Wednesday I went to the VA Medical Center for my breathing test. As directed I skipped my morning dosages, but as I’m slowly getting better anyway it wasn’t that big of a deal.

So… the really nice lady who tried to kill me was one of those constant talkers. You know those people you meet occasionally who talks over you, repeats what you say or finishes your sentences for you? Bless her little peak pickin’ heart you can tell they can’t help it. Yeah, sure, okay, yeah, oh no, Arrrrgh.

Anyway, it’s been a long time since I’ve take this particular test:

  1. Don the nose clamps.
  2. Place the plastic toilet paper tube in your mouth and wrap your lips around it tight.
  3. Take normal breaths until instructed to suck in as much air as you can in one big breath.
  4. Blow, blow, blow hard until you’re out of air, your toes curl up, you wet your pants and the room goes dark.
  5. Finally take in another deep breath and remove equipment.
  6. Rest one minute, breathing normally.
  7. Rinse and repeat until you have three “good” samples.

I’ve no idea what the criteria is for a “good” sample. I had to do it four times before she was satisfied. Then I did a regular breathing treatment and waited 15 minutes before starting the whole process over again. At least the second time through I did it in three. I’d forgotten about the wetting my pants part so I had to walk through the entire hospital and out to my car like that. Embarassing! That and being so dizzy I wasn’t sure I should drive home right away. Can’t wait to go back on the 18th and see the pulmonologist and find out if it was worth it. Will they change/improve my meds?