so don't ask if you don't want to know
Posts tagged manners
Whatever happened to manners?
May 22nd
I volunteered for an event this weekend. This isn’t about Ignite Phoenix (which was kick-ass) but about some of the people attending.
My job was to greet people coming in one of the doors and to hand them the program and quickly and cheerfully explain it was a conversational cootie-catcher they could fold up and use to socialize with their seat-mates. Easy peasy.
There were three types of people coming through that door.
- 10% People I actually knew who smiled back and chatted for a moment before moving on.
- 30% People who accepted the program and smiled back, possibly commenting about the ingenuity of the program.
- 60% Snotty-ass people who brushed past me neither making eye contact or acknowledging me at all.
The whole atmosphere of an Ignite Event is socializing, igniting ideas and just being open for new experiences, right? It’s certainly not your usual Scottsdale upper crust la-dee-dah ignore the help thing. I may have passed people on the street handing papers out without acknowledgement, but usually I at least say no thank you. And I certainly wouldn’t ignore someone inside a building wearing a t-shirt with the event logo prominently displayed on her chest. Rude!
So this is to the rude people out there. Ignite Phoenix (as well as any Ignite out there) is staffed by VOLUNTEERS. From the lowly program pusher to the emcee, from the tech people making it look and sound good, to the t-shirt and program designers, nobody gets paid to do this. We volunteer because we believe in the event. Your lousy $10 ticket doesn’t entitle you to treat anyone like the help. In fact, nothing entitles you to treat anyone like the help. As far as that goes, many events in the Phoenix area are organized and staffed by volunteers that deserve your respect for taking time out of their already busy lives to make these events the very best they can.
Take a split second to acknowledge the people providing you with priceless services and entertainment and you might just get more out of them. Don’t be rude. It only makes you look like crap.
Loose animals
Apr 20th
Yesterday I took Kira to Sea Life at the mall. I pre-paid for our tickets to save a few bucks, but It was still $28.53 for the two of us – pretty pricey in my book.
Unfortunately we arrived at the same time as a large elementary school group. I’ve been the chaperone Mom on many of these types of trips and I know, barring a few real troublemakers, that kids that age CAN behave fairly well if taught and expected to do so. In fact, teachers always seemed to stick me with the worst of the troublemakers because I could get them to behave. There were plenty of adults with these kids from Florence and yet they were the worst bunch of kids I’ve ever come across.
Most – not all – were pushing, shoving smaller children, running, screaming, pounding on the glass tanks, climbing on the exhibits, yanking on the teaching stations… generally acting like loose animals. I saw ONE adult trying to maintain some sense of order with the 5-6 kids apparently under his control. The rest of the adults pretty much stood around smiling and taking pictures using their flash – and it’s posted EVERYWHERE not to use flash photography because it disturbs the real animals.
We tried hiding in a (useless) little theater looping a SpongeBob Squarepants short about a pickle. Kids would run in and jump up and down on the seats and holler and climb over and then run out, only for another bunch of kids to run in and repeat. I kept slipping up and speaking out to these kids – NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY – but it was that bad.
What the fuck people? If kids from my school would have acted like this in public we would have immediately stopped the trip and sent them all back to the bus until they could show some control. It didn’t matter whether the child was male or female, black/white/hispanic/polka-dot, or alone or in sets, almost every kid in that group (easily identified in uniforms) was a wild freaking animal. It’s like the adults fed them sugar on the trip up from Florence and instructed them to treat the aquarium place like their playground. If I knew which school, I’d send them an email. Maybe I’ll look and see how many elementary schools there are in Florence. Can’t be that many.
We barely made it halfway and had skipped a few exhibits when Kira wanted to leave. It was just too overwhelming for her (and me) so we ducked out and went back a little later. Though it was much more enjoyable once the hoard had left, I was already worn out. And at that price, we’ll likely never go back. Oh well.
Yes or no, commit either way.
Oct 17th
You remember this post where I bitched about what a PITA is it when some people drop the ball on volunteer commitments?
This is sort of like that. This time I want to slap people who can’t be bothered to RSVP properly. Let me ‘splain how I do it.
- I get an invitation (usually through Facebook or email) for an event.
- I peruse my calendar for conflicts (yes, I has them) and decide which I want to attend.
- I check the appropriate box on the invite.
See, simple. Takes oh I dunno, 30 seconds. And then, and THEN… each Sunday I go over my calendar and make sure I know which/what/where I’m going for the week ahead. I make final decisions about conflicts and go back and make sure the hosts have my final decision.
Oh sure, sometimes I get right up to the last minute and change my mind. I have to babysit or I’m having breathing issues. I still take that moment to go and change my answer on the RSVP.
I don’t say I’m going and then NOT SHOW UP.
I don’t say I’m NOT going and then drop by.
Well, to be honest I may have done the above but I seriously TRY NOT TO. Why? Because it’s RUDE AS HELL.
I’m the scheduler for #evfn and we invite over 250 people every week. Last event we had:
- 11 people said yes
- 17 people said maybe
- 53 people said no
- 241 people didn’t answer
- 9 people actually showed up
You know, I don’t really care if you come or not. That’s totally up to you. My problem is these venues want to know what to expect. They always always ask “how many people are you expecting?” And I have to respond with “der-dee-der I dunno, could be anywhere from 10 to 40!” like a dumbass. Because my people usually don’t RSVP properly.
I’m on the planning committee for PodcampAZ. We KNOW from past experience there will be several hundred attendees. It’s in a month and as of now we have around 70 people registered, and most of them are committee and speakers. If the only people going are the ones running the thing, why bother having it? Going by the RSVP/Registration numbers maybe we should just call it off. (Here’s that registration link.)
What I’m saying is, show some respect to the people planning your events. Let them know if you’re coming or not ASAP. Answer when asked. Commit to the decision. And if you have to change it at the last minute, let them know that too or pretty soon nobody will bother planning anything around here and you’ll be all alone once again. Or is that just me?
How much should you prepare people to meet someone slightly different?
Feb 22nd
What I mean is…
Years ago I went through the Social Security Disability process and ended up needing a lawyer. Actually most people are denied the first time through so it’s not so unusual. We met once with a lower-level associate or whatever, but didn’t meet the actual lawyer until like 2 minutes before we walked into the courtroom. Then I was thrown off by the fact that my lawyer was cross-eyed and it made me distracted and stumble in front of the judge. Now, Mr. Ober did a great job and was completely professional and I’d recommend his law office to anyone. And had the associate mentioned it beforehand I would have taken it in stride.
If you work for or socialize with someone with an unusual physical difference do you mention it off-hand to people who are going to meet them? Like, “Dave has decided to tattoo his forehead, but besides that he’s an excellent Dentist.” Or, “my husband was disfigured by a fire as a small child, and he’s joining us for lunch.” (That last one was true too, someone I used to work with. Great guy, but it took a few meetings to see him behind his disfigured face, though I never got past the missing fingers.) “Mr. McClusky has a severe stutter so just hang in there and he’ll make his point eventually.” “Debbie is butt-ugly but she’s got a great personality if you enjoy pessimistic snark.”
If one has manners one doesn’t pay any attention at all to differences. But it’s hardly fair to throw someone in unprepared isn’t it? Shouldn’t you say something in a not a big deal, matter of fact, this is coming up kind of way? I wouldn’t want the unusual person to be made uncomfortable either. It’s tough enough dealing with your differences without people reacting out of surprise.
