so don't ask if you don't want to know
spellwight
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Posts by spellwight
It turned out as I thought
Jan 30th
Sad Sack
I went with the backup outfit and I think I looked rather good! I was stupid enough to get there early (to get good parking) and stood in the stupid line for what turned out to be absolutely no reason. I realized that just about the same time my friends Charlie and Carolyn showed up so I stayed in line with them. The place has no seating so why wait in line? Duh! I could have been comfy in my car for that 45 minutes instead of standing around.
Anyway, we got in – got drinks – and I set up camp out on the smoking patio where there was the only seating in the whole place. Concrete benches, oh joy. I waited out there until the concert actually started and went in to enjoy Jonathan Coulton. He played a few oldies but mostly new stuff which was so interesting I ended up buying a (signed) a copy of his latest CD Artificial Heart.
Between JoCo and They Might Be Giants I went out and sat again but it wasn’t enough. Four songs into TMBG I gave up. My back, neck, knees and feet hurt so bad I could hardly stand it. Especially my neck. I couldn’t turn my head at all. So I went home.
Here it is 3 hours later and I still have pain in my neck. Oh well, I’m just too damned decrepit to stand for hours at a time. I won’t be going back to the Marquee Theatre ever again. I need seating, thanks.
Oh yeah, I had three different women compliment me on my Surly necklace. I’m such a pusher for her wearable art.
But I Had a Plan!
Jan 29th
I know it sounds like I go out all the time, but in reality I’m usually going to places I’ve been before. Every time I go a new place I get anxious. How does one dress? Will there be seating? Will they have what I like to drink? Is there decent parking?
I bought tickets months ago to see Jonathan Coulton – who I love – tonight at the Marquee Theatre. He’s opening for They Might Be Giants – who I know nothing about – and I expected to have a great time. So I mentioned it to the girl who was coloring my hair last night and she dropped a few comments about the venue.
So I looked it up. Well, I tried to. It doesn’t appear to have it’s own website so I then went to Yelp. Egads, no seating! I have to stand for hours? Shit. That means the boots I was planning on wearing are out. And lots of bitching about it being too hot. There goes my whole outfit. I have to rethink my entire plan now!
I don’t do well when I can’t sit down. Combine heat and standing and I’m actually rethinking going at all. What I thought was going to be a good night has now become a bit of a dread. But I can’t miss Coulton. Maybe I’ll just stay for his part, I should be able to last that long. And I must remember to eat first.
Either way, at least my hair looks great!
Girl Scout Cookies
Jan 23rd
There’s been quite the controversy going on with the Girl Scouts lately. You can look it all up, but the gist is Colorado GSA allowed a transgender 7-year-old boy to join their local troop. Other troops across America have been quietly doing the same. Then apparently something called HonestGirlScouts.com got all offended and one teen GS posted a video calling for a boycott of cookie sales because OMG! Boys in the Girls Scouts!!!!
Honestly, I don’t know shit about transgender people. I don’t think I’ve ever actually met one. But if you’ve opened your eyes at all lately you would see more and more differences in children are becoming… mainstream? Not quite the word I want. Out-of-hiding? Whatever, we can find out more about different people easier if we want. One of the things you can learn is few of these differences are by CHOICE.
By the time your child has a mind of their own, you know you can’t change them. If your darling daughter hates pink, no amount of paint and glitter will make them girly. If your son prefers to play barbies with the girls, no amount of punishment will make them a football player. Kids are what they are. I can only assume transgender is the far end of the tomboy or (what some people would call) sissy-boy spectrum. So it stands to reason if your son turns out to really, really want to be a girl, you should make their life as easy as possible. That’s our jobs as parents, right? To make our children’s lives as great as we can all the while teaching them not to be serial killers by killing their little souls. You can’t beat it away.
Some Girl Scouts get it. If the boy-born is to all intents and purposes a girl, then they are a girl. If your daughter feels more like a boy, then support that.
Why would anyone spend their entire parenthood forcing their child to be something they’re not? It’s not like these kids do it all just to piss you off. If your child wanted with all their heart to be something acceptable – like a figure skater or hockey player – you’d be damned sure out there getting them to practices, paying for lessons, freezing your ass off, whatever.
So anyway, this came up on my facebook, originally posted by HGS as reasons why you should boycott Girl Scout Cookies.
You can click on it to make it big enough to read if you haven’t see it yet.
I was a Girl Scout and a leader when my daughter was a Girl Scout. I think there are a lot of good things about Girl Scouts. And this stupid graphic makes me more determined to buy cookies in support of Girl Scouts of America. That is, if I hadn’t already ordered a whole case and I can’t afford more than that. If you’re local to me I can send you a link to a local GS I know and you can order YOUR cookies online in support of Girl Scouts today.
Don’t let the misinformed bigots win. Buy your cookies, and if you don’t want them – donate.
Why people might think you’re a bad parent
Jan 19th
Let me start by saying this: At one time or another in my parenting life I have likely done most of these at least once.
- You are out in public (business, grocery, etc.) with your kids improperly dressed. The biggest faux pas is a kid in just a diaper, but I’ve recently seen kids without shoes. Not only is that just plain tacky, what if your car broke down and you all had to walk? Along with that, ratty hair and snotty faces. C’mon, I know sometimes you’ve just picked them up from daycare and you’re stopping for essentials on the way home, but take a moment to make sure they’re somewhat presentable before you enter a store.
- Your child repeatedly attempts to get your attention and you’re oblivious. Mom, mom MOM, Mommy? Pay fucking attention! It just takes a moment to answer their request, or to ask them to hang on a minute if you’re actually busy and not just perusing the jewelry counter. Give them that moment.
- Your child is running loose in a store like a wild animal and you’re nowhere to be found.
- Your child is screaming and/or crying and you’re not handling it at all. If your choice is to ignore the tantrum, at least have the decency to take your battle out of public.
- This one bugs me a lot: Child A does something to Child B and Child B retaliates and you either only see the second part or believe the wrong child. Again, you’re not paying attention. Sometimes observing your children without their knowledge teaches you a lot about how they interact and who is usually the instigator.
- You yell at your child in front of people. A tight grip and a lowered voice work better and draw less attention. Or you threaten over and over and never follow through.
Been there, done that. Except the running around the store thing. My kids ALWAYS were right near me in the store or they didn’t go. If I had a bunch of errands to do and they had to behave they got equal (and I mean to the minute equal) time at the nearest playground. One of the most important lessons my kids learned was there was a time and a place for behaving and for play.
Some “parents” just don’t give a shit. You know those that yell at their kids like dogs and drag them everywhere without a thought. Some parents are just having an off day and certainly wouldn’t want that one bad moment to be a reflection of their overall parenting. I get that, but to me they all look the same.
By the way, to those who bitch about a happy laughing or squealing child being too loud? Fuck you, the opposite behavior is much much more annoying, so get over it.
Gay Sushi
Jan 12th
You’d think as much as I talk about dick I wouldn’t get asked the question. No, I’m not gay. I like dick. I like men. I like men with dicks. I even like some men who act like dicks because sometimes they’re really funny. I haven’t seen a real dick in quite some time but I Still. Want. Dick.
Oh right… the title. I hate sushi. I don’t want to try sushi. Even the thought of trying this one or that type is repugnant and makes me gag. In my mind, sushi is nasty. Yuck.
Exactly how I feel about having any sort of sexual intimacy with another woman. I’ve tried sushi once and I’ve tried another woman once and let me tell you both were gross to me.
But here’s the thing. Millions of people like sushi. Some of my friends love sushi. I’ve even hung around sushi places and I didn’t have to eat it. It doesn’t bother me a bit that other people eat sushi and it doesn’t change my beef-eating life in the slightest. Sushi had no effect on my marriage or my divorce.
Do I think sushi should be outlawed or sushi lovers shunned? That’s stupid. As long as I don’t have to eat it, why should I impose my sushi-hater feelings onto others?
Again, exactly how I feel about teh gayz. I don’t have to join in in what they do, I don’t have to click that link in my porn selections, and I don’t have to deny others what they want. If my girlfriend R likes women, far be it for me to deny her feelings. If C and T want to go home with other men, go for it. I think gay men are a perfectly good waste of dick but really, there’s a lot of wasted dick out there. At least somebody is getting satisfied. Go guys.
You either like sushi or you don’t. You either feel attraction to the same sex or you don’t. You can’t wish it different.
So you think gays and lesbians shouldn’t be able to marry or have/adopt children. Why? How exactly would either of those things change your life in any way? Really, I’d like to know. So you, like me, might find the idea of same-sex action repugnant. I can say it and still believe that those who DO like same-sex have just as much right to a life as sushi lovers. Why shouldn’t sushi lovers be able to marry? Why shouldn’t they be able to adopt a child nobody else wants and provide it with a sushi-loving home. I’d even bet gay parents wouldn’t force their kids to eat sushi if they didn’t want it.
If you tell me it’s because God didn’t like the gays I say bullshit. God didn’t say anything about gays, some bigot who made up the bible said it. Hey, as long as you’re writing a book to control the masses, let’s put your personal bigotries in there. As far as I know your God hasn’t actually said anything about anything. The bible is full of second-hand stores written hundreds of years later by some guy who may have talked to the barber of the second cousin of the neighbor who was there at the time. And then more men translated it over time. Like a good folk tale where the basic story remains but the details change for different audiences… but enough of that tangent.
Ask yourself this: (READ IT ALOUD) If my brother/sister comes out and wants to marry the love of their life – and it happens to be the same sex as they are – how exactly does that impact my life? Does it make me gay? Do they want me to watch or join in as they do gay things? Can I live the rest of my life without any difference based on their gayness? Does my relationship with them change at all based on what they do in their bedroom?
I’m betting you already know the answer.
So ask yourself this: (READ IT ALOUD) Am I a decent human being if I deny another decent human being the same rights that I have?
Let those who love sushi eat sushi and you can still eat all the steak you want. I do.
Think for yourself.
Inspection?
Jan 11th
Found a note on my door a couple days ago. A two-day notice of intent to enter apparently every apartment in the complex.
This inspection is for our annual lender inspection and is a mandatory inspection of all apartment homes located within our community. Due to the nature of this inspection, we can not accommodate appointments or reschedule.
WTF? Annual lender inspection is a new one on me. So sometime 9-5 today or tomorrow someone will be inspecting my apartment for what? What would the lender be looking for? Illegal activity? Improper remodeling? Poor hygiene? Hoarders???!!!!!
I’m resisting the urge to attempt a massive deep cleaning. My place is a little messy with little girl stuff as I don’t bother to clean up after the kid unless I’m expecting company of my own. There are 2-3 dishes in the sink and a bag of trash by the door to be taken out. I suppose I could vacuum… fuck that.
The worst part is I have to be dressed. I’m seldom wearing real clothes when I’m home alone because I’m an elderly shut-in. I have “house clothes.” Let your imagination wander.
Bring it on lender inspectors.
________________________
OK, so they came and went. Three guys, one to check if I had all the appliances and that they worked, one guy went in to the bathroom (without the light on) and spent a couple minutes doing I dunno what, and the third guy wandered around looking at the edges of the ceiling in every room with a giant flashlight presumably looking for water leaks.
Seriously, what was the guy doing in the bathroom? I didn’t hear any water running or flushing, but what would you inspect in the bathroom in the dark? He didn’t even have a flashlight. Creepy. And now I have to pee and I don’t want to go in there.
Baby Baptismals
Jan 3rd
Well, apparently my grandson was baptized over the weekend. My daughter asked me weeks ago if I was okay with it. Sure, it doesn’t mean anything to me. She’s mentioned it a couple of times since but I thought it was later in the month.
Her boyfriend’s family is very Catholic and she’s been living with them, so it was a given. If it makes them all happy it’s fine by me. I’m sure Jack won’t be any different when I go see him tomorrow.
I had my kids baptized Episcopalian back in the day, even though I never actually joined the church and never went back. Maybe I thought it was a fail-safe at the time.
But even now I still don’t get it. What’s the point again? The child won’t remember, the child may or may not ever decide to follow that or any other religion. Baptized babies aren’t any healthier or happier.
There is that godparent thing. So Tyler’s brother and his wife? girlfriend? I can’t remember are now Jack’s godparents. That means they’re in charge of his spiritual upbringing (whatever that is) and supposedly take custody if anything happens to Tyler and Ginnie right?
Let me tell you now, if anything happens to my daughter and that child needs care that family is in for a big awakening. None of us may have been invited to attend his baptismal or even invited to visit him (only me) but when push comes to shove we’ll be fighting to keep him. It’s her choice now to go along with their religiosity in order to keep the peace where she lives, but so far deep down inside she’s still an atheist just like the rest of my family. We’ll share, but we won’t give up.
And when he gets big enough to question I’ll make damned sure he does. Just like Kira, when she asks me questions I tell her what I think and that other people think differently and she needs to make up her own mind.
Things women don’t talk about
Dec 29th
Sometime around my 40ish birthday and after the birth of my third child I noticed I had an issue with leakage. Every time I would cough or sneeze a little bit of pee would leak out. For years this went on, sometimes worse and sometimes not at all. I never knew until BAM! in the middle of a laughing fit I’d have to go to the bathroom and deal with the problem. I even carried pantyliners just in case. I’m pretty sure that’s why panty liners were invented actually.
You know what? Plenty if not most women that age have that problem but they don’t talk about it. Who wants to admit they can’t hold their pee? It’s embarrassing to admit.
So maybe you whisper it to your doctor and he advises daily kegel exercises which I have always done anyway so that didn’t help. Fortunately when I had my hysterectomy he tightened something in my bladder to I don’t have pesky incontinence issues anymore unless my bladder is full.
But my point is, every woman – at some point in their adult life – has incontinence problems. They just don’t talk about it.
Nature fucks with us in other ways too. I always had bad cramps with my periods. Day off in bed with a heating pad cramps. Some women don’t and bully for them! I tolerated this shit for years complaining to my GYNs (I go to the VA so there’s a different GYN each time) at every visit until finally one sent me for tests and I had fibroids making my uterus 3 times the size it should be. No wonder it hurt so bad every month. If you’re having excessively painful cramps and heavy periods then don’t let your GYN put you off. Insist they find out why and how it can be fixed. Why do women go though extra-painful periods every month? Because we’re told it’s natural, or it’s just the way it is, or you’re just whiny for bitching about it. Bullshit. If you’re not using your uterus all kinds of crap could be going on in there. Stand up for yourself.
Women are caretakers with everyone else but they tend to keep quiet about their own issues. We teach our kids to buck up and not be whiners so when WE have a problem we put on a strong front and keep silent. Again, bullshit. If something feels wrong, talk about it. Tell your doctor. Discuss it with your women friends. They likely won’t want to talk about it either but we should. Why should we be embarrassed about our bodies and what may or may not be going wrong with them? How are you supposed to know what is natural and what isn’t if you don’t discuss?
If your poo isn’t coming out as it should, talk to someone. If your periods are wacky, talk to someone about it. If you wet your pants on a regular basis talk to your doctor. Don’t suffer in silence.
Let’s talk about grooming
Dec 29th
It’s natural for women to have hair in places we nowadays want it removed. In polite society we shave our armpits to reduce body odor first and foremost but there’s an aesthetic reason too. Since the advent of hosiery we’ve removed our leg hair too. Nothing more uncomfortable than wearing pantyhose when you haven’t shaved your legs. And once we started wearing bikinis it was kind of yucky to have little curlies peeking out the edges so we’d go for the bikini cut.
Then it became ridiculous. Women are removing hair everywhere. Women are told too much ARM hair is unattractive and it must be removed! Some women have hair on their toes and knuckles or a uni-brow they’d like to never worry about again. And for some reason it’s become unusual to have a pubic bush. Though I’ve never waxed, shaving that area only feels good for like a day. After that regrowth is very uncomfortable! Itchy and pokey. I understand waxing makes that bare feeling last a bit longer but not by much. So why do we do it?
If you think about it, a bare pubic area is natural on children but once you’ve hit puberty it’s supposed to be covered in hair. I dunno why, but that’s how it is. Are grown-ass women trying to look like little girls? Isn’t that a bit… creepy? Sure it feels good for a minute but then there’s the inevitable constant removal cycle costing fairly big bucks to maintain.
Speaking of big bucks, I find it interesting that in our advanced science age someone hasn’t come up with a semi-permanent painless and reasonably inexpensive way to remove unwanted hair. I still think there’s a conspiracy in the hair removal industry. How hard can it be to create a cream that kills hair follicles without damaging anything else? I believe people have and are getting paid off.
- I never want hair on my chin.
- I never want hair in my armpits.
- I never want hair on my legs.
- I never want hair on my bikini lines, but I’m not sure about the rest of the crotchal area.
Home waxing kits run from $5 to $20 but some places on your body are pretty hard to get to on your own. One place I looked up lists these prices:
| Eyebrow with shaping | $10 |
| Upper lip or chin | $7 |
| Facial Wax | $35 |
| Full Leg | $50 |
| Half Leg | $30 |
| Full Arm | $30 |
| Half Arm | $20 |
| Under Arm | $15 |
| Chest | $35 & Up |
| Tummy | $40 |
| Bikini | $30 |
| Playboy | $35 |
That’s pretty expensive to me. Certainly out of my range. How often do you have to get this stuff done? Even if you’re a shaver, the cost of new razors is high considering it’s basically a chunk of plastic holding a teeny razor blade.
So why do you do it? Comfort? To please your partner? Because society has decreed you must?
But I don’t KNOW yet!
Dec 27th
This happens a lot. Someone posts a link on twitter or facebook or what-have-you and click you go. As the page loads you get a glimpse of what the link is about when WHAM! Up pops a HOW DO YOU LIKE OUR SITE? survey window.
WTF?
I don’t know yet!
Somewhere the guy in charge of the surveys is wondering why nobody responds. Maybe it’s because I’ve never been to your site and I haven’t had a chance to check it out. This usually happens on newspaper websites but not always. It happens more often than not on the My HealtheVet where I have been often and have already responded to their survey.
Isn’t there some way to, oh I dunno, differentiate new or anonymous one-time hits from those who regularly visit a site? Yes I know there is. Wouldn’t your stupid survey get actual usable data from consistent readers? You’d think so.
But no, some idiot makes sure the first thing you see when you visit their site is a survey request that you can’t possibly answer honestly.
Way to go.
