so don't ask if you don't want to know
Archive for September, 2009
Really? Is that what that is?
Sep 30th
Can you identify what this object is?
Can you?
How about this one: 
I follow this web site called Contemporist. Though the houses they show are sometimes very interesting, there’s no way I could live in a place so stark and uncluttered as a contemporary house. There’s no way I’d want most of the furniture shown there either. Most of that stuff looks horribly uncomfortable. It is interesting… but not very practical. These are both stools. Seriously, if you walked into an empty room and these were the only things in there, would you KNOW they were to sit upon?
Doubtful.
These are beautiful and practical. This is very cool. And if you go over there be sure to check out the lighting section, too.
The Guild
Sep 30th
First, first you need to see this video if you haven’t already. It actually stands alone but it’s more fun after you’ve caught up on the web series…
Okay, now that you’ve got this stuck in your head go find The Guild. All season 1 and 2 episodes are available on YouTube. Season 3 has started, but you have to go here to this crappy portal to get them and I don’t like how it’s set up so I won’t name them. Each episode is about 6ish minutes long so it’s not like you’ll waste a lot of time. Wil Wheaton is guesting on Season 3! If you’ve ever been a gamer or like me, just friends with one, you should check out this web series. It’s adorkable.
FIVE OUT OF FIVE!
Just a few quick notes
Sep 29th
… for people who are actually paying attention.
Today is Kira’s third birthday. No her mother didn’t bother to call. We haven’t really mentioned the actual birthday to Kira. She’s hyped up for her party this weekend. At this age the party is the actual turning point, and Casey doesn’t even have a final plan yet. We’re so lame.
Did I mention Max will be home on leave again from mid-November through January? And completely out of the Army in February. Oh, ALONE. Apparently the sekrit fake mawiage didn’t make it. She’s out, lawyers have been consulted, she still hasn’t told her family. Oh well.
I don’t have anything nice to say about Ginnie. I love her but I HATE everything she’s doing at the moment. She’s really pissing me off.
Actually, I’m not happy about anything in my life at the moment. Biding my time, hoping things will improve soon.
I keep getting meaner and meaner, more short tempered and bitter. I don’t know how to stop being taken advantage of. I need some me time. I need someone to be on my side. Seriously, I need someone to shake out this doormat.
Emmy Snark
Sep 21st
Let’s see if I can sneak in some snark while SmallChild is napping:
- I like the new setup. No snark there, just being honest.
- Steve Buscemi’s teeth, hilarious!
- Is mirror girl (winner) for real or is she trying and failing to be funny?
- Neal Patrick Harris is great at this!
- Is Justin Timberlake trying to ugly himself up? Those glasses!
- I don’t find mustache girl at all funny. Silverwear? Silverstone?
- Toni Collette is too thin.
- I really like the backstage camera shots.
- I don’t watch 30 Rock. Is Alec Baldwin really that funny?
- That clip beating up the dog? No so funny. Another show I don’t watch.
- I could live without the montages before each genre. We know what the frakking shows are.
- Of all the outfits that chick could wear, she chose that? Looks like a cheap bathroom rug. Are those other dancers from reality shows, too?
- Jeff Probst is hot. Not hot enough to watch Survivor for, but hot.
- You could park an ice road truck in those dimples.
- Tracy dude isn’t funny.
- Patricia Arquette looks uncomfortable as hell.
- Here’s the boobs! Wow that dress is even more unflattering in motion.
- Dr. Horrible is the best thing ever!
- I’ve never heard of these movies. What channel were they on?
- Hey blond girl next to Kiefer, that’s an ugly dress.
- I actually like that pinky/purple dress. Should be long enough to cover those ugly shoes though.
- YouTwitFace. Love it!
- OOoh I like her dress, too. Goes with the two-tone hair.
- Fallon wasn’t funny either.
- Hey, that drama montage actually showed a scene from BSG! Some respect!
- I think Michael Emerson’s might be the most deserved Emmy of the night. He is phenomenal.
- Teary time. Goosebumps.
- I love the Lost writers. They’re so funny on their podcast.
- Sorry Glenn, props for your entire career, but that dress is awful.
- “I like a man who delivers week after week” Amen sister.
All right, I’m done. Nice show.
Last Night's Emmy Awards
Sep 21st
I didn’t get to do my usual snarky play-by-play on twitter last night. Everyone was here having spaghetti and yakking and though I had it on, I didn’t get to pay a lot of attention. But I’d had a heads-up to really watch around the hour and a half mark so I sent everyone out just in time to see…
Some woman to win the Emmy for directing a movie I’ve never heard of. Which is probably a great thing for her except OMG all I could think of was what a shame about her boobs. I mean, it’s international TV and she LOOKED LIKE SHIT.
She went on stage like that! Except as she was giving her acceptance speech her right nipple was pointing somewhere off stage and her left nipple was rolled up. THAT’S ALL YOU COULD SEE!
*AHEM* If you’re going to wear this type of dress and there’s even a remote possibility that you’re going to win the award, here’s a hint. Just before your category you should pull your sagging boobs up and adjust the cupping part of the dress to actually… you know… CUP THE BOOBS!
Congratulations Dearbhla! Tough luck all press photos of your life-changing event will … I just don’t know how to finish that sentence.
And right after that there was a skit involving the Accounting Team of WhoTheFuckCares being interrupted by Dr. Horrible. Unfortunately I missed most of the dialogue cuz Kira picked up on the “Muahahahha” and kept repeating it loudly over and over. I’m sure it was excellent as is ALL Dr. Horrible material. Good thing I have the whole show recorded. I may come back and make more comments here once I get rid of SmallChild for the night.
Actually, she did a pretty good imitation of that evil laugh.
Rocky Horrible Picture Show
Sep 19th
I had hopes.
I wanted to get into the whole Rocky Horror thing, I really did. But this group totally sucked any enjoyment out of the experience I could have had.
First, tickets said 10:30. We stood outside in line until 11:30 surrounded by all kinds of scantily costumed characters and movie goers. Some of them were quite obnoxous. Going up and down the line offering up $1 kisses to a half naked “jailbait” brought out the disapproving parent in me.
Then we finally get in to sit down (after separating the women from the men in line without a reason) and the females’ bags were searched. Oh that‘s why, sure would have been nice to just announce that. I, Marshall, Stephanie and Michael in one row and Sheila, Evo and NJ behind us. Then a good 25 minutes with people milling about and staff(?) screaming out “ONE SEAT HERE” because they’d oversold tickets. Followed by another 30 minutes of the most self-indulgent bullshit I’ve ever sat through. Introductions of the helpers (but not the actual actors?) and then a stupid mini-movie for some guy I’ve never heard of before he entered and tried some stand-up shit that was NOT funny. And FINALLY the movie…
On DVD.
What the fuck. Isn’t that like, illegal? You can’t charge admission to view a DVD.
Long story short (sorry, too late for that) you couldn’t hear the actual movie, couldn’t see it half the time because of the stage lights, but the acting along wasn’t bad… really. Although Evo’s narrative right behind me was clear and appropriate, the actor guy in the back added MUCH more, a constant spewing of every one-liner possible. Half of which you couldn’t understand and a good portion of which was hate talk against Obama. What Obama has to do with Rocky Horror I don’t know.
Hated it hated it hated it. I would suggest next time we get the urge to do a Rocky Horror night, we just hang at Evo and Sheila’s with some liquor and let Evo and CJ do the narrative for us. Now that would be a fun night.
Diamondbacks vs. Rockies
Sep 19th
Are the Rockies a proper environment for Diamondbacks? Whatever.
I rode the lite rail into downtown Phoenix to Chase Field. Though going Northward the rail splits up around downtown so I had to walk a city block to the stadium it wasn’t bad. There was a crowd of people going to the game so I wasn’t alone. After a quick search of my little purse I was politely directed to the Diamond Club where are group was meeting up.
Is there any concrete left anywhere in the world? This stadium is ALL concrete. I met up with my friends and promptly found a bar stool overlooking the field. It was my first ever real MLB game so I figured I should at least watch part of the game. Hearing the $12 beer was crappy (and the food in that club even worse) I opted for water and visiting.
Yup, it was a baseball game. If I’m ever forced to watch a sport I prefer baseball, but that’s about as much of a fan I am. Right after I got there the Rockies got a home run with bases loaded, so the score was at 4-4. And stayed there until I left. The most interesting thing about the whole thing was the acoustics. The club was directly across center field and about 3 stories up from the field and the whole stadium was I would say 75% full of yelling, talking, moving fans. Yet I could hear the ball hit the catcher’s mitt almost every time. Amazing. It must be really loud down on the field. I’d figured you could hear the ring of the bat when someone hit, and you could but I didn’t think about the thump of the pitch hitting the mitt. Cool.
By the 7th (tied) inning some of us had to leave to ride the rail back to Tempe for the Rocky Horror thing. I think I’d like to go again, and maybe sit in the regular stands and watch a game. Once.
All the single ladies my ass
Sep 16th
So just for shits and giggles I decided to watch the five nominated Best Female Videos to see if Kanye West had a point. I mean, I had to go look for them HERE because I don’t see a lot of videos in my life. Didn’t there used to be a whole cable channel devoted to music videos?
- Taylor Swift’s “You Belong To Me.” Won? It’s a cute little video where nerd girl wants boy, boy has cheerleader, cheerleader shits on boy, boy sees nerd girl, love. Wasn’t that a movie a few years ago?
- Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” makes no fucking sense at all. She’s singing a song to the single ladies to get a ring on it before… what? Can’t understand half the words and I ain’t looking them up. The point is, she’s singing to the ladies yet dancing half naked to entice all the single men. Or boys rather. Mixed message anyone? Female empowerment my sweet patootie.
- Katy Perry’s “Hot and Cold” is an amusing video. At least the story goes with the song and it looked like fun, but it seemed kind of ’80s to me.
- Kelly Clarkson’s “My Life Would Suck Without You” may have had a story to it, but it was more close-ups of her face. Why bother trying to make a story video if you’re not going to show the story?
- Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face” was at least visually stimulating. Lots of sparkles and costumes and interesting camera shots.
- Pink’s “So What” actually had a real story to it, and seemed completely in character to what little I know of Pink’s actual life. I could see her having this kind of a meltdown and that made it fun.
Kanye should stop talking with/as his dick. Sure Beyonce is beautiful and talented, but that video was a waste. She looks like a jerking Barbie Doll and shakes her ass. That’s it. Nothing to do with the actual song as demonstrated here with someone’s edited version (thanks Iain).
I would have picked Pink’s as the best of that bunch, hands down. She’s kicking ass and chainsawing down trees. Now that’s female empowerment!
It's society's fault!
Sep 15th
One of my new favorite sites is People of WalMart. Seriously, some of these photos could be people out there at any store, but WalMart seems to draw them in. Either that or it just draws in the photographers.
One popped up today:
With this comment underneath:
Parents, STOP THIS! Stop this now! Your kid is not a dog, get him off the leash. I don’t want to hear that you are too busy to watch your child in public. Your priorities are kid first, remembering milk second. Most of the time it’s the kids on leashes that are ignored by their parents the most. But i guess its okay that little Timmy is throwing Oreos at an employee as long as he is doing it while tied to his monkey backpack leash. JUST STOP IT.
(Here’s where I’m gonna piss people off.)
This is society’s fault. The day it became unfashionable and even criminal to smack your kids in public (or at all apparently) you took the power away from the parent and put it the hands of the toddler. At that age there’s no punishment as swift or as understandable to a kid than a swat on the bottom for bad behavior. Time outs and taking away privileges might work great at home but to a little person feeling freedom LOGIC and negotiation will never work. Some kids run off and get into things no matter how closely you watch them or how you try to gently talk them out of it. Those screamers trapped in the cart? That’s your fault. Those brats running around between the racks? Yup, you did that. That boy on a leash? Accept your responsibility.
What can a parent do? I knew that my Mother would slap the shit out of me if I acted like a loose animal in public. She knew HER Mother would do the same. My kids knew I’d drag them out of the store, grasped very tightly by their upper arm, and slap them when we got in the car. Hey, at least I’d get my darling out of the store to stop his annoying other people. THIS man knew that it works, though slapping someone else’s child is never okay. He should have slapped the parent.
Yeah, I know. People shouldn’t take their bratty kids out in public. Right. I said that too before I had kids. Not everyone has the time to perfectly plan every venture out right down to the possible mood of the moment for each child. Sometimes we’re too tired of the battles. Sometimes we have to stop by the store on the way home from the daycare and our little dark angels aren’t at their best. Sometimes you just get dealt that one kid who no matter what won’t behave and you’re reduced to ignoring him hoping to get through your errand without killing him. BECAUSE HE KNOWS YOU CAN’T DO SHIT ABOUT IT. So what do parents do when they can’t discipline their kid? They give in to demands, distract them with toys or candy (exacerbating the behavior) or ignore the kid to focus on whatever brought them out in the first place.
And it’s all your fault.
Or vice-versa!
Sep 15th
I chuckled at a post on How Not to Act Old regarding stalking your adult children on social media sites.
What if you’re more worried about what they’ll learn about you by your posts?
Ginnie’s been my friend on MySpace (I have a lame page there just to keep track of her and her friends back when they were all in High School) for some time. So has Max. I’m pretty sure the only time I was at all parental was when I suggested to my niece that she remove the photos of her using a bong. Ginnie’s also been a friend on Facebook for a while and Max just signed up. It’s fun to look at pictures and some of their comments, but I seldom (if ever) post anything to their sites.
But what do they see from my feed?
Snark about children’s programming, where and what I’m drinking, how horny I am, et.
My twitter feed also posts to Facebook so there are odd comments like this:
I think he said he’ll be leaving there tomorrow and should be back in Hawaii in a week. I think. Or he’s pregnant with cows. I’m not sure.
http://twitpic.com/hno0h – Pool supplies. 1 inch vodka, fill with cherry 7-up.
GirlChild is going with me to friend’s *ahem* party. This is going to be fun.
This weekend someone showed me the ASL sign for horny. I feel empowered to a whole new bunch of menfolk.
I battle with the urge to be discrete considering my audience. I seldom do censor, but I have this whole mental argument before some of my posts. Fuck it, I’m me.
In the immortal and always appropriate words of Bon Jovi,
It’s my life
It’s now or never
I ain’t gonna live forever
I just want to live while I’m alive
(It’s my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just wanna live while I’m alive
It’s my life
