so don't ask if you don't want to know
Archive for July, 2009
Things are looking UP!
Jul 29th
Hell yes, R and I are talking on Facebook! And on the phone.
Shut UP!
I’m talking like a teenager because suddenly I feel more like a teenager. I’m almost giddy.
Giddy. Me.
Oh I don’t know, there are tentative discussions of visits and hawt secks. Because if memory serves, ALL our sex was hawt secks. I’m not holding my breath or banking on this. Years of trashed expectations and disappointments have taught me to not get excited about anything until it happens.
We’ll see maybe in a couple of months. I really need to brush up on my phone sex. Actually, that might be the only kind of sex I’ve never had. I’m much more of a hands on (among other parts) person.
In the meantime, I don’t give a rat’s ass if that neighbor guy ever comes over for a booty call anymore. I have better options ahead… I hope.
Family drama
Jul 26th
I know you can’t pick your family. I sure as shit wouldn’t have picked mine.
First, I’ve mentioned my niece Miss B has a new baby she named Damien Gabriel. And she’s living with a guy who is apparently a complete asshat. I don’t know him but from what everyone in the family says, he’s as useless as a third dick. Miss B has chosen against all advice to stay with this person so my lovely sister has sued for emergency custody of the baby and won. Now she’s holding this baby hostage to everyone’s good behavior. Beth is one of those people who if you cross her she cuts you out of her life. She hasn’t spoken to me in years and I still don’t know why. She hasn’t spoken to our mother either, but has graciously allowed an hour visit a week to Mom. Mom says those visits are rife with tension and false pleasantries but she refuses to be baited into argument because Beth will then have an excuse to cut her out again.
This is all happening in Florida so there’s not much I can do or say. I’m not there to get in the middle or mediate or anything. I’m disappointed in Miss B for choosing a man over her child, but her mother did the same thing years ago. I feel I should call her and remind her of how she felt when her mother shipped her out here to me. I feel I should call my sister and remind her of her own EXACT behavior years ago. But I won’t call either of them. I’m not there, I don’t know fact from hearsay and I really don’t think either of them would listen to me anyway.
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Secondly, Casey finally got around to phoning his baby mama Sky. What a fiasco that was. Kira got to talk to her Mommy for the first time since last NOVEMBER and now she’s completely confused. She thinks Mommy is near and she’s coming to see her. Then Sky’s completely deluded rant about expecting Casey to send Kira to see her in Indiana for 6 months of the year, shared custody. Are you still living in a homeless shelter? Yes. Do you have a job yet? No. She thinks she’s got a leg to stand on. I do believe this might just light a fire under Casey’s ass about actually getting the divorce started instead of just talking about it all the fucking time. She cheated, had children by another man, lived with yet another man, seldom asked to visit her daughter and when she did she’d send her back after just a couple of days, and finally left the state without notification and put her other children up for adoption. Oh yeah, mother of the year there.
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Max called yesterday and they’re in San Diego this week and will be here on Saturday. I can wait, now that he’s safely in the States. He called again a few minutes ago to laugh at all the geeks/nerds he’s seen around because of Comic-Con. I explained that he was disparaging my people and that I’d love to be there, and now he says he’ll stop by tomorrow and get me tickets for next year. They go on sale in the morning. We’ll see. I’m pretty sure if he gets the tickets I can find a place to sleep there.
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After my obligatory call to my Mother I called my Dad – which is always nicer. He spent 10 minutes talking about the wonders of 5-minute energy drinks. Dad, you do realize that’s not good for your already stressed heart? Ask your doctor before you try that again!
I vant to be alone.
There’s been a possibility of a booty call from a new neighbor. We had an almost session the other night, but he was a little too freaked out about GirlChild downstairs and a lot too drunk. I never know when I’ll be home alone and he’ll be available and I’m moving in two weeks, so it might never happen. Oh well. His favorite saying? It is what it is. And it is. We’ll see.
*** edited because I forgot to run spellcheck, so bite me.
I was such a bitch back then
Jul 20th
A few years ago I corresponded with my first real boyfriend. I was married, he was married, we caught up a bit with emails and let it sputter out. Recently we friended each other on Facebook and it turns out I’m no longer married and he’s going through his divorce. Which doesn’t really mean anything in the long run…
But it has brought back some memories. Not that I ever forgot about him. He lived on the corner where I caught the bus to school, and many was the time I never made it into school. We were together for 18 months and most of that time was spent in bed. Great experimenter, ready to try anything. You name it and we probably did it once or twice. I was pretty fast and loose before we got together but this was really good.
But my parents divorced, Mom dumped me with strangers for the summer and I wasn’t allowed to use the phone, and then Mom and I had moved into town, she hated him, life moved on and I broke it off. There was some fairly serious psycho shit from him including a bit of stalkerish stuff and his motorcycle through our picture window and then he finally wandered off.
Hey, we were young. I was 15-16 and he wasn’t much older.
But I remember thinking about my choices at that time. I wanted out of my small town, out of Michigan altogether. Everywhere I looked seemed like a trap of rednecks, beer bellies, babies, and being a factory rat. EVERYONE worked at a factory. Mom worked at Ford putting windshields into Granadas, Dad hauled cars out of GM, all my friends’ parents worked at some auto-related plant or another. I knew I didn’t want that.
I took computer classes in school back when computers took up entire rooms. We never mentioned college in our family but the military was talked about a lot. Most of my older cousins were either Navy or Air Force. And I knew R, who had a disabled father and no mother around, would be trapped in that town for a long time. That’s ultimately why I broke up with him. He wasn’t gonna get me out.
There was another fella between R and Buck. K was also older (I never hooked up with a guy my own age) but he fucking painted designs on cars for a living. Another variation on the auto-worker mentality. When he started talking about buying a house there I was done with him. He ended up marrying a girl from my graduating class and now owns a wheel store in Tucson. Anyway, I wanted OUT.
Turns out Buck wasn’t a lot of help in that department either. I knew he’d lived in AZ for a couple of years and had only recently come back to his family. I thought it meant he would be more apt to move us away. Nope. He settled into factory life so I joined the Air Force right after my graduation. I broke it off with him after basic training when he didn’t want to leave Michigan. Turns out a few months later he had a rethinking and moved in with me in Virginia and the rest is history.
But the moral of the story is I got MYSELF out. Not that there was anything particularly wrong with any of these guys, but that I had an agenda. I don’t think I was that coldly determined at the time, but I see it clearly now. Of the three R was probably the best match for me, but I shed the poor guy and never gave him the chance. I settled in with Buck because he chose to follow me when I left. I married him because I wanted kids and that’s what you were supposed to do. K had no hard feelings about our breakup, even got together with his buddies to pay for our wedding night hotel. But because of the aftermath of the breakup with R, I don’t think I could have given him the chance until… now.
We’re all grown up now. Let’s see what happens.
A Taco Bell Adventure
Jul 16th
This is what it’s like to take Kira for our first Taco Bell dinner.
M: What do you want? Crunchy taco or soft taco? Or hamburger? (McD’s is right next door)
K: soft taco like me! (after bath towel wrap song we sing)
So we get home and I pile the two kid’s meals out on the table. One crunchy and one soft meal. Supposed to be cinnamon twists but they put in nachos. I don’t know how you can confuse “TWISTS” with “NACHOS” but there ya go.
She turns her nose up at the soft taco after all and prefers the crunchy. She very carefully scrapes all the lettuce out of the taco so she can eat that first – with her spoon. And also dip it into the cheese sause. It’s too ‘picy but she keeps dipping lettuce and then chips into the sauce. Pretty soon it’s wiping everything off with napkins. Finally I’m instructed to hold the taco so she can take the tiniest of bites. This passes muster and she attempts to fit the whole end of the taco into her mouth for another bite. I’m trying to explain how to eat a taco (when I don’t quite understand the theory myself) and she decides she’d rather have my soft taco, originally HER soft taco. That didn’t go over too well either.
Then she sighs, looks at the enormous mess and says, “Grammi, can I just have a apple?”
So I’m striking Taco Bell off the kid’s meal choices. They have consistantly crappy “toys” anyway. What the hell did they do to the nacho chips? They’re tasteless!
Other interesting Kira developments:
She had a long sleepy yet very clear conversation the other night about how she really likes her bed and “thank you Grammi for finding me such a wonderful bed.”
One new thing I don’t like is the asking for stuff in a softer and softer voice just to get your attention. I don’t know why she continues to do it. After the third try I walk away and then she throws a hissy fit that I also ignore.
And she’s in the fake smiley for the camera phase. I HATE THAT.
Tips for proper parenting
Jul 15th
Number 1. Don’t take your toddler to a midnight movie, opening night. Stupid stupid stupid parent. That kid should have been in bed. And had you actually sat in the seats in front of us I would have let you know exactly how I felt about your judgement.
Number 2. Don’t bully in front of other cars in the parking lot after a midnight movie. This teaches your child (and there were two small children in the back of this SUV) how to be rude and pushy and might just show them how to pass the time when the police arrive.
Seriously, after the Harry Potter thing last night (comments about that to follow) there was the mass exodus of people from maybe a dozen of the AMC Mesa Grand 24 theaters. I let four cars into the queue in front of me when across the parking lot comes some bitch in her SUV plowing her front end right in front of me! Her windows open, my windows open, I’m yelling “BITCH” “RUDE ASS FUCKTARD” and as she inches further into my space I see little children in the back so I’m yelling “Great Parenting Skills There You FUCKING COW” and the man in the passenger seat is completely ignoring me. Had we had any of Ginnie’s soda left I’d have chucked it at her goddam car. Had I still had that crappy Land Rover I’d have rammed the bitch. What is the fucking point of that?
So anyway, because I am the perfect parent *snicker* I took Ginnie to the midnight:20 viewing of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Though I read this series a few years ago and have seen the previous movies I was left confused as hell. First, why call it the Half Blood Prince if you’re not going to fully explain the significance? Gee the potions book had all the answer written in and surprise, it’s THAT character. None of the background was there. And second (and neither Ginnie or I can ever remember the exact sequence of events) why have the death eaters show up at that time just to watch that one part and break a few things and leave? Wasn’t there more happening at that point? This movie was like eating a crappy pizza when you see really good ones just out of reach. I give it a 3 out of 5 stars.
Split in half
Jul 11th
That’s how I felt those last couple of days in Minnesota. I woke up Thursday morning thinking about my frakking kids and what they were doing to my apartment and to drive each other nuts. I wanted my own bed. I wanted to go out and eat crappy fast food without being rude. Cara’s a foodie and either makes great food or finds the best place to get it out. But I was jonesing for a Burger King Whopper (which I promptly got at the airport) or a big bag of cheetohs.
And then I sat in her yard and enjoyed the peace and beauty and I didn’t WANT to come back.
So Thursday we lunched with Cara’s Mom and then went over to the SPAM Museum. Cara had fun giving me shit (see her journal) all through the place.
My favorite part of the museum was the piggy doors. They were soooo cute.
Then we wandered over to her sister’s to see her backyard garden and then to her mom’s.
I had been told throughout the visit that Tracy would never let me take a picture of him. So much that I snuck one of them out in the yard. But when I asked him point blank to pose with Cara he was more than happy to. I don’t know why everyone thinks he’s such a tough guy. I managed a hug and a photo all in my first visit. The guy is mush.
Friday we went to the zoo before Cara dropped me at the airport. The Mineapolis zoo is very nice but I couldn’t manage walking the whole place so we ended up on their crappy monorail.
I will go back.
| Originally published at Spellwight. |
My welcome home, not.
Jul 11th
Excellent vacation, maybe a day or two too long for me but still I had so much fun and relaxation. I’ll eventually post pics from the SPAM museum and zoo (crap did I take pictures at the zoo?) and more about those last couple days.
But now that I’m home I have to deal with these people. Kira latched onto me the moment I got in the door and insisted on sleeping with me last night. So I still haven’t gotten to enjoy mine own bed. Little furnace with huge feet. And the apartment is a mess, dirty dishes in the sink, laundry all over, etc. You know, when I lived with MY mother and I expected her home I made an extra effort to clean, you know? Just saying. I don’t know what the fuck that is in the fridge next to the tuna salad I MADE THE WEEKEND BEFORE I LEFT! Someone else is cleaning that shit up. And there’s the “Kira’s so happy you’re home Mom, she should stay with you so I can go to the movies,” and not come home at all bullshit.
Big Mama is about to blow her shit.
And Ginnie was late picking me up at the airport just like last time AND bitched about Casey all the way home. JOY!
Burnt Booblies
Jul 8th
Yesterday we went over to Lanesboro and wandered around, had breakfast (meh) and then went tubing. It was really nice going tubing during the week when we were just about the only people out there. We’d run into one couple canoeing and once a family kayaking, but the rest of the time we were on our own. It was sooooo nice.
And snowcalla posted that I flashed an Amish guy. No way! Firstly, I didn’t see any Amish people all day and Secondly, that guy was wearing plaid shorts and barely glanced up (double-take actually) as we floated by topless. Okay, *I* was topless. But boy are my boobs roasted. After we changed clothes in the car we stopped at another place for lunch (elk burger – another meh) and headed back before the rain. Cara’s hubby brought home pizza for dinner and I didn’t care for that either. I suppose after how many days of interesting and excellent food I was due for an off-day.
We watched V for Vendetta last night. I never saw that movie before. Natalie Portman might actually become a real actress someday. This was the best I’ve seen her do.
Tomorrow is the SPAM museum. I can hardly wait.
Min-eh-sooooo-tah
Jul 6th
Cara's koi pond
Flew into Minneapolis Wednesday on US Air. First I didn’t have a seat because stupid me forgot to check in early online. Then I was stuck in a window seat next to poor Mr. Morthan Chubby who had gas. But other than that the flight wasn’t bad. Got to MN and there was my good friend (snowcalla ) Cara! Long drive back to her house in Austin where I met and hugged her hubby. Actual roast dinner. Beautiful backyard. Through that night and the next morning I saw little things I’d forgotten northern nature had over the desert.
One bunny, fireflies, huge squirrels and green green green. MN reminds me of Michigan. Not the shit hole industrial areas I grew up in, but the farms and hills and trees further out of crappy places like Flint and Detroit.
Thursday we meandered back up to the Minneapolis area around Bloomington and Edina – and stayed in a suite at a Marriott Residence Hotel (where I had my own room cuz sometimes I snore) where we met up with (wickedgroovy) Heather. Fireplace and full kitchen meant we didn’t have to go out as much but we still did. 
We went shopping at Surdyk’s for designer cheeses and other stuff I’d never heard of. Sheila/Evo would love that store. Registered at CONvergence and wandered the art room and then back to the hotel to get ready to go out.
We’d decided to celebrate our 2009 birthdays together regardless of the fact that they aren’t even close. Started at Bradstreet, a tapas place. I think Tapas is greek for single servings of expensive and great tasting food you’re supposed to share. I tried new things like fois gras (yuk) and lamb ribs (fuck yeah) 
and enjoyed the crab cakes I ordered as a safety dinner in case I didn’t like anything else, such as the asparagus, the calamari and the lamb burgers the others ordered. I’m sure the lamb burgers would have been tasty if someone hadn’t decided to dump an entire pepper shaker on each one.
Cara, as always the leader in our expeditions, ordered the drinks. Starting with a Cooper’s Union – beautiful tall glass, Prairie, Lemon, St. Germaine Elderflower Liqueur, Grapefruit, Gruet Sparkling, Orange Flower Water – and I made it about a third of the way through that. I think it was the elderflower that turned me off. So Cara told them to bring me something interesting with orange and vodka, which they did and I couldn’t really enjoy that either. Just plain, thanks. That’s me, just plain. Then there was something red and slimy I couldn’t even attempt, so Heather and Cara drank that and I finally got my plain screwdriver. But by then I was pretty toasted.
From there we went to a club at The Chambers Hotel called (I kid you not) The Red White and Fucking Blue Rooftop Lounge, which appeared to be the gay men mecca of the greater north plains states. Seriously. I’m pretty sure there were single hetero men there (because there were couples and groups) but finding one would be like finding a needle in a haystack. Great hopping club, with quick and plenty drinks and an outside area. Lots of conversation areas, a thing I never understood in a club where the music is kept loud. Who can conversate over that? But check out the weird toilet seats. 
I’ve never seen toilet seats that thin in a ladies room, although when that guy walked in like it was so natural for him I wondered if there even was a distinction between the ladies and men’s.
After Cara finally shed the guy who had latched onto her, we wandered across the street to another club that was virtually empty and had a chocolate dessert. Then upstairs to the rooftop bar. Waited I swear 8-10 minutes for someone to show up behind the bar so we could order drinks. Then some lizard started talking to me, then Heather and finally settled on Cara. Man she can attract them. We dumped him and headed back to our hotel hoping for some hot tub time. No such luck.
Fridayy noonish we headed to CONvergence. Not a big Con and after years of Dragon*Con, we were spoiled. Ran into (Hellziggy) Sharon before I could finish texting her I was there. She showed us around including the free food and drink areas. They hand out free water and soda and tea, and rice. Yup, cups of rice free and a bunch of stuff you can add for flavoring. What a brilliant idea rather than preparation intensive sandwiches and stuff. They had other food as well. And all around the indoor pool area there were party suites assigned to the different groups and tracks to decorate and provide booze at night.
Between the few panels and traipsing the party suites, we hit the dealer’s room where I found two small wooden containers for Casey to put Ed’s ashes in and ran into (EmmasDad) Mike. Back at the hotel we had the casserole Cara brought, drank some Strongbows, snacked on cheeses and fruits, and just hung out. Friday night as we were parking back at the Con there was a huge fireworks display nearby so we got our Fireworks Fix out of the way early. Good thing, Saturday night at the Con was a fiasco and all the fireworks were too far away to actually see.
Kiltlifting
Late Saturday morning we headed over to the Mall of America, had our pictures taken with Dora and Diego, wandered around some more and then headed back to the Con for one panel. Back to the hotel for swimming and hot tubbing and had to sneak the Strongbows in coffee cups. Back to the Con for an attempt to see fireworks, ended up wandering the parties instead.
Somewhere in there we had Heather’s enchiladas, went to Vilification Tennis (throwing insults back and forth which was hilarious – but half the people were improperly miked and you couldn’t hear them), met the Skepchicks ladies, saw Pamela Gay again (she has no clue who I am) and did more shopping and fancy food snacking.
Sunday we packed and headed up to downtown Minneapolis to Loring Pasta Bar for a scrumptious brunch. I can’t remember if I tried anything new there, but I’ll bet I did. I tried so many new things this weekend. Then back down here to Austin to recover. Cara has a wonderful home and yard for quiet recovery.
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Sorry this is so long, but it’s taken me all day so I don’t want to break it up. Tethered to my phone is slow but I can’t seem to access their wifi. I’m here until Friday with plans ahead for tubing and visiting historical points of interest. I am having the best time!
