so don't ask if you don't want to know
spellwight
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Posts by spellwight
Big Sister? Big Something.
May 8th
I think I’ve mentioned that my sister hasn’t spoken to me in years and I still don’t know why. Oh well, her loss. I’m a great person to be around and fuck her if she misses the chance.
And there were years she didn’t speak to our Mother either. Mom is a difficult person to be around. She’s bitchy (yes, more than me) and snarky (where the hell do you think I get it) but other people just seem to LOVE her. Her friends and family think she’s great while we kids and our families know the inner bitch. I maintain a relationship with her only because it was one of the last things my Grandmother asked of me while she was still coherent… before the Alzheimers took her away. It wouldn’t bother me a bit if I could feel like I was left off the hook for that either.
The thing is, Mom has gotten better. Apparently being married to the worst human being on the planet has softened her and made her nicer. She can actually speak in complete sentences without snark now and is actually funny and nice to us when she works at it.
Then my sister’s daughter (the only child of hers that I actually have a relationship with) had some shitstorm in her life including a child that Beth ended up taking in and started adoption proceedings for. We visited a couple of times when I was there and it was all so civil so I never did get to have an in-depth conversation as to why she shut me out. In the meantime Mom (somehow) started short weekly visits over there to spend time with the boy. He’s too much for Mom at her own house and Beth won’t let him out of her sight anyway. And apparently Mom was on her best behavior during these visits to not jeopardize future visits.
So… now its been like 6 weeks since Beth has scheduled a visit or even answered the phone when Mom calls. She’s cut her out again with no explanation as usual. And now Mom whines to me during my weekly duty calls. And I chatted with niece on Facebook and it’s because Mom supposedly opened her mouth and said something negative about Beth’s other kids.
Fuck that. We all know who we’re dealing with. Beth is the spoiled brat who cuts people off with no explanation whenever she feels offended by anything. I even told niece to tell her mother I said she needed to grow a pair and have a grown-up conversation with her own fucking mother and stop forcing everyone else to mediate. Niece is in the middle, I’m in the middle and the boy doesn’t get to see his Great-Grandmother when he’s too little to understand all the past history shit. But she won’t… she’ll just carry on in her little world feeling justified in treating people like garbage. And Mom doesn’t even remember saying anything but knowing her penchant for snark I’m pretty sure something was said.
So on this Mother’s Day I’m left with a crying mother, a bitch for a sister, and they both live too far away for me to do anything but vent here and then try not to care. I wish I could be immature and just close any connection with those people.
I envy you people with good relationships with your family. Happy Mother’s Day to those that deserve it.
50 is fantastic… so far!
May 2nd
Oh. My.
Well, my birthday celebrations actually started the Friday before the actual date but other than the residual bruising on my boobs, I was ready to continue.
Last Thursday was #EVTM so I went up to Liberty Market to hang with that gang and received even more birthday wishes. I have such good friends!
Friday I got up and finished packing, took myself for my free birthday breakfast at Liberty Market – yes, it’s THAT good, you go two days in a row when you get the chance – and then picked up Krystal to get the rental car. After a rough start because car rentals at the fucking airport aren’t set up for local people and we blew half an hour trying to find the right place, we scored a Charger and went back to her place and loaded up the car with their stuff. Picked up Max, had lunch and finally got on the road to VEGAS BABY! Made it to the Stratosphere just in time to get decked up, gather the troops, pre-drink and go out.
Because CJ met us there and both she and Krystal (and I) love karaoke I decided we’d go a half-block away to Dino’s Lounge. Yes, it was a dive bar but aren’t those the best places for Karaoke? We had a BLAAAAAST! Max and Casey and his friend Jeff got up and sang Happy Birthday (so did everyone else in the packed bar) and then CJ sang my favorite CJ-sings-Karaoke song, The Homecoming Queen’s Got a Gun, to which I got up in my drunken way and cheered her on. Then Krystal rocked Shoop. I flirted with the numerous guidos around me and got as drunk as I’ve ever been. I must’ve had 8-9 vodka cranberries throughout the night. Everyone had a great time!
Unfortunately Vegas was experiencing a surprise cold spell and we froze our asses off walking to and from the bar. Nobody brought warm clothes except maybe CJ. We’re idiots.
Speaking of guidos, Vegas is overrun with Jersey Shore wannabes but damn do they dress nice and smell good. Lots of flirting and leaning in close, but that’s all. Most of those young men were tolerant of this old bat so it’s all good.
Saturday started with buffet breakfast with CJ, Crystal O’hara and her daughter Colleen (see, I remember her name now) and Shannon – then Max and Krystal eventually showed up. Us girls then headed to the outlet mall where I tried on 6 bras and started crying cuz I can never find a bra that fits right. Poor CJ was so patient with me. Then back to the room for a nap after which we dressed up and met at Nine Fine Irishmen for the BEST DINNER EVER!
I had the cider braised salmon (with a couple of ciders) and it was fantastic. Other than the food, I don’t think anyone was really enjoying the experience so we split up and went our separate ways.
Ended up back at my hotel and made CJ walk all the way to the HOT TUB!!1 only to find out they close the pool area at 6pm BOO! Who the fuck closes a hotel pool at 6pm? The Strat, apparently. So we went back to my room and dressed up again and went up to the Air Bar at the top of the tower, where the evening disintegrated even further. I’m drinking the whole time, but still. We were all getting tired and cranky by then so I gave up and went to bed.
Sunday morning we all gathered once more to watch Casey take the leap from the top of the tower. There’s video of that on my Facebook page if you want to watch.
So… there were down moments but it was mostly way up. I had the best time ever, wore make-up *gasp* and Krystal made my hair look great! I got to flirt a bit, got plenty drunk and spent a really great weekend with my sons and friends. We’re planning another family trip in November when Ginnie turns 21 and can go along.
Awesome start to my year 50!
Mystical Science
Apr 27th
When my doctor went over my recent blood work results I was dumbfounded. Next time I’m going to have to record my visit because I just can’t remember it all, but the key points are:
According to the numbers I’ve been exercising. Really? Not so much. Sure, I get a bit more exercise now that I’m breathing better, but it’s not like I’m out there trying. More like walking from the parking lot without stopping to rest.
According to the numbers my liver is not handling my alcohol level well. Really? I have two or three drinks a WEEK. And I only started drinking like 5 years ago, so it’s not a long-time drinking thing. Fucking liver is in for it this weekend. (Vegas baby!)
According to the numbers my cholesterol is fine and my heart-related cholesterol is great. I’m as healthy as I can be!
She sees a few white blood cells in my blood, and something about fighting a UTI (which I really don’t remember having) so we’ll check again in 6 months.
All that misinformation from a few tubes of blood?
Actually, my breathing is great. I think I’ve used my albuterol inhaler once in the last couple of weeks as compared to a couple of time an hour like 4 months ago. I feel fantastic!
My blood pressure is iffy, so I now need to keep a chart. My weight is a little high (gained 10 pounds) but I blame that on the steroids – and maybe on the Butter Pecan Ice Cream I’ve used to replace cigarettes. What shall I use to replace the ice cream?
Maybe I should exercise more now that I feel better. Maybe after the spring pollen season passes because the only time I do feel any tightness is when I’m outside.
I’m telling you, when they first put me on 20 mg a day of prednisone I was good, then it was lowered to 15 and then 12 mg a day and I started feeling the bloating and gaining the weight. After Friday I’m supposed to go down to 10 mg a day and I wonder how I’ll feel after that. Though how I can feel more side-effects the less I take stumps both of us. Right now I just feel FAT though I’m sure that damned ice cream doesn’t help.
I really want to go back to smoking. Shaddup.
Want your own billboard?
Apr 26th
You can go here and make one like these, and if they really like it it could become a real billboard somewhere out there.
Let me know if you see my mug out there in the world.
My 1st eBay purchase
Apr 24th
Fuggin scmuggin scrurpy pigmussen schmussen pissed.
THIS is what I purchased. In black. Yes, I understand what faux means. I didn’t expect it to actually, you know, corset anything – especially my fat. I did expect it to at least circumnavigate my body. Not a chance in hell. I suppose I could replace the string with a longer one but then the back would still have to be open 6-8 inches – or my entire back – to make the front close. Somehow I don’t think you’re supposed to OR HAVE TO do that. Plus it would look like crap in the front anyway because the decorative straps would sit wrong.
After checking on the return policy – none, so you’re fucked – I went to leave feedback. Hey, I tried to be neutral about the seller, but get my point across in case the next buyer bothers to check before buying.
It says XXL but there’s no way I could get this to fit my XL body. The 2 straps on the front bottom aren’t long enough or adjustable, and unstringing the back as far as it goes is still 3-4 inches less than you need to close the front. Reselling
I also sent a message saying pretty much the same thing to the seller. Not that anyone selling massive amounts of shit on eBay gives a rats ass about what their customer thinks. But this el cheapo faux corset apparently goes over real well with the skinny chicks. Whoever adjusted the pattern to fit larger people seriously needs some lessons. There’s an art to making something designed for a size 2 also look halfway decent on a plus size AND making the pattern work.
I’m really pissed that I bothered to hope. That I expected something marked XXL to at least fit around my XL body. That once again, I got screwed by my own stupidity.
EDIT: Update. I got this email this morning:
I am sorry you can not wear it. The XXL waist full close is 32inch it could be stretched about 2 inch. Could you please retract the negative feedback then i will refund $10 dollars to you. Please let me know. I am very sorry about that.
A. There’s no way in hell this thing can stretch like that. Everything else in my life is an XL and I can get it on. Ain’t happening. So that’s bullshit, period.
B. Everything she sells says NO REFUNDS. So am I too much of a cynic that I believe this is a $10 bribe to change my negative review instead of a good faith partial refund on a $40 purchase? Hmmm, I think warning the next poor sucker will make me feel better than that $10.
Dear US News People
Apr 24th
Nobody gives a shit about the royal wedding. I did a poll.
In fact, most of my friends didn’t care soooo much they told me they didn’t even care enough to go to the poll.
We don’t want 24-hour coverage. We don’t want you to send anchors to report from the scene. We don’t give a shit. Seriously.
The most you need to do is post a couple of pictures after the event. Or report if anything goes wrong. Other than that, leave that poor boy alone. Hasn’t he had enough of you people in his life?
Signed,
Americans
Don’t wanna start no trouble here
Apr 24th
I was wandering through Walmart today and stopped at the really cheap jewelry wall. My cart was in the way of this Hispanic woman so I smiled, apologized and moved it out of her way. She proceeds to pick and choose a couple of earrings on the wall next to where I was when she said, “Excuse me miss, which do you think would be good for my sister?” She had 3 sets of dangly earrings, two silvery and one gold, all tacky cuz we’re in – you know – Walmart.
Inside my head, “How the hell should I know, who is your sister?” but polite me responded, “I’m not sure, what color does she wear? Is she a gold or silver?”
To which she replied like I was an idiot, “she’s my sister, she the same color as me.”
She thought I was talking about her skin color, not her choice in jewelry color! “No, I meant what color is the jewelry she wears now? I prefer dark colors and natural tones, my friend prefers silver.”
So she picked the gold set and we both wandered on.
In a nearby department I was pushing my cart down an aisle and a family bunch was in front of me. I politely skirted them but teenage daughter pushing their cart was blocking the end of the aisle. So I said “excuse me” just loud enough and she ignored me, more intent on playing with her hair than skootching her cart over an inch. I moved forward a bit and damned if I didn’t sideswipe trying to get past. To which she snarled “damn beyotch” and I responded, “well I did say excuse me” and kept on going. Apparently she bitched to her mother cuz over the wall I heard “she’s under 18 bitch, back the fuck off.” I just kept right on truckin’. Not my problem if the cow didn’t teach her calf manners.
Gotta love Walmart. It’s so fucking high class.
Oh yeah, Happy Easter.
Oh, what a night!
Apr 23rd
Though yesterday’s activities started later than I’d expected, it was well worth it.
First we had to wait around for someone to come get Kira. There was some miscommunication there, but eventually they came and then Sheila and I went to Lunch at Liberty Market (YUM!!!) and then headed to Sheila’s house for day-drinking around the pool. A pleasant couple of Strongbows later we gussied up and went to the brand new Mellow Mushroom where I had a The Caesar pizza (AWESOME!!!!) and then we walked the block over to Robbie Fox’s for the #evfn / party.
Oh Mr Deity! Yeah, I was a bit cranky because the space they put aside for us only had a small bar and they had to go inside every time I ordered another Strongbow. But once I hit about halfway on that drink, I was fine. And the regular #evfn evening progressed as usual with a bit of birthday wishing included. It was a combined Jana (tomorrow) and Jack (next Thursday) and my (next Friday) birthday celebration and I didn’t have to drive anywhere so I indulged. Oh did I indulge. Kathy bought my second drink, Vinessa and Patrick bought my third (I think) and Jana wanted to kill me with my 4th.
At some point the #evfn ended but the partying continued, there were cans of whipped cream introduced and much squirting and licking on everyone on the couch. I thought I’d have a hickie on my boob from Jana, but the mark faded. Evo went right to the point of it if you know what I mean. Might have been 10 of us with whipped cream residue somewhere by the time the cans died out. All this on an outdoor patio! Then I started flirting with one of the band guys unloading nearby and it was time to leave. I HAD SO MUCH GODDAM FUN!
Today has been busy too. Nice breakfast, nice lunch, nice ImprovAZ event where we dressed up sort of like Waldo and converged on Tempe Markeplace to screw with the natives. My friend Jeff was the actual Waldo and pics will start showing up soon. I posted a couple on my Facebook. Then I had Casey take me to get a new car battery (because apparently mine mysteriously died while I was gone for the night) and when he replaced it suddenly the A/C that has been dead since last summer came to life again. Sure at first there was a lot of clunking and grinding in the dashboard area which eventually settle down to a rhythmic thunk but even that stopped after a few miles/minutes. But the new battery took most of my set-aside-for-shopping-for-Vegas funds so I only got one new outfit and came home.
Now I’m going to take a long hot bath and crawl in bed for a while.
Use your logic!
Apr 21st
Subtitled: Stuff I can’t really say to people or they get pissed off.
First there’s those people who praise God or Jesus when they win something. So years ago God was sitting around playing what, Eeenie Meenie Minie Moe and decided he would give YOU this talent above the kid next door? Why? Was it random or did your parents pray extra hard that you’d be special? If it’s random, then why thank him? If it was because your parents prayed extra hard, then what about your other neighbor kid’s parents who are even more devout? They lost out why? Or what about the kid who had crappy parents and yet is just as good or better than you at what you’re special at? How do you explain an atheist ever winning anything? How do you explain someone of another religion – who you think is wrong, therefore less likely to be blessed by god – winning anything?
Logically God didn’t pick you to have an extra special talent and certainly didn’t arrange for you to win that Oscar or get to the Superbowl or pick just the right lottery numbers. It was either hard your own work or just plain chance.
And then there’s the people who – as they did with me – tell you your miscarried baby is in heaven because god had other plans for that soul. Really? Those are usually the same people that believe every pregnancy/baby is a miracle from god and abortion is murder. So again, god is just sitting around watching people have sex (creepy!) and decides that these few will get pregnant, and that bunch won’t. Rolling dice? Flipping coins? Eenie Meenie again? And then just about the time you get adjusted to having this baby – excited even – god changes his mind and takes it back. What an asshole! Why can’t he take the babies just from women who don’t want them? Wouldn’t that be more logical and right?
Believing god would give you a child and then take it away is just too mean to be logical. Loving a god who does that is illogical!
The whole prayer thing is illogical to me. If you pray, your cancer might go away. Or maybe it will take the prayers of all your family and say, 10 friends. No wait, this time we need an entire congregation to pray for 3 weeks straight and then your cancer will go away. Or more likely the doctors and nurses and medications had enough time to get it under control. Or not, and you die and then all those prayers were for nothing. But wait, prayer helped the other guy get better so it works! Right.
I know. I’m a meaniepoopyhead and I’m attacking again. Really? Try and make me understand. If you’re feeling attacked, defend your thinking, please! Do you just have this goopy gloop in your brain that repeats “God gives us everything, God is great, don’t question, don’t ask?”
I just want to leave you with this thought – though it’s not really related to this discussion – if Eve never ate that apple, would we be here today? Shouldn’t we be worshipping Eve?
Loose animals
Apr 20th
Yesterday I took Kira to Sea Life at the mall. I pre-paid for our tickets to save a few bucks, but It was still $28.53 for the two of us – pretty pricey in my book.
Unfortunately we arrived at the same time as a large elementary school group. I’ve been the chaperone Mom on many of these types of trips and I know, barring a few real troublemakers, that kids that age CAN behave fairly well if taught and expected to do so. In fact, teachers always seemed to stick me with the worst of the troublemakers because I could get them to behave. There were plenty of adults with these kids from Florence and yet they were the worst bunch of kids I’ve ever come across.
Most – not all – were pushing, shoving smaller children, running, screaming, pounding on the glass tanks, climbing on the exhibits, yanking on the teaching stations… generally acting like loose animals. I saw ONE adult trying to maintain some sense of order with the 5-6 kids apparently under his control. The rest of the adults pretty much stood around smiling and taking pictures using their flash – and it’s posted EVERYWHERE not to use flash photography because it disturbs the real animals.
We tried hiding in a (useless) little theater looping a SpongeBob Squarepants short about a pickle. Kids would run in and jump up and down on the seats and holler and climb over and then run out, only for another bunch of kids to run in and repeat. I kept slipping up and speaking out to these kids – NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY – but it was that bad.
What the fuck people? If kids from my school would have acted like this in public we would have immediately stopped the trip and sent them all back to the bus until they could show some control. It didn’t matter whether the child was male or female, black/white/hispanic/polka-dot, or alone or in sets, almost every kid in that group (easily identified in uniforms) was a wild freaking animal. It’s like the adults fed them sugar on the trip up from Florence and instructed them to treat the aquarium place like their playground. If I knew which school, I’d send them an email. Maybe I’ll look and see how many elementary schools there are in Florence. Can’t be that many.
We barely made it halfway and had skipped a few exhibits when Kira wanted to leave. It was just too overwhelming for her (and me) so we ducked out and went back a little later. Though it was much more enjoyable once the hoard had left, I was already worn out. And at that price, we’ll likely never go back. Oh well.
