so don't ask if you don't want to know
Archive for September, 2009
My bonk list
Sep 13th
We were chatting on the show the other day and I was asked if I would DO Tim Curry. Uh, no thanks.
My fantasy bonkage-weekend list doesn’t include Tim Curry but it does include:
- Bruce Willis, anytime anywhere. Even now with no hair.
- Nicolas Cage, if I could have had him maybe 20 years ago. Now he’s just kinda creepy.
- Johnny Depp, if he could be Sam from Benny and Joon the whole time. Or maybe Crybaby.
- Viggo Mortensen, but only as Aragorn. The real guy, not so much.
- Scott Cohen. Wolf was adorable. And an animal.
- Al Pacino, though he’s getting pretty old. Shave off a few years.
- Bruce Willis, (again, again)
- Dane Cook would be fun
- Matthew McConaughey – all day
- Richard T. Jones always made my toes tingle
- Vin Diesel, oh yeah
- Adam Baldwin at least once
- Nathan Fillion, but I actually just want to hang out with him more than bonk him, though I wouldn’t turn down the chance to do both.
I’ll quit for now. I’ll be (alone) in my bunk unless Bruce Willis knocks on my door.
Thought I'd share a smile
Sep 12th
No matter how you feel about Oprah, THIS is the coolest thing! I wonder how they set this up.
You can’t NOT have a smile on your face right now. Wasn’t that great?
If you don’t see the video, go HERE.
We need to do something like this (on a much smaller scale) with ImprovAZ. Just show up at some concert and do something choreographed. That would be excellent!
Feeding time
Sep 8th
Ginnie brought home a couple of baby mice for the new snake. The first one was a beautiful grey one.
Kira: Oh that’s a cute mouse! Is the snake gonna eat it?
Me: Yep, say bye to the mouse.
Kira: Bye bye cute mousie.
Xena: *chomp squeeze*
Kira: Bye bye cute mouse. Where’s the other one?
Ginnie: Geeze Kira, let’s let her digest this one first!
Kira: Nooooo, I want her to have it now!
Ginnie: No, we have to wait at least til she swallows this one all gone.
Kira: Hurry up snake, you have to eat the ugly mouse now.
Blow Job Revenge
Sep 4th
A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they’re sitting there having a good time together, she starts talking about this really great new drink.
The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one.
After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following items on the bar:
A salt shaker,
A shot of Baileys,
A shot of lime juice.
The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.
First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice.’
So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it.
He puts the salt on his tongue……..salty but OK.
He drinks the shot of Baileys and holds it in his mouth……..smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks……..this is OK.
Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.
1. In one second the sharp lime taste hits…
2. At two seconds the Baileys curdles…..
3. At three seconds the salty, curdled taste & mucous-like consistency hits…..
4. At four seconds it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot.
This triggers his gag reflex, but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now foul tasting drink.
When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, ‘Jesus, what do you call that drink?’
She smiles widely at him and says, ‘Blow Job Revenge.’
I killed @tdhurst
Sep 4th
I woke up this morning with a serious WTF?
I dreamed that I was taking a loaded crossbow (???) away from Kira and accidentally shot Tyler Hurst as he was breaking into my house. And then because I know Tyler, I knew the cops would never believe that it was an accident or that he would break into my house. So Ginnie and I figured out we needed to move his car (I don’t even know what he drives) and had to get the keys out of his pocket after I yelled at his dead body to get off my couch. We bleeped the cars on the street until we found his mustang hatchback (???) and drove off trying to find the perfect dumping place. Everywhere we drove there were people to notice and finally I was in a car accident with a garbage truck.
I get the garbage truck because I could hear the one picking up outside when I woke up. But the crossbow? I’ve never even seen a crossbow in real life. And Tyler? Maybe because I like him and I haven’t seen him in a while so he’s been on my mind… but breaking into my house? Sorry I killed you Tyler and then trashed your car, but the interior was already shredded when someone ripped out your stereo and speaker system.
Good morning!
Sep 3rd
Meh!
(This is a test of the also-sends-to-LJ thing and if it works all is good with the world.)
Why is it I lay awake at night making lists in my head about all the things I’m going to do the following day and then wake up in the morning and do none of them?
Laziness?
I need to move my bed, get out my stepladder and tool box and hang my curtain. Right now it’s clamped to the top of the blinds. Tacky! I borrowed a drill/screwdriver last night so I now have no excuse. I also need to install a magnet bar in the kitchen for my knives. I’ve got to get them out of the drawer that Kira can reach before she takes a finger off. What else… oh yeah, hang the adorable doggie’s ass hanger for his leash. Thanks IKEA.
I’ve got to go to the grocery store.
I’ve got to go to Tempe Parks office to find out what I need to reserve space for PodCampAZ’s BBQ.
I’ve got to be home before noon because I’m babysitting for the night and I really don’t want to drag her around with me.
I should get started right after I catch up on all my Facebook farming…
I'm so busy
Sep 2nd
Damn, I’m going to be soooo busy this month! Even though I’m missing Dragon*Con this year, I won’t be sitting at home feeling sorry for myself.
Friday evening there is the usual #evfn. This week we’re back at Studio 5C. It’s a nice little gallery type place with a great patio for socializing and it’s right off Mill Ave if we want to carry on for the rest of the night. Plus, lots of people I kind of know through podcasting (and some I really do know) are gathering this weekend for…
The Deadpan BBQ Saturday afternoon-evening at my friend CJ’s house. Those are always lots of fun, and with no kids around this time I’m pretty sure it’ll be even better than before. Sunday evening is another Deadpan party, this time at the Tempe Palms hotel.
Tuesday evening I’m helping someone set up their recording studio and Wednesday night is our usual Evo@11 recording at Gangplank. Friday (11th) I’m going to my friend Dani’s for another “Slumber Party.” This time it’s a different presenter so we’ll have to see if she’s as funny as the last one.
My Dad turns 73 on the 13th. I wish he didn’t live so far away. He called me today while I was at IKEA so I was a bit distracted, but I had the hardest time explaining to him how my cell phone number stayed the same even though I’d moved. He just doesn’t get it. He wanted my new address so I’m standing there in the middle of the stupid store practically yelling it out for everyone to jot down. I was one of *those* people!
There’s a Brand-X T-Shirt Tweetup the following Thursday night. I’m still debating that one.
On the 18th I’m joining friends for my very first major league baseball game at Chase Field. I’ve never been so I can’t pass up this chance. After that I’ll be going to my very first Rocky Horror Picture Show! Thanks to the light rail I won’t have to do a lot of driving as everything is on the rail.
Yet another Can’t Stop the Serenity showing on the 19th. I don’t care what anyone says, it never gets old. Plus there’s a sing-along to Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog, so there!
And Kira’s 3rd Birthday is on the 29th. I don’t know what’s planned for that yet, but I’m sure we’ll do something. She’s excited. Practicing her three finger thing and asking where her birthday cake is already.
Busy, busy month and I’m sure there will be more adds to my calendar as I go along.
Plus that certain someone has said that September is a good possibility for a visit. We don’t communicate much so I’m not sure yet. Everything (except the slumber party) is something I could actually take him along and have fun. We’ll see.
