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Personal
Personal stuff about me and my family.
50 is fantastic… so far!
May 2nd
Oh. My.
Well, my birthday celebrations actually started the Friday before the actual date but other than the residual bruising on my boobs, I was ready to continue.
Last Thursday was #EVTM so I went up to Liberty Market to hang with that gang and received even more birthday wishes. I have such good friends!
Friday I got up and finished packing, took myself for my free birthday breakfast at Liberty Market – yes, it’s THAT good, you go two days in a row when you get the chance – and then picked up Krystal to get the rental car. After a rough start because car rentals at the fucking airport aren’t set up for local people and we blew half an hour trying to find the right place, we scored a Charger and went back to her place and loaded up the car with their stuff. Picked up Max, had lunch and finally got on the road to VEGAS BABY! Made it to the Stratosphere just in time to get decked up, gather the troops, pre-drink and go out.
Because CJ met us there and both she and Krystal (and I) love karaoke I decided we’d go a half-block away to Dino’s Lounge. Yes, it was a dive bar but aren’t those the best places for Karaoke? We had a BLAAAAAST! Max and Casey and his friend Jeff got up and sang Happy Birthday (so did everyone else in the packed bar) and then CJ sang my favorite CJ-sings-Karaoke song, The Homecoming Queen’s Got a Gun, to which I got up in my drunken way and cheered her on. Then Krystal rocked Shoop. I flirted with the numerous guidos around me and got as drunk as I’ve ever been. I must’ve had 8-9 vodka cranberries throughout the night. Everyone had a great time!
Unfortunately Vegas was experiencing a surprise cold spell and we froze our asses off walking to and from the bar. Nobody brought warm clothes except maybe CJ. We’re idiots.
Speaking of guidos, Vegas is overrun with Jersey Shore wannabes but damn do they dress nice and smell good. Lots of flirting and leaning in close, but that’s all. Most of those young men were tolerant of this old bat so it’s all good.
Saturday started with buffet breakfast with CJ, Crystal O’hara and her daughter Colleen (see, I remember her name now) and Shannon – then Max and Krystal eventually showed up. Us girls then headed to the outlet mall where I tried on 6 bras and started crying cuz I can never find a bra that fits right. Poor CJ was so patient with me. Then back to the room for a nap after which we dressed up and met at Nine Fine Irishmen for the BEST DINNER EVER!
I had the cider braised salmon (with a couple of ciders) and it was fantastic. Other than the food, I don’t think anyone was really enjoying the experience so we split up and went our separate ways.
Ended up back at my hotel and made CJ walk all the way to the HOT TUB!!1 only to find out they close the pool area at 6pm BOO! Who the fuck closes a hotel pool at 6pm? The Strat, apparently. So we went back to my room and dressed up again and went up to the Air Bar at the top of the tower, where the evening disintegrated even further. I’m drinking the whole time, but still. We were all getting tired and cranky by then so I gave up and went to bed.
Sunday morning we all gathered once more to watch Casey take the leap from the top of the tower. There’s video of that on my Facebook page if you want to watch.
So… there were down moments but it was mostly way up. I had the best time ever, wore make-up *gasp* and Krystal made my hair look great! I got to flirt a bit, got plenty drunk and spent a really great weekend with my sons and friends. We’re planning another family trip in November when Ginnie turns 21 and can go along.
Awesome start to my year 50!
Mystical Science
Apr 27th
When my doctor went over my recent blood work results I was dumbfounded. Next time I’m going to have to record my visit because I just can’t remember it all, but the key points are:
According to the numbers I’ve been exercising. Really? Not so much. Sure, I get a bit more exercise now that I’m breathing better, but it’s not like I’m out there trying. More like walking from the parking lot without stopping to rest.
According to the numbers my liver is not handling my alcohol level well. Really? I have two or three drinks a WEEK. And I only started drinking like 5 years ago, so it’s not a long-time drinking thing. Fucking liver is in for it this weekend. (Vegas baby!)
According to the numbers my cholesterol is fine and my heart-related cholesterol is great. I’m as healthy as I can be!
She sees a few white blood cells in my blood, and something about fighting a UTI (which I really don’t remember having) so we’ll check again in 6 months.
All that misinformation from a few tubes of blood?
Actually, my breathing is great. I think I’ve used my albuterol inhaler once in the last couple of weeks as compared to a couple of time an hour like 4 months ago. I feel fantastic!
My blood pressure is iffy, so I now need to keep a chart. My weight is a little high (gained 10 pounds) but I blame that on the steroids – and maybe on the Butter Pecan Ice Cream I’ve used to replace cigarettes. What shall I use to replace the ice cream?
Maybe I should exercise more now that I feel better. Maybe after the spring pollen season passes because the only time I do feel any tightness is when I’m outside.
I’m telling you, when they first put me on 20 mg a day of prednisone I was good, then it was lowered to 15 and then 12 mg a day and I started feeling the bloating and gaining the weight. After Friday I’m supposed to go down to 10 mg a day and I wonder how I’ll feel after that. Though how I can feel more side-effects the less I take stumps both of us. Right now I just feel FAT though I’m sure that damned ice cream doesn’t help.
I really want to go back to smoking. Shaddup.
My 1st eBay purchase
Apr 24th
Fuggin scmuggin scrurpy pigmussen schmussen pissed.
THIS is what I purchased. In black. Yes, I understand what faux means. I didn’t expect it to actually, you know, corset anything – especially my fat. I did expect it to at least circumnavigate my body. Not a chance in hell. I suppose I could replace the string with a longer one but then the back would still have to be open 6-8 inches – or my entire back – to make the front close. Somehow I don’t think you’re supposed to OR HAVE TO do that. Plus it would look like crap in the front anyway because the decorative straps would sit wrong.
After checking on the return policy – none, so you’re fucked – I went to leave feedback. Hey, I tried to be neutral about the seller, but get my point across in case the next buyer bothers to check before buying.
It says XXL but there’s no way I could get this to fit my XL body. The 2 straps on the front bottom aren’t long enough or adjustable, and unstringing the back as far as it goes is still 3-4 inches less than you need to close the front. Reselling
I also sent a message saying pretty much the same thing to the seller. Not that anyone selling massive amounts of shit on eBay gives a rats ass about what their customer thinks. But this el cheapo faux corset apparently goes over real well with the skinny chicks. Whoever adjusted the pattern to fit larger people seriously needs some lessons. There’s an art to making something designed for a size 2 also look halfway decent on a plus size AND making the pattern work.
I’m really pissed that I bothered to hope. That I expected something marked XXL to at least fit around my XL body. That once again, I got screwed by my own stupidity.
EDIT: Update. I got this email this morning:
I am sorry you can not wear it. The XXL waist full close is 32inch it could be stretched about 2 inch. Could you please retract the negative feedback then i will refund $10 dollars to you. Please let me know. I am very sorry about that.
A. There’s no way in hell this thing can stretch like that. Everything else in my life is an XL and I can get it on. Ain’t happening. So that’s bullshit, period.
B. Everything she sells says NO REFUNDS. So am I too much of a cynic that I believe this is a $10 bribe to change my negative review instead of a good faith partial refund on a $40 purchase? Hmmm, I think warning the next poor sucker will make me feel better than that $10.
Past and future plans
Apr 10th
I’m getting involved more. I’ve always been on the PodcampAZ planning team, but I recently joined the Ignite Phoenix crew and started volunteering at Gangplank. And yesterday I went out with ImprovAZ on their Fake Protest Flash Mob. It was awesome!
You know, last week we hit 100° but yesterday was so friggin’ cold we only hung out there for about a half hour. There were so many of us we split up and fake protested on two separate corners. Some people have no sense of humor, but we did get at least half the cars going by to honk – or at least smile and wave. I didn’t want to stop!
I’m currently editing one podcast and helping someone else put their audiobook together, so “work” is going well. And Sheila, Evo and I are working on a new project now that Evo@11 is over. I haven’t actually put an episode together yet, but we’re getting there. This project is a bit more involved than a regular podcast.
I’m officially going to Vegas for my birthday. I invited my daughter-in-law Krystal to go with me and apparently that meant Max and Casey could go as well. Fine, they can wander off and do guy stuff. Poor Ginnie isn’t old enough, so we had to promise another trip in November when she turns 21. I have a couple more girlfriends meeting me up there and have invited (SNOWCALLA!) even more so I might end up with a real party. I’ll be there April 29th through Sunday.
I’m also officially going to Balticon Memorial Day weekend. All my podcasting friends go and I’ve missed the fun too many times. Flight’s pre-paid, admission’s pre-paid, so now I just have to pay for a room (roommate Evo?) and food/drink.
Then there’s SkepchickCon, June 30-July 3. That’s not official. It really depends on my finances after those first two trips. Another fun drive up to Minneapolis but I’m pretty sure I’d have a place to stay (AGAIN, SNOWCALLA!) so it’s just gas, food, and convention costs. That’s a maybe.
And I’d like to go back to TAM. TAM 9 is in Vegas mid July, but I’d be just as happy hanging out outside of the actual meeting. It’s so expensive to attend and I don’t want to press my luck by asking for a freebie again this year.
I think that’s it for now. Crap, I forgot I had eggs boiling and all the water boiled away. I have NO attention span.
Creative dreaming again
Apr 6th
I was standing in front of an overgrown capital building with Kira and there were people and garden plants all around. I wanted to teach her about tomatoes so we found this huge tomato plant and sat down. Crawling on the tomato plant were a couple of lime-green caterpillars the size of my ARM, one wearing a little top hat.
So I pluck a perfect tomato and start slicing perfect slices, using a rough stone as a cutting board. Kira then also slices perfect slices, nibbling on each slice. (I have never sliced a tomato in my LIFE, much less perfectly.)
Suddenly I feel something crawling up the inside of my pajamas pants so I jump up and oh-so-carefully slide them off. There’s Mr TopHat Caterpillar waving his creepy little claws at me. He says its time to dance.
Then I woke up.
So what the hell does that dream mean?
Sleeping is overrated, right?
Mar 27th
First I went through my “I can sleep and stay up whenever I want cuz I’m a grown-up” stage a couple of weeks ago. Up til 3:30 am and taking multiple naps during the day. Turns out I completely screwed up my medication schedule so I had to drop that. I still stay up way too late – out of choice – but wake up way too early – NOT by choice. I’m pretty sure I’m a night owl but I think there’s a conspiracy to wake me up at seven every morning, whether I want to or not. And I don’t sleep well when I DO sleep.
There’s a metal track under the gate in front of my building that I don’t really hear during the day when the TV is on or I’m working, but at night when I’m trying to sleep? EVERY car that drives over it thunks REALLY LOUD… twice! And because this is a huge apartment complex and I’m in the front that’s alotta traffic.
Then there’s the school bus stop right outside my front door. Four different buses running between 7 and 7:45ish – kids making kid noise, air brakes, roaring take-off noise. Arrrrrrrgh.
And so finally I get used to all this and had a couple of good nights of sleep and sleeping in as late as I want! Yay.
Then for the last two nights they’ve been doing road work out on Gilbert Rd. All night. Multiple trucks backing up with their multiple back-up beeping. I’m exhausted. Every time I try to sleep something keeps me from getting there. I went to bed at 10 last night and still didn’t sleep until well after one.
Next payday I’m getting one of those sound machines I’ve always laughed at.
I could sooooo use a nap right now, but Casey’s on his way over to drop of Kira for the night and I’m certain SHE won’t be in the mood to nap.
Grrr. Arrrg, Shit. Shaddup, lack of sleep makes me whiny.
About Choice
Mar 1st
I’m fairly sure any argument you pose against choice, I have a counter-argument.
Life begins at conception. I don’t believe that, but if you do how about this? Women miscarriage every day. I’ve had two miscarriages myself. Doctors call miscarriages spontaneous abortions. The only difference is chance vs. choice.
They could grow up to be President or cure cancer. Seriously? Look around you. See those children whose “parent” screams at them or talks to them like dogs? The kids who have nobody paying attention to their behavior? Victims of child abuse or neglect? Jails and drug programs are full of miserable grown-up unwanted children. Sure, not all unwanted fetuses are mistreated after birth, but chances are if Mom didn’t want to have it in the first place, she’s not going to be too involved in it’s raising. Some people just shouldn’t have kids. Then why do they?
You could put it up for adoption. Well, maybe. There’s still a stigma to putting your child up for adoption. I’d say it’s more acceptable to most people to abort or keep and mistreat than to give your child away. A woman has two kids and gets pregnant again, she’s going to be pressured into keeping that child, keep the family intact. You’re an idiot 15-year-old and it happens? I’ve seen an unwanted pregnancy destroy families, destroy the girl’s future. What if you’re a drug addict? Is it better to birth what will likely be a special-needs child? I’m sure there are enough special-needs children out there looking for homes.
You should take responsibility for your actions. How responsible is it to bring an unwanted child into the world? How responsible is it to force your beliefs onto other people? How responsible is it to force women you don’t even know into situations they’re not equipped to handle?
Well they shouldn’t have unprotected sex in the first place. Sure. Right. And you’ve never had unprotected sex. You’ve never once chanced it? Liar. So you make a mistake and the punishment is… responsibility for a child for the rest of their life? Seems fair…not. To either the mother or the child.
Imagine a world where every child was wanted and cherished. Sounds marvelous doesn’t it? The only way that’s ever going to happen is when we stop coercing women into having children against their own better judgment.
As far as I’m concerned, it’s not a baby – a real life – until it’s born. Until it lives on it’s own. Or at least until it’s big enough in vitro to possibly live on it’s own. Then it has the rights all humans should have. Before that, it’s just a growth. And the woman who doesn’t want it ought to be able to choose to get rid of it without strangers making a difficult decision even harder.
Why do people keep sticking their noses into other people’s business? It seems to me that life is being wanted and loved. Being pro-life means you expect and berate women into having babies they don’t want. How is that a life for anyone? Isn’t it better to have 100 wanted and loved children than have 300 unwanted and mistreated ones?
Book Judging
Feb 22nd
Something I’ve had to change from my previous thinking, is judging people by their appearance. Actually, judging might be a bit harsh. Maybe “instantly compartmentalizing people based on their appearance” would be closer. Judging implies I also add weight to whatever I compartmentalize them as, which I don’t do as much.
For instance, in my previous life (before social media) I’d see this guy and my first impression would be motorcycle builder or roofer. 
Not that there’s anything wrong with either, but you wouldn’t expect as much intelligence with people in those positions versus engineers or CEOs.
But I happen to know this guy Derek. He’s like, brilliant. He’s one of the founders of Gangplank, he’s heavy into growing Chandler, and he’s apparently the go-to guy for Phoenix-area reporters when discussing local business.
He’s so much smarter than me that when we’re in the same room I just listen in awe and try to interject something amusing occasionally. Nobody cares that he comes to work every day in shorts and t-shirts and ball-caps and might not even own a suit. What matters is who he is, not what he looks like. (Though I’m not sure about that beard-thing, Derek)
I use Derek as an example only because he popped up on my TV yesterday. He’s just one of countless people that have taught me that appearances can be deceiving. I’ve met so many really smart, articulate, nice people that from a distance the old me would have pegged completely wrong.
I feel like I’ve been coming out of a fog in the last few years. There’s my previous life of… well, too many mistakes to go into, but close-minded and safe works. And now there’s my new life where I try really hard to learn from my new friends and stop making assumptions. But we all need to stop making instant value judgments. I’m getting closer to being a decent person myself, but I occasionally backslide:
I’m sure she was a really nice girl.
It’s all good… except
Feb 15th
First I moved my blog from my friend’s server to Page.ly. I completely understand the security reasons behind the pain-in-the-ass restrictions with my previous host, but I decided I’d rather pay Page.ly a minor monthly fee (I had a coupon) than hassle every update for free. And it’s all good… except my categories are all out of whack.
Then I moved me to a new apartment. Actually I didn’t move me, Ginnie, Tyler, Max, Casey and Kira did. Yes, Kira was a lot of help carrying little things, running back and forth on her little younger legs. I’m mostly set up here. I still have a couple of boxes of books and stuff but everything else has it’s place.
- The good: Brand new carpets and blinds throughout. Washer is a bit loud, but at least I have one. I have a fireplace! The place is pretty big, first floor, covered parking.
- The bad: Slight smell of wet pressed-wood from the (fixed) leaky kitchen sink that I hope will fade. I’m a little close to Gilbert road traffic, and I’m on a front corner so I get a lot of resident traffic, but I only really hear it when the TV is off. School buses drop off right outside my door. And I can’t figure out how to get the static electricity out of my new plastic vertical blinds in my bedroom, so I feel a little exposed. They keeps sticking together at the bottom and leaving spaces.
- The ugly: Dead and dying cockroaches. Little ones and BIG ones. I was told they sprayed repeatedly before I moved in and there might be some crawling out to die. Right. Every morning there are at least a dozen little dead ones around on the floor, but the BIG ones take a little more… encouragement to die.
But I’m breathing 80% better and I like my neighborhood more. Everything I need within a 2-mile radius.
The best part? I’m alone!
A Study in Virtues
Jan 12th
Are virtues in your genes? Or passed down through our parent’s teachings? Absorbed though osmosis from our environment? All of the above.
I got a bug in my head to think about my own virtues, so I wandered over to wiki to get an example of virtues. There’s a lot to slog through but I was especially interested in the list. That’s me, cut to the chase. You’ll notice I don’t count patience as one of my virtues. Anyway, I started going down the list and trying really hard to be honest with myself about what I consider my virtues. Let’s go with the first few:
I think ability is born in you. You either can or you can’t. Acceptance must be learned, and I constantly work on this one. My assertiveness comes and goes, as does my attention/focus. Sometimes it’s there and sometimes it’s not. Candor is me, hence the title of this blog. Caring? Mostly I care about people who try, but I have little patience or empathy for whiners. I’m charitable with my time… and money when I have it. I’m not sure what they mean by citizenship. I’m patriotic, and I believe in our Government though I don’t always trust it. Cleanliness? I don’t know why cleanliness is considered a virtue. Everyone should be clean, geeze. I can make a commitment as long as I’m not too disappointed by the people I commit with. Believe it or not I have compassion, but it’s a fairly new feeling for me. In the past my lack of patience meant I had little compassion for people with real issues. Conscientiousness goes along with commitment, doesn’t it? If you say you’re going to do something you damned well better do it the best you can. And consideration goes along with compassion. I’m still learning courteousness. I wasn’t taught thank you, it was just assumed. I’ve had to learn to thank people out loud. In fact, I’ve adopted Chief Brenda Lee Johnson’s “Thank You So Much” that I hear her southern accent every time I say it. I think I’m dependable. I try to be dependable. And I don’t really consider detachment a good thing, though I feel I have it the most of all of these. I feel I’m too detached.
I think I’ve either worked on or picked up most of these later in life. As I look at each one I tried to think of where I got it, whether learned or it’s always been there. I’ve always been honest and blunt, compassionate and charitable. I’ve learned acceptance and consideration. There’s a whole long list of virtues on that wiki page, but too much introspective in one post is baaaaaaaad.
What other “virtues” on that list do you think I have? Am I fooling myself in which ones I think I have? Be brutally honest.
I certainly know which ones I don’t have, such as forgiveness, optimism, self-confidence and sensitivity. I’m often told Atheists can’t have good morals if they don’t believe in God and Hell, but I think I do. At least enough morals/virtues to be a good person. I don’t hate, I don’t spread hate but I’m honest enough to admit I have a tremendous dislike of certain types of people. Okay, maybe I do hate a couple of people, but I don’t propagate or spread it to others. It’s more of a “that person is a waste of space so it would be nice if they went away permanently” feeling. Sure, I have compassion for people who can’t help what they do/are but I’m still impatient enough to not cut any slack to people who CAN help themselves but choose not to. And I don’t think that’s wrong.
Oh well, I’ve droned on long enough. Here’s to you thinking about your virtues and where you got them. Take a moment and look at the list.
