so don't ask if you don't want to know
Archive for April, 2009
Are you stupid?
Apr 28th
I don’t consider myself or most of the people I associated with all that stupid. Okay, there are a few. But for the most part the people I know have at least half a brain.
So why does advertising seem to believe that we’re ALL too stupid to be able to mop correctly, dress properly, take out our trash or get through the day without their product?
Already this morning (on the radio while taking Ginnie to school) there was an advertisement from AAA talking about some guy on the road blows a tire and calls his insurance company to send someone out to fix it. Who calls their insurance company to change a flat? Two hours later the tow-truck guy informs him that his flat isn’t covered because he borrowed his girlfriend’s car. If he’d had AAA they’d have covered it AND been out there within minutes! Eventually he’s on his way to the wedding where (ding dang dong) he’s there before the bride enters.
First of all, what kind of a man (or woman) can’t change their own goddamn flat tire? Especially if you’ve been waiting TWO HOURS for help to arrive. But the guy’s already a jackass if he borrowed his girlfriend’s car and didn’t take her to the wedding with him.
That commercial was followed by another one about stupid people but I missed most of it while ranting about the first one.
I’m sick of the dirty mop – slopped bucket – frazzled woman commercials. I hate those trash bag splitting ads. I’m planning to compile a list of companies and products that run ads that make people look stupid so their product can save the world. That way I can have my own personal boycott party.
1. AAA
And while we’re at it, can we stop with the Burger King creepy guy? The latest Spongebob tie-in “I Like Square Butts” hip-hop thing is just too creepy for words.
Are you stupid?
Apr 28th
I don’t consider myself or most of the people I associated with all that stupid. Okay, there are a few. But for the most part the people I know have at least half a brain.
So why does advertising seem to believe that we’re ALL too stupid to be able to mop correctly, dress properly, take out our trash or get through the day without their product?
Already this morning (on the radio while taking Ginnie to school) there was an advertisement from AAA talking about some guy on the road blows a tire and calls his insurance company to send someone out to fix it. Who calls their insurance company to change a flat? Two hours later the tow-truck guy informs him that his flat isn’t covered because he borrowed his girlfriend’s car. If he’d had AAA they’d have covered it AND been out there within minutes! Eventually he’s on his way to the wedding where (ding dang dong) he’s there before the bride enters.
First of all, what kind of a man (or woman) can’t change their own goddamn flat tire? Especially if you’ve been waiting TWO HOURS for help to arrive. But the guy’s already a jackass if he borrowed his girlfriend’s car and didn’t take her to the wedding with him.
That commercial was followed by another one about stupid people but I missed most of it while ranting about the first one.
I’m sick of the dirty mop – slopped bucket – frazzled woman commercials. I hate those trash bag splitting ads. I’m planning to compile a list of companies and products that run ads that make people look stupid so their product can save the world. That way I can have my own personal boycott party.
1. AAA
And while we’re at it, can we stop with the Burger King creepy guy? The latest Spongebob tie-in “I Like Square Butts” hip-hop thing is just too creepy for words.
| Originally published at Spellwight. |
Have a little dream?
Apr 28th
It starts off , I’m driving an unfamiliar car down an unfamiliar highway and get lost. Exits and interchanges later, I finally find where I’m going (in the rain) and it’s a military base. (I have a lot of dreams that start this way.)
As I get out of my car, Evo rides up on a motorcycle(?) and takes off his helmet, Oakleys, and riding gloves and hands them to some stranger in the crowd(?) and the paparazzi cameras start flashing as we talk. I have this brilliant idea for the show. We start walking into the building and he’s off-handedly signing autographs when suddenly people also start asking for mine. We’re not even paying attention as we sign and walk like this is regular business of the day.
Already weird eh?
As I try and tell him my oh-so-brilliant idea and try to find a piece of paper to write down notes, he tells me not to and that we need to be careful not to have written proof if we offend our fans. HE tells ME not to offend anyone.
Sheila’s in the make-up chair on a cell phone with her business manager.
We wander past the TV cameras in a studio to rival Jon Stewart’s and I’m listing stipulations to my idea. The guy has to be NOT married, really good looking and not take too long, because you know time is money on TV and taking forever to “get there” gets boring pretty fast.
And Evo tells me I CAN’T give a guy a blow-job live on the air for my birthday. That it is too offensive.
Bizzaro dream world, right?
Have a little dream?
Apr 28th
It starts off , I’m driving an unfamiliar car down an unfamiliar highway and get lost. Exits and interchanges later, I finally find where I’m going (in the rain) and it’s a military base. (I have a lot of dreams that start this way.)
As I get out of my car, Evo rides up on a motorcycle(?) and takes off his helmet, Oakleys, and riding gloves and hands them to some stranger in the crowd(?) and the paparazzi cameras start flashing as we talk. I have this brilliant idea for the show. We start walking into the building and he’s off-handedly signing autographs when suddenly people also start asking for mine. We’re not even paying attention as we sign and walk like this is regular business of the day.
Already weird eh?
As I try and tell him my oh-so-brilliant idea and try to find a piece of paper to write down notes, he tells me not to and that we need to be careful not to have written proof if we offend our fans. HE tells ME not to offend anyone.
Sheila’s in the make-up chair on a cell phone with her business manager.
We wander past the TV cameras in a studio to rival Jon Stewart’s and I’m listing stipulations to my idea. The guy has to be NOT married, really good looking and not take too long, because you know time is money on TV and taking forever to “get there” gets boring pretty fast.
And Evo tells me I CAN’T give a guy a blow-job live on the air for my birthday. That it is too offensive.
Bizzaro dream world, right?
| Originally published at Spellwight. |
Whatever happened to Barbies?
Apr 27th
If you want to know how fucked up the world is, just hang out on my front porch. Across the way…
Three little girls, ages between 9 and 11, complete with school uniforms. Toy machine gun and play (I think) handcuffs. Child one is holding the machine gun on child two, who is on her knees with her hands cuffed behind her back. Child three is behind child two holding her by the hair.
What. The. Fuck.
Let’s see if we can figure out what scenario they are playing. Something from Dora the Explorer? I think not. Maybe Disney has some new pre-teen program I’m not familiar with.
And where are their parents?
Well, apparently my glaring in their direction has spoiled their fun, because now they’re back to chasing each other on scooters and bikes.
Whew, nobody died.
Strongbow and Sea Monkeys
Apr 26th
I had the best birthday party ever last night. Well, technically Sheila had the party FOR me. Sheila throws a great party so I kind of bulldozed her by saying on the air that I wanted her to throw MY party. She’s so great.
I didn’t want a HUGE amount of people, so I was pretty careful to whinny the guest list to just our most entertaining and party happy friends, half of whom didn’t show up. I should have been less discriminating I guess.
I think the people who did show up had fun. I had a blast! It was Hawaiian themed because I actually have a Hawaiian dress. So I got lei-ed and lei-ed people all night. Sheila attempted her first red velvet cake but it ended up being more brown than red. I was happy she tried, despite the end result. Keesha brought SPAM truffles and SPAM in a blanket.
And I got lots of Strongbow. And birthday cards with hot men on the cover. And Sea Monkeys.
Strongbow and Sea Monkeys
Apr 26th
I had the best birthday party ever last night. Well, technically Sheila had the party FOR me. Sheila throws a great party so I kind of bulldozed her by saying on the air that I wanted her to throw MY party. She’s so great.
I didn’t want a HUGE amount of people, so I was pretty careful to whinny the guest list to just our most entertaining and party happy friends, half of whom didn’t show up. I should have been less discriminating I guess.
I think the people who did show up had fun. I had a blast! It was Hawaiian themed because I actually have a Hawaiian dress. So I got lei-ed and lei-ed people all night. Sheila attempted her first red velvet cake but it ended up being more brown than red. I was happy she tried, despite the end result. Keesha brought SPAM truffles and SPAM in a blanket.
And I got lots of Strongbow. And birthday cards with hot men on the cover. And Sea Monkeys.
| Originally published at Spellwight. |
Hey! Where are you?
Apr 23rd
I realized I hadn’t seen your name pop up in a while. So I’m checking your LJ page and Kira asks, "who dat Grammi?"
M: It’s my friend Heather.
K: Did she go swimmin?
M: I don’t know Kira.
K: She not wearin her babinsuit!
M: Maybe she’s just looking at the water. Maybe it’s cold.
K: We go see Hedder?
M: Nope, she lives very far away.
K: She has scary eyes.
And there you have it. Actually, you’re another victim of my laptop screen and Kira’s shortness. Eyes look scary when you’re off-center to the laptop.
Yesterday I received the Birthday card you sent. Over breakfast Kira was looking at the card and her nose wrinkles up in disgust. Good taste must start earlier than I thought. Then she pointed at his package and asked why his chonies were yellow. Then she wanted to know if he was at the beach with Hedder.
I miss you guys.
The latest about Her
Apr 19th
I haven’t updated about Her lately, but I’ve come across some information today so I thought I’d share.
“Her” being Casey’s ex-wife. Kira’s so-called mother. Venus (Sky) Walker. The Whore.
Casey hasn’t been able to contact her or find her since the end of January. Today I looked her up on MySpace and lo-and-behold she lists her location as Indiana!
So this is what I posted openly on her comments page.
Your daughter would like to know if you’re ever ever going to call her or visit. She asks for her mommy every day. What the fuck is this Indiana shit? Did you fucking leave the state without contacting your DAUGHTER? Shall we just write you off forever? I’m goddamn disappointed that you can’t even make the tiniest effort. Since JANUARY!
If you give a rat’s ass, they’re living with me now. And you can be sure I don’t give a damn about your excuses. Maybe you should amend your little blurb to say you repeatedly abandon your firstborn. I can’t wait for the day she stops whining for you.
Have a nice life.
It just pisses me off that she puts out this loving mother shit. Loving mother my ass, she doesn’t even bother to call. A phone call. Call collect!
Shortly after I posted that I got a friend request from Matt’s mother. Matt is the guy she was living with. Not the real father of her twin daughters mind you, just the guy who tried to step up. This woman sent me a long letter about the shenanigans the cow has been up to. She met some new guy on the Internet, took those girls to INDIANA and after new guy “mistreated” her, she’s now in a homeless shelter. And talking about dumping those babies on the state. Useless bitch. I don’t feel the least bit sorry for her.
How can one woman do so much to fuck up so many people’s lives?
Good riddance to bad rubbish. Now we have to figure out how to explain to Kira (over time) that her mother never cared enough about anyone else to bother to make any effort. It’s not Kira’s fault, but you know kids always believe that they are responsible. I need to find out how to word it just the right way to do the least amount of damage to this little girl.
The latest about Her
Apr 19th
I haven’t updated about Her lately, but I’ve come across some information today so I thought I’d share.
“Her” being Casey’s ex-wife. Kira’s so-called mother. Venus (Sky) Walker. The Whore.
Casey hasn’t been able to contact her or find her since the end of January. Today I looked her up on MySpace and lo-and-behold she lists her location as Indiana!
So this is what I posted openly on her comments page.
Your daughter would like to know if you’re ever ever going to call her or visit. She asks for her mommy every day. What the fuck is this Indiana shit? Did you fucking leave the state without contacting your DAUGHTER? Shall we just write you off forever? I’m goddamn disappointed that you can’t even make the tiniest effort. Since JANUARY!If you give a rat’s ass, they’re living with me now. And you can be sure I don’t give a damn about your excuses. Maybe you should amend your little blurb to say you repeatedly abandon your firstborn. I can’t wait for the day she stops whining for you.
Have a nice life.
It just pisses me off that she puts out this loving mother shit. Loving mother my ass, she doesn’t even bother to call. A phone call. Call collect!
Shortly after I posted that I got a friend request from Matt’s mother. Matt is the guy she was living with. Not the real father of her twin daughters mind you, just the guy who tried to step up. This woman sent me a long letter about the shenanigans the cow has been up to. She met some new guy on the Internet, took those girls to INDIANA and after new guy “mistreated” her, she’s now in a homeless shelter. And talking about dumping those babies on the state. Useless bitch. I don’t feel the least bit sorry for her.
How can one woman do so much to fuck up so many people’s lives?
Good riddance to bad rubbish. Now we have to figure out how to explain to Kira (over time) that her mother never cared enough about anyone else to bother to make any effort. It’s not Kira’s fault, but you know kids always believe that they are responsible. I need to find out how to word it just the right way to do the least amount of damage to this little girl.
| Originally published at Spellwight. |
