so don't ask if you don't want to know
We are family
I’m a Grammi again!
Sep 12th
Time to update my tattoo.
Let me start with this: The reason I have not mentioned this publicly is because up until she left the hospital without him, my daughter planned to have the baby adopted. Very few people even knew Ginnie was pregnant. Immediate family and close friends is all. I didn’t even tell my parents until this last trip to Florida – because the baby was to be adopted out.
So last Wednesday morning (7:51 am) after an almost easy and very quick labor/delivery Ginnie had a perfect baby boy she named Jack. 
I was there to help her, her boyfriend on the other side and his mother standing by. (Yes, I got home from Florida just in time.) He’s beautiful. The adoptive parents came in that night and everything was on track until Ginnie left the hospital without Jack on Friday. Friday night was tough and by Saturday afternoon she had decided to keep him.
My heart breaks for the wonderful couple who planned to adopt him. And… although I think this is the worst decision of her life, I’m resigned that it IS her decision and resolve to be as supportive as I can. Her boyfriend’s family is thrilled (they were against the adoption from the beginning – hence my frustration this whole week with the pressure they were putting on Ginnie and BF) and they have committed to support Ginnie and BF financially until they can do better. For now I’m just waiting to see how this works out.
But like I said, he’s a beautiful baby. Very quiet and content and when he can keep his eyes open he’s paying attention to what’s going on around him. 6 lbs 13 oz and a 9.9 Apgar, as close to perfect as you can get.
This is going to be an interesting ride.
She did what?
Sep 4th
I’ve learned a couple of things about old people after being here almost two weeks:
- You must wave at everyone you pass on the road, and talk to complete strangers like they already know what you’re talking about.
- Gossip (the thing look down upon most of your life) is expected now that you have to seriously watch your friends for dementia and odd behavior.
- There’s a certain fascination with watching “The World’s Dumbest…” ALL DAY LONG.
- They’re always cold. Some are funny, some are crotchety, some are pretty cool but they’re all always freezing.
It’s funny the difference between my Mother’s society and my Father’s. Mom’s life revolves around meals/gossip with friends and TV at home. Dad gets out more, hanging at the American Legion a couple nights a week where there’s decent live music and liquor and his Saturday afternoon poker game. Two different approaches to being this age and they’re only a few months and a few miles apart. He just seems so much younger than Mom.
Someone kill me before I get this old.
Oh sweet jezuz
Aug 31st
I’ve been made her executor. Had to be reminded that it doesn’t entitle me to execute her, though the thought has crossed my mind a time or two.
She bought a crap cell from Walmart last year and forgot to buy minutes for about three months. It sits in a drawer. “It’s too hard to figure out!!11!!Y” So I got her a new cell phone and added her to my family account. We’ve spent a few snippy hours going through the basics and I remind her every time we go out to bring it along – to get her into the habit. Tonight she went to the 7-11 for coffee and didn’t take it. I know this because the house phone rang and she was calling me to see if I needed anything – using the 7-11 phone. So now we’re REALLY going through and learning all about the phone.
FRUSTRATION!
Is it really that hard to learn how to use a low-tech, barely a phone cell phone? Am I so over-techie I can’t relate? It’s fucking 2011!
I also let her know she can turn off her computer. She hasn’t touched it since I was here last November but it’s still on and flashing all it’s annoying lights. What a waste. I’m not sure I have the patience to tackle learning the computer too.
BTW, you can’t put a 100 watt bulb in a 60 watt socket and expect it to last long. I’ve swapped out a few around here.
Then there’s the collecting of soda can pull tabs. She has hundreds of people collecting soda can pull tabs for her all over the place. Everywhere we go someone hands her more. I explained about Snopes and how the whole pull tab story is bullshit, but she’s convinced turning them in someday will give someone free dialysis time. Whatever, I’ll let her have that dream.
I’m going nuts here.
What Did I Do Wrong?
Aug 10th
I’ve been spending a lot of time trying to figure out where I went wrong with my kids. There are certain things you try to teach them while you have them and I thought I did a pretty good job! But my adult children are struggling – not as successful as one would hope.
I taught them to take care of themselves. To cook the basics, clean, do laundry, use thrift in shopping (but not too thrift, some things are worth paying a bit more for) and all those other basic things one needs to survive.
I taught them to help other people. To be aware of others around them and to behave appropriately in any situation.
I encouraged them when they tried new things. I attended every band/orchestra concert, play, and sporting event.
I paid attention to their schooling. I attended every student/teacher conference and helped with homework when I could and nagged them to do it every day. I volunteered at their school and got to know their teachers – at least in elementary school. By middle school none of them wanted Mom around, you know.
Their father taught them by example what work ethic meant. He went to work every day and worked hard no matter how much he hated any particular job. He had job loyalty. He took excellent care of his tools.
I’ll admit when I started parenting I made a ton of mistakes. I was a screamer and a spanker. Poor Casey caught the brunt of my ineptitude. But by the time he was 6-7 I’d settled down and tried to correct my mistakes. Was that too late?
I never coddled any of them. When one got hurt you either shook it off or dealt with it appropriately. (Maybe I should have been more concerned when Ginnie complained about her wrist for days – turns out it was actually broken.)
My kids weren’t spoiled. I laugh at labels (yet Max can’t buy anything without a label on it) but I did manage to keep them in new clothes when they needed them. Paying for college was never an option but we often discussed the military and/or how to get alternative financing.
I taught them to be responsible for their mistakes. I bailed them out of jail, but they were responsible for their fines. I stood next to them in courtrooms. I never gave them money to get out of legal trouble.
I think I was a good example but I listen to other parents gloat talk about how well their kids are doing and I just don’t get it. The law of averages dictates any family has one (not failure, just not as good as they could be) screw-all kid, but none of mine will ever be successful. They will struggle and fight for everything in their lives.
Where did I go wrong?
About Manning Up
Jul 21st
I was in a conversation last night wherein someone threw my “I wish they would man up” comment right back at me.
Jerk.
Just kidding. He’s absolutely right.
Here’s the deal, #2 son has driving issues. I won’t go into them here (believe it or not I do respect other people’s business) but I’ve had similar issues in MY life. So he’s been taking my car to school every day this week. It’s not that much of a bother to me as I spend most of my time sitting at home anyway but it’s just another thing, ya know? He needs to get to school so I let him use my car. I could “man up” and say no, then he doesn’t go to school, fails and never gets a decent job. The boy ain’t taking the bus (it’s way far) or the bus-train-bus thing either. No car, he doesn’t go. Period.
The other son has a great job but his hours are horrendous. He has to be at work by 4 am which means every day is a struggle. Where does Kira go for the day? There are no day cares open at 3:30am, we’ve looked. I take her once or twice a week, his other friend does too when she’s not busy, and a neighbor takes her when she doesn’t have to work. But it’s all so irregular and not really good for Kira. She spends the night (who wants a knock on the door at 3:30 am) everywhere and anywhere. There’s no stability. He’s doing the best he can! What’s the answer? They keep telling him they’re going on midnights, but that’s been the word for weeks. So, he’s manned up by getting off unemployment but this great job is killing him.
The girl… well I absolutely can’t go into her issues here – but let’s say she’s doing the best thing for a shitty situation.
I wish my adult children were better off. I want to advise, but I don’t unless they ask. I want to push but they’re adults. I want to be more done (I know as parents we’re never really done) than I am at the moment but they still need me around. At what point do we get to be the occasional helper instead of always on call?
I don’t understand it. At my youngest’s age I was on my own, married and taking care of business as I should. I’ve raised them to be independent, and yet they can’t seem to get there. Is it the economy? Are other young adults having this much trouble or just mine? It seems so simple: find a good job, a decent place to live, and GTFU.
Stupid adorable kitty
Jul 3rd
Did I ever tell you how much I dislike cats?
I spent the night at my son’s house last night. They have two cats, one that has learned to stay the hell away from me, and then there’s Snickers.
She’s a slow learner.
So about 4am this morning I crashed on the couch and Snickers decided to keep me company. Sure, as long as she just cuddled behind my butt I was okay with it. But every time I moved – to get a drink of water or roll over – she thought it must be time to attack my head.
The first time she landed over by the TV. The second time she did this cute backflip before running off to safety.
The fact that I’m only sneezing a bit this morning is a testament to my allergy meds. And my chest is only a little heavy.
Stupid adorable kitty.
Rat’s Nest
Jun 4th
There was a time, 20-odd years and 2.5 kids ago, that I paid a bored neighbor woman $30 a week to clean my house (laundry, dusting and vacuuming mostly) because I worked and had a horribly long commute. She wanted spare cash and I couldn’t keep up with it all myself. Casey was just a toddler then so evenings and weekends were better spent doing other things than cleaning.
Now that I have Kira overnight maybe a couple times a week and my house is a wreck I’m seriously thinking about hiring someone to come in and clean up after her. This kid has more crap at my house than at her own! And yes, she usually cleans up (mostly) after herself when I ask, but sometimes we don’t have notice when she’s being picked up and BAM she disappears and leaves everything out.
As I sit here (in my laziness) my coffee table is covered in coloring supplies and snackage mess. There’s still pink bedding on the couch and the floor THE FLOOR is covered in a plethora of stuffed animals and small toys. Plus books, stacks of children’s DVDs, and little clothing in various states of dirtiness. We had 5 minutes notice yesterday that it was time for her to leave so no cleanup occurred.
*sigh*
I don’t want to clean it up, but – although I’ve never been a spotless housekeeper – I can’t stand it! My natural lazy side is warring with my natural organizational side. I have a meeting in an hour so I can’t start on it now so I’ll have to come home to it, just like last night when I ignored it after #EVFN. How many other activities can I find today so I don’t have to come home and clean? It’s the floor that daunts me. Bending over a million times or crawling around? IDONWANNA!
Damn kid. No, damn my own lazy ass.
She’s dead to me now
May 25th
I’m done. I’m not even pretending I have a sister anymore.
Not that she’s acted like a sister in oh, I dunno… YEARS! But this is the last straw. She kicked her daughter out on the street (again) with no warning but a “Get the FUCK out of my house NOW!” for simply posting on Facebook that she was spending time with her son.
I knew this adoption was a bad idea. It was wrong. I said that Queen Bitch legally adopting her grandchild after taking the kid away in the first place would cause Miss B lifelong grief. I said that going that far would take away the main reason Miss B would have to get her shit together. And despite that, she has. She got away from DanTheAsshat, has a great job and is going to school. She’s happy and doing great, and celebrates that baby. She completely understands she’ll never get that kid back, because the adoption was pushed through when Miss B was still the underdog. But he’s still her son. It’s not like he was adopted out to strangers, in which case my feelings would be different. Did Queen Bitch honestly believe she could adopt the boy and the connection between he and Miss B would automatically change to sister and brother?
How can a mother do that to her daughter? Tough love is one thing, this is just selfish bullshit. If I were there I would be over there in a heartbeat and tell her exactly what I think of her parenting skills, her communication skills and her overall fucked up mentality. She has never treated Miss B right (including sending her to me years ago after choosing her man over her kid) and has blamed her for bullshit over the years just to… what? And then she cuts people out of her life for not treating ALL the kids equally when SHE doesn’t treat all the kids equally? Stupid deluded cunt. Every time I think about this I feel like throwing up… and then shipping it to her.
@msemphasis raises her glass to @pink
May 10th
It’s cute how the earworm in the 4-year-old’s head is @Pink’s Raise Your Glass. Except she didn’t have the words just right so I pulled up the video to listen to over and over. It’s the first time I’ve seen it and it’s AWESOME!
I want to ask so many questions! Like what was the most fun part to do, the sumo wrestler or feeding the calf? Who’s idea was the whole women’s breast milk for the calf anyway? I can’t decide what is my favorite part! I love the waking up with different religious icons too.
So Kira and I were dancing around the living room singing to Pink. And although I’m pretty sure a 4-year-old and her 50-year-old grandmother are NOT in her demographic I’m absolutely sure Pink wouldn’t mind.
Oh yeah, I opened a twitter account for Kira. She’s not such a SmallChild anymore so her new online name is @MsEmphasis.
EDIT: Someone pointed out my earwig/earworm mistake. I blame it on the bifocals.
Big Sister? Big Something.
May 8th
I think I’ve mentioned that my sister hasn’t spoken to me in years and I still don’t know why. Oh well, her loss. I’m a great person to be around and fuck her if she misses the chance.
And there were years she didn’t speak to our Mother either. Mom is a difficult person to be around. She’s bitchy (yes, more than me) and snarky (where the hell do you think I get it) but other people just seem to LOVE her. Her friends and family think she’s great while we kids and our families know the inner bitch. I maintain a relationship with her only because it was one of the last things my Grandmother asked of me while she was still coherent… before the Alzheimers took her away. It wouldn’t bother me a bit if I could feel like I was left off the hook for that either.
The thing is, Mom has gotten better. Apparently being married to the worst human being on the planet has softened her and made her nicer. She can actually speak in complete sentences without snark now and is actually funny and nice to us when she works at it.
Then my sister’s daughter (the only child of hers that I actually have a relationship with) had some shitstorm in her life including a child that Beth ended up taking in and started adoption proceedings for. We visited a couple of times when I was there and it was all so civil so I never did get to have an in-depth conversation as to why she shut me out. In the meantime Mom (somehow) started short weekly visits over there to spend time with the boy. He’s too much for Mom at her own house and Beth won’t let him out of her sight anyway. And apparently Mom was on her best behavior during these visits to not jeopardize future visits.
So… now its been like 6 weeks since Beth has scheduled a visit or even answered the phone when Mom calls. She’s cut her out again with no explanation as usual. And now Mom whines to me during my weekly duty calls. And I chatted with niece on Facebook and it’s because Mom supposedly opened her mouth and said something negative about Beth’s other kids.
Fuck that. We all know who we’re dealing with. Beth is the spoiled brat who cuts people off with no explanation whenever she feels offended by anything. I even told niece to tell her mother I said she needed to grow a pair and have a grown-up conversation with her own fucking mother and stop forcing everyone else to mediate. Niece is in the middle, I’m in the middle and the boy doesn’t get to see his Great-Grandmother when he’s too little to understand all the past history shit. But she won’t… she’ll just carry on in her little world feeling justified in treating people like garbage. And Mom doesn’t even remember saying anything but knowing her penchant for snark I’m pretty sure something was said.
So on this Mother’s Day I’m left with a crying mother, a bitch for a sister, and they both live too far away for me to do anything but vent here and then try not to care. I wish I could be immature and just close any connection with those people.
I envy you people with good relationships with your family. Happy Mother’s Day to those that deserve it.
