so don't ask if you don't want to know
Archive for March, 2010
What's been going on
Mar 30th
Some and nothing.
So I’m on an antibiotic for chlamydia.
Stop laughing, it’s not that kind of chlamydia!
Chlamydia pneumoniae. Not that I have symptoms, just that recent blood testing shows I have some of the bacteria in me and it could develop later.
So… Sunday:
I love Max-and-friends rental house. It’s a really nice huge house, but it’s in one of those developments where they’re all on top of each other with no yards and NO PARKING. There’s never any place to park and what there is is parallel. Little tiny 2-car parallel parking spaces interspersed throughout the complex. SUCKS. I’ve got a BIG (2001 gran marquis) car. SUCKS.
Anyway, we get there and boom the perfect parking space right across from their house. Only took me 6 tries to get my boat in there. We changed in the house and headed over to their park/playground/pool area. They were done at the pool and were all in the open space playing frisbee and football.
I sat in the sun for about 10 minutes when I started feeling weird. I made it up the hill to the playground, found a bench in the shade, and proceeded to damn near pass out. Sat there thinking about which way I’d fall – either into the sand (yuk) or headfirst onto the concrete – and even Kira knew something was wrong with Grammi and went to get help.
How fucking embarrassing and annoying. No I didn’t pass out, I drank a lot of water (I always drink a lot of water) and Casey moved me to a picnic table where I could put my head down. Eventually the dizziness passed enough for me to trudge back to the house (with a fucking escort) and rest up.
I’m blaming it on the erythromycin and the heat.
This too did pass and eventually we were all playing Flip Cup. Their kitchen has a huge island perfect for beer pong type games. (video from a previous evening with the kids) And because Shane can’t flip a cup to save his life, I ended up downing an entire can of Strongbow in about 6 minutes, so I quit. Didn’t want to press my luck.
I’ve also noticed a general tired / low-energy feeling. The pharmacist said the antibiotic doesn’t play well with my theophylline so I went yesterday for another blood test.
Tonight is Ignite Phoenix#6, this time at Mesa Art Center to which I’ve never been. Looking forward to seeing the venue as much as the event.
The proper amount of suction
Mar 24th
Just thought I’d share.
Re: the post title, I’ve recently become a Craig Ferguson fan. I think he’s the funniest guy on late night TV right now. Fuck Leno/Letterman. I guess I’m not old enough to find either of them worth watching.
Ridiculousness
Mar 22nd
Old article I just came across with yet another misleading title:
Tennessee Woman Arrested for Facebook ‘Poke’
So of course you’re all “that’s stupid” blah blah virtual assault blah. There were even man-on-the-street comments to that lead. Well, the real story is Woman A has a protection order against Woman B that includes “telephoning, contacting or otherwise communicating with the petitioner, directly or indirectly.” So instead of the story being a reminder to block people or that protection orders include social media, they make light of Woman A’s complaint. Stupid.
———–
Over breakfast I flipped through my (for women over 40) More Magazine and I stopped at a really cute dress. Reading the blurbs that go with the picture I find it’s available for $1,895. Who the fuck pays $2k for a jersey dress and why? A competent seamstress could copy that Donna Karan dress for $18.95. Hell, even I – as an incompetent seamstress – could probably copy that dress. I don’t understand why people pay exorbitant prices for basic things. Why does having a famous designer’s name on something automatically make some people willing to pay 100 times what it’s really worth?
My son falls into that; wears lots of one label (DG or CG or one of those) clothes though they’re not at the hundred or thousand dollar level. Someone I know was so excited they finally got a new Coach bag. I don’t even remember who it was, just that they were soooo excited about this fugly bag, just because it was a Coach bag. Ever priced a new Coach bag? I once wandered through a Coach store and there wasn’t one bag in that entire store that I would carry. They’re U.G.L.Y! Handbags, clothes, sunglasses, shoes – why are people perpetuating the myth that wearing designer things somehow makes you special?
Someone please explain this to me.
Yeah! Everyone got home okay!
Mar 15th
Successful camping is when:
- Nobody gets hurt
- Nobody goes to jail
- Nobody wrecks their vehicle*
- There’s still beer in the keg
So, Casey/Jake/Ginnie/that other guy went out early Saturday morning to grab the space and the rest of us didn’t get out there til after 4. Of course, nobody told me we were going that late or I would have done things differently. Last I heard, everyone was meeting at Max’s around 10. Shit, I was there, but for various work/jail/overslept reasons, we didn’t leave til 3 in the afternoon.
We went to Sycamore Creek (33°41’36.07″N 111°32’24.49″W) and had a great open space to set up. Shane’s truck with all the stuff had a bit of a mechanical problem on the side of the road but with a bit of finagling, he got out there eventually. There were 19 of us around a giant bonfire, one keg, three grills, and 6 tents. And Ginnie’s dog.
I got to shoot a 9mm, didn’t have to cook or be responsible for anything and tried desperately and mostly succeeded in NOT being everyone’s Mother. They all called me Mom, but I didn’t ACT like one.
The few pictures I took with my phone are HERE on Facebook. My real camera died and my DROID, though awesome, doesn’t really take good pictures.
I couldn’t keep my feet warm in the sleeping bag so I didn’t sleep well. I’d taken an extra blanket but Ginnie didn’t bring anything to sleep in so I let her have it. My brand spanking new blow up mattress didn’t fucking hold AIR so that goes back today. Cold out there by the water. Other than not being able to sleep I had a really good time with my kids and their friends. Glad I didn’t take my car as the dirt road out there has been washed and rutted pretty badly by recent rains. Also glad the proposed second night stay was vetoed midway through Sunday morning.
*apparently after I went to bed at 1am a couple of the guys got in a fight and zoomed out in their vehicles. One kid hit a tree, but didn’t really do much damage to his SUV (or himself) but they all came back laughing at his stupidity which ended the fighting part.
Last Will and Testament
Mar 13th
Sitting here waiting on Max to call me that he’s ready. We’re all, and I mean ALL and sundry, going camping today/tonight/tomorrow. My family and a bunch of their friends. I’m going as the voice of reason. Me. Yeah.
The plan is to fill the empty KEG waiting in my car, pack up lots of GUNS and head out to the desert.
This isn’t gonna end well.
At least all the children are farmed out to babysitters.
Casey’s birthday was last Wednesday and Max’s is tomorrow so it’s a celebratory drunken festival of fun. Max hasn’t been home for his last few birthdays so he’s ready to party. I might just record certain phrases so I don’t have to wear myself out repeating them.
- Don’t point that gun this way!
- Please put that shotgun further from the bonfire.
- I’ll pass on the beer and eggs breakfast, thanks.
- Yes Officer, we’re insured.
So, if the unforeseen (wait, I see it coming so it’s really foreseen) happens, here is my Last Will and Testament:
- I ain’t got nuthin’ and nobody gets it. Give my crap back to Goodwill.
Wow, that was easier than I thought it would be.
PS If there’s anything on the news, could you record it for posterity?
CopOut
Mar 7th
I decided to splurge and take in a movie today. I wanted something light and funny so opted for CopOut over the heavier Alice (and thank gawd I didn’t chose that one – every family in Tempe did) or Avatar.
Let me say, I love Bruce Willis. I’d watch him do anything, even change the oil in his car. I especially like him in things with a sense of humor. He smiles and I smile; he laughs and I laugh. He’s usually the star of my midnight fantasies, those not starring Nic Cage. Not that he’s bad at playing bad, mind you. Just, you know, mmmMMMmmm.
And I really like Kevin Smith. Maybe not so much his movies – yet I sort of watched some Jay and Silent Bob movie last night – but I never miss a SMODcast and I’d love to just hang out with the man. He’s damned explicitly funny. But this didn’t really feel like a Kevin Smith movie. Maybe because I just get sucked into anything Bruce Willis does, I dunno.
Anyway, I laughed my ass off at this movie. Tracy Morgan almost was too much for me. I’m a little old for slapstick overboard stupid comedy, but he pulled it back just enough when the story needed to be more serious. Just when I would get bored with his antics, the scene would change. Nice editing, Kevin. But overall the movie was funny as hell. Go for a good time.
The only problem I had with this movie was the casting of Poh Boy. Usually when there’s a bad guy, especially when he’s supposed to be the leader attempting to take over x-amount of someone else’s territory, he looks the part. This guy didn’t look the part. He wasn’t the least bit scary to me, a middle-aged chunky midwestern Mom. He put out a flunky vibe in a part that should have called for a more intimidating character. Much darker instead of what we got. I half expected his peons to roll their eyes behind his back. But the baseball torture cage was inventive!
Should I start using some sort of judging thing? Stars… nah, too bland. Hmmm, how about a four FuckYeah! rating?
Are you kidding me VA?
Mar 5th
I got new meds in the mail yesterday.
They’ve replaced my open and shut purple disc (bottom) with the three dispensers at the top. It took me a half an hour last night to figure out how to use all these stupid things.
The light blue one is used twice a day. You take the cover off, twist it open, insert a capsule from the blister pack, close it up, squeeze both sides to puncture the capsule and then inhale. Then you open it back up to dump out the empty capsule.
Then the short grey one has about the same number of steps. That’s twice a day, too.
Then the pink one thankfully comes pre-loaded, but I have to remember to only do this one once a day but inhale it twice in a row.
And this is on top of the pills I have to take!
I try to schedule my meds for around 10 in the morning and at night to work around the eating/not eating requirements. When I’m out, I can slip that little purple disc and a small pill holder in my purse and voila! Quick click and inhale and I’m done. WTF am I going to do now? I’m out almost every night until well past midnight! This shit is going to put a serious cramp in my social activities. I can’t carry all this out with me!
“Excuse me loverboy whilst I take 20 minutes to fondle and suck on all these stupid inhalers before I work on you?” (That’s assuming I ever bring a loverboy home again.) Oh yeah, that’s sexy as hell.
Fuck asthma.
Raising Arizona Wussies
Mar 3rd
Wandering through meetup.com’s groups this morning and came across this bunch (emphasis mine):
Meet other parents who are supporters of Breastfeeding, Gentle Discipline, Child Led Weaning, Cloth diapering, Homeschooling, Babywearing, or Co-sleeping all are welcome here.We will have meet ups in Mesa, Chandler, Tempe, Phoenix, and Scottsdale. We ask that you always be respectful of the way that others parent.
Reason you have to put that disclaimer in your description? Because experienced parents know how stupid you all are! The title of the group should be How To Get Your Kid Beat Up and subtitled Or How To Raise A Columbine Killer!
What the fuck is babywearing?
I’ve been around parents who gently discipline. Those are the kids that are plowing over your kid in the play area or taking his stuff. The “Mummy” gently and in a baby voice says shit like, “no no darling, mummy asked you nicely to stop doing that. Do you want to have to do a time-out? Hmmm?” about 12 times instead of snatching their little brat up and giving him what for.
*sigh* I suppose it’s better than so-called parents who don’t do anything at all but yell at their spawn like they’re dogs.
How to be a good parent? Pay attention! That’s it. Pay attention. Be in the moment with your kid as often as possible, but also teach them that they aren’t the center of the universe. Do what you have to do – which teaches them there’s a time and place and right now you have to do the dishes or make dinner or make this business call, but when that’s done – focus on the kid for an equal amount of time! That’s all they want. Intermittent amounts of undivided attention. They want to know when they need you you’ll be there. Kids are whiny because they know you’re not really paying attention. They whine so you’ll hear them when you come out of your fog.
My disclaimer: My kids were great kids. Polite and well-behaved in public, fun on the playground, popular in school, happy well-adjusted little people. I’ve no idea what happened when they hit late teens and had all that trouble. I wish I had insight into that. Maybe raising non-wussies meant they weren’t afraid to try things they really shouldn’t have tried. But they’re doing well now. One is a single-parent raising a daughter of his own, another just discharged from the Army after two tours in Iraq and the third just moved out on her own.
