Telling it like I see it

Let me start this off with a little family story:

#2 son dated a girl from a Mormon family all through High School. I didn’t meet the mother until much later but one day after they’d been together for about a year I received a phone call. This woman proceeded to berate my parenting skills because she’d just found out they were having sex! Let me say, if you’ve spent more than 10 minutes with #2 son you’d know he – like me – is a very sexual being. So after this woman went on and on I finally interrupted her with this:

“At least all my children have the same father.”

Yes, that was mean but true. She had at that time at least 5 children by at least 3 different men, all long gone. I think she had a couple more kids after that! I honestly don’t know how many of the fathers actually married her.

I’d had sex conversations with #2 from the time he was 12. I had a giant economy box of condoms in the hall closet. I had sat son and girlfriend down a few times and discussed safe sex. I never allowed them to go at it at home, but I knew they were doing it somewhere. That is responsible parenting. Not ignoring the possibility all the while screwing every man in sight and dropping puppies like spare change and going to church every week to what? Put on a good show?

Another story.

We had a neighbor who had married for the second time. Our daughters were and are still great friends. She came home one day and her Mormon husband told her he didn’t want to be married anymore and she had three days to move out.  Swell guy. So now she’s married a third time in the Mormon church and as far as I can tell is miserable and lonely in a small town up north.

My aunt and uncle were Catholic and had 5 kids and continue to fuck like bunnies for as long as I can remember. We’d be at their house for a visit and they’d just disappear into the bedroom for a romp. Awesome, right?

Religious people have sex. I’m not even sure it’s just vanilla sex, I’m betting they get into some pretty kinky stuff.

Sex is natural, sex is good, not everybody does it, but everybody should.

As long as it’s consenting adults taking proper precautions to avoid STDs and pregnancy unless they want babies, right? Even older teenagers. Let’s face it, from 15 up sex is the number one thing on their minds. It’s natural! What’s unnatural is denying it. Abstinence is a proven failure.

Religious people have a big problem with masturbation. Religious people have a big problem with birth control. Religious people have a huge problem with any kind of porn. Religious people have a big problem with sex outside of marriage.

Why?

I cannot imagine wedding night virginity and being stuck forever with someone you’re not sexually compatible with. You wouldn’t buy a car you expect to have for 4 years without test driving it! You wouldn’t by a house without seeing it first. Hell, some people won’t order a new food without taste-testing it.

We’ve all been with someone who turns out to be completely incompatible in the bed. Imagine if you had to marry them first to find out. Ugh.

Marriage should be a complete commitment to someone you know well and will love forever, or at least a long time.

I don’t understand the religious obsession with other people’s sex lives. We know they’re doing it so why can’t they just let other people alone. Push safe sex instead of abstinence. And masturbation relieves sexual tension enough to allow clearer thought when looking for a mate so it’s a good thing, right?

There are religions that don’t allow women to leave the house without being completely covered. A woman can be beaten to death just for speaking to a man. In religion it always seems to be the woman’s fault for tempting men. Women are sluts for wanting to have sex. In religion men take little responsibility for unmarried sex, yet they are the ones making the rules. And who are the slutty women having sex with? Men! If virginity were as easy to prove in men as it is in women would it be as valued?

And don’t get me started on the religious and gay people!

Here’s the thing. I respect marriage. Marriages were around way before religion and will be around long after the last god is forgotten. But marriage is simply a commitment between people who want everyone to know they’re together. Mostly for legal reasons to put a finer point on it. I’ve known people in committed relationships without marriage. I respect the commitment. Marriage is not some magic covenant. If it were there would never be adultery or divorces. Men should not be able to use marriage to control women. They should be equals. And it certainly should NOT be entered into without knowing your partner completely.

Which takes us back to sex. I’m not saying you should screw indiscriminately, though you can if you want. You should take responsibility for your own safety surely. You should be able to get access to condoms and pills and procedures whatever else you need to be responsible. And though one-night-stands are a step better than masturbation, you should see sex as a part of a relationship rather than the be-all and end-all of it.

And it shouldn’t matter to anyone else. If it does you should ask yourself why.