I’ve learned a couple of things about old people after being here almost two weeks:

• You must wave at everyone you pass on the road, and talk to complete strangers like they already know what you’re talking about.
• Gossip (the thing look down upon most of your life) is expected now that you have to seriously watch your friends for dementia and odd behavior.
• There’s a certain fascination with watching “The World’s Dumbest…” ALL DAY LONG.
• They’re always cold. Some are funny, some are crotchety, some are pretty cool but they’re all always freezing.

It’s funny the difference between my Mother’s society and my Father’s. Mom’s life revolves around meals/gossip with friends and TV at home. Dad gets out more, hanging at the American Legion a couple nights a week where there’s decent live music and liquor and his Saturday afternoon poker game. Two different approaches to being this age and they’re only a few months and a few miles apart. He just seems so much younger than Mom.

Someone kill me before I get this old.

Spent a couple of days at Dad’s until I just couldn’t stand the fleas anymore. Poor old guy. For whatever reason they don’t bite him so he didn’t notice how bad it was. I have flea bites on both legs and arms and across my chest. And Casey had to repair the toilet in the back bathroom too. Dad never uses it so the old thing just crumbled from the strain of all of us. Apparently all the guts just disintegrated.

• Dad is watching Hannity. I get extra points for keeping my mouth shut.

We’ve never agreed politically. We just don’t talk about stuff because every time he opens his mouth I cringe and laugh and he’s so damned serious about his opinions! Republicans.

We spent a couple of days at Mom’s too. She mentioned she had a TV in the trunk of her car so Casey tried to install it for her, but she decided that flat screen wasn’t big enough so they traded up. This comes from a woman who is so old school she never even had a VCR.  Oh right, there was a new DVD player to hook up too. And what is the only DVD she bought in preparation for it?

• Someone kill me. Mom is jamming to Gaither Gospel Hour Christmas in the Country. Seriously, how did I come from these people?

Mom likes gospel. When the fuck did that happen?

We went back to Dad’s to finish up fixing the toilet:

• My father has provided my children with moonshine. Things are getting more interesting.

Strange night. Dad was uptight that I’d posted that and I tried to explain that anyone who follows me doesn’t care and would cheer them on and that nobody is going to hunt him down for breaking the law. Moonshine law? Who the fuck cares? Casey and Ginnie weren’t impressed by it anyway so after one drink we left. No, I didn’t try it.

As tourists, we went to the beach and watched these guys try to dig out a backhoe that had tipped over. Kira played (hands and feet) in the cold gulf water until she turned blue and we finally left. The next day we went to Mote Marine and saw sharks and turtles, jellyfish and a dead giant squid, manatees and dolphins. Kira’s convinced the dolphins were talking to her. Driving to Mote we passed some sand sculptures that had been there a while. Lots of pictures in my flickr feed so check those out.

Did another elderly breakfast thing. You have to do one of these sometime. You sit at long tables and eat stale donuts while they do park announcements, introduce visitors, sing some old songs and raffle off prizes. Three of them. Casey won $7 and Ginnie and I both won SBA dollars. Luck of the draw! Quaint. Casey went out to Bingo with Mom one night and to a casino on another.

The kids think Mom is great! She’s funny and nice and pays for everything, but they don’t have the history I do. Can I forgive and forget the years of verbal and physical abuse, being told everything I do is wrong and stupid, the sarcasm… and just accept her as she is now? I don’t know. My sister holds a grudge like nobody’s business but when it’s convenient for her she acts like nothing happened. I don’t think I hold a grudge as much as hold people accountable for their actions. If they own up I’m all about forgiveness. Food for thought.

Bill is the same, blows up in nastiness at the slightest provocation, hates black people, yells at Mom over his own inadequacies, etc. She keeps saying this or that food will kill him and I keep suggesting she let him eat whatever the hell he wants, preferably that which will kill him, hello?

• Raining again. The so-called sunshine state has sucked for sunshine this whole trip.
• Son, convinced Krystal is White Castle, has sidelined us in a cheeburger frenzy. After tasting, I’m not impressed.
• Interesting name for a salon: Whack-A-Do.
• 24 miles and we’re in Louisiana. Kids are debating New Orleans on a Friday night. It’s 40 degrees and raining so I vote no.
• 100 miles to Texas. Can’t wait! I just LOVE Texas! /sarcasm
• fucking Texas has the women’s potty locked for the night.
• Found potty. Switched drivers. At mile marker 822 now. *sigh*
• I’ll be passing @aranel13‘s house in a minute, too early again. Should we kill time til she wakes or fuggedaboudit?

So we left for home on Friday. Casey and Ginnie wanted to stay longer but Kira and I were done and it’s my goddamn car. We tried to meet up with @aranel13 on the way back through the Houston area but apparently she sleeps until noon or something. Hey, it was 8am this time instead of the 6am on the way out but still not late enough. We stopped at the Alamo for a while but drove straight through the rest of the trip.

• I miss my friends. Almost out of Texas and should be home late tonight.
• 50 miles to AZ! So tired. Love having multiple drivers.
• Quick shopping stop for fireworks at Borderline Outlet. Guy closed early so I called him and he reopened. Yay Droid!
• Hello Eloy. You look familiar. I do believe we are getting close to home.
• Home.

So Friday morning we decided that as a treat for getting out of Texas we’d stop in New Orleans for lunch. Again with a couple of taps on my new phone we were directed right to where we wanted to go. Someone had suggested a nice restaurant around the corner from Bourbon Street, but we opted for the much cheaper pizza place next door.

Casey managed to find a drink and Ginnie and I enjoyed some of the old architecture before Kira got bored and started getting into trouble. Time to go.

• Stopping in Pensacola for the night. Can’t stands me car no more.
• Spent the night in Pensacola. Now if I can get these lazy slugs moving. I’m thinking about a more scenic route today.
• Kira practicing her evil laugh in Destin FL.

She’d been so good the whole time in the car. On the radio which was actually turned down pretty low because we were talking, someone did a muahahaha. Then Kira entertained herself for a good half hour muahahahaing to herself til she got it just right. We couldn’t stop laughing.

• There should be a law that it can’t be freezing cold at the Beach.
• For some odd reason this package of unscented baby wipes smells like old dead Budweiser.
• SmallChild has decided the lyrics should be “We will we will rock n pooh rock n pooh!”

So I’d been stupid. Really stupid. We discussed taking the scenic route down the Gulf side instead of staying on the Interstate. There are some beautiful little towns on that route around Panama City and Destin. It took us WAY longer than I had anticipated and then once we gave up it took even longer to find our way back to the highway. And the weather was horrible – pouring rain and fog. We got into Bradenton around midnight and Brittany begged us to let Ginnie stay with her so we had to find her place, drop Ginnie off and got to Dad’s quite late for him.

Got up and met Dad’s girlfriend Bonnie. I really like her. Then we all went to Sunday breakfast at Dad’s Eagles Club and then on to my sister’s to see the reason for the trip in the first place, Damien Gabriel.

Damn, I’m going to be soooo busy this month! Even though I’m missing Dragon*Con this year, I won’t be sitting at home feeling sorry for myself.

Friday evening there is the usual #evfn. This week we’re back at Studio 5C. It’s a nice little gallery type place with a great patio for socializing and it’s right off Mill Ave if we want to carry on for the rest of the night. Plus, lots of people I kind of know through podcasting (and some I really do know) are gathering this weekend for…

The Deadpan BBQ Saturday afternoon-evening at my friend CJ’s house. Those are always lots of fun, and with no kids around this time I’m pretty sure it’ll be even better than before.  Sunday evening is another Deadpan party, this time at the Tempe Palms hotel.

Tuesday evening I’m helping someone set up their recording studio and Wednesday night is our usual Evo@11 recording at Gangplank.  Friday (11th) I’m going to my friend Dani’s for another “Slumber Party.”  This time it’s a different presenter so we’ll have to see if she’s as funny as the last one.

My Dad turns 73 on the 13th. I wish he didn’t live so far away. He called me today while I was at IKEA so I was a bit distracted, but I had the hardest time explaining to him how my cell phone number stayed the same even though I’d moved. He just doesn’t get it. He wanted my new address so I’m standing there in the middle of the stupid store practically yelling it out for everyone to jot down. I was one of *those* people!

There’s a Brand-X T-Shirt Tweetup the following Thursday night. I’m still debating that one.

On the 18th I’m joining friends for my very first major league baseball game at Chase Field. I’ve never been so I can’t pass up this chance. After that I’ll be going to my very first Rocky Horror Picture Show! Thanks to the light rail I won’t have to do a lot of driving as everything is on the rail.

Yet another Can’t Stop the Serenity showing on the 19th. I don’t care what anyone says, it never gets old. Plus there’s a sing-along to Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog, so there!

And Kira’s 3rd Birthday is on the 29th. I don’t know what’s planned for that yet, but I’m sure we’ll do something. She’s excited. Practicing her three finger thing and asking where her birthday cake is already.

Busy, busy month and I’m sure there will be more adds to my calendar as I go along.

Plus that certain someone has said that September is a good possibility for a visit. We don’t communicate much so I’m not sure yet. Everything (except the slumber party) is something I could actually take him along and have fun. We’ll see.

Is treading water considered swimming?

A friend called this morning and gave me a much needed boost. (We got disconnected as we were saying goodbye and I don’t want her to think I rudely hung up on her.) I haven’t been posting because I am a little down, a little depressed, a little . . . emo.

Mostly the money thing and what’s not getting done, and that every time I talk to Buck on the phone it turns into a yelling match, and Ginnie’s getting more and more upset about everything, and Dad’s visit isn’t going well, and Max isn’t around as much as I’d like, and setting up a schedule for Kira here is not as easy as it should be and so on.

Dad “forgot” about dinner the other night. We all sat around here for an hour waiting for him to show up and I didn’t (still don’t) know where he’s staying to call him and remind him. The kids were all getting testy with me and what am I supposed to do? I left the old guy a map and we went without him Nice dinner but I felt bad because we’d wanted this because he was here. He came by for a couple of hours yesterday but . . .

Ginnie’s weekend plans have gone awry. I gave her permission to go and she went through all the hassle to rent a cabin and yesterday the woman realized they were all teenagers and reneged. So now they’re just going to camp outside in tents. I guess. And somehow that’s my fault too. I don’t see how but she’s mad at me regardless.

Her birthday is tomorrow. My baby will be 17. I think she’s going to her father’s tonight after work. I still haven’t gotten the acceptance papers back from him but I dread calling again. Ginnie had invited him to that dinner the other night and asked him to NOT drink before he came so he told her he didn’t want to go. Asshole.

I’m seeing signs that my strong father is getting old. His forgetting dinner the other night after we’d talked and planned it for days, his confusion with directions, and he can’t follow conversations as well. I dunno if that’s the speed of talking or if his hearing is going or what. And he’s not thinking of the obvious answers. His tire pressure light keeps coming on in his rental car and he wanted to find a free air pump thing. The obvious answer is to find the nearest Enterprise rent-a-car and let them deal with it and he didn’t think of that. My father has always been smart as well as intelligent and as a former trucker, has never had issues with directions and he couldn’t find my house. It’s not that hard. Now I have to worry about him living alone in FL.

I keep feeling like I’m on the edge of tears. I don’t get emotional – except when I’m hormonal and I can’t get that kind of hormonal anymore. I’m lonely. The kids are all around but they don’t want to be with me and when they are they seem to think I should have everything under control. Yes, I know I’m boring.

When I planned all this out I knew I made enough money to make it solo, but I didn’t plan for contingencies. Who knew the car would be a problem so soon?

Kira and I are doing pretty well. Damn this kid shits a lot. She’s been testing her boundaries last evening and this morning ala what makes Grammi mad. After a dozen Nos over the TV remote, I think we’ve reached an understanding. At least we’ve curbed the whining. The only time I get online is when she’s napping like now or at night. There’s just too much stuff in my bedroom for her to explore and I didn’t/can’t childproof it all.

I’ll get past it. I have hopes. I have visions. I have pornographic fantasies. I’ll be fine eventually.

Is Halloween over yet? I had four kids come to the door. Hardly worth getting dressed for.

I did file my divorce papers today. And now I have to serve Buck his copies and get him to sign a form, or pay a fee to get a deputy to serve him. We’ll see what happens.

My friend Jamie gave me catalog today for this company. If I had a million ducats, I’d shop for all my clothes here. Yes, the majority of the decorator stuff is tacky, but the clothes are cool and some of the jewelry is really nice. Can I dress like a pagan without having to become one?

I’m wearing my horns.

I just finished off a Strongbow.

Max called tonight to wish me Happy Halloween and talk about his girlfriend, Kiley or Haley or Helloea or whatever he said her name was. WTF? Who the hell is Kiley? What happened to Ashley, the one he was going to marry a few months ago? Oh they broke up. News to me. We really need to discuss that one further – before she comes here to join him on his vacation.

Dad called tonight, too. He’ll be here Tuesday night! Mr. Self-Sufficient is renting a car – so I don’t have to pick him up at the airport – and he’s getting a room – because he needs his privacy even on vacation. Okay DAD! He wants to see Max, and Casey and Kira and be here for Ginnie’s birthday on the 15th and leave the next day. My father has never spent more that 3-4 days here before. He’s a firm believer in the fish and company stink after three days rule. This should be fun. Maybe I should plan an early Thanksgiving dinner?

Took off the horns.