so don't ask if you don't want to know
Amusing and/or interesting
Stuff other people might find funny or just mildly interesting.
Why people might think you’re a bad parent
Jan 19th
Let me start by saying this: At one time or another in my parenting life I have likely done most of these at least once.
- You are out in public (business, grocery, etc.) with your kids improperly dressed. The biggest faux pas is a kid in just a diaper, but I’ve recently seen kids without shoes. Not only is that just plain tacky, what if your car broke down and you all had to walk? Along with that, ratty hair and snotty faces. C’mon, I know sometimes you’ve just picked them up from daycare and you’re stopping for essentials on the way home, but take a moment to make sure they’re somewhat presentable before you enter a store.
- Your child repeatedly attempts to get your attention and you’re oblivious. Mom, mom MOM, Mommy? Pay fucking attention! It just takes a moment to answer their request, or to ask them to hang on a minute if you’re actually busy and not just perusing the jewelry counter. Give them that moment.
- Your child is running loose in a store like a wild animal and you’re nowhere to be found.
- Your child is screaming and/or crying and you’re not handling it at all. If your choice is to ignore the tantrum, at least have the decency to take your battle out of public.
- This one bugs me a lot: Child A does something to Child B and Child B retaliates and you either only see the second part or believe the wrong child. Again, you’re not paying attention. Sometimes observing your children without their knowledge teaches you a lot about how they interact and who is usually the instigator.
- You yell at your child in front of people. A tight grip and a lowered voice work better and draw less attention. Or you threaten over and over and never follow through.
Been there, done that. Except the running around the store thing. My kids ALWAYS were right near me in the store or they didn’t go. If I had a bunch of errands to do and they had to behave they got equal (and I mean to the minute equal) time at the nearest playground. One of the most important lessons my kids learned was there was a time and a place for behaving and for play.
Some “parents” just don’t give a shit. You know those that yell at their kids like dogs and drag them everywhere without a thought. Some parents are just having an off day and certainly wouldn’t want that one bad moment to be a reflection of their overall parenting. I get that, but to me they all look the same.
By the way, to those who bitch about a happy laughing or squealing child being too loud? Fuck you, the opposite behavior is much much more annoying, so get over it.
Gay Sushi
Jan 12th
You’d think as much as I talk about dick I wouldn’t get asked the question. No, I’m not gay. I like dick. I like men. I like men with dicks. I even like some men who act like dicks because sometimes they’re really funny. I haven’t seen a real dick in quite some time but I Still. Want. Dick.
Oh right… the title. I hate sushi. I don’t want to try sushi. Even the thought of trying this one or that type is repugnant and makes me gag. In my mind, sushi is nasty. Yuck.
Exactly how I feel about having any sort of sexual intimacy with another woman. I’ve tried sushi once and I’ve tried another woman once and let me tell you both were gross to me.
But here’s the thing. Millions of people like sushi. Some of my friends love sushi. I’ve even hung around sushi places and I didn’t have to eat it. It doesn’t bother me a bit that other people eat sushi and it doesn’t change my beef-eating life in the slightest. Sushi had no effect on my marriage or my divorce.
Do I think sushi should be outlawed or sushi lovers shunned? That’s stupid. As long as I don’t have to eat it, why should I impose my sushi-hater feelings onto others?
Again, exactly how I feel about teh gayz. I don’t have to join in in what they do, I don’t have to click that link in my porn selections, and I don’t have to deny others what they want. If my girlfriend R likes women, far be it for me to deny her feelings. If C and T want to go home with other men, go for it. I think gay men are a perfectly good waste of dick but really, there’s a lot of wasted dick out there. At least somebody is getting satisfied. Go guys.
You either like sushi or you don’t. You either feel attraction to the same sex or you don’t. You can’t wish it different.
So you think gays and lesbians shouldn’t be able to marry or have/adopt children. Why? How exactly would either of those things change your life in any way? Really, I’d like to know. So you, like me, might find the idea of same-sex action repugnant. I can say it and still believe that those who DO like same-sex have just as much right to a life as sushi lovers. Why shouldn’t sushi lovers be able to marry? Why shouldn’t they be able to adopt a child nobody else wants and provide it with a sushi-loving home. I’d even bet gay parents wouldn’t force their kids to eat sushi if they didn’t want it.
If you tell me it’s because God didn’t like the gays I say bullshit. God didn’t say anything about gays, some bigot who made up the bible said it. Hey, as long as you’re writing a book to control the masses, let’s put your personal bigotries in there. As far as I know your God hasn’t actually said anything about anything. The bible is full of second-hand stores written hundreds of years later by some guy who may have talked to the barber of the second cousin of the neighbor who was there at the time. And then more men translated it over time. Like a good folk tale where the basic story remains but the details change for different audiences… but enough of that tangent.
Ask yourself this: (READ IT ALOUD) If my brother/sister comes out and wants to marry the love of their life – and it happens to be the same sex as they are – how exactly does that impact my life? Does it make me gay? Do they want me to watch or join in as they do gay things? Can I live the rest of my life without any difference based on their gayness? Does my relationship with them change at all based on what they do in their bedroom?
I’m betting you already know the answer.
So ask yourself this: (READ IT ALOUD) Am I a decent human being if I deny another decent human being the same rights that I have?
Let those who love sushi eat sushi and you can still eat all the steak you want. I do.
Think for yourself.
Inspection?
Jan 11th
Found a note on my door a couple days ago. A two-day notice of intent to enter apparently every apartment in the complex.
This inspection is for our annual lender inspection and is a mandatory inspection of all apartment homes located within our community. Due to the nature of this inspection, we can not accommodate appointments or reschedule.
WTF? Annual lender inspection is a new one on me. So sometime 9-5 today or tomorrow someone will be inspecting my apartment for what? What would the lender be looking for? Illegal activity? Improper remodeling? Poor hygiene? Hoarders???!!!!!
I’m resisting the urge to attempt a massive deep cleaning. My place is a little messy with little girl stuff as I don’t bother to clean up after the kid unless I’m expecting company of my own. There are 2-3 dishes in the sink and a bag of trash by the door to be taken out. I suppose I could vacuum… fuck that.
The worst part is I have to be dressed. I’m seldom wearing real clothes when I’m home alone because I’m an elderly shut-in. I have “house clothes.” Let your imagination wander.
Bring it on lender inspectors.
________________________
OK, so they came and went. Three guys, one to check if I had all the appliances and that they worked, one guy went in to the bathroom (without the light on) and spent a couple minutes doing I dunno what, and the third guy wandered around looking at the edges of the ceiling in every room with a giant flashlight presumably looking for water leaks.
Seriously, what was the guy doing in the bathroom? I didn’t hear any water running or flushing, but what would you inspect in the bathroom in the dark? He didn’t even have a flashlight. Creepy. And now I have to pee and I don’t want to go in there.
Things women don’t talk about
Dec 29th
Sometime around my 40ish birthday and after the birth of my third child I noticed I had an issue with leakage. Every time I would cough or sneeze a little bit of pee would leak out. For years this went on, sometimes worse and sometimes not at all. I never knew until BAM! in the middle of a laughing fit I’d have to go to the bathroom and deal with the problem. I even carried pantyliners just in case. I’m pretty sure that’s why panty liners were invented actually.
You know what? Plenty if not most women that age have that problem but they don’t talk about it. Who wants to admit they can’t hold their pee? It’s embarrassing to admit.
So maybe you whisper it to your doctor and he advises daily kegel exercises which I have always done anyway so that didn’t help. Fortunately when I had my hysterectomy he tightened something in my bladder to I don’t have pesky incontinence issues anymore unless my bladder is full.
But my point is, every woman – at some point in their adult life – has incontinence problems. They just don’t talk about it.
Nature fucks with us in other ways too. I always had bad cramps with my periods. Day off in bed with a heating pad cramps. Some women don’t and bully for them! I tolerated this shit for years complaining to my GYNs (I go to the VA so there’s a different GYN each time) at every visit until finally one sent me for tests and I had fibroids making my uterus 3 times the size it should be. No wonder it hurt so bad every month. If you’re having excessively painful cramps and heavy periods then don’t let your GYN put you off. Insist they find out why and how it can be fixed. Why do women go though extra-painful periods every month? Because we’re told it’s natural, or it’s just the way it is, or you’re just whiny for bitching about it. Bullshit. If you’re not using your uterus all kinds of crap could be going on in there. Stand up for yourself.
Women are caretakers with everyone else but they tend to keep quiet about their own issues. We teach our kids to buck up and not be whiners so when WE have a problem we put on a strong front and keep silent. Again, bullshit. If something feels wrong, talk about it. Tell your doctor. Discuss it with your women friends. They likely won’t want to talk about it either but we should. Why should we be embarrassed about our bodies and what may or may not be going wrong with them? How are you supposed to know what is natural and what isn’t if you don’t discuss?
If your poo isn’t coming out as it should, talk to someone. If your periods are wacky, talk to someone about it. If you wet your pants on a regular basis talk to your doctor. Don’t suffer in silence.
Let’s talk about grooming
Dec 29th
It’s natural for women to have hair in places we nowadays want it removed. In polite society we shave our armpits to reduce body odor first and foremost but there’s an aesthetic reason too. Since the advent of hosiery we’ve removed our leg hair too. Nothing more uncomfortable than wearing pantyhose when you haven’t shaved your legs. And once we started wearing bikinis it was kind of yucky to have little curlies peeking out the edges so we’d go for the bikini cut.
Then it became ridiculous. Women are removing hair everywhere. Women are told too much ARM hair is unattractive and it must be removed! Some women have hair on their toes and knuckles or a uni-brow they’d like to never worry about again. And for some reason it’s become unusual to have a pubic bush. Though I’ve never waxed, shaving that area only feels good for like a day. After that regrowth is very uncomfortable! Itchy and pokey. I understand waxing makes that bare feeling last a bit longer but not by much. So why do we do it?
If you think about it, a bare pubic area is natural on children but once you’ve hit puberty it’s supposed to be covered in hair. I dunno why, but that’s how it is. Are grown-ass women trying to look like little girls? Isn’t that a bit… creepy? Sure it feels good for a minute but then there’s the inevitable constant removal cycle costing fairly big bucks to maintain.
Speaking of big bucks, I find it interesting that in our advanced science age someone hasn’t come up with a semi-permanent painless and reasonably inexpensive way to remove unwanted hair. I still think there’s a conspiracy in the hair removal industry. How hard can it be to create a cream that kills hair follicles without damaging anything else? I believe people have and are getting paid off.
- I never want hair on my chin.
- I never want hair in my armpits.
- I never want hair on my legs.
- I never want hair on my bikini lines, but I’m not sure about the rest of the crotchal area.
Home waxing kits run from $5 to $20 but some places on your body are pretty hard to get to on your own. One place I looked up lists these prices:
| Eyebrow with shaping | $10 |
| Upper lip or chin | $7 |
| Facial Wax | $35 |
| Full Leg | $50 |
| Half Leg | $30 |
| Full Arm | $30 |
| Half Arm | $20 |
| Under Arm | $15 |
| Chest | $35 & Up |
| Tummy | $40 |
| Bikini | $30 |
| Playboy | $35 |
That’s pretty expensive to me. Certainly out of my range. How often do you have to get this stuff done? Even if you’re a shaver, the cost of new razors is high considering it’s basically a chunk of plastic holding a teeny razor blade.
So why do you do it? Comfort? To please your partner? Because society has decreed you must?
But I don’t KNOW yet!
Dec 27th
This happens a lot. Someone posts a link on twitter or facebook or what-have-you and click you go. As the page loads you get a glimpse of what the link is about when WHAM! Up pops a HOW DO YOU LIKE OUR SITE? survey window.
WTF?
I don’t know yet!
Somewhere the guy in charge of the surveys is wondering why nobody responds. Maybe it’s because I’ve never been to your site and I haven’t had a chance to check it out. This usually happens on newspaper websites but not always. It happens more often than not on the My HealtheVet where I have been often and have already responded to their survey.
Isn’t there some way to, oh I dunno, differentiate new or anonymous one-time hits from those who regularly visit a site? Yes I know there is. Wouldn’t your stupid survey get actual usable data from consistent readers? You’d think so.
But no, some idiot makes sure the first thing you see when you visit their site is a survey request that you can’t possibly answer honestly.
Way to go.
Slippery Slope?
Dec 21st
Things we could do say, 5 years ago that we can’t do now or will not be able to do in the near future:
We have no right to a fair trial anymore. Anyone in the US can be arrested and held indefinitely without trial. Don’t think you’re safe, anything can be considered a terrorist attack. The OWS protesters could be considered terrorists if the government wants to stretch the truth.
You can’t put anything you want up on the Internet anymore. All it takes is one complaint and your website can be seized, again without notice or trial and for an indefinite amount of time.
Roe v Wade is nearly gone. “Personhood” laws are coming up in many states. Fetus rights are considered more important than the rights of the female incubator! And when that doesn’t work the anti-choicers work to legislate the businesses that provide abortions. Crap like regulating the size of the bathrooms and hallways has already closed don centers. State governments are trying to shut down Planned Parenthood funding because of a small percentage of their business. You’re screwed if you’re a poor woman and need a mammogram or STD test.
The gay’s battle for equality seems be looking up with the repeal of DADT and with this story, but every Republican running for President can’t wait to put them back in their closet.
Oh yes, the Republican candidates seems to be obsessed with the gays, against science education and just plain full of outdated thinking. Let’s go back a few years so they can pat themselves on the back with their righteousness. But not one seems to have a clear understanding of world politics or how to fix our economy. They want a Leave it to Beaver America and damn those with forward thinking.
And just so you know, you can’t protest anymore. I’ve watched a few live uStreams as the OWS protesters were rounded up. Using the excuse that these people were either camping illegally or loitering, they were brutalized by the police and thrown in jail. Funny how people camping or loitering outside Apple stores or for black Friday deals weren’t breaking the law. But raise your hand and say our Government is out of control and you’re the enemy.
There is no slippery slope. Our rights are being chopped off so fast its like watching California landslides where the houses just go… plop.
Welcome to America.
Holiday Newsletter
Dec 20th
Short and sweet, I promise.
Casey and Kira are doing great. He’s got a really good job and Kira is in kindergarten. She turned 5 in September and never stops talking. The hair? Well, he thought by showing up with his hair like that he’d get out of family picture day. No such luck. I get to have Kira overnight a couple times a week and she’s just now starting to get interesting as a person. We do have some good times.
Max and Krystal are doing well also. They have 2 cats and no plans for children. Max is going to school and working part-time for now. In another year he’ll be done with school, working full time and planning on buying a house. Krystal works too and is hoping to go to cooking school when Max graduates.
Ginnie and her boyfriend Tyler had a baby this year. His name is Jack and he’s wonderful. They are for the time being living with Tyler’s mom so there’s always someone around to take care of Jack but have plans for their future.
I’m still the same. I volunteer for various events and go out every week with friends but I still am alone or spending way too much time with my kids. With the economy the way it is, they can’t do well without help. We’ve ended up very close so I guess I’m not as alone as I thought.
I’m Christian, unless you’re gay.
Dec 16th
I never do this but I want you to go to Single Dad Laughing and read this blog post.
Go ahead. It’s a long post but it is the most moving thing I’ve ever read. This is what I as an Atheist think religious people should be doing. We ALL should be doing.
And if you have more time, his follow-up post is fantastic, too.
Go.
War? Hot nardly.
Dec 15th
We laugh over the claim every year that non-believers are waging war on Christmas. So here is my collection of recent battles:
Let’s start with Fox’s. Fox is the biggest PITA complainer and yet when they put up their ornaments this year, they were listed as “Holiday” ornaments. Apparently someone got the heads up on it and the page was changed to Christmas ornaments – though I can’t verify because as of this minute you can’t even get to any Fox ornament page. 404 my ass.
(Haha, I get a “potentially dangerous” warning from McAfee when I open Fox News website)
Another uber-religious blowhard, Rick Perry and his family wish you Happy Holidays.
Sure there are minor battles going on all over the country regarding government-sanctioned nativity scenes like this one in Santa Monica and another in Athens, Texas. Some city governments get it and let every religion (or non-religion) put up a holiday symbol but others assume when Atheists ask for equal treatment they’re really at war against Christians. Actually we just want fair and equal treatment for everyone, all or nothing.
The Atheists I know don’t complain about Christmas trees, official or otherwise. In fact, the rumor about the White House renaming their trees Holiday Trees is false. I don’t put up a tree anymore but it’s not for any non-religious reason. I love Christmas Trees, I just don’t have the room or the energy. In fact, Christmas Trees aren’t religious anyhow:
I love decorated houses. When I had a house I went overboard with the lights. I still have a 6ft winter penguin and a cute little inflatable reindeer. I love gift-giving and fellowship, some of the music and most of the other traditions for this time of year. I’ve even visited various nativity scenes (and a live one in Florida) with the kids over the years. The nativity is one of the nicer parts of the jesus myth. Who wouldn’t want to believe in a miraculous child? One of my favorite songs is Mary Did You Know? But to me it’s about as believable as Star Wars legends.
There is no war. People, especially Christians, must be reminded the season is NOT all about them, that’s all.
