so don't ask if you don't want to know
We are family
50 is fantastic… so far!
May 2nd
Oh. My.
Well, my birthday celebrations actually started the Friday before the actual date but other than the residual bruising on my boobs, I was ready to continue.
Last Thursday was #EVTM so I went up to Liberty Market to hang with that gang and received even more birthday wishes. I have such good friends!
Friday I got up and finished packing, took myself for my free birthday breakfast at Liberty Market – yes, it’s THAT good, you go two days in a row when you get the chance – and then picked up Krystal to get the rental car. After a rough start because car rentals at the fucking airport aren’t set up for local people and we blew half an hour trying to find the right place, we scored a Charger and went back to her place and loaded up the car with their stuff. Picked up Max, had lunch and finally got on the road to VEGAS BABY! Made it to the Stratosphere just in time to get decked up, gather the troops, pre-drink and go out.
Because CJ met us there and both she and Krystal (and I) love karaoke I decided we’d go a half-block away to Dino’s Lounge. Yes, it was a dive bar but aren’t those the best places for Karaoke? We had a BLAAAAAST! Max and Casey and his friend Jeff got up and sang Happy Birthday (so did everyone else in the packed bar) and then CJ sang my favorite CJ-sings-Karaoke song, The Homecoming Queen’s Got a Gun, to which I got up in my drunken way and cheered her on. Then Krystal rocked Shoop. I flirted with the numerous guidos around me and got as drunk as I’ve ever been. I must’ve had 8-9 vodka cranberries throughout the night. Everyone had a great time!
Unfortunately Vegas was experiencing a surprise cold spell and we froze our asses off walking to and from the bar. Nobody brought warm clothes except maybe CJ. We’re idiots.
Speaking of guidos, Vegas is overrun with Jersey Shore wannabes but damn do they dress nice and smell good. Lots of flirting and leaning in close, but that’s all. Most of those young men were tolerant of this old bat so it’s all good.
Saturday started with buffet breakfast with CJ, Crystal O’hara and her daughter Colleen (see, I remember her name now) and Shannon – then Max and Krystal eventually showed up. Us girls then headed to the outlet mall where I tried on 6 bras and started crying cuz I can never find a bra that fits right. Poor CJ was so patient with me. Then back to the room for a nap after which we dressed up and met at Nine Fine Irishmen for the BEST DINNER EVER!
I had the cider braised salmon (with a couple of ciders) and it was fantastic. Other than the food, I don’t think anyone was really enjoying the experience so we split up and went our separate ways.
Ended up back at my hotel and made CJ walk all the way to the HOT TUB!!1 only to find out they close the pool area at 6pm BOO! Who the fuck closes a hotel pool at 6pm? The Strat, apparently. So we went back to my room and dressed up again and went up to the Air Bar at the top of the tower, where the evening disintegrated even further. I’m drinking the whole time, but still. We were all getting tired and cranky by then so I gave up and went to bed.
Sunday morning we all gathered once more to watch Casey take the leap from the top of the tower. There’s video of that on my Facebook page if you want to watch.
So… there were down moments but it was mostly way up. I had the best time ever, wore make-up *gasp* and Krystal made my hair look great! I got to flirt a bit, got plenty drunk and spent a really great weekend with my sons and friends. We’re planning another family trip in November when Ginnie turns 21 and can go along.
Awesome start to my year 50!
Conversation w/Kira
Apr 19th
Babysitting for Kira today and I had to run to Phoenix to the VA Medical Center for some bloodwork. So Kira’s in the backseat babbling about whatever when this conversation started:
Kira: Grammi, I think my Mommy died.
Me: No Kira, your Mommy isn’t dead. She just lives far away.
Kira: I think she’s dead and in heaven looking at me.
Me: No Kira, she’s not dead and she’s certainly NOT in heaven looking at anyone. Who told you about heaven?
Kira: Krislyn. Krislyn said god took my mommy to heaven.
Me: Well, some people believe when you die you go to heaven where god lives. Grammi doesn’t believe in god or heaven or hell or any of that. I think it’s all made up to make people behave. Either way, your Mommy is alive and living in Kentucky, not heaven.
Kira: So god is made up? Is Santa made up too?
(Crap crap crap now how do I handle this one?)
Me: How old is Krislyn? (she’s 5) Does she know everything? (yes!) Not hardly. She doesn’t know that much more than you. You should get your information from grown-ups. Kids tell you stuff they don’t understand.
Kira: OK Grammi. But what about Santa?
Me: Hmmph. Some people think Santa is made up too, but if you stop believing in Santa he stops bringing you presents so I keep believing in him. Do you want presents from Santa? Then you need to believe in him.
Kira: But not god?
Me: Has god ever brought you presents? Or anything else? I don’t believe in him, your Daddy doesn’t believe in him, and Aunt Ginnie doesn’t either. We’re happy behaving without scary stories to make us act a certain way.
Kira: Can we stop and get some chicken nuggets?
She was great at the lab, not wanting to watch them draw blood but otherwise cool. We left there and headed for McDonalds by Arizona Mills so she could blow off excess energy and then to the Sealife thing at the mall. Unfortunately we arrived at the same time as a rather loud and boisterous school group. They were sooooo loud and rude and uncontrolled that she wanted to leave so we wandered the mall for a bit before heading back to finish our tour. She loved it!
SmallChilded Out
Jan 19th
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE this kid. When I have her we have fun and do stuff together… for a while. But there’s just not enough for her to do here and she gets bored and what do people do when they’re bored? Eat. She’s like a shark, an eating machine! Since this morning she’s had two separate breakfasts with cereal, two separate lunches of peanut butter sandwiches, the last of the cookies, and apple with dip, and two packages of apple sauce. Probably something else I’ve forgotten. And when someone else eats she begs worse than the dog for part of what they have.
Growth spurt my ass, she must have a tapeworm.
There’s no outside here so she’s stuck inside. Sure, I have play-doh, dollhouse furniture, babies, barbies, and enough art supplies for an entire class. Lately she’s take to cutting up every piece of grocery store ads I get, creating a mess of teeny tiny particle of paper. And changing her clothes every 15 minutes or so.
The whole TV thing is another problem. It must be on all the time and on something SHE wants. Which is fine, I guess. She kind of pays attention to movies and only when there’s musical stuff for regular kids TV, but the minute I put something on I want, she has to be in my lap asking questions and talking through the whole thing. She gets the whole taking turns thing, but considers commercials the end of my turn.
Speaking of lap time. If I counted up all the time she insists on being on my lap (or between my knees in the recliner) I’d say it’s a couple-three hours a day. I get that she’s needy and living with a bunch of males she needs time with a mommy-figure. I manage to be chipper and happy most of the time she’s here, but we both know when Grammi’s done.
I’m done.
I have no idea how other grandparents take on grand-kids full time. It was so much easier when she was a baby and not a real person with real opinions.
Sorry, I’m just venting. Soon enough I’ll be moving to an apartment with more space and an actual outside so she can bike or ride her scooter. And I’ll be breathing better so we can hit the parks and other activities.
Soon.
Memory Dumping
Jan 12th
My friend Ruthie - taken by MrAnathema
So Sunday was our 3rd Annual NoPantsAZ Day on the light rail. There are some pictures on flickr tagged #nopantsaz if you want to go wander through them. It was a bit chilly but I managed to keep up when the whole group strutted down Mill Ave to Robbie Fox’s for drinks and then back to the light rail. Good fun… such good fun I just spent the rest of the day pantless.
Also, I managed to get approved for my new apartment so I finished the day making arrangements for utilities and stuff.
Monday night I had Kira and for some stupid reason we decided to pincurl her hair. She sat still for me to do the front and top, but there was no way in hell she’d let me do her whole head.
As you can see, she wasn’t pleased. I think it’s adorable but she complained all day. I’m pretty sure as soon as her Daddy saw it (and more than likely laughed) she showered it out. Oh well.
Speaking of hair, for some reason I have sores all over my scalp. Maybe it’s a side effect from something I’m taking or more likely, it’s an allergic reaction to something I’ve eaten. I’m beginning to think my fondness for pistachios is causing that and possibly the difficulty with breathing I have periodically and coincidentally after ingesting more than my fair share. I’m really gonna hate giving up pistachios.
What else…
I’m planning – hoping – to get down to Tucson on Thursday to stand as silent guard at the funeral of Christina Green. There are a couple of groups getting together to stand silently arm-in-arm to block any possible hate-spewing by the Westboro Assholes. I want to go, but between the 5000 local residents and if the President or First Lady shows up, it might be better for us non-locals to stay out of the way. Still not sure.
Yes, I’m still slightly bitter about my failed attempt to get to the Jon Stewart Rally. My poor health and ability to walk distances might make the whole Tucson mission impossible for me. But I really want to, to stand against the WBC, to provide what little protection I can for a grieving family, and to show that Atheists have compassion and honor.
Happy New Year!
Dec 31st
Hopefully.
It’s been a long year, especially this last month. But I have plans for 2011.
Of course, I planned to start looking for motor homes today, but I have a sick little girl and it’s like, FREEZING outside. Arizona doesn’t really have weather so when we do it’s all extreme and shit. Yesterday people were reporting SNOW in Scottsdale and parts of Mesa. So I think I’ll wait til next week to get started.
Motor Home you ask? Well, the plan hope is to find a nice used class C motor home to live in. I want smaller space (so the kids can’t live with me anymore) and I want to travel so why not combine the two? My credit sucks and even though I’ve been excellent since my divorce I’m pretty sure my/our past history will factor in, so this whole plan might fail. But I want to try. Who knows, with the housing market sucking so bad, maybe I can find a deal somewhere. People trying to keep their house might like to dump their RV.
And then I’ll park it for the winter and travel in the summer. Sound like a plan?
And well, if that fails… I still need to get out of this apartment. It sucks so bad. If the neighbor showers or flushes his/her toilet, we have no water pressure. Fun when you’re standing fully shampooed in the shower and the water suddenly goes down to a cold trickle. Like yesterday. My lease is up February 1st.
So I’m also keeping an eye out for 1 bedroom or large studio apartments in Tempe, Chandler, or this side of Mesa. Casey wants me to move into their apartment complex. No fucking way. I’d never have a private moment again. His little friend group has taken over (4 apartments and growing) the dumpy little place and they all walk in and out of each other’s homes like it’s a commune.
A nice mother-in-law apartment would be nice. A decent converted garage apartment? Something.
I’ve been waiting all month to have the extra gas money for the driving around checking out places part and now that I have it, I also have Kira with her cough and snuffy nose all day. And then there’s partying tonight and recovering tomorrow. And then Sunday when the world shuts down. So I suppose I can wait til next week…
So Happy New Year for us all! Okay? Please?
Oh yeah, today is Max and Krystal’s 1st Anniversary. Hopefully I can meet up with them for 5 minutes or something.
Being Mean
Dec 28th
So a couple of days ago I got fed up and screamed – out of the blue – at Ginnie. Stop stinking up my house with your smoke, stop leaving the kitchen gross and get a fucking job by the end of the week or get out. Period.
I just went off like a bomb.
Big life-changing trip across America? Not so much.
Every day I mention job. Every day I ask her to do something around this house. Every day I say something about her animals eating. She’s just full of excuses. “I’m applying online” “I’m waiting until…” “I don’t have any clean clothes” “I don’t have bus money”
And yet when the boyfriend has money they eat it or smoke it. Actually I don’t have much of a problem with him as he gives me money for rent. He’s working and earning his keep. SHE is not.
Yesterday she spent the entire day out because her ex-boyfriend is in the hospital. I don’t care. Another wasted day.
So at noon today I called her out of her room and asked her what she was doing? Playing some stupid game, but she said she was applying for jobs online. Lied. I asked her if she didn’t believe I meant what I said. That’s when the no clean clothes excuse came up again.
“You should have thought of that when you went to McDonalds or bought your pot. Or the daily allotment of Tilt (or whatever her Four Loco replacement is) or ran back and forth wasting gas on nothing.”
And then I called her a prostitute. All she’s done in the last… since graduation is live off whatever boyfriend (or me) who will pay her way.
Well that effectively ended today’s screaming match. She stomped off crying and I feel like shit, but I’m sticking to my guns.
She’s fucking 20 years old. Long past time to be taking care of herself.
By Sunday she either has a job or she’s out. And I’m killing her goddam phone while I’m at it.
Weekend up and down
Dec 19th
My girlfriend CJ hosts a pot-luck breakfast and then has Santa show up for a chat with each kid and lots of pictures, but he’s not actually there for breakfast. So I went to pickup Kira yesterday morning to take her to Breakfast with Santa, as I do every year.
But of course – even after discussing it ad nauseam all week AND him shopping the night before for a new holiday outfit – everyone was sound asleep when I got there. Good thing I got there early. Little darling takes her shower (by herself don’tchaknow) and gets ready to go… adding the unfortunate hair accessory of her own free will.
The rest of the photo set are here, or just click the pic above. She had a great time, though there were way too many kids for her comfort. Once a major chunk cleared out she fit right in.
Then we went back to my house. Unfortunately. Ginnie’s fucking son of a bitch piece of shit old fart dog tends to piss all over my house when he doesn’t get outside often enough. Sometimes we find the spots and sometimes we don’t. All of the don’t spots have added up so much so that I can’t sit in the living room any more. Wanda the Witch’s Wonder Nose™ picks up even the slightest odors and she stops being able to breathe. Period.
So Kira and I opted for a nap while (after I was breathless from screaming obscenities at her) Ginnie attempted to clean the living room carpet.
FAIL
So yeah, it’s slightly damp and cool in Arizona this week and that makes it much worse for me. All that and cleaning solvent too! By late evening, even trapped in my bedroom (where the dog isn’t allowed) I can’t control the wheezing. So I made Ginnie take me to the VA hospital before I – you know – died.
When I go into the emergency room anywhere with an asthma attack certain things always happen:
- I always get right in: no triage – no waiting room.
- I always get a breathing treatment immediately.
- Sometimes I’m sent to get chest X-ray, last night they came to me.
- Usually they take blood samples. Sometimes I get an IV for meds.
- Sometimes there is a second or third breathing treatment.
- I almost always leave with prednisone and an antibiotic.
Last night the Doctor (or highest medical on the food chain – nobody tells you who they are) got froggy and ordered an Arterial Blood Gas. Let me tell you, you NEVER want one of those.
First of all, the wonderfully nice but inept nurse butchered my left arm trying to put in the IV before moving to my right wrist – which I HATE because then there’s never any comfortable rest for your hand. Then the respiratory guy (with 15 years experience he’s never had any trouble *rolleyes*) comes down for the ABG from hell. Okay, they have to dig in and find an artery – I get that – but dig is the operative word here. First he tried my left wrist. I tried not to scream too loudly and kept my language non-personal. When that didn’t work he moved to my right arm and I got a little more personal.
I really don’t know if his mother was a bitch or a whore but he certainly was the son of one. And he fucked his mother frequently. So that’s when he gave up and called in reinforcements.
Look, I’m not afraid of needles. On a good day I breeze right through this shit. But as tense as every muscle in my body was after struggling to breathe my blood vessels were apparently just as tense. Oh well.
Reinforcement Tom/Ray/Bob/Some short name popped in and managed to get the ABG out of my arm without too much time or discomfort. I offered to blow him as thanks but he declined. I did tell him to flag my chart so they’d call him if I ever needed to do this again.
By the time it was all over and done I looked like I’d been through a war.
Kids TV and Families
Dec 8th
I watch a lot of childrens TV with Kira. There’s not much else to do at Grammi’s house. Actually, she does a lot of stuff, coloring and cutting paper and playing with puzzles or play-doh but the TV’s always on something for her. Sometimes it’s movies (like right this minute we’re watching Ella Enchanted) but usually Nick Jr.
I’ve noticed some weird family issues on some programs.
- Kai-Lan is always outside with her friends and parents are never shown. She visits her grandfather, but no other adult figure is around.
- Dora has a family (both parents, twin younger siblings and her grandmother) yet she’s allowed encouraged to roam the countryside in sometimes dangerous situations alone… with a monkey.
- Diego seems to be part of an animal preservationist family along with his slightly older sister and both parents, and yet he wanders the countryside alone rescuing animals and getting into dangerous situations.
- The Backyardigans are actively shown to be pretending in their own backyards. Parents are in the house making snacks for when they’re done.
- Miss Spider (but she’s married so shouldn’t that be Mrs.?) has adopted a few orphan bug-children and it’s talked about quite freely.
- Little Bear, Little Bill, Olivia and Franklin are all about families.
- As far as I can tell, Max and Ruby – both children – live alone and Grandma lives nearby and visits.
Most are good shows, teaching problem solving and courtesy, using your imagination and stuff. But that Max and Ruby thing bugs me. I know they’re based on the books and I haven’t read them all to know if parental figures ever show up. Should all kids TV programs show some sort of adult supervision?
Dora scares me. It’s encouraging children to wander off and get into adventures. How is that a good thing?
And now she’s dancing to Ella singing Somebody to Love. It’s adorable.
Happy Thanksgiving
Nov 25th
Not a huge deal in our bunch. Ended up making dump cake and going over to Casey’s where we gathered at his neighbor’s for dinner. There was a nice turkey and ham choice and we all had more than enough to eat.
The after-dinner conversation was… interesting. After Holly’s disgust with anyone eating dark meat (me) we moved onto the have-you-ever-hads. We all had a chance to show our ignorance of basic meat origins. I knew bulls never fuck the same cow twice but I’m still a bit confused on the difference between bulls and steers (male cows w/no balls?) and why if bulls are so picky, there aren’t more bulls. Then onto baby animal meat. Then… my son confesses he believes we will eventually start eating human meat and he wonders what would taste better, roasted babies or well muscled adults.
Ugh. And I gave birth to that boy.
After dinner I headed over to Gangplank to see who was around after their Nowhere Else to Go dinner and hung out with friends and watched a couple of them dance and play with the new Xbox Kinect system. Nifty.
I hope your day went well.
The Rest of the Trip – FL Half
Nov 12th
Then somewhere in the dark Ginnie drove over christmas tree roadkill. Someone lost their cheap and tacky electrically wired tree in the middle of the highway and she made a split-second decision to straddle it to save the tires, but the wire caught up under the car and she could see sparks behind us and freaked out. We pulled over and I yanked out what I could reach, but the wires had wrapped around something under the car. So to avoid getting ran over by some semi, we hit the next exit where she borrowed scissors and crawled under the car. I’m pretty sure that’s where I lost my debit card, crawling around trying to see under the car.
Foggy mornings, so she had her first experience driving in the fog. Then 1 mile out of Florida she moved over to let a couple of GHP cars back on the road and one thanked her by pulling her over. Poor kid, excellent driver with shitty luck. He said she sped up when he got behind her and that was suspicious. Maybe it was the AZ plate. He asks her a bunch of questions, he asks me a bunch of stupid/useless questions (is the Grand Canyon in AZ? Do you have a lot of drug smugglers in AZ? Why were you in DC? How long will you be in FL?) and then wanted to search the car. Really?
Okay, I understand about probable cause and all that shit, but the minute you say no they get all butthurt and cause you more grief. I laughed and pointed at the back seat piled with blankets and crap and told him the trunk was full as well, have a ball, baby. So Ginnie and I stood on the side of the highway for half an hour while he and some other GHP guy searched my car. They even yanked the back seat out! I didn’t even know you could do that with my car. Then the trunk… until the redheaded cop unzipped my sexcation kit and the big burly bald black guy almost fell over laughing. That was that, they tossed everything back in with a thank-you-very-much and no eye contact, and gave her a warning about my windshield. Whatever.
Got to Mom’s – food – Brittany came and picked up Ginnie for the night – helped Mom with her cell phone – next day picked up Ginnie and went to Dad’s – hung out – out to Olive Garden – hung out – dumped Ginnie back at Brit’s – next day to my sister’s to see the boy then back to Mom’s to help her clear out some stuff. Last day brunch with Dad and Bonnie and then hit the road home.
There’s pictures on Flickr and pictures on yFrog (which I HATE) and I can’t figure out how to link to the set.
On the way home we stopped at the Oklahoma City Memorial, Window Rock and then Winslow AZ.
SmallChild is now pissed because I’d rather finish this than take her spoiled little ass to McDonald’s.
