so don't ask if you don't want to know
Posts tagged bitching
Being Mean
Dec 28th
So a couple of days ago I got fed up and screamed – out of the blue – at Ginnie. Stop stinking up my house with your smoke, stop leaving the kitchen gross and get a fucking job by the end of the week or get out. Period.
I just went off like a bomb.
Big life-changing trip across America? Not so much.
Every day I mention job. Every day I ask her to do something around this house. Every day I say something about her animals eating. She’s just full of excuses. “I’m applying online” “I’m waiting until…” “I don’t have any clean clothes” “I don’t have bus money”
And yet when the boyfriend has money they eat it or smoke it. Actually I don’t have much of a problem with him as he gives me money for rent. He’s working and earning his keep. SHE is not.
Yesterday she spent the entire day out because her ex-boyfriend is in the hospital. I don’t care. Another wasted day.
So at noon today I called her out of her room and asked her what she was doing? Playing some stupid game, but she said she was applying for jobs online. Lied. I asked her if she didn’t believe I meant what I said. That’s when the no clean clothes excuse came up again.
“You should have thought of that when you went to McDonalds or bought your pot. Or the daily allotment of Tilt (or whatever her Four Loco replacement is) or ran back and forth wasting gas on nothing.”
And then I called her a prostitute. All she’s done in the last… since graduation is live off whatever boyfriend (or me) who will pay her way.
Well that effectively ended today’s screaming match. She stomped off crying and I feel like shit, but I’m sticking to my guns.
She’s fucking 20 years old. Long past time to be taking care of herself.
By Sunday she either has a job or she’s out. And I’m killing her goddam phone while I’m at it.
Watching Dollhouse
Jan 12th
The show itself isn’t really the subject of this post. For some reason it hasn’t been recording on my DVR and with intermittent reports of it being canceled I thought there was only one final episode I didn’t see… last week’s.
So I went to FOX.com and found there were actually four episodes I’ve missed. What I really want to complain about – because I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t complain – is the little 15 second commercial that runs before/during/after. The same 15 second commercial, starting with “Love Hurts” so it’s even more annoying. I hate Nisson right now.
There is only one commercial so it is better than real TV. But come ONNNNNN! One commercial over and over again, especially when I’m watching multiple episodes? That’s not fair!
Yes, I know I could watch it on Hulu, but there’s even more commercials and repetition over there. Just sayin’
Bitch bitch moan moan
Edward R. Murrow oughta slap a dude.
Nov 17th
This comment slid past my twitter stream and caught my attention:
Journalism schools should not be teaching students how to get a job. They should be teaching them to tell stories.
Wha-what?
Now I don’t want to get into a pissing match with this particular dude. He gets particularly touchy about his newspaper background. So I respond politely with:
I think stories means made-up. Maybe they should teach them to state the facts in an interesting way.
To which he replies:
That’s your bias. Stories can also be truthful and accurate. A good journalist is a storyteller.
So I look it up.
sto⋅ry
–noun
1. a narrative, either true or fictitious, in prose or verse, designed to interest, amuse, or instruct the hearer or reader; tale.
2. a fictitious tale, shorter and less elaborate than a novel.
Fine, technically a story can be truth or fiction. I still think the word story implies fiction and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone.
But after the steady declining of journalistic integrity and the news being taken over by businessmen, where are the real journalists? Should so-called journalists be telling stories?
I want real news back. I want straight facts, very little educated guessing and no fireworks and glitter. Can you imagine Walter Cronkite making shit up? Huntley or Brinkley taking sides on an issue? Or any of them spending hours gossiping about the private lives of reality show attention whores? I DON’T THINK SO!
And I don’t want to know if they ever did. I want to remember trusting the guy in the box. We need more guys in the box to trust. We need more men and women with integrity to go out and find the important news and give it to us straight with no frills, no filling and no corporate agenda.
Not tell stories.
I can get stories everywhere else.
—————
And I say guys in the box, because I think newspapers are dead. Yesterday’s paper can’t compete with 24 hour news channels and the Internet. I realize newspapers can go more in-depth with a subject than the local news can, but they don’t stand a chance. We’re so disenchanted with ALL journalists that we’re leery of more than the quick facts. The more I read, the more I wonder how much is fudged. I have friends in the news business and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but you’re owned by the stockholders. I don’t trust you anymore.
The Wrong Bear
Nov 2nd
You know I have a Grammi Gummy Bear tattoo, right. That our family has an affinity for that particular program. Other than the cooking up stuff stuff, I relate to Grammi Bear.
I don’t usually relate to the Mother Bear until I come home and someone’s been sleeping in my bed and it’s all stinky. Someone’s been scarfing all the food and water in my fridge and not replacing it. Someone’s been using up all the fucking toilet paper in my bathroom and not getting more.
WHAT THE FUCK FAMILY!
It seems no matter how much I bitch, how many times I bring this shit up for discussion, how many time I go off on screaming tangents… nobody seems to give a shit about my feelings.
FUCK OFF!
I realize these are tiny little annoyances, but really they are each symptoms of the big giant disrespect I get. I put my foot down a couple of weeks ago and said basically, “get your goddam shit together and let me off the hook by December 1st.” Get real jobs, pay your bills on time, stop making me responsible for whether or not you eat. Get out of my life except for the normal amount of parent-adult child time most people subscribe to.
I’MFUCKINGDONE! IT’SNOTMYJOBANYMORE!
And yet… nothing. No change. Well, Casey’s managed to get other people to babysit most of last week – which I feel is just a gesture and pretty soon they’ll both be up my ass daily again. Ginnie STILL hasn’t tried to get a job. I get bullshit from her. Supposedly she’s applying online – doubtful. Then she’s waiting until she’s 19 on the 15th so she can get a better server job. Right. Fucking Excuses.
I FEEL LIKE I’M SPITTING AGAINST THE WIND.
How? How do I get my children to, as my new friend Donna would say, HARDEN THE FUCK UP. I feel so… powerless again. I’m not mealy mouthing and letting myself be a doormat. I’m telling them exactly what they need to do but they’re just ignoring me. I don’t want to be the screaming shrew but that’s the only idea I have left. I’ve stopped buying groceries other than what I want. I’ve made plans for myself regardless of what they want me to do. Why do I want to run away from MY HOME?
I’m going to die on December 1st and you all need to get on without me.
Out on the street
Oct 17th
I haven’t really been paying attention around here. I’ve been a bit distracted with stuff.
WHEN THE HELL DID MY APARTMENT COMPLEX BECOME GATED?
I went out tonight and when I got home the entrance I usually enter had the gate closed. I mean sure, there’s been a gate there all along, it’s just never been closed. None of the gates around here have ever been closed. So I slid past and u-turned and went back to the main entrance. Closed. Code box? Don’tcha think you should hand out the fucking codes BEFORE you enable the locked gates? So I whipped around and went to the rear entrance which happened to be open.
Not to mention my A/C has been wanky for days. Finally today they came by to use a garden hose to flush out the brown shit, whatever that was.
Yeah, I’m a little disgrunted.
AND the power cord to this laptop fried out again. It’s only been a couple of months since I bought the last replacement! Poor design. I don’t misuse or twist this thing around. I pretty much stay plugged in in the same spot in my living room except for when I pack it all up and go to Gangplank to record. Last night it started sparking so I went to Fry’s Electronics and bought another cord. Shit.
I told the kids today that December 1st was the cut-off date. Get your shit together by then guys. Mom’s sick and tired of taking care of your asses.
It's society's fault!
Sep 15th
One of my new favorite sites is People of WalMart. Seriously, some of these photos could be people out there at any store, but WalMart seems to draw them in. Either that or it just draws in the photographers.
One popped up today:
With this comment underneath:
Parents, STOP THIS! Stop this now! Your kid is not a dog, get him off the leash. I don’t want to hear that you are too busy to watch your child in public. Your priorities are kid first, remembering milk second. Most of the time it’s the kids on leashes that are ignored by their parents the most. But i guess its okay that little Timmy is throwing Oreos at an employee as long as he is doing it while tied to his monkey backpack leash. JUST STOP IT.
(Here’s where I’m gonna piss people off.)
This is society’s fault. The day it became unfashionable and even criminal to smack your kids in public (or at all apparently) you took the power away from the parent and put it the hands of the toddler. At that age there’s no punishment as swift or as understandable to a kid than a swat on the bottom for bad behavior. Time outs and taking away privileges might work great at home but to a little person feeling freedom LOGIC and negotiation will never work. Some kids run off and get into things no matter how closely you watch them or how you try to gently talk them out of it. Those screamers trapped in the cart? That’s your fault. Those brats running around between the racks? Yup, you did that. That boy on a leash? Accept your responsibility.
What can a parent do? I knew that my Mother would slap the shit out of me if I acted like a loose animal in public. She knew HER Mother would do the same. My kids knew I’d drag them out of the store, grasped very tightly by their upper arm, and slap them when we got in the car. Hey, at least I’d get my darling out of the store to stop his annoying other people. THIS man knew that it works, though slapping someone else’s child is never okay. He should have slapped the parent.
Yeah, I know. People shouldn’t take their bratty kids out in public. Right. I said that too before I had kids. Not everyone has the time to perfectly plan every venture out right down to the possible mood of the moment for each child. Sometimes we’re too tired of the battles. Sometimes we have to stop by the store on the way home from the daycare and our little dark angels aren’t at their best. Sometimes you just get dealt that one kid who no matter what won’t behave and you’re reduced to ignoring him hoping to get through your errand without killing him. BECAUSE HE KNOWS YOU CAN’T DO SHIT ABOUT IT. So what do parents do when they can’t discipline their kid? They give in to demands, distract them with toys or candy (exacerbating the behavior) or ignore the kid to focus on whatever brought them out in the first place.
And it’s all your fault.
Obligation
Aug 4th
ob⋅li⋅ga⋅tion
–noun
1. something by which a person is bound or obliged to do certain things, and which arises out of a sense of duty or results from custom, law, etc.
2. something that is done or is to be done for such reasons:
to fulfill one’s obligations.
3. a binding promise, contract, sense of duty, etc.
4. the act of binding or obliging oneself by a promise, contract, etc.
I’ve been cataloging and making decisions about my own obligations lately. I’m obligated to pay my bills. I’m obligated to make sure my kids are set up in the world, but to what degree? I’m obligated to continue podcast editing, which I actually like doing. I’m obligated to maintain a connection with my mother due to a (not deathbed per se as she wasn’t actually near death just succumbing to Alzheimer’s) promise to my grandmother.
Mom called last night and bitched and moaned about some woman she knows. The woman for all intents and purposes is going senile. I mean, bringing your pillow and blanket to the casino and wearing a bra on your head… these are obvious signs, right? Anyway, Mom feels obligated to entertain the woman’s fantasies, to answer the phone the 437 times a day she calls, to make sure she eats, etc. Why? Because no one else will? How is that your obligation? And once you take it on, does that let everyone else off the hook? Isn’t it your own damned fault for taking on people you don’t have to, so quitcherbitchin. Mom tends to do that, take on needy people and then bitch the whole time. Martyr much?
What obligations should we choose to take on? How many obligations have you taken on in your life that turn into burdens? I know the whole care for your fellow man thing, but when you don’t get anything but misery out of it isn’t it time to let it go?
I’m obligated to pay my bills, but I get something out of that. I’m obligated to raise the children I chose to have, but (and this is what I struggle with) when is that day-to-day obligation over?
This process of finding ME is taking a long time. Shedding obligations is a major part of it and I’m finding it really hard to dump the last few.
Family drama
Jul 26th
I know you can’t pick your family. I sure as shit wouldn’t have picked mine.
First, I’ve mentioned my niece Miss B has a new baby she named Damien Gabriel. And she’s living with a guy who is apparently a complete asshat. I don’t know him but from what everyone in the family says, he’s as useless as a third dick. Miss B has chosen against all advice to stay with this person so my lovely sister has sued for emergency custody of the baby and won. Now she’s holding this baby hostage to everyone’s good behavior. Beth is one of those people who if you cross her she cuts you out of her life. She hasn’t spoken to me in years and I still don’t know why. She hasn’t spoken to our mother either, but has graciously allowed an hour visit a week to Mom. Mom says those visits are rife with tension and false pleasantries but she refuses to be baited into argument because Beth will then have an excuse to cut her out again.
This is all happening in Florida so there’s not much I can do or say. I’m not there to get in the middle or mediate or anything. I’m disappointed in Miss B for choosing a man over her child, but her mother did the same thing years ago. I feel I should call her and remind her of how she felt when her mother shipped her out here to me. I feel I should call my sister and remind her of her own EXACT behavior years ago. But I won’t call either of them. I’m not there, I don’t know fact from hearsay and I really don’t think either of them would listen to me anyway.
_____
Secondly, Casey finally got around to phoning his baby mama Sky. What a fiasco that was. Kira got to talk to her Mommy for the first time since last NOVEMBER and now she’s completely confused. She thinks Mommy is near and she’s coming to see her. Then Sky’s completely deluded rant about expecting Casey to send Kira to see her in Indiana for 6 months of the year, shared custody. Are you still living in a homeless shelter? Yes. Do you have a job yet? No. She thinks she’s got a leg to stand on. I do believe this might just light a fire under Casey’s ass about actually getting the divorce started instead of just talking about it all the fucking time. She cheated, had children by another man, lived with yet another man, seldom asked to visit her daughter and when she did she’d send her back after just a couple of days, and finally left the state without notification and put her other children up for adoption. Oh yeah, mother of the year there.
_____
Max called yesterday and they’re in San Diego this week and will be here on Saturday. I can wait, now that he’s safely in the States. He called again a few minutes ago to laugh at all the geeks/nerds he’s seen around because of Comic-Con. I explained that he was disparaging my people and that I’d love to be there, and now he says he’ll stop by tomorrow and get me tickets for next year. They go on sale in the morning. We’ll see. I’m pretty sure if he gets the tickets I can find a place to sleep there.
_____
After my obligatory call to my Mother I called my Dad – which is always nicer. He spent 10 minutes talking about the wonders of 5-minute energy drinks. Dad, you do realize that’s not good for your already stressed heart? Ask your doctor before you try that again!
I vant to be alone.
There’s been a possibility of a booty call from a new neighbor. We had an almost session the other night, but he was a little too freaked out about GirlChild downstairs and a lot too drunk. I never know when I’ll be home alone and he’ll be available and I’m moving in two weeks, so it might never happen. Oh well. His favorite saying? It is what it is. And it is. We’ll see.
*** edited because I forgot to run spellcheck, so bite me.
Tips for proper parenting
Jul 15th
Number 1. Don’t take your toddler to a midnight movie, opening night. Stupid stupid stupid parent. That kid should have been in bed. And had you actually sat in the seats in front of us I would have let you know exactly how I felt about your judgement.
Number 2. Don’t bully in front of other cars in the parking lot after a midnight movie. This teaches your child (and there were two small children in the back of this SUV) how to be rude and pushy and might just show them how to pass the time when the police arrive.
Seriously, after the Harry Potter thing last night (comments about that to follow) there was the mass exodus of people from maybe a dozen of the AMC Mesa Grand 24 theaters. I let four cars into the queue in front of me when across the parking lot comes some bitch in her SUV plowing her front end right in front of me! Her windows open, my windows open, I’m yelling “BITCH” “RUDE ASS FUCKTARD” and as she inches further into my space I see little children in the back so I’m yelling “Great Parenting Skills There You FUCKING COW” and the man in the passenger seat is completely ignoring me. Had we had any of Ginnie’s soda left I’d have chucked it at her goddam car. Had I still had that crappy Land Rover I’d have rammed the bitch. What is the fucking point of that?
So anyway, because I am the perfect parent *snicker* I took Ginnie to the midnight:20 viewing of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Though I read this series a few years ago and have seen the previous movies I was left confused as hell. First, why call it the Half Blood Prince if you’re not going to fully explain the significance? Gee the potions book had all the answer written in and surprise, it’s THAT character. None of the background was there. And second (and neither Ginnie or I can ever remember the exact sequence of events) why have the death eaters show up at that time just to watch that one part and break a few things and leave? Wasn’t there more happening at that point? This movie was like eating a crappy pizza when you see really good ones just out of reach. I give it a 3 out of 5 stars.
My welcome home, not.
Jul 11th
Excellent vacation, maybe a day or two too long for me but still I had so much fun and relaxation. I’ll eventually post pics from the SPAM museum and zoo (crap did I take pictures at the zoo?) and more about those last couple days.
But now that I’m home I have to deal with these people. Kira latched onto me the moment I got in the door and insisted on sleeping with me last night. So I still haven’t gotten to enjoy mine own bed. Little furnace with huge feet. And the apartment is a mess, dirty dishes in the sink, laundry all over, etc. You know, when I lived with MY mother and I expected her home I made an extra effort to clean, you know? Just saying. I don’t know what the fuck that is in the fridge next to the tuna salad I MADE THE WEEKEND BEFORE I LEFT! Someone else is cleaning that shit up. And there’s the “Kira’s so happy you’re home Mom, she should stay with you so I can go to the movies,” and not come home at all bullshit.
Big Mama is about to blow her shit.
And Ginnie was late picking me up at the airport just like last time AND bitched about Casey all the way home. JOY!
