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Posts tagged family
Holiday Newsletter
Dec 20th
Short and sweet, I promise.
Casey and Kira are doing great. He’s got a really good job and Kira is in kindergarten. She turned 5 in September and never stops talking. The hair? Well, he thought by showing up with his hair like that he’d get out of family picture day. No such luck. I get to have Kira overnight a couple times a week and she’s just now starting to get interesting as a person. We do have some good times.
Max and Krystal are doing well also. They have 2 cats and no plans for children. Max is going to school and working part-time for now. In another year he’ll be done with school, working full time and planning on buying a house. Krystal works too and is hoping to go to cooking school when Max graduates.
Ginnie and her boyfriend Tyler had a baby this year. His name is Jack and he’s wonderful. They are for the time being living with Tyler’s mom so there’s always someone around to take care of Jack but have plans for their future.
I’m still the same. I volunteer for various events and go out every week with friends but I still am alone or spending way too much time with my kids. With the economy the way it is, they can’t do well without help. We’ve ended up very close so I guess I’m not as alone as I thought.
Oh sweet jezuz
Aug 31st
I’ve been made her executor. Had to be reminded that it doesn’t entitle me to execute her, though the thought has crossed my mind a time or two.
She bought a crap cell from Walmart last year and forgot to buy minutes for about three months. It sits in a drawer. “It’s too hard to figure out!!11!!Y” So I got her a new cell phone and added her to my family account. We’ve spent a few snippy hours going through the basics and I remind her every time we go out to bring it along – to get her into the habit. Tonight she went to the 7-11 for coffee and didn’t take it. I know this because the house phone rang and she was calling me to see if I needed anything – using the 7-11 phone. So now we’re REALLY going through and learning all about the phone.
FRUSTRATION!
Is it really that hard to learn how to use a low-tech, barely a phone cell phone? Am I so over-techie I can’t relate? It’s fucking 2011!
I also let her know she can turn off her computer. She hasn’t touched it since I was here last November but it’s still on and flashing all it’s annoying lights. What a waste. I’m not sure I have the patience to tackle learning the computer too.
BTW, you can’t put a 100 watt bulb in a 60 watt socket and expect it to last long. I’ve swapped out a few around here.
Then there’s the collecting of soda can pull tabs. She has hundreds of people collecting soda can pull tabs for her all over the place. Everywhere we go someone hands her more. I explained about Snopes and how the whole pull tab story is bullshit, but she’s convinced turning them in someday will give someone free dialysis time. Whatever, I’ll let her have that dream.
I’m going nuts here.
What Did I Do Wrong?
Aug 10th
I’ve been spending a lot of time trying to figure out where I went wrong with my kids. There are certain things you try to teach them while you have them and I thought I did a pretty good job! But my adult children are struggling – not as successful as one would hope.
I taught them to take care of themselves. To cook the basics, clean, do laundry, use thrift in shopping (but not too thrift, some things are worth paying a bit more for) and all those other basic things one needs to survive.
I taught them to help other people. To be aware of others around them and to behave appropriately in any situation.
I encouraged them when they tried new things. I attended every band/orchestra concert, play, and sporting event.
I paid attention to their schooling. I attended every student/teacher conference and helped with homework when I could and nagged them to do it every day. I volunteered at their school and got to know their teachers – at least in elementary school. By middle school none of them wanted Mom around, you know.
Their father taught them by example what work ethic meant. He went to work every day and worked hard no matter how much he hated any particular job. He had job loyalty. He took excellent care of his tools.
I’ll admit when I started parenting I made a ton of mistakes. I was a screamer and a spanker. Poor Casey caught the brunt of my ineptitude. But by the time he was 6-7 I’d settled down and tried to correct my mistakes. Was that too late?
I never coddled any of them. When one got hurt you either shook it off or dealt with it appropriately. (Maybe I should have been more concerned when Ginnie complained about her wrist for days – turns out it was actually broken.)
My kids weren’t spoiled. I laugh at labels (yet Max can’t buy anything without a label on it) but I did manage to keep them in new clothes when they needed them. Paying for college was never an option but we often discussed the military and/or how to get alternative financing.
I taught them to be responsible for their mistakes. I bailed them out of jail, but they were responsible for their fines. I stood next to them in courtrooms. I never gave them money to get out of legal trouble.
I think I was a good example but I listen to other parents gloat talk about how well their kids are doing and I just don’t get it. The law of averages dictates any family has one (not failure, just not as good as they could be) screw-all kid, but none of mine will ever be successful. They will struggle and fight for everything in their lives.
Where did I go wrong?
What a great weekend!
Jul 24th
Which actually started Friday. I spent a nice day with Kira, dropping her off just in time for #EVFN. We tried a new place this time, Flanny’s, and though we ran out of room in our reserved area, it worked out just fine. From there some of us had an impromptu #DNPP. What a great bunch of friends I have!
Saturday I woke late, did some work, took a nap and headed out. Went to a friend’s backyard party where the only people who talked to me were the few I already knew. Which was fine – lots of little kids to watch (when they’re still cute) and interesting food I wouldn’t eat.
After that I headed to the Torch Theater where my friend Tyler joined the improv group to tell a few stories. Now that was fun.
It wasn’t that late so I went to Max and Krystal’s to hang out by the pool and have a late dinner. Came home and went to bed at 4 and slept til noon today.
I love my life.
About Manning Up
Jul 21st
I was in a conversation last night wherein someone threw my “I wish they would man up” comment right back at me.
Jerk.
Just kidding. He’s absolutely right.
Here’s the deal, #2 son has driving issues. I won’t go into them here (believe it or not I do respect other people’s business) but I’ve had similar issues in MY life. So he’s been taking my car to school every day this week. It’s not that much of a bother to me as I spend most of my time sitting at home anyway but it’s just another thing, ya know? He needs to get to school so I let him use my car. I could “man up” and say no, then he doesn’t go to school, fails and never gets a decent job. The boy ain’t taking the bus (it’s way far) or the bus-train-bus thing either. No car, he doesn’t go. Period.
The other son has a great job but his hours are horrendous. He has to be at work by 4 am which means every day is a struggle. Where does Kira go for the day? There are no day cares open at 3:30am, we’ve looked. I take her once or twice a week, his other friend does too when she’s not busy, and a neighbor takes her when she doesn’t have to work. But it’s all so irregular and not really good for Kira. She spends the night (who wants a knock on the door at 3:30 am) everywhere and anywhere. There’s no stability. He’s doing the best he can! What’s the answer? They keep telling him they’re going on midnights, but that’s been the word for weeks. So, he’s manned up by getting off unemployment but this great job is killing him.
The girl… well I absolutely can’t go into her issues here – but let’s say she’s doing the best thing for a shitty situation.
I wish my adult children were better off. I want to advise, but I don’t unless they ask. I want to push but they’re adults. I want to be more done (I know as parents we’re never really done) than I am at the moment but they still need me around. At what point do we get to be the occasional helper instead of always on call?
I don’t understand it. At my youngest’s age I was on my own, married and taking care of business as I should. I’ve raised them to be independent, and yet they can’t seem to get there. Is it the economy? Are other young adults having this much trouble or just mine? It seems so simple: find a good job, a decent place to live, and GTFU.
Independence
Jul 7th
I once worked with a woman in Florida who didn’t know how to drive. She and her hubby worked at the same place so he did all their family driving. And she’d never written a check before either. I was astounded she was perfectly happy letting him do everything for her. And it wasn’t a religious family thing, it’s just the way it was. I asked her what she was going to do if something happened to her husband and she just smiled and said her son would take care of her. She was in her mid-40s at that time. How sad is that?
Right now I know someone struggling with the leap of faith to leave her abusive husband. I know it’s scary to claim your independence but do you see the years ahead under the control of someone else?
I tried to raise my daughter (and my niece when she was with me) that is was perfectly fine to want a man but you should never need one. You should be able to take care of yourself and then add a partner, not depend on someone else to take care of you. Someone having control over you is a scary situation.
I woke up a few years ago and got my own independence back. I don’t think I actually depended on him, I just got too comfortable in that relationship and forgot who I was. Sure it was a difficult decision. Financially if I’m careful I’m fine, but all those things you think you need a man for? You really don’t.
I wish my friend would take her leap. She has a safety net with her children until she can set up her own independence. She’s a beautiful intelligent woman who loves to cook. I’m sure someone would hire her.
I wish my daughter would stop depending on a man to fulfill her. I guess the spoiled baby girl part of her missed the be independent message. She has all the skills to be a whole person on her own but she seems to have this need to have a man right there all the time. Or at the very least find one who can actually, you know, take care of her instead of wallowing in her laziness with her.
You have to be a whole person by yourself then find someone to share space with.
I’m the happiest I’ve ever been now that I’m taking care of myself. Yes, I’m lonely for the companionship of a man who likes me, but other than that I’m doing spectacular alone! I’m not sure that if I found someone to be with that I’d give up my independence again.
I don’t know. It just doesn’t seem right for one human to be under the control of another human being. Adults anyway.
She’s dead to me now
May 25th
I’m done. I’m not even pretending I have a sister anymore.
Not that she’s acted like a sister in oh, I dunno… YEARS! But this is the last straw. She kicked her daughter out on the street (again) with no warning but a “Get the FUCK out of my house NOW!” for simply posting on Facebook that she was spending time with her son.
I knew this adoption was a bad idea. It was wrong. I said that Queen Bitch legally adopting her grandchild after taking the kid away in the first place would cause Miss B lifelong grief. I said that going that far would take away the main reason Miss B would have to get her shit together. And despite that, she has. She got away from DanTheAsshat, has a great job and is going to school. She’s happy and doing great, and celebrates that baby. She completely understands she’ll never get that kid back, because the adoption was pushed through when Miss B was still the underdog. But he’s still her son. It’s not like he was adopted out to strangers, in which case my feelings would be different. Did Queen Bitch honestly believe she could adopt the boy and the connection between he and Miss B would automatically change to sister and brother?
How can a mother do that to her daughter? Tough love is one thing, this is just selfish bullshit. If I were there I would be over there in a heartbeat and tell her exactly what I think of her parenting skills, her communication skills and her overall fucked up mentality. She has never treated Miss B right (including sending her to me years ago after choosing her man over her kid) and has blamed her for bullshit over the years just to… what? And then she cuts people out of her life for not treating ALL the kids equally when SHE doesn’t treat all the kids equally? Stupid deluded cunt. Every time I think about this I feel like throwing up… and then shipping it to her.
Big Sister? Big Something.
May 8th
I think I’ve mentioned that my sister hasn’t spoken to me in years and I still don’t know why. Oh well, her loss. I’m a great person to be around and fuck her if she misses the chance.
And there were years she didn’t speak to our Mother either. Mom is a difficult person to be around. She’s bitchy (yes, more than me) and snarky (where the hell do you think I get it) but other people just seem to LOVE her. Her friends and family think she’s great while we kids and our families know the inner bitch. I maintain a relationship with her only because it was one of the last things my Grandmother asked of me while she was still coherent… before the Alzheimers took her away. It wouldn’t bother me a bit if I could feel like I was left off the hook for that either.
The thing is, Mom has gotten better. Apparently being married to the worst human being on the planet has softened her and made her nicer. She can actually speak in complete sentences without snark now and is actually funny and nice to us when she works at it.
Then my sister’s daughter (the only child of hers that I actually have a relationship with) had some shitstorm in her life including a child that Beth ended up taking in and started adoption proceedings for. We visited a couple of times when I was there and it was all so civil so I never did get to have an in-depth conversation as to why she shut me out. In the meantime Mom (somehow) started short weekly visits over there to spend time with the boy. He’s too much for Mom at her own house and Beth won’t let him out of her sight anyway. And apparently Mom was on her best behavior during these visits to not jeopardize future visits.
So… now its been like 6 weeks since Beth has scheduled a visit or even answered the phone when Mom calls. She’s cut her out again with no explanation as usual. And now Mom whines to me during my weekly duty calls. And I chatted with niece on Facebook and it’s because Mom supposedly opened her mouth and said something negative about Beth’s other kids.
Fuck that. We all know who we’re dealing with. Beth is the spoiled brat who cuts people off with no explanation whenever she feels offended by anything. I even told niece to tell her mother I said she needed to grow a pair and have a grown-up conversation with her own fucking mother and stop forcing everyone else to mediate. Niece is in the middle, I’m in the middle and the boy doesn’t get to see his Great-Grandmother when he’s too little to understand all the past history shit. But she won’t… she’ll just carry on in her little world feeling justified in treating people like garbage. And Mom doesn’t even remember saying anything but knowing her penchant for snark I’m pretty sure something was said.
So on this Mother’s Day I’m left with a crying mother, a bitch for a sister, and they both live too far away for me to do anything but vent here and then try not to care. I wish I could be immature and just close any connection with those people.
I envy you people with good relationships with your family. Happy Mother’s Day to those that deserve it.
Past and future plans
Apr 10th
I’m getting involved more. I’ve always been on the PodcampAZ planning team, but I recently joined the Ignite Phoenix crew and started volunteering at Gangplank. And yesterday I went out with ImprovAZ on their Fake Protest Flash Mob. It was awesome!
You know, last week we hit 100° but yesterday was so friggin’ cold we only hung out there for about a half hour. There were so many of us we split up and fake protested on two separate corners. Some people have no sense of humor, but we did get at least half the cars going by to honk – or at least smile and wave. I didn’t want to stop!
I’m currently editing one podcast and helping someone else put their audiobook together, so “work” is going well. And Sheila, Evo and I are working on a new project now that Evo@11 is over. I haven’t actually put an episode together yet, but we’re getting there. This project is a bit more involved than a regular podcast.
I’m officially going to Vegas for my birthday. I invited my daughter-in-law Krystal to go with me and apparently that meant Max and Casey could go as well. Fine, they can wander off and do guy stuff. Poor Ginnie isn’t old enough, so we had to promise another trip in November when she turns 21. I have a couple more girlfriends meeting me up there and have invited (SNOWCALLA!) even more so I might end up with a real party. I’ll be there April 29th through Sunday.
I’m also officially going to Balticon Memorial Day weekend. All my podcasting friends go and I’ve missed the fun too many times. Flight’s pre-paid, admission’s pre-paid, so now I just have to pay for a room (roommate Evo?) and food/drink.
Then there’s SkepchickCon, June 30-July 3. That’s not official. It really depends on my finances after those first two trips. Another fun drive up to Minneapolis but I’m pretty sure I’d have a place to stay (AGAIN, SNOWCALLA!) so it’s just gas, food, and convention costs. That’s a maybe.
And I’d like to go back to TAM. TAM 9 is in Vegas mid July, but I’d be just as happy hanging out outside of the actual meeting. It’s so expensive to attend and I don’t want to press my luck by asking for a freebie again this year.
I think that’s it for now. Crap, I forgot I had eggs boiling and all the water boiled away. I have NO attention span.
It’s all good… except
Feb 15th
First I moved my blog from my friend’s server to Page.ly. I completely understand the security reasons behind the pain-in-the-ass restrictions with my previous host, but I decided I’d rather pay Page.ly a minor monthly fee (I had a coupon) than hassle every update for free. And it’s all good… except my categories are all out of whack.
Then I moved me to a new apartment. Actually I didn’t move me, Ginnie, Tyler, Max, Casey and Kira did. Yes, Kira was a lot of help carrying little things, running back and forth on her little younger legs. I’m mostly set up here. I still have a couple of boxes of books and stuff but everything else has it’s place.
- The good: Brand new carpets and blinds throughout. Washer is a bit loud, but at least I have one. I have a fireplace! The place is pretty big, first floor, covered parking.
- The bad: Slight smell of wet pressed-wood from the (fixed) leaky kitchen sink that I hope will fade. I’m a little close to Gilbert road traffic, and I’m on a front corner so I get a lot of resident traffic, but I only really hear it when the TV is off. School buses drop off right outside my door. And I can’t figure out how to get the static electricity out of my new plastic vertical blinds in my bedroom, so I feel a little exposed. They keeps sticking together at the bottom and leaving spaces.
- The ugly: Dead and dying cockroaches. Little ones and BIG ones. I was told they sprayed repeatedly before I moved in and there might be some crawling out to die. Right. Every morning there are at least a dozen little dead ones around on the floor, but the BIG ones take a little more… encouragement to die.
But I’m breathing 80% better and I like my neighborhood more. Everything I need within a 2-mile radius.
The best part? I’m alone!
