d worked out all the pre-financing shit and I’d handed over the down payment I’d agreed to. They offered me a choice of three used cars. The first being a two-door I-don’t-remember-what that I test drove (with Ginnie) and we decided uh, no. We need 4 doors what with her friends and Kira’s car seat. Try again.

The second choice was a 2001 Grand Marquis. Big car, but in excellent condition. Another test drive and it’s got get-up-and-go, power everything and a great sound system (cassette though, eeeek) and drove like a dream. Floats.

The third choice was somewhere in the back and wouldn’t be ready for a couple more days.

Ginnie and I both liked the car and were resigned to that’s the best we could do at the moment. And I really needed to get this done.

So. She (the salesperson) handed me a paper with the amount on it, focusing on the payments which I would have no trouble with. But the price on the car seemed a bit steep. My problem is I don’t dicker. I can’t dicker worth beans. Price on the car? $10,699. Now that I’ve had time to look it up? Going rate is six, six and a half. Already fucked up.

Now the pressure started. Seemed like half the staff in that building were distracting me and speeding up the process and then it was a downhill slide. Somehow I’m in for two more down payments (deferred my ass, more than we agreed to) and a total financing of more than I owed on the last car. Fuck!

Completely my fault. I should have dragged my feet, I should not been in such a hurry, I should have walked away. I am so fucking stupid.

I knew all that going in. I even had blue book linked on my phone. Did I stop and use it? Fuck no. Idiot. Always dicker. Always be prepared to walk away. I KNEW THAT. But when it comes down to it, I’m an easy sell. I’m that proverbial sucker born every minute.

With what appears to be a really nice used car. Sure, with 8 cylinders It’ll eat gas. And with push buttons for everything (even the foot pedals have a pushbutton adjustment) that are bound to stop working one after another.

And other than that test drive I haven’t been in it. I needed to keep the rental so Ginnie would have work transportation while I was at Podcamp all weekend so she had the new car. She loves it! While I tend to think it’s an old people car she says, “It’s a ‘homey’ car, Mom! We need hydraulics!”

Geesh. That tight feeling I’ve had in my stomach just got worse.

I got a letter in the mail Friday from City of Mesa about the towed car and how it’ll be considered abandoned (with fines) if it’s not picked up soon. And Wells Fargo say I have to get it fixed before they’ll repossess it if I want the best value against that loan. I requested a police report but that is supposed to take a week to 10 days. I’m going to try to see if the tow-yard gives out ANY information about the old fart who hit it (his car went to the same place) and his insurance information. I have nothing on the guy. Wells Fargo had the car insured, but they told me I have to hit up his insurance company first. Jesus Fucking Christ. And in the meantime Wells Fargo peons are calling me every few hours to discuss my late payments. Fuck you people. I’ll get to you when I figure out what to do.

I know, I know, grownups aren’t supposed to be deadbeats. I know I shouldn’t take on more debt. But at what point are the financiers responsible? I have to laugh at the idiots who give me credit. It’s obvious I can’t pay what I already owe and yet you want to give me more? Let’s dance. I need a car.