so don't ask if you don't want to know
Archive for February, 2010
I have no gaydar
Feb 27th
Seriously, unless they’re flaming with feather boas (or some other obvious indicator) I never seem to pick up on it.
Not that it matters to me either way. Whatever floats your boat you know.
It’s just that… I have a wild fantasy life… I often (more often than I probably should) make up entire scenarios about various men I know or see or pass on the street. That’s a lot of energy to waste on the few that will never follow through… not that any will ever follow through but a girl has to dream, right?
I mean, men will never know what’s going on in my head. I don’t act like I’ve set up an elaborate fantasy involving him and I in wild animalesque ballets of sex…
unless you’re reading this now
in which case I don’t mean YOU! It’s that other guy… or maybe it was you. Whatever.
The point is, even though nobody will ever know who I fantasize about, I’m still embarrassed when I find out he’s gay. Even though it’s all in my head, I feel like I’ve just been slapped and not in a good way.
There was a really attractive gentleman that came to #evfn last night. Completely out of my league – which makes him prime fodder for starring in my latest mental pornplay – and I actually asked our mutual friend if the fella was married or gay just so I wouldn’t waste my energy on him. Mental energy that is, because there certainly hasn’t been anyone my own age returning any interest in actual playing around.
Maybe I should write some of these out?
Bon Jovi gets me off
Feb 26th
Well maybe just a little. I felt I needed an interesting title.
Monday night was a really great night. I went with Ladawn to Yucca Tap Room for open mic night and we had a really good time. I swear Ladawn is my lucky charm. Every time I go out with her I end up getting laid. Tuesday night we recorded Evo at 11. But Wednesday night was THE CONCERT EVENT OF MY LIFE! Really, the last concert I went to was George Michael back in Florida years and years ago.
Hmmm, went to Sheila’s work and we went from there to the Yard House right next to the arena. About 4:30. To drink. Oden and Rachel showed up and around 6:45 in we went. We I was not impressed by the opening band Dashboard Confessional. I didn’t recognize any songs.
Then Bon Jovi started up and I loved it. The band was great, the music was great, the energy was great, but the fat-ass big-haired bitch in front of me was NOT great.
CONCERT ETIQUETTE: IF EVERYONE AROUND YOU STANDS UP TO ROCK THE HOUSE, IT’S OKAY TO STAND UP AND ROCK THE HOUSE. BUT IF EVERYONE AROUND YOU (AND ESPECIALLY BEHIND YOUR FAT ASS) SITS DOWN TO ENJOY THE CONCERT, SIT YOUR ASS DOWN!
Just sayin. I know you paid good money for a seat and so did I.
So anyway, good concert even though I had to watch most of the concert on the jumbotrons. Lots of middle-aged women with big hair, boots and plenty of make-up. Too many screaming women like any of them stood a chance. Fanatics both amuse me and creep me out.
Fun week and tonight is #evfn back at Whole Foods in a couple of hours.
And you asked to follow me why?
Feb 26th
One of my Facebook “friends” posted some comment about hating location based social media like FourSquare and linked to pleaserobme.com as an example of why it’s bad, etc.
So I responded in some off-hand smart-ass way way about being smart enough to not put your home address on the internet… whatever.
This is his response:
Well Debbie… I don’t care what you think… You are obviously an unemployed ren-fair attendee. Not at all a model of responsible behavior. The picture of you in a corset is also a strong indicator of your lack of ability to determine responsible disclosure levels. This sort of disclosure is counter productive… and can result in your being banned from various more productive and lucrative circles.
So… I’m confused. Why exactly did this person want to be my Facebook friend in the first place? I didn’t go looking for him, I don’t think I even know who he is. One of those people I accepted because he was friends with a number of other friends so… sure why not click accept.
Personally I don’t friend people I don’t really want to friend. If I went looking for you and asked to be your friend it’s either because we’ve met and I like you, or my friends have talked enough about you to make me want to get to know you. Why did you come looking for me?
For the record dude, I’m not unemployed – I’m disabled. And I haven’t been to the ren-faire in years. Those costume shots are either from a Halloween party or Dragon*Con. Places I’ve had actual, you know, life experiences worth celebrating with pictures. So go fuck the high horse you’re sitting on.
Geeze some people are just wound up way too tight.
Sack up and take the hit
Feb 24th
When I was younger if a woman liked sex and had a lot of it men were quick to label her a nympho as if having a healthy sex drive needed some sort of mental illness diagnosis. There’s always been that double-standard I never understood. Men were encouraged to follow their natural inclination (as long as it was hetero of course) but if a woman did she was aberrant. So-called decent women called her a whore unless by some chance she acted as if she couldn’t control herself, then she was pitied and called a nympho though still looked down on.
The world turns and now there’s this new fake label. Married men who cat around on the side suddenly have this new diagnosis to call on. They can’t help themselves! They have a sex addiction! Instead of taking responsibility for their actions, they do this OH POOR ME bullshit. Kobe, Duchovny, Charlie Sheen – the sex addiction diagnosis excuse was made for rich fuckers to let them off the hook.
I didn’t really care about Tiger’s infidelities. That’s between him and his wife. Okay, the shear amount of women might be gossip-worthy but it was never a News story. I figure eventually Tiger’s sex life will be a joke and his golf career will be back on track. Maybe his endorsements will suffer which in my mind is wrong. I’m tired of people dictating what other people’s morals should be but that’s not the focus of this post.
What impressed me most, and makes me believe that he should be… excused… not really the word I want but it’ll do for now – is his apology. He takes responsibility for his behavior. He never once mentions being out of control or not being able to reign himself in. He felt entitled – which is understandable considering his life. Hopefully it’s all sincere. Hopefully for his wife they can come to an understanding for their children. I certainly wouldn’t take him back, but that’s me.
And I really liked his chiding the paparazzi about harassing his family. I completely agree with him. Any photographer who chases a child should die a painful death. Any stupid person who gives money to those who pay the paparazzi should lose all their belongings to a freak tornado.
Seriously, why is the sex life of someone you’re not married/committed to so important to other people?
It’s all about choice. The spouse has no choice, the child has no choice, but if someone chooses to plow the field they should accept responsibility for what comes up and that should stay between him/her and the people who they betray.
But if you’re not in a relationship, if there is nobody to betray – whats wrong with having sex with as many people as you want? So what?
How much should you prepare people to meet someone slightly different?
Feb 22nd
What I mean is…
Years ago I went through the Social Security Disability process and ended up needing a lawyer. Actually most people are denied the first time through so it’s not so unusual. We met once with a lower-level associate or whatever, but didn’t meet the actual lawyer until like 2 minutes before we walked into the courtroom. Then I was thrown off by the fact that my lawyer was cross-eyed and it made me distracted and stumble in front of the judge. Now, Mr. Ober did a great job and was completely professional and I’d recommend his law office to anyone. And had the associate mentioned it beforehand I would have taken it in stride.
If you work for or socialize with someone with an unusual physical difference do you mention it off-hand to people who are going to meet them? Like, “Dave has decided to tattoo his forehead, but besides that he’s an excellent Dentist.” Or, “my husband was disfigured by a fire as a small child, and he’s joining us for lunch.” (That last one was true too, someone I used to work with. Great guy, but it took a few meetings to see him behind his disfigured face, though I never got past the missing fingers.) “Mr. McClusky has a severe stutter so just hang in there and he’ll make his point eventually.” “Debbie is butt-ugly but she’s got a great personality if you enjoy pessimistic snark.”
If one has manners one doesn’t pay any attention at all to differences. But it’s hardly fair to throw someone in unprepared isn’t it? Shouldn’t you say something in a not a big deal, matter of fact, this is coming up kind of way? I wouldn’t want the unusual person to be made uncomfortable either. It’s tough enough dealing with your differences without people reacting out of surprise.
What a weekend!
Feb 21st
The Jonathan Coulton and Paul and Storm concert was MARVELOUS Thursday night. Absolutely and totally worth the bullshit we went through before it actually started. MadCrap MadCap Theaters is THE most horrible venue I’ve ever ever been to. It’s a testament to how much I love JC and the boys, that I’d EVER go back there again. Why would anyone want to go there? They don’t give a shit about the customers, they have extremely lousy organizational and communication skills, and I’m guessing they spend hours wanking each other off rather than cleaning up the theaters. The whole experience is practically abuse and we’re paying them to do it.
Friday night was the usual #evfn, except E and Sheila weren’t there and neither was the guy they had organizing it in their absence. So of course I take up the slack and try to make sure everyone is taken care of and the newbies are introduced around. I don’t think I did a very good job as certain people walked out. Oh well, there’s always next week.
Kira and I hung out Saturday night and this morning we wandered over to a new (for us) McDonald’s, shopped at WalMart and took the light rail to downtown Tempe (yes, I live here but I’d promised Kira we’d take the train one day) to check out #comiccreate.
And tonight I get a following notification on FourSquare (a social geolocation application) for Earl Newton! Now I’ve met the man at D*C a couple of times, and maybe he would friend me on twitter where you’re getting occasional light-hearted updates/comments from people. And maybe on Facebook which is pretty much the same thing. Likely because of my connection to Evo and less on my own merit I think. Twitter/Myspace/Facebook are places you “friend” anyone you’ve ever met and then some. But wouldn’t you only follow people on a location-based application that you might, maybe, kind of EVER thought you’d actually want to know where they are? Earl Motherfucking Newton wants to know where I am? That’s soooo fucking cool. I feel like somebody now.
And Earl? If you’re a googling fool and come across this post, please don’t explain or get freaked out or delete me or anything. This is me after a couple of drinks – FREAKING THE FUCK OUT because someone of your caliber clicked on me as a connection somewhere, that’s all. Let me have this. Carry on and I’ll never bother you again.
Oh yeah, I got paid for work I did! Actual money instead of possibilities.
What a great weekend.
Spice it up
Feb 19th
I love, love, love this new Old Spice commercial. I’m fascinated every time it comes on. Thanks to my friend Sharon (@HellZiggy) I watched this interview with the ad guys who came up with it and how it was shot, and even that doesn’t take away from how cool it is.
And here’s a link to the 15-second other one where the guy is riding backwards. I hadn’t seen that one before but I’m not as impressed.
Full disclosure, I don’t really care for the smell of Old Spice (asthma issues) but I completely agree with the man-should-smell-like-MEN point they’re making.
Five Reasons I Hate Flying
Feb 14th
Number Five
Because of the shitty way airlines treat people. We’re forced to strap ourselves into smaller-than-theater seats with no leg room. No matter what size, shape or smell you are you’re packed in like sardines. And now we pay for blankets, pillows, drinks, and snacks if we want them and gawd forbid you want a real meal. If something were ever to go wrong with during the flight, the passengers are the last to know. We’re cattle, kept barely satisfied until they can dump us at the other end. And we pay them out the ass for the pleasure.
Number Four
The TSA. Not just their guidelines about fluids, but that all their guidelines are fluid. From one agent to the next they don’t work the same. I could stop now cuz you all know what I mean, but I had friends who worked for TSA and the stories they told me… well, there’s more bullshit there than you could ever imagine.
Number Three
Ginormous airports that always seem to schedule my flights at opposite ends and have no easy way to get from point A to point B. And especially at Atlanta’s airport, their penchant for last-minute gate changes, not next door but across the fucking airport. Name the one place where you are the most tired, confused, rushed and anxious and I’ll bet it’s the goddamn airport. And the parking! Or rather, the not-parking. Even something as simple as picking someone up at the stupid airport is a nightmare.
Number Two
The bullshit over packing. What you’re allowed to take on the plane and what you have to check. You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you do. You want to carry everything with you (for me this means my electronics and medication) but you can’t get at it anyway on the cramped plane so why bother? Except the stupid airlines lose bags every flight so do you really want to take the chance of getting where you’re going and having no medications?
Number One
Restless leg syndrome which only bothers me on planes. That and a physical response to anything that goes straight down. Roller coasters, planes, certain elevators, backyard swings – these things make me tense up and can’t move or even breath. Completely my problem, but alcohol helps.
I understand why there aren’t trains anymore. When flight became more affordable to the masses the speed and overall convenience was the death of rail travel. Trains couldn’t compete then. But I’ll bet most vacation and even some business travelers would actually prefer trains at this point. The overall hassle of being trapped on a plane traded in for a few hours more but with freedom of movement and a place to stretch out? Hell yes, people would take trains now. I know there are a few commuter rails in the east but we have nothing around here. Maybe through Tuscon.
By the time you figure in airport driving, parking, baggage checking, security check, boarding and then getting out at the other end, would rail travel really take that much more time? And would it be worth it?
All this is the real reason I drove to Florida. And why I have no desire to go back to Dragon*Con. And why I chose San Diego ComicCon over Balticon. And why I really don’t want to go to North Carolina. Because of the long flights. Hell, even the short flights are putting me off.
Working Girl
Feb 13th
I’ve been hired!
Okay, it’s not technically podcast producing, but it is sort of in the field and I’ll eventually get paid. What I do producing podcasts includes a lot of dumping files in this program and waiting for them to do something and then systematically making changes then dumping files in another program and waiting for it to chunk away doing it’s thing.
Well so is this job. It’s the attention to the detail of 47 steps from beginning to end. And that I do and do well.
Monkey work maybe? No, you have to have half a brain.
The thing is, I can’t stop. My back is killing me and I keep yawning. There are a lot of little projects and I just can’t stop tonight. Like I want to get it all done NOW.
Fine, I’ll save the rest for tomorrow.
Shuffle
Feb 12th
Wednesday I went to the VA Medical Center for my breathing test. As directed I skipped my morning dosages, but as I’m slowly getting better anyway it wasn’t that big of a deal.
So… the really nice lady who tried to kill me was one of those constant talkers. You know those people you meet occasionally who talks over you, repeats what you say or finishes your sentences for you? Bless her little peak pickin’ heart you can tell they can’t help it. Yeah, sure, okay, yeah, oh no, Arrrrgh.
Anyway, it’s been a long time since I’ve take this particular test:
- Don the nose clamps.
- Place the plastic toilet paper tube in your mouth and wrap your lips around it tight.
- Take normal breaths until instructed to suck in as much air as you can in one big breath.
- Blow, blow, blow hard until you’re out of air, your toes curl up, you wet your pants and the room goes dark.
- Finally take in another deep breath and remove equipment.
- Rest one minute, breathing normally.
- Rinse and repeat until you have three “good” samples.
I’ve no idea what the criteria is for a “good” sample. I had to do it four times before she was satisfied. Then I did a regular breathing treatment and waited 15 minutes before starting the whole process over again. At least the second time through I did it in three. I’d forgotten about the wetting my pants part so I had to walk through the entire hospital and out to my car like that. Embarassing! That and being so dizzy I wasn’t sure I should drive home right away. Can’t wait to go back on the 18th and see the pulmonologist and find out if it was worth it. Will they change/improve my meds?
