so don't ask if you don't want to know
Amusing and/or interesting
Stuff other people might find funny or just mildly interesting.
Mystical Science
Apr 27th
When my doctor went over my recent blood work results I was dumbfounded. Next time I’m going to have to record my visit because I just can’t remember it all, but the key points are:
According to the numbers I’ve been exercising. Really? Not so much. Sure, I get a bit more exercise now that I’m breathing better, but it’s not like I’m out there trying. More like walking from the parking lot without stopping to rest.
According to the numbers my liver is not handling my alcohol level well. Really? I have two or three drinks a WEEK. And I only started drinking like 5 years ago, so it’s not a long-time drinking thing. Fucking liver is in for it this weekend. (Vegas baby!)
According to the numbers my cholesterol is fine and my heart-related cholesterol is great. I’m as healthy as I can be!
She sees a few white blood cells in my blood, and something about fighting a UTI (which I really don’t remember having) so we’ll check again in 6 months.
All that misinformation from a few tubes of blood?
Actually, my breathing is great. I think I’ve used my albuterol inhaler once in the last couple of weeks as compared to a couple of time an hour like 4 months ago. I feel fantastic!
My blood pressure is iffy, so I now need to keep a chart. My weight is a little high (gained 10 pounds) but I blame that on the steroids – and maybe on the Butter Pecan Ice Cream I’ve used to replace cigarettes. What shall I use to replace the ice cream?
Maybe I should exercise more now that I feel better. Maybe after the spring pollen season passes because the only time I do feel any tightness is when I’m outside.
I’m telling you, when they first put me on 20 mg a day of prednisone I was good, then it was lowered to 15 and then 12 mg a day and I started feeling the bloating and gaining the weight. After Friday I’m supposed to go down to 10 mg a day and I wonder how I’ll feel after that. Though how I can feel more side-effects the less I take stumps both of us. Right now I just feel FAT though I’m sure that damned ice cream doesn’t help.
I really want to go back to smoking. Shaddup.
Want your own billboard?
Apr 26th
You can go here and make one like these, and if they really like it it could become a real billboard somewhere out there.
Let me know if you see my mug out there in the world.
My 1st eBay purchase
Apr 24th
Fuggin scmuggin scrurpy pigmussen schmussen pissed.
THIS is what I purchased. In black. Yes, I understand what faux means. I didn’t expect it to actually, you know, corset anything – especially my fat. I did expect it to at least circumnavigate my body. Not a chance in hell. I suppose I could replace the string with a longer one but then the back would still have to be open 6-8 inches – or my entire back – to make the front close. Somehow I don’t think you’re supposed to OR HAVE TO do that. Plus it would look like crap in the front anyway because the decorative straps would sit wrong.
After checking on the return policy – none, so you’re fucked – I went to leave feedback. Hey, I tried to be neutral about the seller, but get my point across in case the next buyer bothers to check before buying.
It says XXL but there’s no way I could get this to fit my XL body. The 2 straps on the front bottom aren’t long enough or adjustable, and unstringing the back as far as it goes is still 3-4 inches less than you need to close the front. Reselling
I also sent a message saying pretty much the same thing to the seller. Not that anyone selling massive amounts of shit on eBay gives a rats ass about what their customer thinks. But this el cheapo faux corset apparently goes over real well with the skinny chicks. Whoever adjusted the pattern to fit larger people seriously needs some lessons. There’s an art to making something designed for a size 2 also look halfway decent on a plus size AND making the pattern work.
I’m really pissed that I bothered to hope. That I expected something marked XXL to at least fit around my XL body. That once again, I got screwed by my own stupidity.
EDIT: Update. I got this email this morning:
I am sorry you can not wear it. The XXL waist full close is 32inch it could be stretched about 2 inch. Could you please retract the negative feedback then i will refund $10 dollars to you. Please let me know. I am very sorry about that.
A. There’s no way in hell this thing can stretch like that. Everything else in my life is an XL and I can get it on. Ain’t happening. So that’s bullshit, period.
B. Everything she sells says NO REFUNDS. So am I too much of a cynic that I believe this is a $10 bribe to change my negative review instead of a good faith partial refund on a $40 purchase? Hmmm, I think warning the next poor sucker will make me feel better than that $10.
Dear US News People
Apr 24th
Nobody gives a shit about the royal wedding. I did a poll.
In fact, most of my friends didn’t care soooo much they told me they didn’t even care enough to go to the poll.
We don’t want 24-hour coverage. We don’t want you to send anchors to report from the scene. We don’t give a shit. Seriously.
The most you need to do is post a couple of pictures after the event. Or report if anything goes wrong. Other than that, leave that poor boy alone. Hasn’t he had enough of you people in his life?
Signed,
Americans
Don’t wanna start no trouble here
Apr 24th
I was wandering through Walmart today and stopped at the really cheap jewelry wall. My cart was in the way of this Hispanic woman so I smiled, apologized and moved it out of her way. She proceeds to pick and choose a couple of earrings on the wall next to where I was when she said, “Excuse me miss, which do you think would be good for my sister?” She had 3 sets of dangly earrings, two silvery and one gold, all tacky cuz we’re in – you know – Walmart.
Inside my head, “How the hell should I know, who is your sister?” but polite me responded, “I’m not sure, what color does she wear? Is she a gold or silver?”
To which she replied like I was an idiot, “she’s my sister, she the same color as me.”
She thought I was talking about her skin color, not her choice in jewelry color! “No, I meant what color is the jewelry she wears now? I prefer dark colors and natural tones, my friend prefers silver.”
So she picked the gold set and we both wandered on.
In a nearby department I was pushing my cart down an aisle and a family bunch was in front of me. I politely skirted them but teenage daughter pushing their cart was blocking the end of the aisle. So I said “excuse me” just loud enough and she ignored me, more intent on playing with her hair than skootching her cart over an inch. I moved forward a bit and damned if I didn’t sideswipe trying to get past. To which she snarled “damn beyotch” and I responded, “well I did say excuse me” and kept on going. Apparently she bitched to her mother cuz over the wall I heard “she’s under 18 bitch, back the fuck off.” I just kept right on truckin’. Not my problem if the cow didn’t teach her calf manners.
Gotta love Walmart. It’s so fucking high class.
Oh yeah, Happy Easter.
Oh, what a night!
Apr 23rd
Though yesterday’s activities started later than I’d expected, it was well worth it.
First we had to wait around for someone to come get Kira. There was some miscommunication there, but eventually they came and then Sheila and I went to Lunch at Liberty Market (YUM!!!) and then headed to Sheila’s house for day-drinking around the pool. A pleasant couple of Strongbows later we gussied up and went to the brand new Mellow Mushroom where I had a The Caesar pizza (AWESOME!!!!) and then we walked the block over to Robbie Fox’s for the #evfn / party.
Oh Mr Deity! Yeah, I was a bit cranky because the space they put aside for us only had a small bar and they had to go inside every time I ordered another Strongbow. But once I hit about halfway on that drink, I was fine. And the regular #evfn evening progressed as usual with a bit of birthday wishing included. It was a combined Jana (tomorrow) and Jack (next Thursday) and my (next Friday) birthday celebration and I didn’t have to drive anywhere so I indulged. Oh did I indulge. Kathy bought my second drink, Vinessa and Patrick bought my third (I think) and Jana wanted to kill me with my 4th.
At some point the #evfn ended but the partying continued, there were cans of whipped cream introduced and much squirting and licking on everyone on the couch. I thought I’d have a hickie on my boob from Jana, but the mark faded. Evo went right to the point of it if you know what I mean. Might have been 10 of us with whipped cream residue somewhere by the time the cans died out. All this on an outdoor patio! Then I started flirting with one of the band guys unloading nearby and it was time to leave. I HAD SO MUCH GODDAM FUN!
Today has been busy too. Nice breakfast, nice lunch, nice ImprovAZ event where we dressed up sort of like Waldo and converged on Tempe Markeplace to screw with the natives. My friend Jeff was the actual Waldo and pics will start showing up soon. I posted a couple on my Facebook. Then I had Casey take me to get a new car battery (because apparently mine mysteriously died while I was gone for the night) and when he replaced it suddenly the A/C that has been dead since last summer came to life again. Sure at first there was a lot of clunking and grinding in the dashboard area which eventually settle down to a rhythmic thunk but even that stopped after a few miles/minutes. But the new battery took most of my set-aside-for-shopping-for-Vegas funds so I only got one new outfit and came home.
Now I’m going to take a long hot bath and crawl in bed for a while.
Loose animals
Apr 20th
Yesterday I took Kira to Sea Life at the mall. I pre-paid for our tickets to save a few bucks, but It was still $28.53 for the two of us – pretty pricey in my book.
Unfortunately we arrived at the same time as a large elementary school group. I’ve been the chaperone Mom on many of these types of trips and I know, barring a few real troublemakers, that kids that age CAN behave fairly well if taught and expected to do so. In fact, teachers always seemed to stick me with the worst of the troublemakers because I could get them to behave. There were plenty of adults with these kids from Florence and yet they were the worst bunch of kids I’ve ever come across.
Most – not all – were pushing, shoving smaller children, running, screaming, pounding on the glass tanks, climbing on the exhibits, yanking on the teaching stations… generally acting like loose animals. I saw ONE adult trying to maintain some sense of order with the 5-6 kids apparently under his control. The rest of the adults pretty much stood around smiling and taking pictures using their flash – and it’s posted EVERYWHERE not to use flash photography because it disturbs the real animals.
We tried hiding in a (useless) little theater looping a SpongeBob Squarepants short about a pickle. Kids would run in and jump up and down on the seats and holler and climb over and then run out, only for another bunch of kids to run in and repeat. I kept slipping up and speaking out to these kids – NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY – but it was that bad.
What the fuck people? If kids from my school would have acted like this in public we would have immediately stopped the trip and sent them all back to the bus until they could show some control. It didn’t matter whether the child was male or female, black/white/hispanic/polka-dot, or alone or in sets, almost every kid in that group (easily identified in uniforms) was a wild freaking animal. It’s like the adults fed them sugar on the trip up from Florence and instructed them to treat the aquarium place like their playground. If I knew which school, I’d send them an email. Maybe I’ll look and see how many elementary schools there are in Florence. Can’t be that many.
We barely made it halfway and had skipped a few exhibits when Kira wanted to leave. It was just too overwhelming for her (and me) so we ducked out and went back a little later. Though it was much more enjoyable once the hoard had left, I was already worn out. And at that price, we’ll likely never go back. Oh well.
Higher Standards?
Apr 17th
Today I want to talk about THIS.
Let me say, my knowledge of the Catholic Church is what I’ve seen on TV and movies, occasional visits with extended family in my youth and links I visit since I’ve been on the interwebz, so correct me if I’m wrong… or actually only if I’m REALLY wrong. Let’s not nitpick, okay?
Let’s say you’re a young man and you get your “calling” and decide you want to be a priest. You’re involved with your Church (cuz I’ll bet not too many Catholic priests come from other denominations, right?) and you’re convinced God wants you to do this. Or your Mom if you’re heavily Irish or Italian. Whatever, decision is made. So you go to what, seminary? Priest school? You don’t just get OJT, you get schooling in the rules and expectations. Like a doctor, you get years of training before you’re let loose on your people. I would imagine during those years you discuss your vows more than once. Vows of obedience and celibacy are the major ones. Obedience to your church and teachings and celibacy is self-explanatory – although in the Catholic faith isn’t even masturbation frowned upon?
Then you’re all vow up – knowing the rules and the consequences – and go out and priestify.
Now, if *I* know this, chances are every friggin’ Catholic knows this and expects those men to be held to a higher standard. The highest, in fact. Catholics should be able to trust these men implicitly with no reservations. And usually they do. Tell them their innermost secrets, confess their darkest faults, accept counseling, judgement and punishment from them, welcome them into their families and homes without care, I’m guessing because they’ve been (supposedly) vetted and trained in all the holy rules and stuff. There’s more power over a Catholic family by their priest than any other person in their lives. If you’re Catholic or have ever been one, is there any other person in your life (outside of your parent or spouse) who has more power over you than your priest?
Am I right?
Now, if that man, who made the choice to get this training, who at some point believed everything his Church teaches him (including homosexuality) is wrong, who pretty much rules over his little flock – uses that power to coerce a child or young adult to perform sexual acts – shouldn’t that be considered even more heinous than if the average neighbor or teacher or uncle does it?
You can’t have it both ways, Catholics. You can’t believe priests are little hands of God in your neighborhood and turn around and say they’re just men. So they should be held to a higher standard and when they screw up, they should be punished at a higher standard too.
Their crimes should not be covered up or excused or the responsibility shifted to the victim. Maybe it’s different if Bob or Mary Youngster meets Joe DaFather outside of the Church atmosphere and find out he’s a priest before/during/after their sexy time. But if the Catholic Church says homosexuality, fornication and adultery are wrong, then those who commit it – especially priests – should be dealt with accordingly. And those are the adult “sins”. If a priest actually molests or rapes a child there should be NO FORGIVENESS. Higher standards means zero tolerance. There’s no second chances, no supposed counseling. No excuses.
And that’s all we’ve gotten from the Catholic Church since this started in the press. Excuses. Lies. Cover-ups. They don’t even admit they should be held to a higher standard, so why do Catholics continue to give them that power? It matters little whether some of these reports are from young adults who went along, or if all of them were children being victimized – it’s all WRONG because it involves someone who, either way, abused their power.
That’s why the Catholic Church has been getting such crap from the rest of us. Because of centuries of being beaten over the head about how special and holy and perfect and hand-picked by God they are, and then when they’re found to be human with horrible failings after all… we’re just supposed to be forgiving and forget. Sorry guys, you should have hung those pedophiles out in public instead of hiding them under your robes.
I wanted to do a paragraph by paragraph rebuttal of that ad – yes, that was a paid ad in the Boston Globe – but I think I’ve covered most of it.
Michigan Menfolk
Apr 12th
I don’t know why I bother, really. I knew when I lived there and it’s been proven over and over again, at least to me. Men who are born and raised in Michigan and never leave? Turn out to be more backward-thinking, beer-swilling, woman-abusing, child-neglecting, ignorant fools than any Kentucky redneck.
Case in point, a conversation with my ex-step-sister’s son Ben who I haven’t actually seen since I babysat him when he was a toddler. I get comments from him on stuff I post on Facebook. Comments just proving Fux News and conspiracy theorists abound in his little bubble.
My post on Facebook:
Apparently they’ve already started running these. So much for CBS Cares. I’ve already signed, tweeted CBS and swore my most impressive curse words into thin air.
Anti-vaccine advocates Mercola and the National Vaccine Information Center are scheduled to run an anti-vaccine ad on CBS Outdoor’s JumboTron on 42nd…
Yesterday at 12:41pm · · · Share
- Benjamin Did you even watch the 21 second commercial? What is so wrong with that?
- Liza What is wrong with it?? Everything is wrong with it. It is NOT safe to not vaccinate. These are diseases that can be PREVENTED. Diseases that KILL. These people are idiots.
- Sharon Ben: No, the commercial in itself isn’t saying anything bad, but it directs you to a web site that’s anti-vax and promotes the myth that autism is caused by vaccines.
- Gill I have no issue with people being informed about vaccines, but the key word is INFORMED. That site is quoting studies which have been struck off medical journals. Even the advert should be saying ‘Vaccinations, know the BENEFITS, know the RISKS’.
- Benjamin I haven’t checked out the website but as for vaccines, it’s my choice right? I am not saying there isn’t some validity in the science of vaccinations, i simply do not trust the people creating/pushing them. Have you seen the video of Bill Gates saying we can do a good job reducing our population using vaccines?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WQtRI7A064 Or how about our government purposely infecting patients with syphilis, gonorrhea without their consent in the 1940s ? - Benjamin http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/39456324/ns/health-sexual_health/
MSNBC LINK - Shanna You can do a much better job reducing the population with polio, meningitis, and whooping cough.
- Benjamin They vaccinate for a lot more than just those three things…
- Debbie Actually Ben, it’s not your choice. Well yeah there’s ways around it, but when your kid gets whooping cough, or TB or any other thing they’re vaccinating against, so does every kid they come in contact with. And if enough people don’t vaccinate their kids you have whooping cough epidemic like they have in California.
- Debbie BTW, there is no conspiracy.
- Gill “I am not saying there isn’t some validity in the science of vaccinations” Yeah, there’s only SOME validity in the millions of lives around the world which have been saved because of vaccines since the first tests with cowpox/smallpox. That’s like saying there’s only SOME evidence to say the Earth orbits the sun.
- Gill Debbie, when it comes to herd immunity, I’m going to be the one on the side of the immunity, rather than take my chances on being the cow who dies of measles. I work with deaf children, and one of my signers started because her daughter was born deaf. Simply because she’d got rubella in pregnancy, because her mother didn’t agree with vaccinations.
- Gill Needless to say, the deaf daughter has had every jab offered!
- Debbie Herd immunity. Those are the words I was looking for. All it takes is one non-immunized kid to set off a chain reaction among all the other non-immunized kid at school. Watching kids get sick and/or die because their parents are ill-informed. It should be considered child abuse if you could have so easily prevented something and CHOSE not to. Don’t listen to the scary conspiracy theory people. Look at the facts from the CDC. There is valid information all over the internet. Being afraid is being lazy.
- Benjamin The CDC is the government. I could give you examples all day long but you don’t care. Just believe what your government tells you. They care so much, they are spending money rebuilding every other country on the planet, with your money, while much of New Orleans still sits in ruin. Besides that, the pharmaceutical industry makes money by treating symptoms, not curing people.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAHP5cL8MXE&feature=related Here is a clip of them telling us mercury is good for our children’s brains. I saw it on tv, it must be true. Look at history, it is by far the most important thing to study to learn everything you need to know. Human nature doesn’t change, we see what they have done in the past, we know what they will do in the future.
Are you for forced vaccinations? It says on your profile that you are a libertarian. How do you reconcile that?
And I am anything but afraid. - Benjamin http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/07/21/obamas-science-czar-considered-forced-abortions-sterilization-population-growth/ This man is currently the science czar for Obama. How can you say there is no conspiracy when I can show you article after article, of these people in power, stating they want global de-population, forced sterilization etc. To ignore them is foolish.
- Debbie Not forced by government, forced by common friggin’ sense. Yes, look around the world and see the benefits of vaccinations.
- Debbie Fox news? Fucks News more likely.
- Debbie I wouldn’t believe Fux News if they said the sky was blue.
- Benjamin Read the article and debunk it then.
- Gill have you read the text book, or just the bits that Fox have quoted?
- Benjamin http://www.examiner.com/conservative-politics-in-national/science-czar-john-p-holdren-s-disturbing-beliefs-about-america-capitalism-and-humanityGo pick up the book he co-authored and see for yourself. You can discredit the messenger, but not the facts. Here is one that is not Fox news.
- Benjamin @Gill, if they quote the book, it is still in the book right?
- Gill Also, any government, for any country should give aid to those countries less fortunate that ours. I’d hate it if the UK government didn’t give foreign aid. What right do we have to have a higher standard of living than necessary, when people are suffering from not having a clean water supply, or access to the most basic of health care.
- Gill Context is everything, @benjamin.
- Benjamin Gill, if you believe we should lower our standard of living because it’s not fair, then I can’t even talk to you because we are from 2 completely different worlds.
- Debbie It says so right in the article: “Straining to conclude otherwise from passages treating controversies of the day in a three-author, 30-year-old textbook is a mistake.”
- Gill Benjamin, I’m ending this conversation because I don’t think you actually have any compassion to humans other than yourself, nor the brain capacity to realise we live on one Earth and resources should be shared.
- Benjamin Then give your house and car away. I’m tired of people talking the talk, and not walking the walk. Do you have a cell phone, internet access, a refrigerator, a microwave? Go to the city, pick a homeless person, and give all your stuff away then. You live in the lap of luxury and decry our way of life. I’m sick of you feel good liberals. You are a hypocrite.
- Gill I give away a good proportion of my earnings every month to children’s charities and Amnesty international. I don’t need to give away my things to make the world better, I need to give a proportion of my wealth, that I’ve been luckily enough to accumulate due to free education and a strong family unit who brought me up to see right from wrong, to others in need of it.
- Benjamin And as far as giving money to other countries, THERE ARE CITIES AND PEOPLE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY THAT DIE FROM STARVATION AND LACK OF MEDICINES, SHELTER ETC. Why give it to zimbabway when we have people we can help here?
- Gill I do not need to put myself into a poverty situation to not be a hypocrite, I need to ensure that my impact in this world is a positive one.
- Gill LACK OF MEDICINES – wasn’t that why Obama was trying to make health care fairer? I pay a proportion of my wages to National Insurance every month, that provides free health care to a high standard for anyone in this country.
- Benjamin Well, it is simple math. The entire world cannot be wealthy and have it like we do. There is simply not enough to go around. So to be perfectly fair, we must all be dirt ass poor living in mud huts and eating insects.
- Debbie Gill, I thought you were quitting the argument. Some people just can’t think outside their box. Or Fox, as it were. Annnnnd if everyone immunized their kids, the proportion of necessary health care woes would decrease significantly.
- Gill I am…, I am…
- Benjamin You think the health care bill was to help people? It was admittedly written by the big insurance companies. I’ve already illustrated that they don’t care about us. Why on earth do people trust their government? Again, look at history.
- Benjamin For the last time Debbie, I don’t watch Fox news. They are controlled propaganda, just like the rest of em.
Thanks to Gill and the others for attempting to discuss. You just can’t change the mind of a Michigan man without getting him the fuck out of Michigan first. Anti-government? All you have to do to debunk government conspiracy theories is to work for the government for any length of time. You’ll soon realize they’re just way too disorganized to conspire anything effective. It ain’t perfect but it’s better than most.
