so don't ask if you don't want to know
Archive for August, 2009
Obligation
Aug 4th
ob⋅li⋅ga⋅tion
–noun
1. something by which a person is bound or obliged to do certain things, and which arises out of a sense of duty or results from custom, law, etc.
2. something that is done or is to be done for such reasons:
to fulfill one’s obligations.
3. a binding promise, contract, sense of duty, etc.
4. the act of binding or obliging oneself by a promise, contract, etc.
I’ve been cataloging and making decisions about my own obligations lately. I’m obligated to pay my bills. I’m obligated to make sure my kids are set up in the world, but to what degree? I’m obligated to continue podcast editing, which I actually like doing. I’m obligated to maintain a connection with my mother due to a (not deathbed per se as she wasn’t actually near death just succumbing to Alzheimer’s) promise to my grandmother.
Mom called last night and bitched and moaned about some woman she knows. The woman for all intents and purposes is going senile. I mean, bringing your pillow and blanket to the casino and wearing a bra on your head… these are obvious signs, right? Anyway, Mom feels obligated to entertain the woman’s fantasies, to answer the phone the 437 times a day she calls, to make sure she eats, etc. Why? Because no one else will? How is that your obligation? And once you take it on, does that let everyone else off the hook? Isn’t it your own damned fault for taking on people you don’t have to, so quitcherbitchin. Mom tends to do that, take on needy people and then bitch the whole time. Martyr much?
What obligations should we choose to take on? How many obligations have you taken on in your life that turn into burdens? I know the whole care for your fellow man thing, but when you don’t get anything but misery out of it isn’t it time to let it go?
I’m obligated to pay my bills, but I get something out of that. I’m obligated to raise the children I chose to have, but (and this is what I struggle with) when is that day-to-day obligation over?
This process of finding ME is taking a long time. Shedding obligations is a major part of it and I’m finding it really hard to dump the last few.
Bombshell
Aug 1st
Yes Max and Kela arrived today. Hours later than expected but finally here. They were in Kela’s sister’s wedding yesterday and left California late this morning. So they get to my house and we all immediately set out for a late dinner at the buffet.
So we’re chatting over dinner, I verify that Kela has re-enlisted, we talk about Max getting out and working the same job for the DoD, about what’s going on around here and I ask how the wedding went yesterday. What’s the plan for their own wedding?
“Mom, we are married.”
Dumbfounded, I just stare at him. “When did you get married”
“I called and told you the next day! Back in September (26th) last year before we deployed!”
Uh, No. I think I’d remember that. I certainly would have written something here, right?
Kela mumbles “AWKward!”
Not that it’s a problem. As long as he’s happy I’m happy. She seems like a girl I could get to like a lot, I just haven’t spent much time getting to know her. No obvious problems, ticks, or other issues. You know… normal, and she puts up with his assholeness and gives it right back at him. I (so far) kind of like her.
But apparently she comes from an old school patriarchal family and they never got around to asking her father’s permission and haven’t told them either. He wants to wait til they get back to Hawaii in a couple more months, and do a second wedding then. Right. Cuz starting a marriage with a big fat lie is always a good plan.
He’s convinced he told me all about it. I reply that if he had not only would I remember it, I would have told Ginnie and Casey right away. Ginnie looked as stunned as I did. Casey found out weeks ago from Max’s best friend Shane and never mentioned to me thinking I already knew and for some reason didn’t tell him. Whatever.
Later in the conversation he mentions an argument they always have about wanting his son to have a mohawk. I just raised my eyebrows at them,”Is there anything else you’ve failed to tell me son?”
Nuthin
Aug 1st
I don’t have anything interesting this morning, but I promised myself I’d update more often.
Last night I eschewed (never used that word before) #evfn because #lrfn started it’s adventures at @RulaBula and I love that place. They have had Strongbow on tap and that sounded like a better option for me. Whole Foods (#evfn’s regular final Friday location) never has anything I want to drink.
Turns out Rula Bula has changed out their Strongbow for Magners, the same hard cider I had in Vegas so it’s all good. Had a big honkin’ bowl of clam chowder for dinner and a couple of glasses – and tons of socializing.
Old friends, new friends, acquaintences, a couple of people I don’t care for but you know what? You can just be civil or completely ignore people you don’t like.
#lrfn is light rail Friday night, where they park and ride the light rail from place to place throughout the night. I managed Rula Bula and Monti’s before I had to leave. I might have carried on had I been alone but I had someone with me. Then again I was really tired by 9 and would have only been tireder by 12 and that’s when the final meetup was scheduled.
Max is supposed to be here tonight.
