so don't ask if you don't want to know
Archive for January, 2012
Fuck Cancer
Jan 31st
I’ve never had anyone physically close to me have cancer, so I really don’t know the hands-on effect on the stricken or those around them. Oh sure, cousin A or far-away friend Z has had it and I get snippets, but to be right there witnessing, helping, supporting? Not so far. A person can only empathize so much from a distance.
My beautiful niece Brittany (Miss B) had skin cancer when she was 16. Of course, with her living in Florida and me being here I had no real connection to that process. And except for the wicked scar in the center of her back she seemed to sail right through that experience.
But just as all thoughts of it fade away, cancer strikes again, as it is wont to do.
Last Thursday I noticed on Facebook that she was in the hospital and within hours she called me to tell me what she knew at the time. She had 3 spots on her lungs – one the size of a tangerine – and they’d scheduled a biopsy for later that afternoon. After a shitload of text messages between me and my kids, calls to my Mom (grrr arg) and a call from my Dad, my (surprise!) sister actually called me. The biopsy was done and another surgery to help her breathe better. Although they have to wait for the biopsy results to be sure, the doctors think this time our Miss B has lung cancer. Inoperable. Plans (apparently) to try chemo and stuff are in the works but who knows how it will all turn out. Don’t tell “our mother” or post anything online right away. Hey, I waited a few days. The last thing she said was Brittany is a strong girl and she’ll come though this just fine.
Well… now… she’s certainly strong willed. When she lived with me we butt heads all the time. But she’s also very sensitive. That girl has had so much shit in her life already. I guess that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Or as the tattoo across her chest says:
Victory is sweetest when you’ve known defeat
We’re all pulling for her to get through this. There’s not much more we can do at this point. I’m not certain of her health insurance status so maybe at some point we’ll be raising money. I can surely help with that.
Hang in there Miss B. I love you and miss you and wish I could be there to… do something! I can’t do shit across the country, but you’re in my thoughts hourly and I know you’ll fight this as hard as you can.
Me? I just want to punch somebody. The fact that my family has lousy communication skills means I keep up with the news via Facebook status updates. Today she’s in pain and the meds aren’t cutting it anymore.
Shit. Fuck cancer.
It turned out as I thought
Jan 30th
Sad Sack
I went with the backup outfit and I think I looked rather good! I was stupid enough to get there early (to get good parking) and stood in the stupid line for what turned out to be absolutely no reason. I realized that just about the same time my friends Charlie and Carolyn showed up so I stayed in line with them. The place has no seating so why wait in line? Duh! I could have been comfy in my car for that 45 minutes instead of standing around.
Anyway, we got in – got drinks – and I set up camp out on the smoking patio where there was the only seating in the whole place. Concrete benches, oh joy. I waited out there until the concert actually started and went in to enjoy Jonathan Coulton. He played a few oldies but mostly new stuff which was so interesting I ended up buying a (signed) a copy of his latest CD Artificial Heart.
Between JoCo and They Might Be Giants I went out and sat again but it wasn’t enough. Four songs into TMBG I gave up. My back, neck, knees and feet hurt so bad I could hardly stand it. Especially my neck. I couldn’t turn my head at all. So I went home.
Here it is 3 hours later and I still have pain in my neck. Oh well, I’m just too damned decrepit to stand for hours at a time. I won’t be going back to the Marquee Theatre ever again. I need seating, thanks.
Oh yeah, I had three different women compliment me on my Surly necklace. I’m such a pusher for her wearable art.
But I Had a Plan!
Jan 29th
I know it sounds like I go out all the time, but in reality I’m usually going to places I’ve been before. Every time I go a new place I get anxious. How does one dress? Will there be seating? Will they have what I like to drink? Is there decent parking?
I bought tickets months ago to see Jonathan Coulton – who I love – tonight at the Marquee Theatre. He’s opening for They Might Be Giants – who I know nothing about – and I expected to have a great time. So I mentioned it to the girl who was coloring my hair last night and she dropped a few comments about the venue.
So I looked it up. Well, I tried to. It doesn’t appear to have it’s own website so I then went to Yelp. Egads, no seating! I have to stand for hours? Shit. That means the boots I was planning on wearing are out. And lots of bitching about it being too hot. There goes my whole outfit. I have to rethink my entire plan now!
I don’t do well when I can’t sit down. Combine heat and standing and I’m actually rethinking going at all. What I thought was going to be a good night has now become a bit of a dread. But I can’t miss Coulton. Maybe I’ll just stay for his part, I should be able to last that long. And I must remember to eat first.
Either way, at least my hair looks great!
Girl Scout Cookies
Jan 23rd
There’s been quite the controversy going on with the Girl Scouts lately. You can look it all up, but the gist is Colorado GSA allowed a transgender 7-year-old boy to join their local troop. Other troops across America have been quietly doing the same. Then apparently something called HonestGirlScouts.com got all offended and one teen GS posted a video calling for a boycott of cookie sales because OMG! Boys in the Girls Scouts!!!!
Honestly, I don’t know shit about transgender people. I don’t think I’ve ever actually met one. But if you’ve opened your eyes at all lately you would see more and more differences in children are becoming… mainstream? Not quite the word I want. Out-of-hiding? Whatever, we can find out more about different people easier if we want. One of the things you can learn is few of these differences are by CHOICE.
By the time your child has a mind of their own, you know you can’t change them. If your darling daughter hates pink, no amount of paint and glitter will make them girly. If your son prefers to play barbies with the girls, no amount of punishment will make them a football player. Kids are what they are. I can only assume transgender is the far end of the tomboy or (what some people would call) sissy-boy spectrum. So it stands to reason if your son turns out to really, really want to be a girl, you should make their life as easy as possible. That’s our jobs as parents, right? To make our children’s lives as great as we can all the while teaching them not to be serial killers by killing their little souls. You can’t beat it away.
Some Girl Scouts get it. If the boy-born is to all intents and purposes a girl, then they are a girl. If your daughter feels more like a boy, then support that.
Why would anyone spend their entire parenthood forcing their child to be something they’re not? It’s not like these kids do it all just to piss you off. If your child wanted with all their heart to be something acceptable – like a figure skater or hockey player – you’d be damned sure out there getting them to practices, paying for lessons, freezing your ass off, whatever.
So anyway, this came up on my facebook, originally posted by HGS as reasons why you should boycott Girl Scout Cookies.
You can click on it to make it big enough to read if you haven’t see it yet.
I was a Girl Scout and a leader when my daughter was a Girl Scout. I think there are a lot of good things about Girl Scouts. And this stupid graphic makes me more determined to buy cookies in support of Girl Scouts of America. That is, if I hadn’t already ordered a whole case and I can’t afford more than that. If you’re local to me I can send you a link to a local GS I know and you can order YOUR cookies online in support of Girl Scouts today.
Don’t let the misinformed bigots win. Buy your cookies, and if you don’t want them – donate.
Why people might think you’re a bad parent
Jan 19th
Let me start by saying this: At one time or another in my parenting life I have likely done most of these at least once.
- You are out in public (business, grocery, etc.) with your kids improperly dressed. The biggest faux pas is a kid in just a diaper, but I’ve recently seen kids without shoes. Not only is that just plain tacky, what if your car broke down and you all had to walk? Along with that, ratty hair and snotty faces. C’mon, I know sometimes you’ve just picked them up from daycare and you’re stopping for essentials on the way home, but take a moment to make sure they’re somewhat presentable before you enter a store.
- Your child repeatedly attempts to get your attention and you’re oblivious. Mom, mom MOM, Mommy? Pay fucking attention! It just takes a moment to answer their request, or to ask them to hang on a minute if you’re actually busy and not just perusing the jewelry counter. Give them that moment.
- Your child is running loose in a store like a wild animal and you’re nowhere to be found.
- Your child is screaming and/or crying and you’re not handling it at all. If your choice is to ignore the tantrum, at least have the decency to take your battle out of public.
- This one bugs me a lot: Child A does something to Child B and Child B retaliates and you either only see the second part or believe the wrong child. Again, you’re not paying attention. Sometimes observing your children without their knowledge teaches you a lot about how they interact and who is usually the instigator.
- You yell at your child in front of people. A tight grip and a lowered voice work better and draw less attention. Or you threaten over and over and never follow through.
Been there, done that. Except the running around the store thing. My kids ALWAYS were right near me in the store or they didn’t go. If I had a bunch of errands to do and they had to behave they got equal (and I mean to the minute equal) time at the nearest playground. One of the most important lessons my kids learned was there was a time and a place for behaving and for play.
Some “parents” just don’t give a shit. You know those that yell at their kids like dogs and drag them everywhere without a thought. Some parents are just having an off day and certainly wouldn’t want that one bad moment to be a reflection of their overall parenting. I get that, but to me they all look the same.
By the way, to those who bitch about a happy laughing or squealing child being too loud? Fuck you, the opposite behavior is much much more annoying, so get over it.
Gay Sushi
Jan 12th
You’d think as much as I talk about dick I wouldn’t get asked the question. No, I’m not gay. I like dick. I like men. I like men with dicks. I even like some men who act like dicks because sometimes they’re really funny. I haven’t seen a real dick in quite some time but I Still. Want. Dick.
Oh right… the title. I hate sushi. I don’t want to try sushi. Even the thought of trying this one or that type is repugnant and makes me gag. In my mind, sushi is nasty. Yuck.
Exactly how I feel about having any sort of sexual intimacy with another woman. I’ve tried sushi once and I’ve tried another woman once and let me tell you both were gross to me.
But here’s the thing. Millions of people like sushi. Some of my friends love sushi. I’ve even hung around sushi places and I didn’t have to eat it. It doesn’t bother me a bit that other people eat sushi and it doesn’t change my beef-eating life in the slightest. Sushi had no effect on my marriage or my divorce.
Do I think sushi should be outlawed or sushi lovers shunned? That’s stupid. As long as I don’t have to eat it, why should I impose my sushi-hater feelings onto others?
Again, exactly how I feel about teh gayz. I don’t have to join in in what they do, I don’t have to click that link in my porn selections, and I don’t have to deny others what they want. If my girlfriend R likes women, far be it for me to deny her feelings. If C and T want to go home with other men, go for it. I think gay men are a perfectly good waste of dick but really, there’s a lot of wasted dick out there. At least somebody is getting satisfied. Go guys.
You either like sushi or you don’t. You either feel attraction to the same sex or you don’t. You can’t wish it different.
So you think gays and lesbians shouldn’t be able to marry or have/adopt children. Why? How exactly would either of those things change your life in any way? Really, I’d like to know. So you, like me, might find the idea of same-sex action repugnant. I can say it and still believe that those who DO like same-sex have just as much right to a life as sushi lovers. Why shouldn’t sushi lovers be able to marry? Why shouldn’t they be able to adopt a child nobody else wants and provide it with a sushi-loving home. I’d even bet gay parents wouldn’t force their kids to eat sushi if they didn’t want it.
If you tell me it’s because God didn’t like the gays I say bullshit. God didn’t say anything about gays, some bigot who made up the bible said it. Hey, as long as you’re writing a book to control the masses, let’s put your personal bigotries in there. As far as I know your God hasn’t actually said anything about anything. The bible is full of second-hand stores written hundreds of years later by some guy who may have talked to the barber of the second cousin of the neighbor who was there at the time. And then more men translated it over time. Like a good folk tale where the basic story remains but the details change for different audiences… but enough of that tangent.
Ask yourself this: (READ IT ALOUD) If my brother/sister comes out and wants to marry the love of their life – and it happens to be the same sex as they are – how exactly does that impact my life? Does it make me gay? Do they want me to watch or join in as they do gay things? Can I live the rest of my life without any difference based on their gayness? Does my relationship with them change at all based on what they do in their bedroom?
I’m betting you already know the answer.
So ask yourself this: (READ IT ALOUD) Am I a decent human being if I deny another decent human being the same rights that I have?
Let those who love sushi eat sushi and you can still eat all the steak you want. I do.
Think for yourself.
Inspection?
Jan 11th
Found a note on my door a couple days ago. A two-day notice of intent to enter apparently every apartment in the complex.
This inspection is for our annual lender inspection and is a mandatory inspection of all apartment homes located within our community. Due to the nature of this inspection, we can not accommodate appointments or reschedule.
WTF? Annual lender inspection is a new one on me. So sometime 9-5 today or tomorrow someone will be inspecting my apartment for what? What would the lender be looking for? Illegal activity? Improper remodeling? Poor hygiene? Hoarders???!!!!!
I’m resisting the urge to attempt a massive deep cleaning. My place is a little messy with little girl stuff as I don’t bother to clean up after the kid unless I’m expecting company of my own. There are 2-3 dishes in the sink and a bag of trash by the door to be taken out. I suppose I could vacuum… fuck that.
The worst part is I have to be dressed. I’m seldom wearing real clothes when I’m home alone because I’m an elderly shut-in. I have “house clothes.” Let your imagination wander.
Bring it on lender inspectors.
________________________
OK, so they came and went. Three guys, one to check if I had all the appliances and that they worked, one guy went in to the bathroom (without the light on) and spent a couple minutes doing I dunno what, and the third guy wandered around looking at the edges of the ceiling in every room with a giant flashlight presumably looking for water leaks.
Seriously, what was the guy doing in the bathroom? I didn’t hear any water running or flushing, but what would you inspect in the bathroom in the dark? He didn’t even have a flashlight. Creepy. And now I have to pee and I don’t want to go in there.
Baby Baptismals
Jan 3rd
Well, apparently my grandson was baptized over the weekend. My daughter asked me weeks ago if I was okay with it. Sure, it doesn’t mean anything to me. She’s mentioned it a couple of times since but I thought it was later in the month.
Her boyfriend’s family is very Catholic and she’s been living with them, so it was a given. If it makes them all happy it’s fine by me. I’m sure Jack won’t be any different when I go see him tomorrow.
I had my kids baptized Episcopalian back in the day, even though I never actually joined the church and never went back. Maybe I thought it was a fail-safe at the time.
But even now I still don’t get it. What’s the point again? The child won’t remember, the child may or may not ever decide to follow that or any other religion. Baptized babies aren’t any healthier or happier.
There is that godparent thing. So Tyler’s brother and his wife? girlfriend? I can’t remember are now Jack’s godparents. That means they’re in charge of his spiritual upbringing (whatever that is) and supposedly take custody if anything happens to Tyler and Ginnie right?
Let me tell you now, if anything happens to my daughter and that child needs care that family is in for a big awakening. None of us may have been invited to attend his baptismal or even invited to visit him (only me) but when push comes to shove we’ll be fighting to keep him. It’s her choice now to go along with their religiosity in order to keep the peace where she lives, but so far deep down inside she’s still an atheist just like the rest of my family. We’ll share, but we won’t give up.
And when he gets big enough to question I’ll make damned sure he does. Just like Kira, when she asks me questions I tell her what I think and that other people think differently and she needs to make up her own mind.
