Something just popped up on my Google+ thingamajiggy that I don’t really use. Some feller posted something about online “friendships” and how most people (those who presumably don’t spend a lot of time online) don’t give much credit to those friendships.

Now I’ve met bunches of people I first knew online, either through twitter or other local social events. Honestly I barely know most of them. Yes we greet each other warmly (and sometimes hug) but really it’s a more surface relationship. But I can count many people I’ve met online over the years that have really become lasting relationships.

My oldest online and BFF is Cara. I met her and another friend Charlotte on a fandom site years ago and have met them both IRL. I make time in my life to see Cara at least once a year. We laugh that we’re twins born 10 years apart. Peas in a pod. Closer than sisters. Charlotte is awesome too. She’s an amazing writer and one of the most interesting young people I know. I feel honored that she likes me. There are other “friends” I met on that site that I still stay in contact with, some I wish I could meet and some I’m fine with keeping it an online relationship.

I met Evo online (podcasting) before I actually met him, and through him his wonderful wife Sheila. My lifesavers. These people changed my life. And through podcasting I’ve met other wonderful real life friends. CJ (my local BFF), Dani the Diva, Donna, A, Bruce, Crystal and many others.

I’ve met people through twitter meetups and other online-people social get-togethers that I love! Jana, Jeff, Wendy and Chris, Katie and Tyler, Patrick and Vinessa, Ruthie, Oden… I can’t wait to see these people all the time. Great times, great people.

Had I never plugged into the internet I would never have met any of them. I shudder to imagine where I’d be without them. Most of the people listed here mean more to me than my own family – except my kids/grandkids!

Here’s the thing. Of all my friendships with people I didn’t meet online only one has survived. But guess what, Wendy and I maintain most of our contact on the internet and use twitter to occasionally meet up in real life. I can’t think of another real friend I didn’t meet online or through online groups, unless you count my kids and our mutual friends.

Thank you Internets.

Which actually started Friday. I spent a nice day with Kira, dropping her off just in time for #EVFN. We tried a new place this time, Flanny’s, and though we ran out of room in our reserved area, it worked out just fine. From there some of us had an impromptu #DNPP. What a great bunch of friends I have!

Saturday I woke late, did some work, took a nap and headed out. Went to a friend’s backyard party where the only people who talked to me were the few I already knew. Which was fine – lots of little kids to watch (when they’re still cute) and interesting food I wouldn’t eat.

After that I headed to the Torch Theater where my friend Tyler joined the improv group to tell a few stories. Now that was fun.

It wasn’t that late so I went to Max and Krystal’s to hang out by the pool and have a late dinner. Came home and went to bed at 4 and slept til noon today.

I love my life.

There’s a conundrum we all face. We have friends that are creative in various ways. Those friends write books, make music, blog, bake or start new businesses – and we as friends want to be supportive, right?

But what if although you like or love a person but feel kind of meh or even dislike their product? Should you LIKE their work despite your actual feelings? Even further, should you spend money buying their product when you don’t even like it or have any use for it?

Moral dilemma #289.

I do, when I can. But I get this twinge of hypocrisy when I don’t actually like whatever it is. I take pride in being honest but most people don’t appear to appreciate honesty when it comes to their passion. It’s only my personal opinion but when I’m asked what I think and I say (as tactfully as I can) what I think it seems to hurt their feelings. It’s MY failure to connect when I don’t like your music or book or whatever, not YOUR failure. Should I – as most people are pretty adept at – come up with false praise?

Damn, I hate being a hypocrite but I hate hurting my friends more.

And yes, I’m curmudgeonly. I don’t “get” a lot of things. I don’t like a lot of things. But I think that makes it more genuine when I do. I like person A’s music but I don’t like person B’s but aren’t we all like that? I can think of tons of music I don’t like (and I’ll bet you can too) but when it’s created by someone you know are you supposed to fake it? I never say they’re doing it wrong just that I don’t care for it, but that still seems like a slap in the face. I’m not creative, but creative people seem to take my dislike of their art personally instead of in stride, knowing not everyone in the world will like what they do. I still like THEM.

So should I fake it to be supportive (which I usually do when it comes to someone’s art) or stick to my avoid hypocrisy/be honest policy?

Integrity sucks sometimes.

On the other hand, there are times I like something but can’t stand the creator. I don’t want to support the person because they’re a dick or whatever but I really like what they made. Like, she’s a bitch but damn these cookies are excellent!

At least I try things and not dislike out of hand.

So I go through life with books I’ll never read again, music I skip over, podcasts I just delete without listening, etc. because they were created by friends I want to support and not hurt their feelings.

BTW you creative friends reading this? Don’t ask if you don’t wanna know.

He’s one of the most generous men I’ve ever met.

When our podcasting friend Joe Murphy died, Tee was the front man for the website and podcast, first to raise money for Joe’s family and then to help fight leiomyosarcoma.

Tee was a founder and one of the first authors to give away their audio books at podiobooks.com.  He’s been recording and giving away his work since.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s also trying to sell his published books. I really like his Morevi series but Billibub Baddings is my favorite. He and Evo wrote the original Podcasting for Dummies.

Plus, he’s a hell of a DJ. And adorable. And sometimes annoying with all that energy. I could bring up positives about Tee all day.

But with the recent passing of his wife Natalie, he’s now also a single father.  The community has come together to help him in one of the few ways we can:

The Boom Effect

We can help take some of the financial pressure off Tee in raising Sonic Boom. Believe it or not, authors aren’t rolling in it. Hopefully we can be as generous to Tee as he is to us. I’ll be donating as soon as I can.

So if you have a few spare bucks you can send along to someone who will definitely need them please do so.

Jezuz christ, the last few days of 2009 were certainly eventful.

Except Christmas. I got nothing for Christmas but the flu. Then again, I didn’t get anyone else anything either. I may have even had the HiNi flu, I dunno. There was a moment in there I would have gone to the emergency room had I the energy to shuffle out to my car.

So for New Year’s Eve Eve (Wednesday) I decided to take everyone out to Texas Roadhouse. We’d not had a Christmas Dinner, or much of a Thanksgiving either. My number one adopted son Shane and his daughter tagged along too. We had a really great dinner and I agreed to take the two little girls home with me so they could all go out. Peachy.

Yesterday morning the girls and I went to McDonald’s for breakfast and play. They were fighting and whiny and I couldn’t get either father on the phone. Came home and tried to do my business while they continued to fight and whine. Finally at noon the guys stumbled in to get them.

Shortly after that I got a text from Max asking what I was doing the rest of the day.

• Making a dump cake
• Cleaning my kitchen
• Taking a nap to prepare for being up late
• Wrapping the two lousy gifts I managed to get for my friends
• Shower and dress up
• Be at ShEvo’s by 6:30 to record a show
• Party the rest of the night

Not much right? He responded:

can u take an hour outa that and spend it with me? we r gonna get a courthouse marriage today and id like you to be there

WHAT THE FUCK?

Sure his divorce was final earlier this week and I knew he’d been spending most of his time with Shane’s sister… OMG I can’t remember her name! Shit. My bad. I’d only met the girl through a dark car window one time. That’s it. She seems nice enough and I love Shane so I can assume with the same upbringing… I dunno, I’ll have to wait and see, right?

At least I got to be at this wedding. That’s the same judge that Max, Shane and Casey have all stood before for not-so-good reasons but I didn’t see a flicker of recognition in his eyes. Small town.

Anyway, on to Sheila and Evo’s for our recording and their party. I’d had trouble since the flu with my breathing whenever I exerted myself and it just got worse and worse all night. By midnight I was being a downer in a really great party and in real guppy distress and my friends were all offering to drive me to the hospital. Fine. I asked Katie and Tyler cuz I have to go downtown Phoenix to the VA and I know Tyler lives the closest and Katie lives near me so it wouldn’t be as inconvenient – plus they hadn’t been drinking.

Technically it was after 12:30 by the time we got to the ER and 3:30 when  got home, but I’m just going to chalk it up as 2009 not letting go. More on that later.

2010 has GOT to be better, right? I feel great this morning!

It freaks me out.

Twitter just started this listing thing. You can assign the people you follow to various lists. I got about halfway through and gave up.

Certain people are older Internet friends from the McCaffrey boards and BPOI. Some of those I’ve met in real life and a few are actual real friends now.

Certain people I’ve met through podcasting. Some of those I’ve met and are real friends, some are just fans (which is freaky in and of itself) and some I’ll never meet and really have no connection to, but follow because.  A handful are writers I’ve met through podcasting who have become both semi-celebrities and semi-friends.

And then there’s the real life family, friends, kid’s friends, etc.

It’s weird enough when, because of some interesting banter or retweet, person A from list B starts following person R from list D.

Right?

This completely freaked me out today:

Katie Berry is one of my daughter’s friends we’ve known since Kindergarten. Seth Harwood is a published author and podcaster and cute as hell. They cannot know each other! Coincidence has made my mind explode.

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Kira’s vocabulary has exploded too. In the last few days she’s started say things like, “Just listen to me, LISTEN to me! Be very careful out there so the monsters don’t get you.” She’s so insistent. And today in the car when I asked her if she was going to behave in the store she answered with the most nonchalant “of course” I couldn’t help but burst out laughing. Casey’s friend Charlie tells me Kira got up at the crack of dawn the other morning and proceeded to (attempt to) wash her dishes.

At this very moment she’s dancing to Funky Town in Shrek 2. I wish my camera had batteries. Crap.

Damn, I’m going to be soooo busy this month! Even though I’m missing Dragon*Con this year, I won’t be sitting at home feeling sorry for myself.

Friday evening there is the usual #evfn. This week we’re back at Studio 5C. It’s a nice little gallery type place with a great patio for socializing and it’s right off Mill Ave if we want to carry on for the rest of the night. Plus, lots of people I kind of know through podcasting (and some I really do know) are gathering this weekend for…

The Deadpan BBQ Saturday afternoon-evening at my friend CJ’s house. Those are always lots of fun, and with no kids around this time I’m pretty sure it’ll be even better than before.  Sunday evening is another Deadpan party, this time at the Tempe Palms hotel.

Tuesday evening I’m helping someone set up their recording studio and Wednesday night is our usual Evo@11 recording at Gangplank.  Friday (11th) I’m going to my friend Dani’s for another “Slumber Party.”  This time it’s a different presenter so we’ll have to see if she’s as funny as the last one.

My Dad turns 73 on the 13th. I wish he didn’t live so far away. He called me today while I was at IKEA so I was a bit distracted, but I had the hardest time explaining to him how my cell phone number stayed the same even though I’d moved. He just doesn’t get it. He wanted my new address so I’m standing there in the middle of the stupid store practically yelling it out for everyone to jot down. I was one of *those* people!

There’s a Brand-X T-Shirt Tweetup the following Thursday night. I’m still debating that one.

On the 18th I’m joining friends for my very first major league baseball game at Chase Field. I’ve never been so I can’t pass up this chance. After that I’ll be going to my very first Rocky Horror Picture Show! Thanks to the light rail I won’t have to do a lot of driving as everything is on the rail.

Yet another Can’t Stop the Serenity showing on the 19th. I don’t care what anyone says, it never gets old. Plus there’s a sing-along to Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog, so there!

And Kira’s 3rd Birthday is on the 29th. I don’t know what’s planned for that yet, but I’m sure we’ll do something. She’s excited. Practicing her three finger thing and asking where her birthday cake is already.

Busy, busy month and I’m sure there will be more adds to my calendar as I go along.

Plus that certain someone has said that September is a good possibility for a visit. We don’t communicate much so I’m not sure yet. Everything (except the slumber party) is something I could actually take him along and have fun. We’ll see.

Went to a live (was it really live I wonder) nationwide show by the RiffTrax people last night. Met up with Dan and CJ, Dan and Michelle, and Jack and Oden. I don’t have an and. Anyway, there was a live showing of Plan 9 From Outer Space – they were in Memphis – and Jonathan Coulton opened with a couple of songs. It was great. I hope to see that HD performance on YouTube before long. He looked so adorable. The movie was classic Ed Wood with plenty of stuff for the Rifftrax guys to riff upon.

After that I went around the corner from my new apartment to a dive bar called either The Yucca Lounge (all pointers or reviews online call it thus) or The Yucca Tap Room. OMG this will be one of my new favorite hang outs. Imagine karaoke with an actual LIVE BAND. You get up and sing on stage with a BAND. And they’re not bad. One girl absolutely could not sing along. She was so off tempo we were all screaming the proper rhythm at her to no avail. Most of the singers weren’t half bad but it was fun cuz everyone was having such a good time. Tonia did a great job, though we sabotaged her by yelling Birthday just before she started her song, so they played They Say It’s Your Birthday and she had to stand up on the stage and enjoy that attention.

Casey called me a while ago, everyone he went out with last night got arrested except him. Is this a sign of growth? But one of the arrestees left his wife sans car now and she took Casey’s car to work, so now I have to go pick him and Kira up and take him to work. That I’m taking the time to write this first shows you how thrilled I am about that.

Tonight is #evfn at Geisha a Go Go so that should be fun. Sushi? No. I’ll eat before I go, thank you very much. Plus I’m broke again. I think I have enough cash for gas to get there and back. Should have money tomorrow.

Cavaticat, I mailed that package out to you day before yesterday so you should get it soonish. And I don’t care what you all decide to pay. Whatever, just have a good time at Dragon*Con and don’t get stuck in the Weyrfest room ALL the time.

Well, I suppose I should get dressed and get out there. Have a great day!

I have good friends who believe in God/Jesus/Diety of Choice. I do not, but if they find comfort in that and don’t try to change me why should I try and change them?

I have good friends who believe in homeopathy/horoscopes/tarot cards/psychics. I’m not as dead-against these things but I lean towards disbelief. Again, if they find comfort in that stuff and don’t try to convince me, why should I try and debunk them?

I try to stand by “to each his own” for the most part. You start preaching or selling me on your “thing” I’m going to hold my own and/or argue with you. I’m honest enough for that. Mostly I try for the polite smile and nod.

But I also have good friends who are gullible or needy enough to get drawn into some totally bizarre stuff. At what point do I stick my nose in?  When they tithe to their church even when they can’t pay their bills? When they change plans because of some newspaper horoscope? When they follow some charmer to the detriment of themselves and their families?  My MIL watched and sent money to TV evangelists right up to the day she died of emphysema, hoping for a cure. Maybe if she didn’t chain smoke at the same time she might have stood a chance, though I imagine the damage had already been done.  I once had a friend who gave up her family and joined a cult.

When do you intervene for a friend? When do you cross that line and try to save someone who just believes differently than you?

I have one friend who gets threats in her neighborhood just because she believes something different than the norm. She has the right to believe whatever she wants, but just how dangerous are the threats? Should I advise her to hide it for her own safety or support her in her stand? I’ve been supportive thus far, but I sometimes worry.

I have another friend who appears to be falling under the spell succumbing to the charms of someone who tells her what she wants to hear. He’s playing her with ideas that make her feel strong but I think it’s all bullshit. Will her good sense prevail or should her friends step in and stop her?

When someone is doing something blatantly dangerous like hard-core drugs, the decision is so much easier. Of course you step up and try to stop them. But when it’s a belief  the lines are blurrier.

“To each his own” sometimes wars with “those who standy by and do nothing…”

Cara's koi pond

Flew into Minneapolis Wednesday on US Air. First I didn’t have a seat because stupid me forgot to check in early online. Then I was stuck in a window seat next to poor Mr. Morthan Chubby who had gas. But other than that the flight wasn’t bad. Got to MN and there was my good friend (snowcalla ) Cara! Long drive back to her house in Austin  where I met and hugged her hubby. Actual roast dinner. Beautiful backyard. Through that night and the next morning I saw little things I’d forgotten northern nature had over the desert.

One bunny, fireflies, huge squirrels and green green green. MN reminds me of Michigan. Not the shit hole industrial areas I grew up in, but the farms and hills and trees further out of crappy places like Flint and Detroit.

Thursday we meandered back up to the Minneapolis area around Bloomington and Edina – and stayed in a suite at a Marriott Residence Hotel (where I had my own room cuz sometimes I snore) where we met up with (wickedgroovy) Heather. Fireplace and full kitchen meant we didn’t have to go out as much but we still did. We went shopping at Surdyk’s for designer cheeses and other stuff I’d never heard of. Sheila/Evo would love that store.  Registered at CONvergence and wandered the art room and then back to the hotel to get ready to go out.

We’d decided to celebrate our 2009 birthdays together regardless of the fact that they aren’t even close. Started at Bradstreet, a tapas place. I think Tapas is greek for single servings of expensive and great tasting food you’re supposed to share.  I tried new things like fois gras (yuk) and lamb ribs (fuck yeah) and enjoyed the crab cakes I ordered as a safety dinner in case I didn’t like anything else, such as the asparagus, the calamari and the lamb burgers the others ordered. I’m sure the lamb burgers would have been tasty if someone hadn’t decided to dump an entire pepper shaker on each one.

Cara, as always the leader in our expeditions, ordered the drinks. Starting with a Cooper’s Union – beautiful tall glass, Prairie, Lemon, St. Germaine Elderflower Liqueur, Grapefruit, Gruet Sparkling, Orange Flower Water – and I made it about a third of the way through that. I think it was the elderflower that turned me off. So Cara told them to bring me something interesting with orange and vodka, which they did and I couldn’t really enjoy that either. Just plain, thanks. That’s me, just plain. Then there was something red and slimy I couldn’t even attempt, so Heather and Cara drank that and I finally got my plain screwdriver. But by then I was pretty toasted.

From there we went to a club at The Chambers Hotel called (I kid you not) The Red White and Fucking Blue Rooftop Lounge, which appeared to be the gay men mecca of the greater north plains states. Seriously. I’m pretty sure there were single hetero men there (because there were couples and groups) but finding one would be like finding a needle in a haystack. Great hopping club, with quick and plenty drinks and an outside area. Lots of conversation areas, a thing I never understood in a club where the music is kept loud. Who can conversate over that? But check out the weird toilet seats. I’ve never seen toilet seats that thin in a ladies room, although when that guy walked in like it was so natural for him I wondered if there even was a distinction between the ladies and men’s.

After Cara finally shed the guy who had latched onto her, we wandered across the street to another club that was virtually empty and had a chocolate dessert. Then upstairs to the rooftop bar. Waited I swear 8-10 minutes for someone to show up behind the bar so we could order drinks. Then some lizard started talking to me, then Heather and finally settled on Cara. Man she can attract them. We dumped him and headed back to our hotel hoping for some hot tub time. No such luck.

Fridayy noonish we headed to CONvergence. Not a big Con and after years of Dragon*Con, we were spoiled. Ran into (Hellziggy) Sharon before I could finish texting her I was there. She showed us around including the free food and drink areas. They hand out free water and soda and tea, and rice. Yup, cups of rice free and a bunch of stuff you can add for flavoring. What a brilliant idea rather than preparation intensive sandwiches and stuff. They had other food as well. And all around the indoor pool area there were party suites assigned to the different groups and tracks to decorate and provide booze at night.

Between the few panels and traipsing the party suites, we hit the dealer’s room where I found two small wooden containers for Casey to put Ed’s ashes in and ran into (EmmasDad) Mike. Back at the hotel we had the casserole Cara brought, drank some Strongbows, snacked on cheeses and fruits, and just hung out. Friday night as we were parking back at the Con there was a huge fireworks display nearby so we got our Fireworks Fix out of the way early. Good thing, Saturday night at the Con was a fiasco and all the fireworks were too far away to actually see.

Kiltlifting

Late Saturday morning we headed over to the Mall of America, had our pictures taken with Dora and Diego, wandered around some more and then headed back to the Con for one panel. Back to the hotel for swimming and hot tubbing and had to sneak the Strongbows in coffee cups. Back to the Con for an attempt to see fireworks, ended up wandering the parties instead.

Somewhere in there we had Heather’s enchiladas, went to Vilification Tennis (throwing insults back and forth which was hilarious – but half the people were improperly miked and you couldn’t hear them), met the Skepchicks ladies, saw Pamela Gay again (she has no clue who I am) and did more shopping and fancy food snacking.

Sunday we packed and headed up to downtown Minneapolis to Loring Pasta Bar for a scrumptious brunch. I can’t remember if I tried anything new there, but I’ll bet I did. I tried so many new things this weekend. Then back down here to Austin to recover. Cara has a wonderful home and yard for quiet recovery.

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Sorry this is so long, but it’s taken me all day so I don’t want to break it up. Tethered to my phone is slow but I can’t seem to access their wifi. I’m here until Friday with plans ahead for tubing and visiting historical points of interest. I am having the best time!