so don't ask if you don't want to know
Posts tagged family
Vacation: Texas Sucks
Dec 13th
This is gonna run long. I didn’t have internet for more than a few minutes the entire trip and there’s only so much I could do on my DROID.
- Aaaand we’re off! 8:58 AM Dec 2nd
- GirlChild driving now. 300 miles to El Paso.
- Stopping for dinner in Van Horn TX.
Lousy place, Papa’s Pantry. We walked in and though the place was fairly full, nobody on staff even came over towards the door. Do you seat yourself or wait there like idiots? Finally we were waved into a dark corner where the overhead lights didn’t work. Yeah, yeah we should have left, but it’s fucking west Texas and stops are few and far between. Slow unfriendly service, lousy food, unclean bathroom.
- Texas sucks part 3: GirlChild gets us pulled over for speeding. Cop searches all of us and unpacks the car.
This was ridiculous. It was like he was bored or something. There was hardly anyone on the road and he came zipping up behind her when she was passing a truck so she changed lanes without signaling just to get out of his way. So he popped her for that, for going 79 in a 65 and because I didn’t have a light on my license plate – I totally didn’t realize that one. He put Ginnie in his car, Casey off between the cars and had me in front of mine while poor Kira is shrieking in the car in confusion. We were all polite (my kids were raised watching Cops) and he still searched the car and then started pulling everything out of the trunk. And it was frikking COLD out there, snow on the ground and dark as hell. Asshole.
- #texassucks pt 4: After successfully dodging a dozen deer Son runs over some pteradactyl’s dinner.
Too funny, I was dozing and could hear Ginnie and Casey mentioning deer every few minutes when Casey suddenly swerved and hollered “What the FUCK was that?” and Ginnie was howling. He thinks it was a giant owl and I (who didn’t see a thing) expect it was more likely a vulture but either way it was trying to drag something huge across the road and Casey hit whatever the roadkill was. We laughed for hours over that one.
- #texassucks Unfortunate HOV turn dumped us into downtown Houston. Light rail stations look similar to ours.
We couldn’t figure out the HOV thing at all. There needs to be a Just Passing Through lane on interstates. Their HOV on the I-10 had three different acronyms with various tolls and we couldn’t decide if it was OK to use then figured what the heck why not, except at some point it emptied into downtown Houston street level. Thanks to my handy dandy DROID we turned the GPS/Google Navigator and got right back out again.
Hey big city sign people, make sure outsiders can figure out what your signs mean. Here in Phoenix that whole I-10 / I-17 / 51 / airport thing is completely confusing and I LIVE HERE. Especially since you can’t rely on direction as the left of the V actually goes north before it goes west while the right of the V goes west before it takes you north and crosses over the road you should have taken to continue west way back there! Anyway…
- Fuck Texas! We’re outta here!
Here’s where we started Day two.
Road Trip!
Nov 23rd
So it’s official. The whole fam damily is going with me to Florida. Semi-spontaneous road trip across the lower half of the USA. We’ll be driving the I-10 over to the I-75 so if you’re anywhere around either of those and you want to meet up for a break let me know this week. It’ll be me and Ginnie and Casey and Kira for sure, Max is still deciding.
They’re giving me shit about my car. Of course, it’s the nicest car of the bunch but it’s still not good enough. Goddam Grand Marquis! It’s a great cruising car!
- *whine whine* there’s not gonna be enough leg rooooooooom! (yes, both of my boys are big/tall)
- *whine whine* we’ll have to stop all the time to get stuff out of the cooler in the trunk! (and stop to let the 3-year0ld move about too)
- *whine whine* It’s a V8 and sucks gas! (sure in the city, but once we’re on the highway it’s no big deal. It hardly took any more than the rental when we took two cars to California.)
- *whine whine* there’s no CD player, just a cassette deck! (fuck you and quitchergoddamwhining)
But I checked out rental cars last night and anything bigger is outrageous. SUV’s are a bit cheaper than Minivans, but they’re all over $900 for two weeks. Getthefuckouttahere!
We’ll leave next Wednesday the 2nd and plan on being back two weeks after that. Maybe sooner, maybe later. Maybe I’ll just dump their whiny asses in Florida and cruise up north alone.
All this why?
Mainly to see if there’s any way to peel my niece away from her no-good-asshole boyfriend so she can maybe get her kid back. There might be ass-kicking. My boys are both big and tall and pissed off about her situation. And while we’re there visit my parents and let everyone meet Kira before she graduated High School. Find out if my sister is ready to speak to me. The kids want to go to the beach. For a change of pace. To get the fuck outta Dodge for a while.
So if there’s anything along that route that we should stop and see we’ll have plenty of time. That’s the fun part of road tripping. Any suggestions? Anybody want to hang out along the way? Let me use their bathroom?
The Wrong Bear
Nov 2nd
You know I have a Grammi Gummy Bear tattoo, right. That our family has an affinity for that particular program. Other than the cooking up stuff stuff, I relate to Grammi Bear.
I don’t usually relate to the Mother Bear until I come home and someone’s been sleeping in my bed and it’s all stinky. Someone’s been scarfing all the food and water in my fridge and not replacing it. Someone’s been using up all the fucking toilet paper in my bathroom and not getting more.
WHAT THE FUCK FAMILY!
It seems no matter how much I bitch, how many times I bring this shit up for discussion, how many time I go off on screaming tangents… nobody seems to give a shit about my feelings.
FUCK OFF!
I realize these are tiny little annoyances, but really they are each symptoms of the big giant disrespect I get. I put my foot down a couple of weeks ago and said basically, “get your goddam shit together and let me off the hook by December 1st.” Get real jobs, pay your bills on time, stop making me responsible for whether or not you eat. Get out of my life except for the normal amount of parent-adult child time most people subscribe to.
I’MFUCKINGDONE! IT’SNOTMYJOBANYMORE!
And yet… nothing. No change. Well, Casey’s managed to get other people to babysit most of last week – which I feel is just a gesture and pretty soon they’ll both be up my ass daily again. Ginnie STILL hasn’t tried to get a job. I get bullshit from her. Supposedly she’s applying online – doubtful. Then she’s waiting until she’s 19 on the 15th so she can get a better server job. Right. Fucking Excuses.
I FEEL LIKE I’M SPITTING AGAINST THE WIND.
How? How do I get my children to, as my new friend Donna would say, HARDEN THE FUCK UP. I feel so… powerless again. I’m not mealy mouthing and letting myself be a doormat. I’m telling them exactly what they need to do but they’re just ignoring me. I don’t want to be the screaming shrew but that’s the only idea I have left. I’ve stopped buying groceries other than what I want. I’ve made plans for myself regardless of what they want me to do. Why do I want to run away from MY HOME?
I’m going to die on December 1st and you all need to get on without me.
Actually I can NOT talk about something
Oct 11th
Even I have stuff I can’t talk about. For instance there’s a couple of horrible bullshit things going on in my life over the last couple of weeks and you haven’t heard anything from me.
One will be resolved this Thursday, hopefully. If not, I’ll be blowing up here and you’ll know about it then. If all goes as planned, you won’t ever need to know. Cryptic enough?
The other will be an ongoing . . . I hate to use the word investigation but questioning? Checking out? Someone told me something criminal/evil/horrible about my ex that doesn’t compute. So I’m planning to ask around if this “thing” had happened with other people – for corroborating evidence sort of – because I’m not completely sure about the accuser. Not that I don’t believe, but I don’t disbelieve either. I don’t know. So I’ll be asking around as soon as I figure out how to approach the subject. Tricky. The thing is, even if it’s true there’s not a lot I can do about it now. Except blow up here, right? So if there’s corroborating evidence, then you’ll hear all about it. Again, cryptic enough?
See, I can be circumspect when I need to be.
Just a few quick notes
Sep 29th
… for people who are actually paying attention.
Today is Kira’s third birthday. No her mother didn’t bother to call. We haven’t really mentioned the actual birthday to Kira. She’s hyped up for her party this weekend. At this age the party is the actual turning point, and Casey doesn’t even have a final plan yet. We’re so lame.
Did I mention Max will be home on leave again from mid-November through January? And completely out of the Army in February. Oh, ALONE. Apparently the sekrit fake mawiage didn’t make it. She’s out, lawyers have been consulted, she still hasn’t told her family. Oh well.
I don’t have anything nice to say about Ginnie. I love her but I HATE everything she’s doing at the moment. She’s really pissing me off.
Actually, I’m not happy about anything in my life at the moment. Biding my time, hoping things will improve soon.
I keep getting meaner and meaner, more short tempered and bitter. I don’t know how to stop being taken advantage of. I need some me time. I need someone to be on my side. Seriously, I need someone to shake out this doormat.
Bombshell
Aug 1st
Yes Max and Kela arrived today. Hours later than expected but finally here. They were in Kela’s sister’s wedding yesterday and left California late this morning. So they get to my house and we all immediately set out for a late dinner at the buffet.
So we’re chatting over dinner, I verify that Kela has re-enlisted, we talk about Max getting out and working the same job for the DoD, about what’s going on around here and I ask how the wedding went yesterday. What’s the plan for their own wedding?
“Mom, we are married.”
Dumbfounded, I just stare at him. “When did you get married”
“I called and told you the next day! Back in September (26th) last year before we deployed!”
Uh, No. I think I’d remember that. I certainly would have written something here, right?
Kela mumbles “AWKward!”
Not that it’s a problem. As long as he’s happy I’m happy. She seems like a girl I could get to like a lot, I just haven’t spent much time getting to know her. No obvious problems, ticks, or other issues. You know… normal, and she puts up with his assholeness and gives it right back at him. I (so far) kind of like her.
But apparently she comes from an old school patriarchal family and they never got around to asking her father’s permission and haven’t told them either. He wants to wait til they get back to Hawaii in a couple more months, and do a second wedding then. Right. Cuz starting a marriage with a big fat lie is always a good plan.
He’s convinced he told me all about it. I reply that if he had not only would I remember it, I would have told Ginnie and Casey right away. Ginnie looked as stunned as I did. Casey found out weeks ago from Max’s best friend Shane and never mentioned to me thinking I already knew and for some reason didn’t tell him. Whatever.
Later in the conversation he mentions an argument they always have about wanting his son to have a mohawk. I just raised my eyebrows at them,”Is there anything else you’ve failed to tell me son?”
Family drama
Jul 26th
I know you can’t pick your family. I sure as shit wouldn’t have picked mine.
First, I’ve mentioned my niece Miss B has a new baby she named Damien Gabriel. And she’s living with a guy who is apparently a complete asshat. I don’t know him but from what everyone in the family says, he’s as useless as a third dick. Miss B has chosen against all advice to stay with this person so my lovely sister has sued for emergency custody of the baby and won. Now she’s holding this baby hostage to everyone’s good behavior. Beth is one of those people who if you cross her she cuts you out of her life. She hasn’t spoken to me in years and I still don’t know why. She hasn’t spoken to our mother either, but has graciously allowed an hour visit a week to Mom. Mom says those visits are rife with tension and false pleasantries but she refuses to be baited into argument because Beth will then have an excuse to cut her out again.
This is all happening in Florida so there’s not much I can do or say. I’m not there to get in the middle or mediate or anything. I’m disappointed in Miss B for choosing a man over her child, but her mother did the same thing years ago. I feel I should call her and remind her of how she felt when her mother shipped her out here to me. I feel I should call my sister and remind her of her own EXACT behavior years ago. But I won’t call either of them. I’m not there, I don’t know fact from hearsay and I really don’t think either of them would listen to me anyway.
_____
Secondly, Casey finally got around to phoning his baby mama Sky. What a fiasco that was. Kira got to talk to her Mommy for the first time since last NOVEMBER and now she’s completely confused. She thinks Mommy is near and she’s coming to see her. Then Sky’s completely deluded rant about expecting Casey to send Kira to see her in Indiana for 6 months of the year, shared custody. Are you still living in a homeless shelter? Yes. Do you have a job yet? No. She thinks she’s got a leg to stand on. I do believe this might just light a fire under Casey’s ass about actually getting the divorce started instead of just talking about it all the fucking time. She cheated, had children by another man, lived with yet another man, seldom asked to visit her daughter and when she did she’d send her back after just a couple of days, and finally left the state without notification and put her other children up for adoption. Oh yeah, mother of the year there.
_____
Max called yesterday and they’re in San Diego this week and will be here on Saturday. I can wait, now that he’s safely in the States. He called again a few minutes ago to laugh at all the geeks/nerds he’s seen around because of Comic-Con. I explained that he was disparaging my people and that I’d love to be there, and now he says he’ll stop by tomorrow and get me tickets for next year. They go on sale in the morning. We’ll see. I’m pretty sure if he gets the tickets I can find a place to sleep there.
_____
After my obligatory call to my Mother I called my Dad – which is always nicer. He spent 10 minutes talking about the wonders of 5-minute energy drinks. Dad, you do realize that’s not good for your already stressed heart? Ask your doctor before you try that again!
I vant to be alone.
There’s been a possibility of a booty call from a new neighbor. We had an almost session the other night, but he was a little too freaked out about GirlChild downstairs and a lot too drunk. I never know when I’ll be home alone and he’ll be available and I’m moving in two weeks, so it might never happen. Oh well. His favorite saying? It is what it is. And it is. We’ll see.
*** edited because I forgot to run spellcheck, so bite me.
My welcome home, not.
Jul 11th
Excellent vacation, maybe a day or two too long for me but still I had so much fun and relaxation. I’ll eventually post pics from the SPAM museum and zoo (crap did I take pictures at the zoo?) and more about those last couple days.
But now that I’m home I have to deal with these people. Kira latched onto me the moment I got in the door and insisted on sleeping with me last night. So I still haven’t gotten to enjoy mine own bed. Little furnace with huge feet. And the apartment is a mess, dirty dishes in the sink, laundry all over, etc. You know, when I lived with MY mother and I expected her home I made an extra effort to clean, you know? Just saying. I don’t know what the fuck that is in the fridge next to the tuna salad I MADE THE WEEKEND BEFORE I LEFT! Someone else is cleaning that shit up. And there’s the “Kira’s so happy you’re home Mom, she should stay with you so I can go to the movies,” and not come home at all bullshit.
Big Mama is about to blow her shit.
And Ginnie was late picking me up at the airport just like last time AND bitched about Casey all the way home. JOY!
My Meandering Mind
Jun 29th
I’m getting excited about my trip to Minnesota. I got the laundry done and most of my stuff packed. I may have to use the bigger suitcase.
I talked to the people at the new apartment and apparently my credit sucks so I have to come up with a bit more security deposit. The date is still on, August 8th. And I’ve decided there’s no way this carpet will ever get clean so I’m sure these guys will take replacement costs out of whatever deposit I may have had coming here. Oh well. EVENTUALLY money will loosen up.
I finished a couple of books last week. My Horizontal Life by Chelsea Handler was first. My friend CJ suggest it. It’s just a slightly amusing play-by-play of this woman’s one night stands. But about halfway through it just got boring and stupid. I mean, one amusing story at a time is cool, but this just goes on and on. I finished it. The other book was Seth Harwood’s Jack Wakes Up. I met Seth a couple of times (and we twitter) and he was in town Thursday for his book signing so I figured I’d get his book. I went and we all hung out after. He’s another podiobooks.com author. I’ve completely given up on listening to podiobooks. I can barely keep up with the regular podcasts I like, much less get involved with an ongoing story.
I cleaned the nail polish off my toes last night and freaked at how long my nails had gotten. Don’t have a man around to bitch about getting poked.
I have a bit of a dilemma regarding ThatGirl. You know she skipped town with her twins and ended at a homeless shelter in Indiana. She’d ran after the wrong man online. I heard she dumped her year old twins with his Aunt and now has signed them over. The aunt is adopting one of the girls and her cousin is adopting the other, so at least they will still have a connection. My dilemma is, I feel I should contact this family and give them Kira’s basic information so if in the future those girls want to find their sister they have something to start with. I’m not sure if I should leave well enough alone… or stick my nose in. There’s no telling what the future holds and how often Casey will move and change addresses and phones so if there’s to be an information exchange it should be now. For the kids’ sake. Then again, at the rate ThatGirl pumps out babies and then abandons them, there might be a whole litter out there in a few years so why bother.
Speaking of not having a man around. I don’t know why. I get out. I socialize. People seem to like me. I have (married or too young) men friends but I can’t seem to find or interest an available guy for me. Geeze, I don’t want to get married I just want companionship or even an occasional date. I wish someone could just tell me what I’m doing wrong.
I’ve had three different bites on my Dragon*Con tickets, yet no follow through. How hard is it to paypal $70 and your address to my email? Today if not sooner. Really, stop saying you want my ticket if you aren’t prepared to do it right now.
I think my ex-husband got married last week.
Has-been celebs have been dropping like flies in the last few weeks. I think Americans give their celebrities way too much attention and it climaxes with their deaths. Hours and hours of TV retrospectives and gossip mongering. Okay, David Carradine died jacking off, that’s all we need to know and maybe a quick replay of his credits before winning the Most Bizarre Finale Award. We don’t need 1,867 headlines of piecemealed out “information” repeated so often that the actual facts (if you ever find them) get lost in the noise. But that was just a warm-up for the whole Michael Jackson drama. Seriously, doesn’t anyone remember the child molesting? When he bought and paid for his children and dangled one over a balcony other weird shit we’ll never know about? Until the kids get old enough to write their own stories, that is. Although the man was one of the most talented pop songwriter/dancers in our history, he was FUCKING CRAZY. Yeah, I cut him the eccentric artist slack for a long time, but the scales were too unbalanced at the end. Maybe now the rest of his family will find some other tit to suck on. Probably Janet’s, she sure likes to put it out there.
Okay, I’m done for now. I really need to get stuff organized. Later…
What is a memory?
Jun 13th
Sometimes what I remember about being a small child and what family/people have told me over time all runs together.
We lived in a house in Flint, Michigan until I was six. I remember playing in our basement a lot when I was a kid. Dressing Barbie under the bar, some film strip machine under the pool table, and playing three records over and over and singing along. Steve Lawrence: Go Away Little Girl, Nancy Sinatra: These Boots Were Made for Walking and I can’t remember what the third one was.
I’ve been told that after my father came home and found out She’d used her tranquilizers on me She started locking me in the basement instead. I remember the kitchen sink windowsill in the corner being stocked with pill bottles.
Even smaller I remember my bedroom door was cut in half and I was on the inside. I remember one day emptying my toy box and pushing it over to the door so I could stand on it and climb over. I remember the triumphant feeling of accomplishment, but I don’t remember anything after. Did I actually get out? I have a vivid memory of the color and smell of that toy box. Was I always shut in my room or was that a single memory?
My father tells me that he put up the chain-link fence in our backyard to keep me in, but I’d already learned to climb over it before he finished the job. Did I just love to climb or did I feel I needed to escape from something?
I do remember sometimes playing with a neighbor girl. I remember the old black lady up the street that used to give kids popsicles and pennies to pull weeds in her flower garden. I remember watching out the front window as my older sister went door-to-door in the snow to deliver Girl Scout cookies, but I have no other specific memory of my sister until I was much older. She’s five years older than me so I’m not surprised we didn’t spend time together.
Wait, I do have one more memory of her. One night we were sleeping together (it must have been some holiday and maybe we had guests – I don’t think we shared a bed regularly) and she’d snuck a piece of hard candy to bed. I remember the crinkle of the wrapper and her smirk that she had one and I didn’t. Then she spitefully clicked the candy around on her teeth so I could hear it. Annnnd then she choked on it. Seriously choked. I remember a split second of thinking she deserved it before I chickened out and yelled for my Dad. I don’t remember what happened after that, but she’s still around to hate me so she lived through it.
I remember freaking out late one night fter catching a glimpse of my dad as he walked naked to the bathroom.
I remember the layout of that house, I even remember the address: 1222 W. Coldwater Rd. I have a vague memory of kindergarten and walking to and from school.
The rest is stuff people have told me and of old black and white home movies of holidays.
How much do you remember of life before you started school?
