so don't ask if you don't want to know
Posts tagged kids
Not everyone is dog/cat people
Nov 3rd
I was just watching the Today show as I do most mornings, and there was a segment on the guy who used to be Robin (Batman) now has like 72 LARGE dogs. He and wife rescue and train and whatever, he has the space and to each his own, right?
All I can think of is the smell… ugh.
Anyway, back to the studio and there’s one of the women with her own BIG dog. Gentle giant. And they make a point of showing Al Roker at the end of the couch, as far away from this dog as he can get. They tease him and then she lets the dog get closer and closer and there’s poor Al practically climbing over the back of the couch. I mean, he’s laughing and trying to be nice but it’s obvious to me that he does not like that dog. They think it’s funny!
Here’s the thing. I don’t like most pets. I don’t want them near me, I don’t want to make friends, and it’s not fucking cute to try and convince me your precious angel just wants to be pals. IF and WHEN I choose to warm up to your pet – which means I won’t shy away when it comes near – I’ll let you and him know. I will never pet or scratch your dog or cat. (I’m so allergic I’m not touching them or anything in your house where they are allowed to be) I will never want them on my lap. I will maybe at some point greet the pet verbally and not tense up when they come near. I will most likely appreciate their antics from a distance. That’s the best you’re gonna get.
It’s not funny to force a polite person to be uncomfortably accommodating.
It’s not funny to tease someone especially in front of others.
My friends Sheila and Evo have/had a dog and a cat. The cat Maddie is shy and never comes near me. That’s perfect, just the right kind of cat. Their dog Korea (RIP) would come up and smell me and then wander off. I had no problem with that. I even pet-sit for them one weekend and poor Korea was having such a hard time I actually touched her to help her off a bed. I don’t HATE animals! I talk to them and open doors and stuff. I even had a little affection for Korea.
Max and Krystal have two cats. Zia sometimes comes out when I’m there but doesn’t bother me. Snickers (or Baby Kitty or whatever the hell they call her this week) loves freaking me out. Jumps up behind me on the couch or slithers between my feet. My instinct is to kick the little shit across the room but I would never. She actually gets close and stares at me like she’s just waiting for me to lower my guard and then jumps on me. Why do some animals NOT take the hint?
As a guest in your home I kind of expect you to maybe not understand but at least respect how I feel about pets. I’ll stand there for a moment while your dog smells me to identify me, but I absolutely hate when they jump up and/or continue to bother me. Yes, it’s cute as long as it’s waaaaay over there – away from me. I’ll make friends with your pet at my own pace, thank you.
Oh, and I kind of feel the same way about small children.
So… please allow people to approach your pets as they feel comfortable doing it. Please don’t force it.
I’m a Grammi again!
Sep 12th
Time to update my tattoo.
Let me start with this: The reason I have not mentioned this publicly is because up until she left the hospital without him, my daughter planned to have the baby adopted. Very few people even knew Ginnie was pregnant. Immediate family and close friends is all. I didn’t even tell my parents until this last trip to Florida – because the baby was to be adopted out.
So last Wednesday morning (7:51 am) after an almost easy and very quick labor/delivery Ginnie had a perfect baby boy she named Jack. 
I was there to help her, her boyfriend on the other side and his mother standing by. (Yes, I got home from Florida just in time.) He’s beautiful. The adoptive parents came in that night and everything was on track until Ginnie left the hospital without Jack on Friday. Friday night was tough and by Saturday afternoon she had decided to keep him.
My heart breaks for the wonderful couple who planned to adopt him. And… although I think this is the worst decision of her life, I’m resigned that it IS her decision and resolve to be as supportive as I can. Her boyfriend’s family is thrilled (they were against the adoption from the beginning – hence my frustration this whole week with the pressure they were putting on Ginnie and BF) and they have committed to support Ginnie and BF financially until they can do better. For now I’m just waiting to see how this works out.
But like I said, he’s a beautiful baby. Very quiet and content and when he can keep his eyes open he’s paying attention to what’s going on around him. 6 lbs 13 oz and a 9.9 Apgar, as close to perfect as you can get.
This is going to be an interesting ride.
#911whereiwas
Sep 11th
I remember coming out of the shower and Hubby had the TV on in the bedroom and I could hear what sounded like a bad movie. I came out and he was just sitting on the bed watching – very unusual for him. I remember my shock when I realized it was real and live and just stood there watching when the second plane hit. I had to get Ginnie up and ready for school and we had all the TVs on while we finished getting ready.
Would there be school that day? I worked as a Kindergarten aid where she went to school – so we just kept moving. When the plane hit the Pentagon I struggled to remember the layout of the building I had worked in years ago and how bad it could have been had the plane hit on another side. It was NOT on the side where the buses and trains arrived every morning full of people, so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.
We got to the school and it was so quiet. The parents dropping their kids off were emotional, some had been crying but you could see they were trying to control themselves for the kids, but the kids knew it had been an important morning. No running around, no cheerful kid sounds. Even the littlest kids were walking quietly and standing waiting for the doors of their classrooms to open. They may not have understood the magnitude at 5-6 years old but they knew it was big. Many kids were kept home that day too. We adults really didn’t know what to do but keep moving.
I was immediately sent to my afternoon teacher’s classroom to help her. Her husband was (maybe still is) a flight attendant on a flight coming back from NYC and she had no way of knowing if he was safe or where he was. The news of the plane crashing in a field freaked her out, thinking of the possibility of it all continuing. Soon all planes were grounded or told to land at the nearest airport. She was pregnant and in a panic inside but carried on like a trooper. Staff had been instructed to keep the kids calm and carry on and try not to answer their questions other than the basics. Who knew at that time what the answers were? Would something happen to our school? No, it seems to be just those incidents we knew about before we got to school. Are our parents going to be safe? If they were safe this morning they’re going to be safe when you get home. It’s tough to be reassuring to children when you don’t feel safe yourself.
She and I took turns running to the office (where the only live-TV was allowed) to check for updates and she kept checking her phone for messages. It wasn’t until after lunch that she finally got a call from her husband that he was safe and stuck somewhere in Canada until they let the planes fly again.
The skies were quiet, the kids were quiet, and recesses were pointless as the kids just stood around with big eyes watching to see what the adults were doing. We were all like zombies moving through the day until we could get home and stare at the TV.
So many questions with no answers.
What Did I Do Wrong?
Aug 10th
I’ve been spending a lot of time trying to figure out where I went wrong with my kids. There are certain things you try to teach them while you have them and I thought I did a pretty good job! But my adult children are struggling – not as successful as one would hope.
I taught them to take care of themselves. To cook the basics, clean, do laundry, use thrift in shopping (but not too thrift, some things are worth paying a bit more for) and all those other basic things one needs to survive.
I taught them to help other people. To be aware of others around them and to behave appropriately in any situation.
I encouraged them when they tried new things. I attended every band/orchestra concert, play, and sporting event.
I paid attention to their schooling. I attended every student/teacher conference and helped with homework when I could and nagged them to do it every day. I volunteered at their school and got to know their teachers – at least in elementary school. By middle school none of them wanted Mom around, you know.
Their father taught them by example what work ethic meant. He went to work every day and worked hard no matter how much he hated any particular job. He had job loyalty. He took excellent care of his tools.
I’ll admit when I started parenting I made a ton of mistakes. I was a screamer and a spanker. Poor Casey caught the brunt of my ineptitude. But by the time he was 6-7 I’d settled down and tried to correct my mistakes. Was that too late?
I never coddled any of them. When one got hurt you either shook it off or dealt with it appropriately. (Maybe I should have been more concerned when Ginnie complained about her wrist for days – turns out it was actually broken.)
My kids weren’t spoiled. I laugh at labels (yet Max can’t buy anything without a label on it) but I did manage to keep them in new clothes when they needed them. Paying for college was never an option but we often discussed the military and/or how to get alternative financing.
I taught them to be responsible for their mistakes. I bailed them out of jail, but they were responsible for their fines. I stood next to them in courtrooms. I never gave them money to get out of legal trouble.
I think I was a good example but I listen to other parents gloat talk about how well their kids are doing and I just don’t get it. The law of averages dictates any family has one (not failure, just not as good as they could be) screw-all kid, but none of mine will ever be successful. They will struggle and fight for everything in their lives.
Where did I go wrong?
School Shopping 101
Aug 1st
DO NOT pay any attention to WalMart’s stupid lists. Seriously. These must have been written by someone really REALLY old, based on their own school memories.
Their Kindergarten list:
- Beginner’s Pencil. No. Regular pencils, preferably plain old tan wood pencils so kids don’t fight over them. Your 4-5 year old should be able to write with a regular pencil by now.
- Crayons – Jumbo. Not really. Teachers prefer regular Crayola (because they’re brighter and less breakable) and the 8 to 16 packs will do.
- White Glue. Are you fucking kidding me? Since the invention of GLUE STICKS teachers have hated white squirty all over everything glue. If they must use it, it’s usually under strict supervision.
- Drawing Paper. Well, maybe. Probably not. Wait for your Teacher’s list.
- Facial Tissue. Yes, send in a box first day. Send in another box every couple of months. Kids are notorious nose pickers and Kindergarten is where teachers really try to break that habit.
- Construction Paper. Again, wait for the Teacher’s list. Schools should have that covered.
- School Box. Seriously?
- Writing Primary Tablet. I couldn’t even FIND this at WalMart, and I only looked so she’d have something at home for practice. Teachers have pre-printed worksheets.
There’s more but I’ll sum up instead.
Stock up on stuff you know your kid will need all year. The prices are cheap cheap now. Get extra crayons and glue sticks as kids go through those fast. But don’t get specialty stuff until the teacher sends the list home usually on the first day. I spotted one list online that had Lysol wipes, hand sanitizer, Lysol spray AND baby wipes. That teacher is a germaphobe, but small children do tend to overshare their germs so you might want to stock up at least on hand sanitizer. And look for bargains for yourself! I just picked up dry erase markers cheap. Every time we go to UAT for meetings there are never markers out. Now I just need to remember to bring them when I go.
Where I worked in Kindergarten, the teachers would take all crayons and glue and put them in a giant tub. When child A ran out of red crayon, he/she got a new one. Don’t assume the supplies you send in with your kid are for YOUR kid. Kid’s learn community property in Kindergarten. If you find a ginormous supply of glue sticks or kleenex at Costco and feel generous, send them in as not every kid’s parents can afford/bother to send in ANY supplies. As a matter of fact, teachers love gifts of 20-packs of blunt scissors or interesting colored construction paper. They love good childrens books, and gently used men’s short sleeved button-down shirts (sm-med) to cover kids when painting. Our school even had a supply of new underwear and shorts in various smaller sizes for the inevitable potty accident. It’s also nice if you can send in more supplies around winter break time so the kids have fresh crayons and glue sticks for the second semester.
Your mileage may vary.
Loose animals
Apr 20th
Yesterday I took Kira to Sea Life at the mall. I pre-paid for our tickets to save a few bucks, but It was still $28.53 for the two of us – pretty pricey in my book.
Unfortunately we arrived at the same time as a large elementary school group. I’ve been the chaperone Mom on many of these types of trips and I know, barring a few real troublemakers, that kids that age CAN behave fairly well if taught and expected to do so. In fact, teachers always seemed to stick me with the worst of the troublemakers because I could get them to behave. There were plenty of adults with these kids from Florence and yet they were the worst bunch of kids I’ve ever come across.
Most – not all – were pushing, shoving smaller children, running, screaming, pounding on the glass tanks, climbing on the exhibits, yanking on the teaching stations… generally acting like loose animals. I saw ONE adult trying to maintain some sense of order with the 5-6 kids apparently under his control. The rest of the adults pretty much stood around smiling and taking pictures using their flash – and it’s posted EVERYWHERE not to use flash photography because it disturbs the real animals.
We tried hiding in a (useless) little theater looping a SpongeBob Squarepants short about a pickle. Kids would run in and jump up and down on the seats and holler and climb over and then run out, only for another bunch of kids to run in and repeat. I kept slipping up and speaking out to these kids – NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY – but it was that bad.
What the fuck people? If kids from my school would have acted like this in public we would have immediately stopped the trip and sent them all back to the bus until they could show some control. It didn’t matter whether the child was male or female, black/white/hispanic/polka-dot, or alone or in sets, almost every kid in that group (easily identified in uniforms) was a wild freaking animal. It’s like the adults fed them sugar on the trip up from Florence and instructed them to treat the aquarium place like their playground. If I knew which school, I’d send them an email. Maybe I’ll look and see how many elementary schools there are in Florence. Can’t be that many.
We barely made it halfway and had skipped a few exhibits when Kira wanted to leave. It was just too overwhelming for her (and me) so we ducked out and went back a little later. Though it was much more enjoyable once the hoard had left, I was already worn out. And at that price, we’ll likely never go back. Oh well.
Yes it was a happy birthday
Apr 30th
If you didn’t know (and how could you have missed it) yesterday was my 49th birthday. 
It was a back-and-forth day.
Took a shower with no conditioner because son had moved my shampoo/conditioner into the other bathroom to bath Kira the day before and didn’t put them back, and I didn’t bother to check before getting in the shower. Thankfully there was a mostly dead bottle of shampoo in the corner of the shower.
Met up with friends at Liberty Market for #evtm (east valley thursday morning) and got my breakfast for free because it was my birthday! And after a while Jana bought me a hot chocolate.
Went to get my hair colored and it cost me more than I really wanted to spend. Even though I just got my hair cut and thinned, I was charged extra for thickness and length. But it looks good and I didn’t have to do it myself.
Stopped to get a bottle of water. They had a 2 for $2 sale. Cashier charged me $3.64. I handed her $4 but mentioned SALE. She stared at me and said they were already discounted. I mentioned SALE sign and pointed it out to her. She mumbled something under her breath and rechecked the register and grudging admitted I was right, handing me back $3. I didn’t bother to correct her again.
Went to see Date Night using a free pass I’d earned through Moviewatchers.com. Loved it! I’m not much of a fan of the slapstick which Steve Carell (and Jim Carrey and Will Ferrell) tend towards, but this was just this side of that line and hilarious. Saw another preview for Knight and Day and I might like to see that. Not a fan of Tim Cruise either, but he’s pretty good when he gets a part with a sense of humor.
Then to the car wash and oil change. Again, paid more than I wanted but didn’t get upsold into anything more than I went for. Slid over to Gangplank to edit/post Evo @ 11 and got it almost done before I had to leave for dinner.
Met most of my family (and semi-adopted kids) at Joes Real BBQ for (mine was free!) dinner. People rave about this place and I wanted to try it, but other than the to-die-for ribs I didn’t find it all that amazing. Had fun though. Casey did in fact get me a camera for my birthday but it doesn’t work – the flash never flashed – so I’ll have to take it back. He felt bad but it wasn’t his fault. Casey’s luck just sucks.
Mother called to wish me happy birthday and managed to spoil my mood with complaints about stuff she decides to do.
Went to Max’s to play games and drink, but I can never manage to stay there long. Fucking cats. We always have fun but I always have to leave.
So… overall a day.
What is a memory?
Jun 13th
Sometimes what I remember about being a small child and what family/people have told me over time all runs together.
We lived in a house in Flint, Michigan until I was six. I remember playing in our basement a lot when I was a kid. Dressing Barbie under the bar, some film strip machine under the pool table, and playing three records over and over and singing along. Steve Lawrence: Go Away Little Girl, Nancy Sinatra: These Boots Were Made for Walking and I can’t remember what the third one was.
I’ve been told that after my father came home and found out She’d used her tranquilizers on me She started locking me in the basement instead. I remember the kitchen sink windowsill in the corner being stocked with pill bottles.
Even smaller I remember my bedroom door was cut in half and I was on the inside. I remember one day emptying my toy box and pushing it over to the door so I could stand on it and climb over. I remember the triumphant feeling of accomplishment, but I don’t remember anything after. Did I actually get out? I have a vivid memory of the color and smell of that toy box. Was I always shut in my room or was that a single memory?
My father tells me that he put up the chain-link fence in our backyard to keep me in, but I’d already learned to climb over it before he finished the job. Did I just love to climb or did I feel I needed to escape from something?
I do remember sometimes playing with a neighbor girl. I remember the old black lady up the street that used to give kids popsicles and pennies to pull weeds in her flower garden. I remember watching out the front window as my older sister went door-to-door in the snow to deliver Girl Scout cookies, but I have no other specific memory of my sister until I was much older. She’s five years older than me so I’m not surprised we didn’t spend time together.
Wait, I do have one more memory of her. One night we were sleeping together (it must have been some holiday and maybe we had guests – I don’t think we shared a bed regularly) and she’d snuck a piece of hard candy to bed. I remember the crinkle of the wrapper and her smirk that she had one and I didn’t. Then she spitefully clicked the candy around on her teeth so I could hear it. Annnnd then she choked on it. Seriously choked. I remember a split second of thinking she deserved it before I chickened out and yelled for my Dad. I don’t remember what happened after that, but she’s still around to hate me so she lived through it.
I remember freaking out late one night fter catching a glimpse of my dad as he walked naked to the bathroom.
I remember the layout of that house, I even remember the address: 1222 W. Coldwater Rd. I have a vague memory of kindergarten and walking to and from school.
The rest is stuff people have told me and of old black and white home movies of holidays.
How much do you remember of life before you started school?
| Originally published at Spellwight. |
Repeat after me:
Jun 1st
“That was a stupid irresponsible thing to do.”
Not me! I’m fucking brilliant compared to my son and his idiot friends.
First there was the M-girl that was so trashed by the time they arrived in Vegas that she sliced the shit out of the back of her leg while shaving and then passed out cold in our hotel room.
Then there’s my son who disappeared for hours with the only vehicle, coming back late and with an empty tank so CJ and I despaired getting to the airport in time.
Then there was (again) my son who decided to stay with the bunch instead of flying safely home with me.
After that, there was the idiot B who drank beers while driving the van homeward, got busted in Kingman for a DUI and got the van impounded. Because my son was also too drunk to drive and apparently those two of the 6 were the only ones with driver’s licenses.
Those four other people who for some stupid reason don’t have driver’s licenses. How stupid is to NOT have a driver’s license?
The one who called me and got pissed off that I wouldn’t drive up there and save them. From their own stupidity.
(Let me clarify, had they had car trouble or an accident or something else out of their own control, I would have gone to get them.)
Oh, and the drunk ass driver and his wife who left their kids at home with her parents and let the power run out instead of putting extra cash on the m-power. Priorities, right?
They got B out of jail late this afternoon and because the van is in his name they couldn’t get it out of impound before closing time. So they’re stuck there another night.
Life lesson #54. Don’t fucking drink and drive doubledumbass! What a bunch of fucking losers.
Repeat after me: “That was a stupid irresponsible thing to do.”
Whatever happened to Barbies?
Apr 27th
If you want to know how fucked up the world is, just hang out on my front porch. Across the way…
Three little girls, ages between 9 and 11, complete with school uniforms. Toy machine gun and play (I think) handcuffs. Child one is holding the machine gun on child two, who is on her knees with her hands cuffed behind her back. Child three is behind child two holding her by the hair.
What. The. Fuck.
Let’s see if we can figure out what scenario they are playing. Something from Dora the Explorer? I think not. Maybe Disney has some new pre-teen program I’m not familiar with.
And where are their parents?
Well, apparently my glaring in their direction has spoiled their fun, because now they’re back to chasing each other on scooters and bikes.
Whew, nobody died.
