so don't ask if you don't want to know
Personal
Personal stuff about me and my family.
Inspection?
Jan 11th
Found a note on my door a couple days ago. A two-day notice of intent to enter apparently every apartment in the complex.
This inspection is for our annual lender inspection and is a mandatory inspection of all apartment homes located within our community. Due to the nature of this inspection, we can not accommodate appointments or reschedule.
WTF? Annual lender inspection is a new one on me. So sometime 9-5 today or tomorrow someone will be inspecting my apartment for what? What would the lender be looking for? Illegal activity? Improper remodeling? Poor hygiene? Hoarders???!!!!!
I’m resisting the urge to attempt a massive deep cleaning. My place is a little messy with little girl stuff as I don’t bother to clean up after the kid unless I’m expecting company of my own. There are 2-3 dishes in the sink and a bag of trash by the door to be taken out. I suppose I could vacuum… fuck that.
The worst part is I have to be dressed. I’m seldom wearing real clothes when I’m home alone because I’m an elderly shut-in. I have “house clothes.” Let your imagination wander.
Bring it on lender inspectors.
________________________
OK, so they came and went. Three guys, one to check if I had all the appliances and that they worked, one guy went in to the bathroom (without the light on) and spent a couple minutes doing I dunno what, and the third guy wandered around looking at the edges of the ceiling in every room with a giant flashlight presumably looking for water leaks.
Seriously, what was the guy doing in the bathroom? I didn’t hear any water running or flushing, but what would you inspect in the bathroom in the dark? He didn’t even have a flashlight. Creepy. And now I have to pee and I don’t want to go in there.
Another Parenting Tip
Dec 2nd
Having been a victim of child sexual abuse there’s something I taught my children:
YOU NEVER HAVE TO BE ALONE WITH ANY ADULT.
There is safety in numbers. There is safety in witnesses. If your teacher wants to talk to you alone, insist on someone else being in the room. If your principal calls you into his/her office alone, insist on the door being open or another staff member being present. If ANY person in authority wants to see you alone, you have my permission to politely request there be a witness or refuse to comply. If you’re uncomfortable with someone then tell me. If Mr. Whosywhatsis gives you the creeps then you have my permission to avoid him. This includes coaches, cops, church people (when they visited their friend’s churches) or anyone in authority.
There’s no reason to be rude about it unless and until it becomes confrontational. There are ways to protect yourself without being a smart-ass about it. Be calm but firm, and if you get any crap about it insist that I be called in.
Sorry sir, it’s a family rule. Period.
Because you never know. Women have been married to pedophiles and never knew, people have worked alongside these monsters and never had a clue. Children are the least capable of determining character and are easily convinced of a person’s charm until they are backed in the corner and it’s too late. Pedos are slick. They’re masters at being in the right place at the right time.
Those Catholic priests and the people who covered for them. That football coach and the people who covered for him. I just read another article where a manager of child actors has been accused. My uncle was a deacon in his church and has two adopted children – the adoption process scrutiny should have found something but it never did.
Never leave your child alone with anyone especially if they don’t want to be there. If they say they don’t like the babysitter, find another one. If their relationship with an adult suddenly changes, PAY ATTENTION to why. The child may be afraid or not have to words to explain, but figure it the hell out before you let it go.
Yeah maybe I’m a little paranoid. I have cause. All it takes is a few minutes alone to change your child’s life forever.
Anne McCaffrey
Nov 22nd
At about 5 p.m. Monday November 21st, 2011, Anne McCaffrey passed away.
I’m writing this now because I want to remember, not link-bait. Just a few weeks ago we were discussing (on StorytellersAZ) heroes and icons and I couldn’t really think of anyone on the spot that I could mourn like people were going on and on about Steve Jobs. When I got home that night it occurred to me that Anne McCaffrey is the closest person to an icon that I have had in my life.
My first AMC book, DragonSong, was given to me when I was in the AF and working late shifts in the Pentagon. I loved it and went on a search for anything else she had written. Over the years I think I’ve read just about all of her stable of stories and own many of them. I’ve always looked in used book stores and at yard sales and I always buy if I don’t already have a better copy.
When I finally got on the internet one of the first places I visited was her website, complete with bulletin boards and a chat room – where I met some of my oldest friends. Come to find out Anne actually visited her chat room just about every day so I got to know her online as a real person. We chatted about everything under the sun and when she mentioned how much she missed Girl Scout cookies, I shipped her some.
I first met Anne IRL at Dragon*Con in 2003. She told everyone at the gather the story of those cookies and how when her sister-in-law was dying, those damned cookies where the only thing she would eat. Holding my hands the entire time, she had everyone in the room in tears.
I saw her again a couple years later, but I couldn’t get back after that.
I will always remember what an interesting woman she was. Bawdy, funny, smart and did NOT suffer fools. What they used to call a spitfire. Most people say her PERN series is their favorite and although I have a dragon tattoo because I love her dragons, my favorite series is the Freedom one. Then the Talent series. Then PERN. Blasphemy in the fandom, I know.
I don’t want to fly dragons, I don’t want to have some cool power and I don’t want to be picked up by aliens and dumped on another planet, because I’ve already done all that. I want to be like Anne was, strong willed and sassy. She’s my hero.
Now I gotta go dig out my AMC books and do some nostalgic reading.
Chicken Voila!
Nov 9th
I love ready-made food. I’m not a cook, I’m a heater. I’ve loved everything Stouffers that I’ve tried. I also like Birds Eye Three Cheese Chicken Voila! 
Not so much the other Voilas but I do like this one except the carrots.
Ugh, the carrots. Don’t get me wrong, I do like carrots but these are… nasty. Something is terribly wrong with their carrots. I’m really not a fan of broccoli either but this brand has enough cheese to cover the taste of those.
I figure if I eat all the broccoli it’s okay if I pick out the nasty carrots, right?
For an antivegetarian I think I’ve come a long way every time I choke down some broccoli. Here’s to eating healthy.
Blah
Some of my best friends are…
Oct 25th
Something just popped up on my Google+ thingamajiggy that I don’t really use. Some feller posted something about online “friendships” and how most people (those who presumably don’t spend a lot of time online) don’t give much credit to those friendships.
Now I’ve met bunches of people I first knew online, either through twitter or other local social events. Honestly I barely know most of them. Yes we greet each other warmly (and sometimes hug) but really it’s a more surface relationship. But I can count many people I’ve met online over the years that have really become lasting relationships.
My oldest online and BFF is Cara. I met her and another friend Charlotte on a fandom site years ago and have met them both IRL. I make time in my life to see Cara at least once a year. We laugh that we’re twins born 10 years apart. Peas in a pod. Closer than sisters. Charlotte is awesome too. She’s an amazing writer and one of the most interesting young people I know. I feel honored that she likes me. There are other “friends” I met on that site that I still stay in contact with, some I wish I could meet and some I’m fine with keeping it an online relationship.
I met Evo online (podcasting) before I actually met him, and through him his wonderful wife Sheila. My lifesavers. These people changed my life. And through podcasting I’ve met other wonderful real life friends. CJ (my local BFF), Dani the Diva, Donna, A, Bruce, Crystal and many others.
I’ve met people through twitter meetups and other online-people social get-togethers that I love! Jana, Jeff, Wendy and Chris, Katie and Tyler, Patrick and Vinessa, Ruthie, Oden… I can’t wait to see these people all the time. Great times, great people.
Had I never plugged into the internet I would never have met any of them. I shudder to imagine where I’d be without them. Most of the people listed here mean more to me than my own family – except my kids/grandkids!
Here’s the thing. Of all my friendships with people I didn’t meet online only one has survived. But guess what, Wendy and I maintain most of our contact on the internet and use twitter to occasionally meet up in real life. I can’t think of another real friend I didn’t meet online or through online groups, unless you count my kids and our mutual friends.
Thank you Internets.
I will literally kick his ass
Oct 23rd
On Thursday when Casey came to pick up Kira from me, he told her they were going to the zoo on Saturday. They talked about getting up early, googled the hours and rates, etc.
When I saw them Friday night he still planned on it. Wasn’t going to drink much because they had that zoo trip in the morning. Right.
When he dropped her here last night so he could go to a couple of birthday parties I sternly reminded him NOT to get too wasted, because he’d already put off the zoo until today.
So here she sits, all dressed and ready to go. She picked out special comfortable clothes and shoes. Had breakfast so she wouldn’t be hungry. Brushed her teeth without me asking. She’s decided she wants to see the lions first and then asked if the zoo had horses. I’m pretty sure the lions and horses are at opposite ends of the zoo here.
So the zoo opens at 9. I’m calling him now (8:25). Of course he doesn’t answer, but then again he seldom answers but usually calls me right back…
———-
Now it’s 9:20 and he still hasn’t answered (6 tries) or called back. I’m really pissed for her but there’s nothing I can do until I can get him on the phone. He shouldn’t have fucking told her he would take her and then let her down! You don’t TELL kids unless you really, REALLY plan on following through.
———-
Finally! He called me back at 9:30. The plan NOW is to go at noon. Smart plan in this heat but at least he isn’t completely reneging on the deal. Then I WOULD have had to kick his ass. Now he’ll just have to suffer through the heat and her being whiny and tired at the zoo. Serves him right.
Feeling sorry for myself again
Oct 10th
I’ll tell you what. If someone told me they were as sad and lonely as I am now, I’d give them all kinds of advice… advice I can’t seem to follow myself.
I feel so left out of everything. Even when I’m at events with my friends I feel like I have nothing to offer and hardly anyone talks to me about anything. My friends are getting together and doing fun things and I’ll betcha nobody thinks to ask me along because I’m boring? A downer? Have nothing to contribute?
My head is full of cotton.
Dammit. I hate this feeling. Like I could completely disappear and nobody would give a shit.
Needy.
I tried. A couple of times I’ve asked friends to get together and do something and people always have other plans, or do they? I shout-out I’d like to go to dinner here or there and ask if anyone would like to join me and no response.
I can’t keep sitting at home for days on end never seeing another human being, just waiting for the next friend get-together on the off-chance that I’ll feel more connected. I could maybe get a part time job to get me out and about. Where else do you meet people? Hanging out at bars is an option, but then generally the guys you meet hanging out at bars are not the kind you really want to be with. I don’t have any compelling interests to find a group meeting about those interests. I’m so fucking bland.
I’m losing it.
Fuck it, nevermind. I’ll deal. I’ll figure it out. I’m just lonely.
I’m done.
Planning waaaaaay ahead
Sep 29th
There’s so much I want to do next year and if I want to do it I have to start planning out the finances now.
- There’s The Reason Rally in Washington DC March 24 – giant maybe (Flight/hotel)
- There’s Balticon May 25-28 – absolutely (Flight/Hotel/Con Fees)
- Convergence – just the Skeptrack part – July 5-8. (Con Fees/gas to drive)
- TAM 10 is most likely in July – likely too expensive in Con Fees
- There’s Dragon*Con in late August – if I can convince Calla to go back with me (Flight/Hotel/Fees)
Seriously, Calla? What do you think of going back?
I wish I could just stay at the hotel as a regular guest, that way I could see the people in their costumes and hit the parties. I really have no desire to actually attend any panels or whatever. Maybe visit the dealer’s area – which would require a con badge. Not that Dragon*Con itself is very expensive, it’s the flight and hotel that costs.
It’s all about the benjamins.
musta been something i et (TMI)
Sep 20th
This is actually for my records more than anything.
I woke up around 3:30 am (again) with that gurgly feeling in my intestines. You know, that oh-shit-any-moment-my-body-is-gonna-explode feeling?
I got up and prepared: lights on, bucket near the potty, water glass and wet washrag standing by. Last time I had this feeling my body actually DID explode from both ends making a mess everywhere that – living alone – I had to clean up. So I was smart this time.
Except I was a little over-prepared. This time was not as bad as last time. I sure wish I knew what I ate that causes this.
Yesterday I ate cereal as usual and last night I went to Applebees and had a burger and fries. With a frozen lemonade. I seldom have lemonade so maybe it’s that? Is there such thing as a lemon allergy/sensitivity?
I’m a Grammi again!
Sep 12th
Time to update my tattoo.
Let me start with this: The reason I have not mentioned this publicly is because up until she left the hospital without him, my daughter planned to have the baby adopted. Very few people even knew Ginnie was pregnant. Immediate family and close friends is all. I didn’t even tell my parents until this last trip to Florida – because the baby was to be adopted out.
So last Wednesday morning (7:51 am) after an almost easy and very quick labor/delivery Ginnie had a perfect baby boy she named Jack. 
I was there to help her, her boyfriend on the other side and his mother standing by. (Yes, I got home from Florida just in time.) He’s beautiful. The adoptive parents came in that night and everything was on track until Ginnie left the hospital without Jack on Friday. Friday night was tough and by Saturday afternoon she had decided to keep him.
My heart breaks for the wonderful couple who planned to adopt him. And… although I think this is the worst decision of her life, I’m resigned that it IS her decision and resolve to be as supportive as I can. Her boyfriend’s family is thrilled (they were against the adoption from the beginning – hence my frustration this whole week with the pressure they were putting on Ginnie and BF) and they have committed to support Ginnie and BF financially until they can do better. For now I’m just waiting to see how this works out.
But like I said, he’s a beautiful baby. Very quiet and content and when he can keep his eyes open he’s paying attention to what’s going on around him. 6 lbs 13 oz and a 9.9 Apgar, as close to perfect as you can get.
This is going to be an interesting ride.
