Not just today. These feelings have been festering for a while now. But let’s just stick with today.pretend

Girlchild has my car because she guilted me into letting her use it. Every fucking time the agreement changes almost as soon as she drives away. The return time gets extended or whatever. Plus she seldom puts gas in it. Always an excuse or bullshit story about how much gas my fucking hybrid takes… the gauge said 174 miles left when she drove off last night. I get in it tonight and it’s at 46 miles left. But no, I’m wrong.

No Oldest, I don’t really want to go hang out for Thanksgiving with your girlfriend’s family. I don’t want to be around strangers and other people’s children. And maybe I would have dropped by for dessert and a drink but your sister has my fucking car again. But thanks for dropping off that plate of food for me, really. Honestly. Because of your thoughtfulness I did get a bit of a Thanksgiving meal today.

But then your sister finally showed up and we all went to your brother’s for a bit. Three dogs and a cat are a bit much for my asthma and of course I’m irritated the little shits won’t stay away from me. Then when they DO put them all upstairs I feel guilty because it’s their house and they’re all staring balefully at me from the landing. So I tell you to let them out and of course they’re all up in my space again.

When I can’t breathe I get pissy, you know that.

And Jack was playing deaf tonight, constantly getting into everything though there is a billion age-appropriate toys RIGHT THERE.

So I’m done. I want to go home. But I’m not getting my car back until tomorrow (because I’m such a fucking pushover) so I need to stop at a Walgreens on the way home. The first one is all lit up inside but closed. Who leaves all the fucking lights on in a closed store on Thanksgiving night? Second stop worked and I’m home. Still pissed though.

That’s just today. I’ve had this terrible depression for weeks. I can’t seem to shed it and I hate it and get more pissed of every day.

I’m not really being taken advantage of because I’m stupid enough to let them do it. Every time I tell myself no more I fall for another sad sack story and hand over my car and/or money. I’m just sick of it. When I was their age I was married raising kids with no help from parents or the government. I didn’t have anyone to rely on except my husband and we managed.

It might be time to move far away.


Why is it so much harder to fall asleep when nearby conversations are not in English? I don’t need or want or care what to know these workers are discussing but I can’t seem to block them out as well as I could the two English-speaking guys chatting in the very same spot earlier.

Nevermind, they’ve moved on.