so don't ask if you don't want to know
We are family
So anyway…
Apr 23rd
I love Craig Ferguson. @craigyferg
I got my hair cut today, all of them actually.
I celebrated 4/20 with some of my kids. Someone made brownies and Casey gave me a whole one. I’ve never had brownies before so I plowed through the whole delicious stupid thing. I was feeling good for a while and then went over that “I think I’m gonna throw up” threshold and pretty much stayed there the rest of the night. No fun. Too much… much. For something that’s supposed to make sick people feel more like eating, every mention of food made me ill. The very thought of moving so much as an eyebrow made me want to throw up. And I did, once, because the room spun every time I closed my eyes and I really wanted to close my eyes. Then Ginnie showed up and after one look at me took me home.
Yes, I’m a lightweight.
So much so that I didn’t even realize she had my car until Wednesday night. Though we didn’t record Evo at 11 this week, I needed to run to the grocery store and couldn’t find my keys. That’s when it dawned on me she had my car! Duh-me.
My friend Cat is coming to AZ in a couple of weeks for her sister’s graduation. I hope we can get together for lunch or something. I miss her, but I understand how those family things go.
Oh yeah, they changed my meds again. So now I’m off the Theophylline that I’ve been on for more years than I can remember. That’s the drug that makes sleeping so difficult. So far I’ve been off for three days and I slept like a rock last night. But every bone in my body aches so I’m back on the ibuprofen. I’m hoping that aching passes after I’ve been off the Theophylline for a while. Plus they’re changing my maintenance inhalers AGAIN. That means I’ll have even more unopened and leftover meds clogging up my cupboard. I’m hesitant to toss them in the regular trash but I don’t think they’ll take them back even unopened. And they always send giant economy sized meds so I have three bottles of Theophylline, a couple bottles of antibiotic she told me to stop taking and all those extra inhalers. I could open a pharmacy of my own.
Let’s see, what else.
My birthday is coming up and I’m pretty sure the kids are getting me some sort of camera. Something HD video cool something they’ve already decided on, so I’ll roll with it. Expect pictures of Kira soon. I’ve missed taking pictures of her as she grows.
Arizona sure is pissing people off today. Protesters in the streets! Anything that gives Arpaio more power can’t be good.
Senate Bill 1070 would make it a state crime to be in the country illegally and requires local law enforcement to determine an individual’s immigration status if they suspect that person is in the country illegally.
I believe it’s already a crime to be in this country illegally. But seriously, this will just make Arpaio’s stormtroopers even more dickish. They’re already hitting businesses in force, rounding up anyone with the wrong skin tint and checking them for citizenship – sometimes AFTER they’re in jail.
What's been going on
Mar 30th
Some and nothing.
So I’m on an antibiotic for chlamydia.
Stop laughing, it’s not that kind of chlamydia!
Chlamydia pneumoniae. Not that I have symptoms, just that recent blood testing shows I have some of the bacteria in me and it could develop later.
So… Sunday:
I love Max-and-friends rental house. It’s a really nice huge house, but it’s in one of those developments where they’re all on top of each other with no yards and NO PARKING. There’s never any place to park and what there is is parallel. Little tiny 2-car parallel parking spaces interspersed throughout the complex. SUCKS. I’ve got a BIG (2001 gran marquis) car. SUCKS.
Anyway, we get there and boom the perfect parking space right across from their house. Only took me 6 tries to get my boat in there. We changed in the house and headed over to their park/playground/pool area. They were done at the pool and were all in the open space playing frisbee and football.
I sat in the sun for about 10 minutes when I started feeling weird. I made it up the hill to the playground, found a bench in the shade, and proceeded to damn near pass out. Sat there thinking about which way I’d fall – either into the sand (yuk) or headfirst onto the concrete – and even Kira knew something was wrong with Grammi and went to get help.
How fucking embarrassing and annoying. No I didn’t pass out, I drank a lot of water (I always drink a lot of water) and Casey moved me to a picnic table where I could put my head down. Eventually the dizziness passed enough for me to trudge back to the house (with a fucking escort) and rest up.
I’m blaming it on the erythromycin and the heat.
This too did pass and eventually we were all playing Flip Cup. Their kitchen has a huge island perfect for beer pong type games. (video from a previous evening with the kids) And because Shane can’t flip a cup to save his life, I ended up downing an entire can of Strongbow in about 6 minutes, so I quit. Didn’t want to press my luck.
I’ve also noticed a general tired / low-energy feeling. The pharmacist said the antibiotic doesn’t play well with my theophylline so I went yesterday for another blood test.
Tonight is Ignite Phoenix#6, this time at Mesa Art Center to which I’ve never been. Looking forward to seeing the venue as much as the event.
Yeah! Everyone got home okay!
Mar 15th
Successful camping is when:
- Nobody gets hurt
- Nobody goes to jail
- Nobody wrecks their vehicle*
- There’s still beer in the keg
So, Casey/Jake/Ginnie/that other guy went out early Saturday morning to grab the space and the rest of us didn’t get out there til after 4. Of course, nobody told me we were going that late or I would have done things differently. Last I heard, everyone was meeting at Max’s around 10. Shit, I was there, but for various work/jail/overslept reasons, we didn’t leave til 3 in the afternoon.
We went to Sycamore Creek (33°41’36.07″N 111°32’24.49″W) and had a great open space to set up. Shane’s truck with all the stuff had a bit of a mechanical problem on the side of the road but with a bit of finagling, he got out there eventually. There were 19 of us around a giant bonfire, one keg, three grills, and 6 tents. And Ginnie’s dog.
I got to shoot a 9mm, didn’t have to cook or be responsible for anything and tried desperately and mostly succeeded in NOT being everyone’s Mother. They all called me Mom, but I didn’t ACT like one.
The few pictures I took with my phone are HERE on Facebook. My real camera died and my DROID, though awesome, doesn’t really take good pictures.
I couldn’t keep my feet warm in the sleeping bag so I didn’t sleep well. I’d taken an extra blanket but Ginnie didn’t bring anything to sleep in so I let her have it. My brand spanking new blow up mattress didn’t fucking hold AIR so that goes back today. Cold out there by the water. Other than not being able to sleep I had a really good time with my kids and their friends. Glad I didn’t take my car as the dirt road out there has been washed and rutted pretty badly by recent rains. Also glad the proposed second night stay was vetoed midway through Sunday morning.
*apparently after I went to bed at 1am a couple of the guys got in a fight and zoomed out in their vehicles. One kid hit a tree, but didn’t really do much damage to his SUV (or himself) but they all came back laughing at his stupidity which ended the fighting part.
Last Will and Testament
Mar 13th
Sitting here waiting on Max to call me that he’s ready. We’re all, and I mean ALL and sundry, going camping today/tonight/tomorrow. My family and a bunch of their friends. I’m going as the voice of reason. Me. Yeah.
The plan is to fill the empty KEG waiting in my car, pack up lots of GUNS and head out to the desert.
This isn’t gonna end well.
At least all the children are farmed out to babysitters.
Casey’s birthday was last Wednesday and Max’s is tomorrow so it’s a celebratory drunken festival of fun. Max hasn’t been home for his last few birthdays so he’s ready to party. I might just record certain phrases so I don’t have to wear myself out repeating them.
- Don’t point that gun this way!
- Please put that shotgun further from the bonfire.
- I’ll pass on the beer and eggs breakfast, thanks.
- Yes Officer, we’re insured.
So, if the unforeseen (wait, I see it coming so it’s really foreseen) happens, here is my Last Will and Testament:
- I ain’t got nuthin’ and nobody gets it. Give my crap back to Goodwill.
Wow, that was easier than I thought it would be.
PS If there’s anything on the news, could you record it for posterity?
Raising Arizona Wussies
Mar 3rd
Wandering through meetup.com’s groups this morning and came across this bunch (emphasis mine):
Meet other parents who are supporters of Breastfeeding, Gentle Discipline, Child Led Weaning, Cloth diapering, Homeschooling, Babywearing, or Co-sleeping all are welcome here.We will have meet ups in Mesa, Chandler, Tempe, Phoenix, and Scottsdale. We ask that you always be respectful of the way that others parent.
Reason you have to put that disclaimer in your description? Because experienced parents know how stupid you all are! The title of the group should be How To Get Your Kid Beat Up and subtitled Or How To Raise A Columbine Killer!
What the fuck is babywearing?
I’ve been around parents who gently discipline. Those are the kids that are plowing over your kid in the play area or taking his stuff. The “Mummy” gently and in a baby voice says shit like, “no no darling, mummy asked you nicely to stop doing that. Do you want to have to do a time-out? Hmmm?” about 12 times instead of snatching their little brat up and giving him what for.
*sigh* I suppose it’s better than so-called parents who don’t do anything at all but yell at their spawn like they’re dogs.
How to be a good parent? Pay attention! That’s it. Pay attention. Be in the moment with your kid as often as possible, but also teach them that they aren’t the center of the universe. Do what you have to do – which teaches them there’s a time and place and right now you have to do the dishes or make dinner or make this business call, but when that’s done – focus on the kid for an equal amount of time! That’s all they want. Intermittent amounts of undivided attention. They want to know when they need you you’ll be there. Kids are whiny because they know you’re not really paying attention. They whine so you’ll hear them when you come out of your fog.
My disclaimer: My kids were great kids. Polite and well-behaved in public, fun on the playground, popular in school, happy well-adjusted little people. I’ve no idea what happened when they hit late teens and had all that trouble. I wish I had insight into that. Maybe raising non-wussies meant they weren’t afraid to try things they really shouldn’t have tried. But they’re doing well now. One is a single-parent raising a daughter of his own, another just discharged from the Army after two tours in Iraq and the third just moved out on her own.
Hear Me Roar
Jan 11th
I had this conversation with Casey the other night:
C: You made pork chops?
M: Yes, I made pork chops.
C: And what are these? Au gratin potatoes?
M: Scalloped potatoes.
C: I don’t like pork chops.
M: I don’t care.
C: You should have made ham, don’t you usually make ham steak?
M: I don’t like ham.
C: Since when?
M: I’ve always preferred pork chops over ham. It was your father that always wanted ham.
C: Huh. Did you know you bought chunky peanut butter?
M: I prefer chunky peanut butter.
C: Really? Since when? Nevermind.
M: And you know what else?
(He looks at me warily)
I NEVER HAVE TO LOOK, COOK, OR EAT CREAMED CORN AGAIN!
I got it!
Jan 1st
Hang on… I think her name is Crystal or Kristen or Christine or something like that.
Shit. I’m awful.
Duh me! Look her up on Facebook!
Her name is Krystal!
Went out with a whimper
Jan 1st
Jezuz christ, the last few days of 2009 were certainly eventful.
Except Christmas. I got nothing for Christmas but the flu. Then again, I didn’t get anyone else anything either. I may have even had the HiNi flu, I dunno. There was a moment in there I would have gone to the emergency room had I the energy to shuffle out to my car.
So for New Year’s Eve Eve (Wednesday) I decided to take everyone out to Texas Roadhouse. We’d not had a Christmas Dinner, or much of a Thanksgiving either. My number one adopted son Shane and his daughter tagged along too. We had a really great dinner and I agreed to take the two little girls home with me so they could all go out. Peachy.
Yesterday morning the girls and I went to McDonald’s for breakfast and play. They were fighting and whiny and I couldn’t get either father on the phone. Came home and tried to do my business while they continued to fight and whine. Finally at noon the guys stumbled in to get them.
Shortly after that I got a text from Max asking what I was doing the rest of the day.
- Making a dump cake
- Cleaning my kitchen
- Taking a nap to prepare for being up late
- Wrapping the two lousy gifts I managed to get for my friends
- Shower and dress up
- Be at ShEvo’s by 6:30 to record a show
- Party the rest of the night
Not much right? He responded:
can u take an hour outa that and spend it with me? we r gonna get a courthouse marriage today and id like you to be there
WHAT THE FUCK?
Sure his divorce was final earlier this week and I knew he’d been spending most of his time with Shane’s sister… OMG I can’t remember her name! Shit. My bad. I’d only met the girl through a dark car window one time. That’s it. She seems nice enough and I love Shane so I can assume with the same upbringing… I dunno, I’ll have to wait and see, right?
At least I got to be at this wedding. That’s the same judge that Max, Shane and Casey have all stood before for not-so-good reasons but I didn’t see a flicker of recognition in his eyes. Small town.
Anyway, on to Sheila and Evo’s for our recording and their party. I’d had trouble since the flu with my breathing whenever I exerted myself and it just got worse and worse all night. By midnight I was being a downer in a really great party and in real guppy distress and my friends were all offering to drive me to the hospital. Fine. I asked Katie and Tyler cuz I have to go downtown Phoenix to the VA and I know Tyler lives the closest and Katie lives near me so it wouldn’t be as inconvenient – plus they hadn’t been drinking.
Technically it was after 12:30 by the time we got to the ER and 3:30 when got home, but I’m just going to chalk it up as 2009 not letting go. More on that later.
2010 has GOT to be better, right? I feel great this morning!
Illness Update
Dec 24th
As if you care.
Okay, some of you care. Thanks!
Anyway, as of right now I don’t feel any congestion in my chest, though deep breaths ache and coughing hurts – which is typical with chest problems and asthma. Hopefully that will pass. My lower back still feels as though a hatchet is embedded across it and the coughing jerks me around and I wanna scream, but I have no voice left from coughing and moaning.
I just need a really good cough medicine, and Dayquil ain’t cuttin’ it anymore. Must send GirlChild out for some supplies.
Last night I planned on going to the VA this morning to see what they can do for me, but the very thought of getting dressed and dragging my ass out to the car and into the hospital depresses me. I dunno whether to go to their emergency room or to my regular clinic for a walk-in. Either way, I just don’t want to.
I miss Kira. Casey came by the other day and she stayed on the other side of the room and looked at me with huge eyes. “Get better Grammi so I can hug you.”
I don’t have any Christmas plans. Traditionally we have pizza on the Eve and open one present, but I haven’t shopped yet. The trip to FL was my present to the kids, but I wanted to get something for Kira. We haven’t done anything special for Christmas Day in a few years. The kids have always had significant others they wanted to spend the day with. At this particular moment I just don’t care. Take pictures and call me later.
Very Bah Humbug.
