It starts off , I’m driving an unfamiliar car down an unfamiliar highway and get lost. Exits and interchanges later, I finally find where I’m going (in the rain) and it’s a military base. (I have a lot of dreams that start this way.)

As I get out of my car, Evo rides up on a motorcycle(?) and takes off his helmet, Oakleys, and riding gloves and hands them to some stranger in the crowd(?) and the paparazzi cameras start flashing as we talk. I have this brilliant idea for the show. We start walking into the building and he’s off-handedly signing autographs when suddenly people also start asking for mine. We’re not even paying attention as we sign and walk like this is regular business of the day.

Already weird eh?

As I try and tell him my oh-so-brilliant idea and try to find a piece of paper to write down notes, he tells me not to and that we need to be careful not to have written proof if we offend our fans. HE tells ME not to offend anyone.

Sheila’s in the make-up chair on a cell phone with her business manager.oral

We wander past the TV cameras in a studio to rival Jon Stewart’s and I’m listing stipulations to my idea. The guy has to be NOT married, really good looking and not take too long, because you know time is money on TV and taking forever to “get there” gets boring pretty fast.

And Evo tells me I CAN’T give a guy a blow-job live on the air for my birthday. That it is too offensive.

Bizzaro dream world, right?

Originally published at Spellwight.