This is no reflection on the very nice lady who hosted the party. I think her name was Sherry. I’m so bad with names though I’ve met this woman once or twice before. She apparently does daycare during the day so there’s toys and kids stuff everywhere, which completely clashes with her husband’s empty liquor bottle collection as decoration. Not to mention the dead dear staring balefully out at us all.

So, Slumber Parties by Shauna was the event of the day. Okay, Shauna was polite and pretty and after telling us how she got into the business, she had a run-down on her private vocabulary for our private parts. What’s wrong with words like clit, vagina and anus? We got headlights, front door, doorbell, and back door.

After transporting us back to 1952, she started describing their products. Lubes and mists all including this mysterious thing called pheromones. Just Like Me Lubricant, Nympho Niagra, X-Scream, and Lime flavored Lickity Stiff. Coochy stuff? Like a Virgin to tighten your front door and Anal Eaze to deaden your back door, but don’t mix them up! Funny how the tubes look exactly alike.

OMG every time she mentioned anything anal you’d think anyone interested in THAT STUFF was crazy. Yet her most animated sales pitch, complete with hands and knees on the floor and wriggling, was in describing when you might need Anal Eaze. And nobody thought I was serious when I asked if the dildos were dishwasher safe.

Yes, I bought some non-silicone lube, something called Diva Dust so I can get sparkly when I go out, and a non-sex gift for my friend.

That was fun. I just wish I could have tweeted more. It was funnier as I went along but every time I started texting I made the poor girl nervous.

  1. Would it be tacky to twitter during a Slumber Party? Sex toys!
  2. The big hair girls are here.
  3. she’s using code words for private areas.
  4. This one woman is fascinated with the Tickle His Pickle book.
  5. Wet spot dehydrator in a can.
  6. Spread it around the edge of his helment and down the back of his soldier. Who writes this script?
  7. She didn’t think my dishwasher safe question was all that funny.

Originally published at Spellwight.