LAST Sunday I went to a birthday party for my friend Dani at a roller skating rink… and I didn’t fall or break anything.

Wednesday was a great day! My friend Tyler and his wife Katie took me to a Diamondbacks game! We got to go out on the edge of the field and in the dugout before the game. We had great seats and great ball-park food. The Phillies beat the ‘Backs, but it was still fun! He tells the whole story better so click that link. And I still have a bit of cotton candy left!

Thursday morning I met with friends for the monthly #EVTM at one of my favorite restaurants. Then I picked up Kira from school and Ginnie and Jack and we had a nice evening. Spent most of the day Friday with Ginnie and Jack too.

Friday night I went back out with Tyler and Katie to the Phoenix Improv Festival to see my friends Jose and Nina in action. That was fun!

Yesterday, after my weekly meeting with the Ignite Phoenix crew (Yay! Ignite 12 is this Friday Night!) I went downtown to the Capital building and held up my sign in support of Unite Against the War on Women. Then out to dinner with Crystal.

Whew.

Today is starting slow. I had and issue with my cable that started last Friday and the tech came this morning and replaced the box. The problem is, the “new” box keeps rebooting itself. We’re up to 14 reboots since he left about 90 minutes ago. Wait, it just did it again.

I’m supposed to meet friends for breakfast – everyone is waiting on me – and then get my hair colored and meet with the whole family at Max and Krystal’s place for dinner. We’ll see how the day turns out.

Happy Birthday to me!

And the cable box just rebooted again.

If there’s only one thing in the 1st world that is worse than bra shopping, it’s bathing suit shopping. Why can’t we just go full-on with the sun-is-bad thing and go back to suits that go from knees to shoulders? Why can’t designers come up with something between this:

and this:

You know, something attractive yet covers all those nasty areas of the body: tummy, thighs, back, and what my Grandma always called jodhpurs. Maybe a little V-neck action though? Something women can be comfortable in that doesn’t make them look like shit in one way or another. Let’s face it, only about 10% of women look good in a bikini anyway. If we all agree to this style we’d all be much happier.

Right?

*grumble grumble* Okay, FINE! I’ll keep looking.

Crap. You know humans are gonna get back to this style sooner or later with our ozone layer depleting. Why not now already?

As I watch the video below and I can admire the beauty of the mountain and the snow and I can admire the fearlessness of the hang gliding skiers. But never in my entire life have I ever had any desire to do any of these things.

Click here to view the embedded video.

I might have once wanted to try water skiing, but never snow skiing. I have a few times in my life watched hang-gliders in awe even back when they were more like kites than parachutes. I think I would have liked race car driving but never four-wheel driving or off-road anything. Some people are born with that adventure gene but I wasn’t. I’m not envious though. I yam what I yam.

It seems those sports where your path is laid out are more my style. The whole leap out into the unknown is where you lose me. But I don’t think it’s fear. I’m not afraid as much as I’m just not willing to trust the unknown path. You hold a gun to my head I might jump out of an airplane but I would never chose to do so. Practicality maybe?

Devil's Tower - September 2010

Didja know that in my youth I rode motorcycles? I wasn’t afraid and I didn’t go 5 miles under the speed limit. I was all-in… on the road. I once got on a dirt bike and it was a completely different thing. I had to ride the “trail” slowly one time before I could have any fun at it, and even then it wasn’t that much fun.

I like to see where I’m going. I prefer pools over lakes. I love to drive on all the back roads but I have no desire to venture off the trodden path.

I think that applies over my whole life. I have a hard time going to new events alone. I have to convince myself to even try new foods. I did venture out a couple summers ago on a long road trip alone. No real plan, just drive and see the country all alone. It was exhilarating, but I still didn’t venture off the path. And I can’t wait to go out and do it again.

I don’t think it’s fear. I think of it as more like practicality. Is the unknown worth it? Maybe to some people but usually not to me. The familiar is comfortable. The new is…

My friends Katie and Tyler are getting married tonight. I remember Tylerthedouche before he met Katie and he’s such a better person now. Apparently a good woman CAN do wonders for a man.

Their wedding is kind of different. I think he’s wearing toe-shoes and she’s likely to be in a sundress. They met through social media so most of the planning has been online, open to all. Quite a bit of crowd-sourcing!

Another friend Corey just posted his list of things he hopes doesn’t happen on their wedding day (that may or may not have happened on his) so here’s mine:

• When the hairdresser found out who the bride was marrying, she proceeded to tell her stories about how she and apparently the receptionist AND the shampoo girl had fucked the groom in high school.
• Best man borrowed a fancy car for our “limo” and nobody told him the gas tank leaked so the car sitting outside the side door made the entire church lobby reek of gas.
• Flower petals ordered turned out to be a small bouquet so flower girl was crushed. She’d practiced tossing petals for days!
• Groom’s brother (usher) sported a black eye after a poor ending to the bachelor party.
• Half the groom’s family pissed at the other half of the groom’s family, hence the black eye.
• Bride’s mother vocally unhappy about bride’s father bringing his new wife, her ex-best-friend.
• Plywood dance floors in the not-quite-finished small town “country club.”
• Best man puking in the back seat of the “limo” shortly before we left for the night.
• Wedding night spent at the Detroit Metro Airport Hilton (paid for by bride’s ex-boyfriend) where the fruit basket consisted of one apple and one orange sliced up on a paper plate.

High class, I’m telling ya. One good thing was a beautiful sunset behind us for great pictures.

If you want to follow Katie and Tyler’s wedding, watch twitter for the #storiedwedding hashtag and go to their wedding website.

———————————-

I’m going but I’m having a personal pain problem so I probably won’t be there long. I barely lasted an hour at Katie’s bachelorette party last night. Damnit.

A few weeks ago I posted an update on my niece Brittany, right? So she posted this on Facebook today:

Finally got the test results back from the lab. It is Melanoma in my lung. Although Im scared, Im glad that I finally got the results back so I can start treatment. Hopefully I will be starting treatment tonight or tomorrow and be home by this weekend. Thank you to all my friends and family that have been coming to see me. You guys keep my spirits high and I love each and every one of you for it. ♥

She’s 23 and this ain’t her first battle. She also had skin cancer at 16 among other trials and tribulations in her young life. Here’s the thing: she doesn’t have insurance. Florida doesn’t appear to have a health back-up plan like our AHCCS so she’s going to end up footing the bill for likely hundreds of thousands of dollars. She’s already been in the hospital (two actually) for almost a month.

So I’m asking you, and I’ve never really asked anything of you guys before. If you can would you please go HERE and donate what you can to help her out.

Please.

I will be as soon as payday comes around next week. There’s not much else I can do.

Please.

Brings on much introspection.

I’m so much happier. I feel like a more complete person than I have in years. I have peace within myself, I have financial stability, I volunteer much of my time, I have a great bunch of kids that I’m really close with, and I bought myself a brand-spankin’ new HDTV and a pretty cabinet to set it on.

But I have this constant nagging thought that my kids should have some sort of relationship with their father. I periodically suggest to one or the other that they should make contact. He should have some relationship with his granddaughter but Casey’s not interested. Max’s wife would like to meet Buck but Max has no desire to have that happen. Ginnie, well she has her own reasons not to. I really had no idea back when I was married that the kids were already so estranged from their father. How could I not notice? None of them want anything to do with him. Maybe I’ve painted him badly here but he really wasn’t a bad person. Just set in his ways and distant. Sort of anti-social. It was only in the last few years that the drinking (and the personal shit that went with it) got too bad for me to tolerate.

So… is it just because of some old-fashioned blood-is-thicker-than-water reasoning that I keep pushing this? I mean, I still maintain a relationship with my mother and I don’t even like her. Or maybe deep down I’m just proving to myself that it’s not my fault they’ve chosen to cut him off. My issues with him shouldn’t be their issues but apparently they have issues of their own.

Whatever, I wish I could let it go. I’ve always thought that blood didn’t mean anything to me but that’s not how I act. I wish I did. Maybe it’s too ingrained by society.

Other than that I’m doing great.

I picked Kira up from school Monday and stopped by their house to get a clean uniform for school the next day. On the way there we had an involved conversation about Aunt ‘Rinda’s stupid mean horrible pregnant cat. Kira thinks this pure white cat is going to have lots of colored babies. She’s hoping (eeek) that it has 12 babies and she wants the black one.

Well, I tried to explain about how the colors thing works and, though I know exactly nada about cats, how with it being her first litter she probably wouldn’t have 12 babies. Maybe four or five. And that likely they all wouldn’t, you know, live. Not to mention they really didn’t need to keep anymore cats (they have two) and maybe Daddy wouldn’t let her keep one.

So we get to the house and take the uniform from ‘Rinda’s boyfriend whose name I can never remember… something starting with a B. As we’re leaving Kira spots a couple of neighborhood cats “wrestling”. The one on top is this vague mud colored fella so I’m guessing the upcoming kitties will be a variety of mud and white. There’s usually only one stray male around in any one area, right? Aren’t they territorial?

Just what the world needs, more cats. Blech. If you want to have a cat, get it fixed. Especially if you let it wander around outside.

I’ve never had anyone physically close to me have cancer, so I really don’t know the hands-on effect on the stricken or those around them. Oh sure, cousin A or far-away friend Z has had it and I get snippets, but to be right there witnessing, helping, supporting? Not so far. A person can only empathize so much from a distance.

My beautiful niece Brittany (Miss B) had skin cancer when she was 16. Of course, with her living in Florida and me being here I had no real connection to that process. And except for the wicked scar in the center of her back she seemed to sail right through that experience.

But just as all thoughts of it fade away, cancer strikes again, as it is wont to do.

Last Thursday I noticed on Facebook that she was in the hospital and within hours she called me to tell me what she knew at the time. She had 3 spots on her lungs – one the size of a tangerine – and they’d scheduled a biopsy for later that afternoon. After a shitload of text messages between me and my kids, calls to my Mom (grrr arg) and a call from my Dad, my (surprise!) sister actually called me. The biopsy was done and another surgery to help her breathe better. Although they have to wait for the biopsy results to be sure, the doctors think this time our Miss B has lung cancer. Inoperable. Plans (apparently) to try chemo and stuff are in the works but who knows how it will all turn out. Don’t tell “our mother” or post anything online right away. Hey, I waited a few days. The last thing she said was Brittany is a strong girl and she’ll come though this just fine.

Well… now… she’s certainly strong willed. When she lived with me we butt heads all the time. But she’s also very sensitive. That girl has had so much shit in her life already. I guess that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Or as the tattoo across her chest says:

Victory is sweetest when you’ve known defeat

We’re all pulling for her to get through this. There’s not much more we can do at this point. I’m not certain of her health insurance status so maybe at some point we’ll be raising money. I can surely help with that.

Hang in there Miss B. I love you and miss you and wish I could be there to… do something! I can’t do shit across the country, but you’re in my thoughts hourly and I know you’ll fight this as hard as you can.

Me? I just want to punch somebody. The fact that my family has lousy communication skills means I keep up with the news via Facebook status updates. Today she’s in pain and the meds aren’t cutting it anymore.

Shit. Fuck cancer.

Sad Sack

I went with the backup outfit and I think I looked rather good! I was stupid enough to get there early (to get good parking) and stood in the stupid line for what turned out to be absolutely no reason. I realized that just about the same time my friends Charlie and Carolyn showed up so I stayed in line with them. The place has no seating so why wait in line? Duh! I could have been comfy in my car for that 45 minutes instead of standing around.

Anyway, we got in – got drinks – and I set up camp out on the smoking patio where there was the only seating in the whole place. Concrete benches, oh joy. I waited out there until the concert actually started and went in to enjoy Jonathan Coulton. He played a few oldies but mostly new stuff which was so interesting I ended up buying a (signed) a copy of his latest CD Artificial Heart.

Between JoCo and They Might Be Giants I went out and sat again but it wasn’t enough. Four songs into TMBG I gave up. My back, neck, knees and feet hurt so bad I could hardly stand it. Especially my neck. I couldn’t turn my head at all. So I went home.

Here it is 3 hours later and I still have pain in my neck. Oh well, I’m just too damned decrepit to stand for hours at a time. I won’t be going back to the Marquee Theatre ever again. I need seating, thanks.

Oh yeah, I had three different women compliment me on my Surly necklace. I’m such a pusher for her wearable art.

I know it sounds like I go out all the time, but in reality I’m usually going to places I’ve been before. Every time I go a new place I get anxious. How does one dress? Will there be seating? Will they have what I like to drink? Is there decent parking?

I bought tickets months ago to see Jonathan Coulton – who I love – tonight at the Marquee Theatre. He’s opening for They Might Be Giants – who I know nothing about – and I expected to have a great time. So I mentioned it to the girl who was coloring my hair last night and she dropped a few comments about the venue.

So I looked it up. Well, I tried to. It doesn’t appear to have it’s own website so I then went to Yelp. Egads, no seating! I have to stand for hours? Shit. That means the boots I was planning on wearing are out. And lots of bitching about it being too hot. There goes my whole outfit. I have to rethink my entire plan now!

I don’t do well when I can’t sit down. Combine heat and standing and I’m actually rethinking going at all. What I thought was going to be a good night has now become a bit of a dread. But I can’t miss Coulton. Maybe I’ll just stay for his part, I should be able to last that long. And I must remember to eat first.

Either way, at least my hair looks great!