so don't ask if you don't want to know
People are stupid
I just can’t help pointing these people out.
Short-Shorts? Really?
Aug 19th
Apparently the major gossip discussion on the “news” channels is Michelle Obama’s clothing choice for her recent visit to Arizona. Seriously?
First, those are not short shorts. Mid-thigh is not short. If you can’t see the cheeks of her ass hanging out the back, they’re regular shorts.
Secondly, if you’ve never been to Arizona in summer you shouldn’t have an opinion. She’s dressed for comfort, especially when outside for an extended length of time. What should she wear hiking the Grand Canyon? A designer gown and high heels? That’s ludicrous.
And lastly, who the heck cares? That’s the problem with having multiple 24-hour “news” stations. Not enough substance to talk about that you need to fill your time with nonsense?
Michelle Obama has grace and style when she needs it. Why is it such a big to-do when she chooses appropriately? If she shows up in this ensemble for a state dinner then you stupid people can bitch.
My Meandering Mind
Jun 29th
I’m getting excited about my trip to Minnesota. I got the laundry done and most of my stuff packed. I may have to use the bigger suitcase.
I talked to the people at the new apartment and apparently my credit sucks so I have to come up with a bit more security deposit. The date is still on, August 8th. And I’ve decided there’s no way this carpet will ever get clean so I’m sure these guys will take replacement costs out of whatever deposit I may have had coming here. Oh well. EVENTUALLY money will loosen up.
I finished a couple of books last week. My Horizontal Life by Chelsea Handler was first. My friend CJ suggest it. It’s just a slightly amusing play-by-play of this woman’s one night stands. But about halfway through it just got boring and stupid. I mean, one amusing story at a time is cool, but this just goes on and on. I finished it. The other book was Seth Harwood’s Jack Wakes Up. I met Seth a couple of times (and we twitter) and he was in town Thursday for his book signing so I figured I’d get his book. I went and we all hung out after. He’s another podiobooks.com author. I’ve completely given up on listening to podiobooks. I can barely keep up with the regular podcasts I like, much less get involved with an ongoing story.
I cleaned the nail polish off my toes last night and freaked at how long my nails had gotten. Don’t have a man around to bitch about getting poked.
I have a bit of a dilemma regarding ThatGirl. You know she skipped town with her twins and ended at a homeless shelter in Indiana. She’d ran after the wrong man online. I heard she dumped her year old twins with his Aunt and now has signed them over. The aunt is adopting one of the girls and her cousin is adopting the other, so at least they will still have a connection. My dilemma is, I feel I should contact this family and give them Kira’s basic information so if in the future those girls want to find their sister they have something to start with. I’m not sure if I should leave well enough alone… or stick my nose in. There’s no telling what the future holds and how often Casey will move and change addresses and phones so if there’s to be an information exchange it should be now. For the kids’ sake. Then again, at the rate ThatGirl pumps out babies and then abandons them, there might be a whole litter out there in a few years so why bother.
Speaking of not having a man around. I don’t know why. I get out. I socialize. People seem to like me. I have (married or too young) men friends but I can’t seem to find or interest an available guy for me. Geeze, I don’t want to get married I just want companionship or even an occasional date. I wish someone could just tell me what I’m doing wrong.
I’ve had three different bites on my Dragon*Con tickets, yet no follow through. How hard is it to paypal $70 and your address to my email? Today if not sooner. Really, stop saying you want my ticket if you aren’t prepared to do it right now.
I think my ex-husband got married last week.
Has-been celebs have been dropping like flies in the last few weeks. I think Americans give their celebrities way too much attention and it climaxes with their deaths. Hours and hours of TV retrospectives and gossip mongering. Okay, David Carradine died jacking off, that’s all we need to know and maybe a quick replay of his credits before winning the Most Bizarre Finale Award. We don’t need 1,867 headlines of piecemealed out “information” repeated so often that the actual facts (if you ever find them) get lost in the noise. But that was just a warm-up for the whole Michael Jackson drama. Seriously, doesn’t anyone remember the child molesting? When he bought and paid for his children and dangled one over a balcony other weird shit we’ll never know about? Until the kids get old enough to write their own stories, that is. Although the man was one of the most talented pop songwriter/dancers in our history, he was FUCKING CRAZY. Yeah, I cut him the eccentric artist slack for a long time, but the scales were too unbalanced at the end. Maybe now the rest of his family will find some other tit to suck on. Probably Janet’s, she sure likes to put it out there.
Okay, I’m done for now. I really need to get stuff organized. Later…
Vegas, the final day
Jun 5th
It just occured to me that I forgot to finish that series of posts.
Saturday I tried to sleep in, I really did. I think I lasted until 9ish. Got up and packed up, got everyone else up and packed and went downstairs to replace the room key/players card I’d left in a machine the night before. I forgot to mention about the 45 minutes I sat in the elevator lobby waiting for Casey the night before because I’d lost my key.
I’d won a t-shirt with my player’s card, and wasted another $20 in the machines waiting for CJ to check out of her room and come over. We headed over to the all-you-can-eat-all-day buffet and had a nice brunch. And gambled some more. CJ had a lot better luck than I did, doubling her money, but I think we both eventually walked out losers. Went up to the pool deck to hang out for a while, then back to eat again.
I was so tired exhausted all I wanted to do was sleep or go home. Not a lot of sitting places in Vegas. Our ride to the airport showed up late, didn’t know how to get to the airport, stopped for gas on the way and got us lost AT the airport. Son’s dumbass friend. We should have took a cab, seriously.
Weird that I’d bought my plane tickets a week before CJ and we still ended up sitting next to each other. Casey chose to ride home with his friends so his seat was empty between us. And a really hot guy sat in front of me. He was a good sport with our teasing and flirting.
And then Ginnie was late picking us up from the airport.
| Originally published at Spellwight. |
Repeat after me:
Jun 1st
“That was a stupid irresponsible thing to do.”
Not me! I’m fucking brilliant compared to my son and his idiot friends.
First there was the M-girl that was so trashed by the time they arrived in Vegas that she sliced the shit out of the back of her leg while shaving and then passed out cold in our hotel room.
Then there’s my son who disappeared for hours with the only vehicle, coming back late and with an empty tank so CJ and I despaired getting to the airport in time.
Then there was (again) my son who decided to stay with the bunch instead of flying safely home with me.
After that, there was the idiot B who drank beers while driving the van homeward, got busted in Kingman for a DUI and got the van impounded. Because my son was also too drunk to drive and apparently those two of the 6 were the only ones with driver’s licenses.
Those four other people who for some stupid reason don’t have driver’s licenses. How stupid is to NOT have a driver’s license?
The one who called me and got pissed off that I wouldn’t drive up there and save them. From their own stupidity.
(Let me clarify, had they had car trouble or an accident or something else out of their own control, I would have gone to get them.)
Oh, and the drunk ass driver and his wife who left their kids at home with her parents and let the power run out instead of putting extra cash on the m-power. Priorities, right?
They got B out of jail late this afternoon and because the van is in his name they couldn’t get it out of impound before closing time. So they’re stuck there another night.
Life lesson #54. Don’t fucking drink and drive doubledumbass! What a bunch of fucking losers.
Repeat after me: “That was a stupid irresponsible thing to do.”
| Originally published at Spellwight. |
Alltel means what exactly?
May 31st
It sure as shit doesn’t mean Allover Telephone… or anything close.
Alltel does NOT have coverage in Las Vegas. Las Fucking Vegas! One of the biggest tourist cities in the US, and I roamed the whole time.
Alltel does NOT have coverage on the entire island of Oahu. Goddamn Honolulu! Again, one of the top tourist places in the US.
Check out their “coverage map” if you can see it. Isn’t that special. Can’t enlarge it, can’t get anything specific, and their color options make it impossible to see the actual differences.
I’m pretty sure I didn’t have service in Atlanta either. Can’t remember.
I did find a way to run Internet on my laptop through my mobile (something called PdaNet) and it worked okay, but at roaming prices it would have probably been cheaper to get the WiFi from the hotel. Guess I’ll find out when the bill is due.
| Originally published at Spellwight. |
Hey Buck!
May 22nd
Last night was the last straw. You screwed up your last chance.
I watched her face, at the moment she was happiest and most excited, as she called you to find out where you were. Because I’m such a bitch I wanted to get out of your way so you could come over and congratulate her. And you weren’t there.
I stood there and watched her face as she was told whatever reason you weren’t there. I’ve never seen anyone so crushed in my life. Her face literally fell. There amid all her friends and people who do care about her, she fell apart. Sobbed.
You cocksucking motherfucking bastard of a so-called father. Prick. Asshole. SOB. Useless whiny piece of shit drunk-ass fucktard.
How could you? I know you hate me and I don’t really give a crap. But when you use that as an excuse to fail as a father that’s on you. YOU MISSED YOUR DAUGHTER’S GRADUATION!
I’m no longer going to encourage these kids to call you any more. I’m done taking the high road and biting my tongue and telling them to try and set up visits. Other than a few snide comments on twitter or here I have not been “trashing you all over the Internet.” Stop using me as an excuse for your own failings as a father. Accept responsibility.
You failed and it’s all on you. There are no excuses.
| Originally published at Spellwight. |
Slumber Parties by Shauna
May 2nd
This is no reflection on the very nice lady who hosted the party. I think her name was Sherry. I’m so bad with names though I’ve met this woman once or twice before. She apparently does daycare during the day so there’s toys and kids stuff everywhere, which completely clashes with her husband’s empty liquor bottle collection as decoration. Not to mention the dead dear staring balefully out at us all.
So, Slumber Parties by Shauna was the event of the day. Okay, Shauna was polite and pretty and after telling us how she got into the business, she had a run-down on her private vocabulary for our private parts. What’s wrong with words like clit, vagina and anus? We got headlights, front door, doorbell, and back door.
After transporting us back to 1952, she started describing their products. Lubes and mists all including this mysterious thing called pheromones. Just Like Me Lubricant, Nympho Niagra, X-Scream, and Lime flavored Lickity Stiff. Coochy stuff? Like a Virgin to tighten your front door and Anal Eaze to deaden your back door, but don’t mix them up! Funny how the tubes look exactly alike.
OMG every time she mentioned anything anal you’d think anyone interested in THAT STUFF was crazy. Yet her most animated sales pitch, complete with hands and knees on the floor and wriggling, was in describing when you might need Anal Eaze. And nobody thought I was serious when I asked if the dildos were dishwasher safe.
Yes, I bought some non-silicone lube, something called Diva Dust so I can get sparkly when I go out, and a non-sex gift for my friend.
That was fun. I just wish I could have tweeted more. It was funnier as I went along but every time I started texting I made the poor girl nervous.
- Would it be tacky to twitter during a Slumber Party? Sex toys!
- The big hair girls are here.
- she’s using code words for private areas.
- This one woman is fascinated with the Tickle His Pickle book.
- Wet spot dehydrator in a can.
- Spread it around the edge of his helment and down the back of his soldier. Who writes this script?
- She didn’t think my dishwasher safe question was all that funny.
| Originally published at Spellwight. |
Are you stupid?
Apr 28th
I don’t consider myself or most of the people I associated with all that stupid. Okay, there are a few. But for the most part the people I know have at least half a brain.
So why does advertising seem to believe that we’re ALL too stupid to be able to mop correctly, dress properly, take out our trash or get through the day without their product?
Already this morning (on the radio while taking Ginnie to school) there was an advertisement from AAA talking about some guy on the road blows a tire and calls his insurance company to send someone out to fix it. Who calls their insurance company to change a flat? Two hours later the tow-truck guy informs him that his flat isn’t covered because he borrowed his girlfriend’s car. If he’d had AAA they’d have covered it AND been out there within minutes! Eventually he’s on his way to the wedding where (ding dang dong) he’s there before the bride enters.
First of all, what kind of a man (or woman) can’t change their own goddamn flat tire? Especially if you’ve been waiting TWO HOURS for help to arrive. But the guy’s already a jackass if he borrowed his girlfriend’s car and didn’t take her to the wedding with him.
That commercial was followed by another one about stupid people but I missed most of it while ranting about the first one.
I’m sick of the dirty mop – slopped bucket – frazzled woman commercials. I hate those trash bag splitting ads. I’m planning to compile a list of companies and products that run ads that make people look stupid so their product can save the world. That way I can have my own personal boycott party.
1. AAA
And while we’re at it, can we stop with the Burger King creepy guy? The latest Spongebob tie-in “I Like Square Butts” hip-hop thing is just too creepy for words.
| Originally published at Spellwight. |
Whatever happened to Barbies?
Apr 27th
If you want to know how fucked up the world is, just hang out on my front porch. Across the way…
Three little girls, ages between 9 and 11, complete with school uniforms. Toy machine gun and play (I think) handcuffs. Child one is holding the machine gun on child two, who is on her knees with her hands cuffed behind her back. Child three is behind child two holding her by the hair.
What. The. Fuck.
Let’s see if we can figure out what scenario they are playing. Something from Dora the Explorer? I think not. Maybe Disney has some new pre-teen program I’m not familiar with.
And where are their parents?
Well, apparently my glaring in their direction has spoiled their fun, because now they’re back to chasing each other on scooters and bikes.
Whew, nobody died.
tidbits or bids and tits?
Feb 23rd
While wandering through Myspace I found out my sister’s step-son’s wife had her baby and they named it Kaydence Renee’ – complete with apostrophe. Yes, my eyes rolled. Why do people feel the need to fuck their kids up forever? She’s gonna need to carry name cards for the rest of her life. Or maybe a tattoo would be easier.
Sister’s daughter Brittany (the only one of that family I actually have contact with) is due in a couple of weeks. Though I’m getting reports that she may deliver earlier as everything seems to be in perfect arrangement for it. She’s planning on naming her son Damien Gabriel. Interesting and yet spelled within normal limits. We laugh that he could turn out either way, evil or good. I don’t know if she’s planning on using her real last name (Stephens) or the one she goes by (Kinney) or the father’s last name (I’m clueless).
Mom was upset she was specifically uninvited to Brittany’s baby shower. Poor Brittany had to chose between her selfish bitch mother or her whiny obtuse Grandmother. What nice people I come from. And her perpetually broke Aunt Debbie wasn’t even mentioned.
Whatever.
_________________________
This Wednesday is Ignite Phoenix. It’s organized by friends of mine and the whole program consists of 5 minute/20 slide presentations of whatever you’re passionate about. As long as you’re not selling something. I think Jeff said there were 18 presentations this time. The last two IPs were at GoDaddy’s local offices but we’ve outgrown that venue and this time it’s at Tempe’s new Center for the Arts. Lots of people have been wanting an excuse to check out that venue so it should be pretty packed.
Friday night #evfn (East Valley Friday Nights) is meeting at Studios 5C Gallery in Tempe. I love #evfn. It’s our local twitter meetup every Friday night at a different location throughout the east valley and it’s expanded beyond twitter people. We’re averaging 45 people so it’s getting harder and harder to find places that can accommodate that many people. Apparently this one is sponsored (free food and drink). A couple of weeks ago we held it at a brand new W hotel called “aloft” and they provided a tour and a drink/bar snacks at their lobby lounge “w xyz”.
(I don’t know about this trendy naming shit with all lower case letters. I feel like I need to show they’re proper names somehow.)
And Saturday night is booked, too. I’m not sure if I can talk about that til it’s over but I have lots to do to get ready for it. I have PLANS. Think Mardi Gras and boobs.
I’ve got Kira today and she’s whining for second breakfast. I’m yelling YOU JUST ATE over her screeching and she ain’t buying it. Pause goes Gullah Gullah – which usually shuts her up. Consequences for whining. Let Grammi finish her stupid post and she’ll get you a snack. Patience grasshopper.
