Brings on much introspection.

I’m so much happier. I feel like a more complete person than I have in years. I have peace within myself, I have financial stability, I volunteer much of my time, I have a great bunch of kids that I’m really close with, and I bought myself a brand-spankin’ new HDTV and a pretty cabinet to set it on.

But I have this constant nagging thought that my kids should have some sort of relationship with their father. I periodically suggest to one or the other that they should make contact. He should have some relationship with his granddaughter but Casey’s not interested. Max’s wife would like to meet Buck but Max has no desire to have that happen. Ginnie, well she has her own reasons not to. I really had no idea back when I was married that the kids were already so estranged from their father. How could I not notice? None of them want anything to do with him. Maybe I’ve painted him badly here but he really wasn’t a bad person. Just set in his ways and distant. Sort of anti-social. It was only in the last few years that the drinking (and the personal shit that went with it) got too bad for me to tolerate.

So… is it just because of some old-fashioned blood-is-thicker-than-water reasoning that I keep pushing this? I mean, I still maintain a relationship with my mother and I don’t even like her. Or maybe deep down I’m just proving to myself that it’s not my fault they’ve chosen to cut him off. My issues with him shouldn’t be their issues but apparently they have issues of their own.

Whatever, I wish I could let it go. I’ve always thought that blood didn’t mean anything to me but that’s not how I act. I wish I did. Maybe it’s too ingrained by society.

Other than that I’m doing great.

I just got a collection notice for a phone bill in ex-hubby’s name, forwarded from my last address – that he never lived at – from a phone company I’ve never used. He must have defaulted on the mobile he finally got after we divorced.

Guess what? Circular file. Not my problem. I have no idea where he is or how to find him so good luck with that. I have my own bills I can’t pay.

As of today, I’ve been divorced for two years. Sure seems longer than that. Maybe three?

Nope, went back and looked to be sure. I love that my life is available online.

I’m not as randy as I was then, but I’m content. Life is mellow at the moment but things are looking up.

Child support check is 10 days late. And I can’t find the stupid folder with my divorce papers in it to look up my number to call and find out what’s going on. I’ve torn my frakking desk apart and no sign of it. I just looked that stuff up a month ago, where could I have put it down?

Max called today. He’s in Kirkuk but his girlfriend is still in Tikrit.

Mesa’s museums are free on the first Sunday of the month now, so we took Kira out and about. We had a really good day. Casey’s growing his hair out for the first time since he was 12.

Ginnie backed into a rental car tonight. The business was closed so I made her go back up there and leave a note with her information. She says she couldn’t find a crack around the door to slide it in and didn’t want to just leave it out in the open. It’s just a mark on the fender, so I suggested she go by after school tomorrow.

Not much else going on. Biding my time.

Whodafuck uses seltzer anymore?

Ain’t had much to say lately that isn’t the same old shit.

Apparently the Ex has someone reading my LJ and I say welcome to it. My opinion, my journal, bite me. Feel free, dear reader, to post comments. Just don’t be a pussy and make them anonymous posts. You got something to say? Back it up with a name.

Found out on MySpace that my niece is preggers. Laughing a little that my evilsister is going to be a grandma soon. Though she’s five years older than me, I always hit most of life’s milestones before she does. She beat me to the divorce thing AND has since remarried – for the better I think. I don’t like him, but she’s happy and he’s still around after umpteen years. Good on ya.

Casey ended up with a red Dodge Neon. I babysat yesterday so his roommate/babysitter could get some business done. Not today though! I have stuff to do!

I’ve been sticking pretty close to home the last few days. Gotta make that dollar stretch, you know. I figured out that once I pay my bills on the first of the month, I will have money for NME in Vegas AND a bit for D*C. I just don’t have any money now. Catching up on my car payments really left me broke. No regrets, just makes it tough.

Tonight I’m going back to Gangplank and this time I really need to jot down these steps. My memory sucks and I don’t want to screw this up.

Something going on Friday night. Something going on Saturday night. Hey! I finally have a life! Go me.

Well, it’s official. They’re lowering my monthly allotment because I was honest and filled out the proper paperwork about the divorce. $149 less. Apparently that’s all he was worth to me. Sounds about right.

They finally called me that my fracking car is done. We’ll see. I can’t pick it up til Monday as I didn’t have the complete amount together when he called at 4:00. Their stupid rental car is tying up money in my checking account that I need to pay them off. Someone at that end is going to have to figure out how to release that hold.

I have The Screech overnight and boy is she screechy. I’m making her take an extra nap right now so I don’t have to kill her.

I appreciate and enjoy everything about my free VA health care except for one thing. Sitting on hold for the “help” line for 33 minutes to get a prescription refill approval sent to my doctor. Regular refills I can do online now! Great. The Phoenix VA Hospital is clean and the service I’ve received in just about every department has been exemplary, except the pharmacy. Why can’t I just send an email to my doctor or someone in that clinic for him to approve the prescriptions I’ve been taking for years and years? And the HOLD music is horrendous!

It’s been raining all day and I hate cold rainy days.

I need WI3D tomorrow. Seriously.

I tried reading back over my LJ to figure out the last time I had sex. Around a year ago. I can’t find the entry but that time frame really sucked. Not a good read for a cold rainy day.

Mur Lafferty’s Playing for Keeps podcast novel is done (loved it, BTW) and now I need to go back and restart Scott Sigler’s Nocturnal. Those two stories were just way too different to listen to simultaneously and now I don’t remember how Scott’s started. Probably with blood and bizarre deaths.

Darn. Must go wake up The Screech now if I expect her to sleep through the night. I did get a few nice pictures after her bath – which she need after wearing most of her gelatin at dinner. I’ll post later.

That wasn’t so hard. I had all the correct paperwork even. Go me. It was just time consuming. Buck didn’t have to show up so of course he didn’t bother.

Judgy: Is this marriage irretrievably broken?
Me: Absolutely

Whew that’s a weight off my shoulders. I’m free! I’m freeeeee-eeeeee-hheeeeee!

Supposed to babysit for a short period late this afternoon. Casey has to work late and Ed has to go in early. I think while I’m over in Tempe I’ll pop into Rúla Búla and have a celebratory Strongbow.

So about the car. Casey and I went down there that night and chatted up the service manager. He’s dead on convinced all my issues were taken care of the first time I brought it in and that driving it an additional two months on bad tires broke everything since. Including the original bearings they replaced. I fear without getting a lawyer there’s no way I can argue that shit anymore. I flat out told him that if they couldn’t finish the repairs for under $1200 they should shove the car up their collective asses and I’d walk away. I actually said that aloud. There was no way I’m gonna win without big guns and I don’t have big guns. Fucking Land Rover. I have about half that left in the bank. Between now and Tuesdayish I need to come up with another $600. I wonder if I should take $10 and go play the slots.

Tomorrow 9:00 AM – I go to court for the Default Hearing.

Feel free to come down and hold my hand. I’m fine alone – shit, I’ve been doing stuff alone for quite some time. But if you want to come hang out with me, be welcome. I’ll probably be there for a few hours.

Southeast Court
222 E. Javelina, Suite 1300
Mesa, Az. 85210

He signed the parenting plan. I found a template online (from Tennessee) and edited that down to more of what we needed. It sets up actual visitation – which neither of them will likely abide by – and who is doing the health/dental/eyeball insurance and stuff. Plus rights and responsibilities. And he gave me a recent check stub so I can be precise about how much he makes for child support.

I sure hope I didn’t miss any steps. I read the directions over about 20 times. I still need to make some copies, but other than that I’m ready. More than ready.

The Car From Hell: I’ve had a loaner for the last week, while I “decided” whether to have them fix my POS car for the low, low price of $1,064. Charlie the Service Writer left a fairly pleasant message yesterday that he really couldn’t pay for the rental anymore and I really needed to make a decision please. So I called him back this morning and told him to go for it, but I can’t pay anything until next Friday and that I shouldn’t really have to pay for it anyway. I’d taken the car in for service in October for this very problem and I was sent on my way with a few new bearings, a pat on the head, a suggestion to get new tires and half my disability check for that month gone. I bought the stupid tires and everything got worse. Why wasn’t the BROKEN DRIVE SHAFT discovered the first time? He’s going to have his boss call me back about that.

I have an entire speech in my head. Mentioning the advice from my ex-husband, the Master Mechanic and the various blogs and online forums I’m a member of. I might even mention my friend who works for the Tribune and another friend who writes for the Arizona Republic. Let’s throw in the Disabled Veteran pay that I barely live on, my teenage daughter who also drives the car, the infant who rides along and maybe I’ll cripple the dog, too.

The Son: Every morning we get up at 4:00 am and I take him to work. If Kira stays asleep I leave her here and Ginnie knows to listen for her while I’m gone. If she wakes up she goes with me. Every morning as I exit the US60 on Mill, I think of machinegirl down the street. I just know she’s snuggly snoring at that time of the day. I go back home and sleep for another 2 hours until I have to take Ginnie to school. Then Kira and I stay up and play until I can get her to nap at 10. Then I sleep, too. Pick up Casey at 1:30, run around trying to find him an apartment and get his life together, then pick up Ginnie at 3. Kira goes to bed around 8 and I’m in bed by 9. Someday soon I’ll catch up on everything I’ve been DVRing. Hopefully this will only last another week, and then he’ll move and I won’t even be babysitting anymore.

The Big D: I tried to schedule my court hearing using eCourt and their program kept crashing. So I called and the lady told me I had to wait until next week to call. Gotta love the government.

This Weekend: Phoenix Comicon, which is technically in Mesa. No recording at the studio as everyone is attention the Con at various times. I think everyone is going to the Zombie Beauty Pageant tonight. After that, who knows. I plan on FUN.