so don't ask if you don't want to know
Personal
Personal stuff about me and my family.
What's Happenin'
Jan 28th
Whew, busy busy busy. Saturday I went to CenPhoCamp, learned a little, presented and helped clean up. Then went across the parking lot to Turf for the after party. The presentation went well but thankfully Jack Mangan was there to help answer the tougher questions. I’ll have to remember to give him a special thank you next time I see him.
Sunday I spent the whole say editing MADphx podcasts. Monday I went to Ikea to get new dishes so I could dump my old ones on Ginnie. They’re FINALLY moving out, into Casey’s apartment and he’s moving across the parking lot to a larger apartment over there. They’re all just waiting on Shane to come up with his share of $$$. Tuesday I went in for a 6-month follow-up on my mammogram, a pin-point mammogram (which pinches even more than a plain one) and a left breast ultrasound all for what turned out to be just an aggravated lymph node.
Yesterday I spent all day with Evo training VA regional PR and Marketing people how to make podcasts, be effective on twitter and Facebook. Then last night to his house to record Evo@11.
This morning, I thought I had labs scheduled so I fasted but when I got there I had the dates wrong – not til next May – and grabbed a crappy bagel before my appointment with the nutritionist. Now I have Kira this afternoon and I’ll drop her off before I go to the Phoenix Comic Con kickoff tonight at the Phoenix Civic Center. I can’t decide whether to drive to that or take the light rail. After that I have to drive out to fucking CHANDLER to pick up Krystal because she want to go to the airport at midnight to pick up Max. HE’S OFFICIALLY DISCHARGED FROM THE ARMY.
And tomorrow night is #evfn.
I’m so tired.
Oh yeah, the nutritionist said I had a pulmonologist appointment Feb 18th and some sort of pulmonary test the 8th, so I’m assuming the notification is in the mail.
And I shall name it Squishy
Jan 26th
The last couple of times I’ve had my yearly mammogram they’ve found something in my lefty. So I get the squishy and a week or so later I get a letter saying I need an ultrasound. So I go in for that and they say it’s nothing to worry about. But today I had to go in for the whole lets-get-a-closer-look shebang.
I don’t worry. Here’s my philosophy: shit happens. 
I could get all freaked out that they keep focusing on this little thing and scheduling my yearlies closer and closer together. I could freak out that today I had a regular mammogram (again) and a spot-specific mammogram (that hurt like hell) followed by an ultrasound. I could let my imagination soar and think of 100 negative connotations and be all angsty and shit.
But why? What could I do up ’til this point to change the outcome? I’m receiving excellent care from a top-notch bunch of medical professionals. People whose job it is to know what to look for and how often to look and all that. What good would it do to freak out before any final verdict?
Turn’s out it is Negative. The Dr at the Laura Dreier Breast Center (marvelous place) says it’s a cranky (my word) lymph node. No biggie.
See? I don’t understand these people that get themselves all worked up without the facts. Seems like such a waste of energy to me. And even if it had been something serious, I don’t think I’d have freaked out then either.
Just keep swimming.
My Intro to Podcasting Presentation
Jan 24th
This is the presentation I delivered yesterday at CenPhoCamp.
But that's not what I need!
Jan 20th
I went to my doctor appointment at the VA today. I’m not going to bitch TOO much because it’s all better than it used to be and also… free.
Parking sucks. Wandered the parking lot for 7 minutes waiting for someone to getthefuckout leave. I was early (of course) but got right in to the BP/weight screener and fairly quickly into the Dr. She’s new to me as my old Dr. Monte apparently went part time. I really like her. She listened, went over all my history thoroughly, and set up a bunch of stuff. Something like she didn’t know 0f any meds I could be taking that I wasn’t already so I should go back to the specialists in Pulmonary. Peachy.
I mentioned I’d tried to lose weight by altering my diet but it’s impossible to move as one needs to move to get exercise. Especially now, but even when my breathing was better I still couldn’t exert myself without guppying. So I’m scheduled for another visit to the nutritionist next week and from there I’ll join a class ingeniously named Move. We’ll see.
She said my BP was fine yet when I checked out the front guy sent me down for a home BP monitor. He also sent me to radiology for an ultrasound and they turned me away – they’ll call me. And he sent me to get an H1N1 shot (mission accomplished) and to Well Woman. So I sat outside that clinic for an hour before the baffled nurse came out and explained to me that I didn’t need an appointment until JUNE. That’s what I thought!
All that and I’m still not breathing normal. Better today than yesterday because it’s NOT RAINING but still not right. I have labs ordered and need to fast, so probably next Thursday as long as I have to be there anyway.
I guess I just sit here and wait for pulmonary to call me?
Every breath I take
Jan 18th
Breathing is like, really important. Since I had that flu before Christmas I’ve not been breathing like I should be. I had that full-on attack New Years Eve and now even simplest effort sets me off. Walking to my car, Ginnie’s deodorant, vacuuming, showering, talking too much, and today with the rain – just sitting here in my chair.
I have the asthma cough and I feel like there’s a 10 lb weight sitting on my chest. I can’t get a deep breath or when I do I cough it all away. But this level isn’t emergent. I have a doctor’s appointment on Wednesday and until then I have to plan and take care every moment, or I could overdo it and end up back in the ER.
Please let there be new medications. I’m already taking Advair (500/50) and theophylline, and Accolate, and the inevitable albuterol inhaler and it’s just not cutting it anymore. This is a new doctor so maybe she’ll have new information, new medications.
I have too much to do this week to get bogged down with no air. I’m supposed to give my first ever presentation at CenPhoCamp this Saturday. I’m already nervous as shit about that and I can’t even get up and practice or I get out of breath. I’m so unprepared. If I’m not better by Saturday I’m not sure I can do it.
New Business Cards
Jan 17th
I got my new business cards yesterday. What do you think?
Okay fine, technically they’re not business cards. My moo-cards, while adorable, had outdated information on the back and I needed to get something new. Bite me.
I probably shouldn’t have designed/ordered them so late at night when I was tired. I like them, but I probably should have leaned a little more to the professional side. Or not.
Did I mention I’m a little lost in this going-int0-business-for-yourself thing?
Really? How?
Jan 11th
The latest thing is posting just your bra color on facebook which may or may not have started as a Victoria Secret catalog suggestion. Rumor has it that morphed into using the idea to open discussions on breast cancer awareness. It’s all bullshit. We’re all well aware of breast cancer by now.
How exactly does posting your bra color of the day do anything to fight against breast cancer?
Remember all those green washed avatars to support what was it, Iran? How exactly did that make a difference?
The blacked-out avatars at least was a visual clue to whomever was looking that many people were aware of that particular political topic. IIRC it had something to do with copyright laws and screwing people over. At least that did something.
Then there’s the ribbons on your cars. There’s a variety of available ribbons for every friggin’ cause out there. Supposedly if you buy an actual ribbon some of the money goes towards that cause. I’m not sure how accurate that is. But photo-shopping a ribbon on your stupid avatar doesn’t do squat.
Just because it’s so easy to “show your support” of a particular cause it doesn’t really mean you are actually supporting the cause ya know. Stop paying lip service and make some effort.
The next time you’re all fat and happy and say you support X-cause-of-the-day I want to know how. Did you give blood? Donate to cancer research? Send a care package to the troops? Write an actual letter to a politician?
Really? Then stick THAT on your avatar.
My Friend Tee Morris
Jan 9th
He’s one of the most generous men I’ve ever met. 
When our podcasting friend Joe Murphy died, Tee was the front man for the website and podcast, first to raise money for Joe’s family and then to help fight leiomyosarcoma.
Tee was a founder and one of the first authors to give away their audio books at podiobooks.com. He’s been recording and giving away his work since.
Don’t get me wrong, he’s also trying to sell his published books. I really like his Morevi series but Billibub Baddings is my favorite. He and Evo wrote the original Podcasting for Dummies.
Plus, he’s a hell of a DJ. And adorable. And sometimes annoying with all that energy. I could bring up positives about Tee all day.
But with the recent passing of his wife Natalie, he’s now also a single father. The community has come together to help him in one of the few ways we can:
We can help take some of the financial pressure off Tee in raising Sonic Boom. Believe it or not, authors aren’t rolling in it. Hopefully we can be as generous to Tee as he is to us. I’ll be donating as soon as I can.
So if you have a few spare bucks you can send along to someone who will definitely need them please do so.
18 Months
Jan 4th
18 months ago tonight was the last time…
I’ve stopped looking. I certainly don’t expect anything that serendipitous to happen again, nor anything more average either. I’ve been hit on exactly once since then if you don’t count my long-lost friend who lives across the frakking country. I don’t expect anything to happen there either. It’s a nice thought though.
You know what I miss most? I miss skin. I miss naked tactile contact. I was never much of a hugger before but now I am, and I think it’s a sub-conscience substitute for that more intimate contact. I think that might be what I miss most about being married… freedom of touching.
My last little encounter, while pleasant, wasn’t even close to good – fast, fun, and other than it being situationally interesting, forgetful.
So what’s wrong with me? I get out and socialize. I’ve stopped actively hunting and being quite so obvious about my needs. I’m clean and not that fat. Everyone tells me they like me, I have friends, and even the occasional meaningless flirtage. But I can’t seem to connect with anyone. I just don’t get it.
What the hell am I doing wrong?
I got it!
Jan 1st
Hang on… I think her name is Crystal or Kristen or Christine or something like that.
Shit. I’m awful.
Duh me! Look her up on Facebook!
Her name is Krystal!
