so don't ask if you don't want to know
Posts tagged family
It’s all good… except
Feb 15th
First I moved my blog from my friend’s server to Page.ly. I completely understand the security reasons behind the pain-in-the-ass restrictions with my previous host, but I decided I’d rather pay Page.ly a minor monthly fee (I had a coupon) than hassle every update for free. And it’s all good… except my categories are all out of whack.
Then I moved me to a new apartment. Actually I didn’t move me, Ginnie, Tyler, Max, Casey and Kira did. Yes, Kira was a lot of help carrying little things, running back and forth on her little younger legs. I’m mostly set up here. I still have a couple of boxes of books and stuff but everything else has it’s place.
- The good: Brand new carpets and blinds throughout. Washer is a bit loud, but at least I have one. I have a fireplace! The place is pretty big, first floor, covered parking.
- The bad: Slight smell of wet pressed-wood from the (fixed) leaky kitchen sink that I hope will fade. I’m a little close to Gilbert road traffic, and I’m on a front corner so I get a lot of resident traffic, but I only really hear it when the TV is off. School buses drop off right outside my door. And I can’t figure out how to get the static electricity out of my new plastic vertical blinds in my bedroom, so I feel a little exposed. They keeps sticking together at the bottom and leaving spaces.
- The ugly: Dead and dying cockroaches. Little ones and BIG ones. I was told they sprayed repeatedly before I moved in and there might be some crawling out to die. Right. Every morning there are at least a dozen little dead ones around on the floor, but the BIG ones take a little more… encouragement to die.
But I’m breathing 80% better and I like my neighborhood more. Everything I need within a 2-mile radius.
The best part? I’m alone!
Kids TV and Families
Dec 8th
I watch a lot of childrens TV with Kira. There’s not much else to do at Grammi’s house. Actually, she does a lot of stuff, coloring and cutting paper and playing with puzzles or play-doh but the TV’s always on something for her. Sometimes it’s movies (like right this minute we’re watching Ella Enchanted) but usually Nick Jr.
I’ve noticed some weird family issues on some programs.
- Kai-Lan is always outside with her friends and parents are never shown. She visits her grandfather, but no other adult figure is around.
- Dora has a family (both parents, twin younger siblings and her grandmother) yet she’s allowed encouraged to roam the countryside in sometimes dangerous situations alone… with a monkey.
- Diego seems to be part of an animal preservationist family along with his slightly older sister and both parents, and yet he wanders the countryside alone rescuing animals and getting into dangerous situations.
- The Backyardigans are actively shown to be pretending in their own backyards. Parents are in the house making snacks for when they’re done.
- Miss Spider (but she’s married so shouldn’t that be Mrs.?) has adopted a few orphan bug-children and it’s talked about quite freely.
- Little Bear, Little Bill, Olivia and Franklin are all about families.
- As far as I can tell, Max and Ruby – both children – live alone and Grandma lives nearby and visits.
Most are good shows, teaching problem solving and courtesy, using your imagination and stuff. But that Max and Ruby thing bugs me. I know they’re based on the books and I haven’t read them all to know if parental figures ever show up. Should all kids TV programs show some sort of adult supervision?
Dora scares me. It’s encouraging children to wander off and get into adventures. How is that a good thing?
And now she’s dancing to Ella singing Somebody to Love. It’s adorable.
The Rest of the Trip – FL Half
Nov 12th
Then somewhere in the dark Ginnie drove over christmas tree roadkill. Someone lost their cheap and tacky electrically wired tree in the middle of the highway and she made a split-second decision to straddle it to save the tires, but the wire caught up under the car and she could see sparks behind us and freaked out. We pulled over and I yanked out what I could reach, but the wires had wrapped around something under the car. So to avoid getting ran over by some semi, we hit the next exit where she borrowed scissors and crawled under the car. I’m pretty sure that’s where I lost my debit card, crawling around trying to see under the car.
Foggy mornings, so she had her first experience driving in the fog. Then 1 mile out of Florida she moved over to let a couple of GHP cars back on the road and one thanked her by pulling her over. Poor kid, excellent driver with shitty luck. He said she sped up when he got behind her and that was suspicious. Maybe it was the AZ plate. He asks her a bunch of questions, he asks me a bunch of stupid/useless questions (is the Grand Canyon in AZ? Do you have a lot of drug smugglers in AZ? Why were you in DC? How long will you be in FL?) and then wanted to search the car. Really?
Okay, I understand about probable cause and all that shit, but the minute you say no they get all butthurt and cause you more grief. I laughed and pointed at the back seat piled with blankets and crap and told him the trunk was full as well, have a ball, baby. So Ginnie and I stood on the side of the highway for half an hour while he and some other GHP guy searched my car. They even yanked the back seat out! I didn’t even know you could do that with my car. Then the trunk… until the redheaded cop unzipped my sexcation kit and the big burly bald black guy almost fell over laughing. That was that, they tossed everything back in with a thank-you-very-much and no eye contact, and gave her a warning about my windshield. Whatever.
Got to Mom’s – food – Brittany came and picked up Ginnie for the night – helped Mom with her cell phone – next day picked up Ginnie and went to Dad’s – hung out – out to Olive Garden – hung out – dumped Ginnie back at Brit’s – next day to my sister’s to see the boy then back to Mom’s to help her clear out some stuff. Last day brunch with Dad and Bonnie and then hit the road home.
There’s pictures on Flickr and pictures on yFrog (which I HATE) and I can’t figure out how to link to the set.
On the way home we stopped at the Oklahoma City Memorial, Window Rock and then Winslow AZ.
SmallChild is now pissed because I’d rather finish this than take her spoiled little ass to McDonald’s.
Pride in my kids
Jun 9th
I’m very proud of my kids. All of them. Yes I make comments and sometimes talk about this dumb thing or that bad move, but all-in-all my kids are doing well.
Sure, in the grand world their accomplishments might not make a blip. My kids will likely never be professionals making big bucks. Never be doctors or lawyers or ever wear button-down shirts. But you know what? Who cares.
My oldest son is raising a daughter on his own. He gets up every day and makes sure she’s clean and fed, learns manners, gets exercise and not too much TV.
He talks to her and plays with her and makes sure she’s in good hands when he needs a break. This child is never mistreated. I’m very proud of him as a parent. He’s struggling financially because he can’t find a decent job that will pay enough to put her in a GOOD daycare, so he chooses to stay at home and make the best with what he has. No matter how he’s tried to get his life together, he can’t catch a break. But does he give up on his child? No, she’s his life. He’s a better parent to her than I was to him at the same age.
My second child was recently in the Army where he served his country with pride. 
Now he’s taken a job he hates so he can support his wife. They’re living in a house with two other families and still barely getting by. But he’s not angry or bitter. He just keeps looking ahead and making plans for his future.
My daughter is trying. Her dreams have been sidelined for the moment, but she’s taken steps to get back on course. She’s working and living on her own. 
We’re not a dirt-poor family. I’d say we’ve always tried to stay (at least) lower-middle class. We’re not white trash. We don’t go hungry and we keep up our homes and pay our bills. At the moment all of them are free from legal issues and have drivers licenses and insurance. Hey, this is a huge accomplishment from 5-6 years ago.
All three are taking steps to do online college classes starting next fall. I don’t know if they’ll follow through but I’m proud of them for trying.
In my world they are all accomplished. My kids didn’t have advantages. Yes I expect more, but for now I’m proud of how much they’ve grown. They still make mistakes, but who doesn’t? And though the boys have had problems with the law it was never anything serious. Stupid shit but never hurting other people. They’re all GOOD people always willing to help each other and their friends when they can.
I love my family.
What's been going on
Mar 30th
Some and nothing.
So I’m on an antibiotic for chlamydia.
Stop laughing, it’s not that kind of chlamydia!
Chlamydia pneumoniae. Not that I have symptoms, just that recent blood testing shows I have some of the bacteria in me and it could develop later.
So… Sunday:
I love Max-and-friends rental house. It’s a really nice huge house, but it’s in one of those developments where they’re all on top of each other with no yards and NO PARKING. There’s never any place to park and what there is is parallel. Little tiny 2-car parallel parking spaces interspersed throughout the complex. SUCKS. I’ve got a BIG (2001 gran marquis) car. SUCKS.
Anyway, we get there and boom the perfect parking space right across from their house. Only took me 6 tries to get my boat in there. We changed in the house and headed over to their park/playground/pool area. They were done at the pool and were all in the open space playing frisbee and football.
I sat in the sun for about 10 minutes when I started feeling weird. I made it up the hill to the playground, found a bench in the shade, and proceeded to damn near pass out. Sat there thinking about which way I’d fall – either into the sand (yuk) or headfirst onto the concrete – and even Kira knew something was wrong with Grammi and went to get help.
How fucking embarrassing and annoying. No I didn’t pass out, I drank a lot of water (I always drink a lot of water) and Casey moved me to a picnic table where I could put my head down. Eventually the dizziness passed enough for me to trudge back to the house (with a fucking escort) and rest up.
I’m blaming it on the erythromycin and the heat.
This too did pass and eventually we were all playing Flip Cup. Their kitchen has a huge island perfect for beer pong type games. (video from a previous evening with the kids) And because Shane can’t flip a cup to save his life, I ended up downing an entire can of Strongbow in about 6 minutes, so I quit. Didn’t want to press my luck.
I’ve also noticed a general tired / low-energy feeling. The pharmacist said the antibiotic doesn’t play well with my theophylline so I went yesterday for another blood test.
Tonight is Ignite Phoenix#6, this time at Mesa Art Center to which I’ve never been. Looking forward to seeing the venue as much as the event.
Yeah! Everyone got home okay!
Mar 15th
Successful camping is when:
- Nobody gets hurt
- Nobody goes to jail
- Nobody wrecks their vehicle*
- There’s still beer in the keg
So, Casey/Jake/Ginnie/that other guy went out early Saturday morning to grab the space and the rest of us didn’t get out there til after 4. Of course, nobody told me we were going that late or I would have done things differently. Last I heard, everyone was meeting at Max’s around 10. Shit, I was there, but for various work/jail/overslept reasons, we didn’t leave til 3 in the afternoon.
We went to Sycamore Creek (33°41’36.07″N 111°32’24.49″W) and had a great open space to set up. Shane’s truck with all the stuff had a bit of a mechanical problem on the side of the road but with a bit of finagling, he got out there eventually. There were 19 of us around a giant bonfire, one keg, three grills, and 6 tents. And Ginnie’s dog.
I got to shoot a 9mm, didn’t have to cook or be responsible for anything and tried desperately and mostly succeeded in NOT being everyone’s Mother. They all called me Mom, but I didn’t ACT like one.
The few pictures I took with my phone are HERE on Facebook. My real camera died and my DROID, though awesome, doesn’t really take good pictures.
I couldn’t keep my feet warm in the sleeping bag so I didn’t sleep well. I’d taken an extra blanket but Ginnie didn’t bring anything to sleep in so I let her have it. My brand spanking new blow up mattress didn’t fucking hold AIR so that goes back today. Cold out there by the water. Other than not being able to sleep I had a really good time with my kids and their friends. Glad I didn’t take my car as the dirt road out there has been washed and rutted pretty badly by recent rains. Also glad the proposed second night stay was vetoed midway through Sunday morning.
*apparently after I went to bed at 1am a couple of the guys got in a fight and zoomed out in their vehicles. One kid hit a tree, but didn’t really do much damage to his SUV (or himself) but they all came back laughing at his stupidity which ended the fighting part.
I got it!
Jan 1st
Hang on… I think her name is Crystal or Kristen or Christine or something like that.
Shit. I’m awful.
Duh me! Look her up on Facebook!
Her name is Krystal!
Vacation: What Else We Did
Dec 14th
Spent a couple of days at Dad’s until I just couldn’t stand the fleas anymore. Poor old guy. For whatever reason they don’t bite him so he didn’t notice how bad it was. I have flea bites on both legs and arms and across my chest. And Casey had to repair the toilet in the back bathroom too. Dad never uses it so the old thing just crumbled from the strain of all of us. Apparently all the guts just disintegrated.
- Dad is watching Hannity. I get extra points for keeping my mouth shut.
We’ve never agreed politically. We just don’t talk about stuff because every time he opens his mouth I cringe and laugh and he’s so damned serious about his opinions! Republicans.
We spent a couple of days at Mom’s too. She mentioned she had a TV in the trunk of her car so Casey tried to install it for her, but she decided that flat screen wasn’t big enough so they traded up. This comes from a woman who is so old school she never even had a VCR. Oh right, there was a new DVD player to hook up too. And what is the only DVD she bought in preparation for it?
- Someone kill me. Mom is jamming to Gaither Gospel Hour Christmas in the Country. Seriously, how did I come from these people?
Mom likes gospel. When the fuck did that happen?
We went back to Dad’s to finish up fixing the toilet:
- My father has provided my children with moonshine. Things are getting more interesting.
Strange night. Dad was uptight that I’d posted that and I tried to explain that anyone who follows me doesn’t care and would cheer them on and that nobody is going to hunt him down for breaking the law. Moonshine law? Who the fuck cares? Casey and Ginnie weren’t impressed by it anyway so after one drink we left. No, I didn’t try it.
As tourists, we went to the beach and watched these guys try to dig out a backhoe that had tipped over. Kira played (hands and feet) in the cold gulf water until she turned blue and we finally left. The next day we went to Mote Marine and saw sharks and turtles, jellyfish and a dead giant squid, manatees and dolphins. Kira’s convinced the dolphins were talking to her. Driving to Mote we passed some sand sculptures that had been there a while. Lots of pictures in my flickr feed so check those out.
Did another elderly breakfast thing. You have to do one of these sometime. You sit at long tables and eat stale donuts while they do park announcements, introduce visitors, sing some old songs and raffle off prizes. Three of them. Casey won $7 and Ginnie and I both won SBA dollars. Luck of the draw! Quaint. Casey went out to Bingo with Mom one night and to a casino on another.
The kids think Mom is great! She’s funny and nice and pays for everything, but they don’t have the history I do. Can I forgive and forget the years of verbal and physical abuse, being told everything I do is wrong and stupid, the sarcasm… and just accept her as she is now? I don’t know. My sister holds a grudge like nobody’s business but when it’s convenient for her she acts like nothing happened. I don’t think I hold a grudge as much as hold people accountable for their actions. If they own up I’m all about forgiveness. Food for thought.
Bill is the same, blows up in nastiness at the slightest provocation, hates black people, yells at Mom over his own inadequacies, etc. She keeps saying this or that food will kill him and I keep suggesting she let him eat whatever the hell he wants, preferably that which will kill him, hello?
- Raining again. The so-called sunshine state has sucked for sunshine this whole trip.
- Son, convinced Krystal is White Castle, has sidelined us in a cheeburger frenzy. After tasting, I’m not impressed.
- Interesting name for a salon: Whack-A-Do.
- 24 miles and we’re in Louisiana. Kids are debating New Orleans on a Friday night. It’s 40 degrees and raining so I vote no.
- 100 miles to Texas. Can’t wait! I just LOVE Texas! /sarcasm
- fucking Texas has the women’s potty locked for the night.
- Found potty. Switched drivers. At mile marker 822 now. *sigh*
- I’ll be passing @aranel13‘s house in a minute, too early again. Should we kill time til she wakes or fuggedaboudit?
So we left for home on Friday. Casey and Ginnie wanted to stay longer but Kira and I were done and it’s my goddamn car. We tried to meet up with @aranel13 on the way back through the Houston area but apparently she sleeps until noon or something. Hey, it was 8am this time instead of the 6am on the way out but still not late enough. We stopped at the Alamo for a while but drove straight through the rest of the trip.
- I miss my friends. Almost out of Texas and should be home late tonight.
- 50 miles to AZ! So tired. Love having multiple drivers.
- Quick shopping stop for fireworks at Borderline Outlet. Guy closed early so I called him and he reopened. Yay Droid!
- Hello Eloy. You look familiar. I do believe we are getting close to home.
- Home.
Vacation: The Meat
Dec 14th
When we dropped Ginnie at Brittany’s apartment, Scumbag wasn’t there. B looks like shit and ranted about her mother and step-father and even my Mom and how everyone is against her and she doesn’t even understand why they took her son. When they came for him she specifically told them she didn’t want her mother to have him and yet he went straight there, so Beth must have started the whole process and knows people and so forth. She’s always been such a drama queen. I don’t believe she’s in any real danger, she just blows shit out of proportion.
One of the first things I told B was that I wouldn’t lie to her and I wouldn’t lie for her and that she needed to stop lying to herself. She was responsible for her decisions and that she needed to get her shit together. I told her we were there for her but there wasn’t much we could do unless she was ready to make big changes.
And because Scumbag was supposedly gone for the weekend, I let Ginnie stay there.
When we went to my sister Beth’s house she had a houseful. Her in-laws were there, her step-daughter Mandy and her guy and their baby, plus my BIL Mark – who I’ve never liked. 
There was this whole polite civility about the whole visit. Beth joked and chatted with us like there hadn’t been YEARS of silence from her. Not much about Brittany but it was obvious that they think Scumbag is the entire problem and B has fallen under some sort of control. So we just focused on Damien and spent an hour getting to know him. He and Casey really hit it off.
Throughout the week we did end up meeting Scumbag Dan. After all the talk about how mean and hateful he is and how intimidated they seem I was surprised as hell by how little he is. Dude is like 4’2″! Wheeny! But apparently a bit on the crazy/stalker/creepy side and it’s “what he’ll do” if they cross him. Casey and Ginnie spent way more time around him than I did. But we all came to the same conclusion: Nothing can happen until Brittany dumps his ass and works on getting her son back. She’s deluded herself that everyone is against her because that’s what he says. And slapping Dan around – because he doesn’t deserve a real man’s punch – won’t do a bit of good until B decides to leave him. I managed to make a couple of snide comments about how a REAL MAN takes care of his children and gee, maybe getting a real job instead of spending hours trying to get over on the system or applying for SSAN and grants because he has sooooo many issues. Yeah, mental ones. But he didn’t say shit to me and I didn’t get a chance to get all up in his face. Pity.
And Damien (or Gabriel as Beth and Bunch insist on calling him) is fine where he is.
We spent another hour at Beth’s on our way out of town and the baby’s Ad Litem was there as well. I did mention a few major points that B had like she wants her parents drug tested because supposedly Mark abuses pain killers and I know my sister has had her own issues with drugs over the years. I also mentioned that B is confused by the rules and what she has to do because Scumbag rattles shit in her ear almost constantly. STFU Dan seems to be what everyone wants to say.
I wish we could have stayed longer and that I had somewhere to dump Kira so we could get all confrontational. It’s hard to start a fight with her underfoot and NO WAY would she stay with Mom or Dad. Personally I think Dan is all bullshit and if we had more time and could lean on him we could get him out of the picture pretty easily. Then again I didn’t see him go off so maybe he is fucking crazy. Either way, it’s up to Brittany. I told her when we left everyone in her family loves her and is trying to help and to stop burning those bridges just because they’re not doing it the way SHE wants.
Whatever.
Vacation: Nawlins and Finally Florida
Dec 14th
So Friday morning we decided that as a treat for getting out of Texas we’d stop in New Orleans for lunch. Again with a couple of taps on my new phone we were directed right to where we wanted to go. Someone had suggested a nice restaurant around the corner from Bourbon Street, but we opted for the much cheaper pizza place next door.
Casey managed to find a drink and Ginnie and I enjoyed some of the old architecture before Kira got bored and started getting into trouble. Time to go.
- Stopping in Pensacola for the night. Can’t stands me car no more.
- Spent the night in Pensacola. Now if I can get these lazy slugs moving. I’m thinking about a more scenic route today.
- Kira practicing her evil laugh in Destin FL.
She’d been so good the whole time in the car. On the radio which was actually turned down pretty low because we were talking, someone did a muahahaha. Then Kira entertained herself for a good half hour muahahahaing to herself til she got it just right. We couldn’t stop laughing.
- There should be a law that it can’t be freezing cold at the Beach.
- For some odd reason this package of unscented baby wipes smells like old dead Budweiser.
- SmallChild has decided the lyrics should be “We will we will rock n pooh rock n pooh!”
So I’d been stupid. Really stupid. We discussed taking the scenic route down the Gulf side instead of staying on the Interstate. There are some beautiful little towns on that route around Panama City and Destin. It took us WAY longer than I had anticipated and then once we gave up it took even longer to find our way back to the highway. And the weather was horrible – pouring rain and fog. We got into Bradenton around midnight and Brittany begged us to let Ginnie stay with her so we had to find her place, drop Ginnie off and got to Dad’s quite late for him.
Got up and met Dad’s girlfriend Bonnie. I really like her. Then we all went to Sunday breakfast at Dad’s Eagles Club and then on to my sister’s to see the reason for the trip in the first place, Damien Gabriel.
