so don't ask if you don't want to know
Archive for January, 2009
You've got to be kidding me.
Jan 31st
I was sitting here this morning having (McDonald’s) breakfast with Ginnie and opened Facebook. There among the fish and flower and cause requests was a friend suggestion. About my sister.
My sister who hasn’t spoken to me in years and I don’t know why. My sister tends to slam the door on people who piss her off, without ever actually telling them why. Years ago she called me begging to take her kid because she couldn’t handle her anymore. I did. I had Brittany for a couple of happy years and I did my damndest to not trash her stupid mother for choosing a man over her own daughter. (He’s a complete ass, BTW) Miss B eventually went back to her mother and Beth hasn’t really spoken to me since. When I flew to Florida for my Father’s open-heart surgery, we were all in the same waiting room for 10 hours and she never spoke to me or looked at me. Not even when I asked her point-blank what her problem was. Whatever.
Not that we were ever close. There have been maybe 3 years in our entire lives that we could be considered friends. We fought like badgers growning up and I’ve pretty much scorned every life decision she’s ever made – and there were some doozies. Maybe she just can’t handle my honesty when I think she’s making another mistake. Look in a mirror lady, you don’t need me to point out what you’re doing wrong.
Whatever. It took me a while to figure out it was a “friend suggestion” from my cousin Jackie, rather than Beth actually asking to be friends. I’ll pass, Jackie. If she wants to suddenly be friends, let’s leave that up to her to ask. Which leads me to wonder what Jackie’s up to. Was that click not thought out at all, or does she think a stupid friend request on Facebook will change years of alienation? Hot nardly.
Edited: Cousin Jackie has informed me she didn’t realize how bad the situation was and had only clicked the connection link without really thinking about it, knowing Beth was new to Facebook and wouldn’t know anyone. I’m not and was never pisssed at Jackie.
| Originally published at Spellwight. |
Parenting 101
Jan 29th
This is a class I could never teach. I barely remember my own as babies and all the 101 little things one might want to pass onto the next generation. When Kira was born ThatGirl kept asking me stuff and I’m like, fuggedaboutdit. Every once in a while a memory will pop up, maybe triggered by a specific situation, maybe some synapsis fires at just the right moment, whatever.
I’ve an LJ friend who just had a baby and I’ll admit here that I’d been barely scanning her later pregnancy posts. And I probably haven’t been reading her newer ones all that carefully either.
My bad completely. But nothing personal, I’ve barely been reading anyone’s.
Somehow I got into the habit of scanning everyone’s paragraphs unless something really catches my attention. For the last month I’ve been busy transferring stuff from my PC to this laptop, figuring out wordpress (where I’m completely over my head) for my new site, going out a LOT, etc. I just wasn’t taking the proper time for keeping up online. I apologize.
But geeze people, the one post I did read she was talking about using lotion with honey in it for her breastfeeding chapping (I imagine chapping is what she meant, I never breastfed) and I mentioned that infants shouldn’t have honey and she should double check if that includes lotion and people got snappish. I wasn’t in her face, or assuming she was an idiot or anything. How the fuck am I supposed to know what, as a first-time single parent with an apparently crappy family, she already knows. There’s SO MUCH a new parent needs to know! So for-fucking-give me for bring it up.
I should shut up. I should never politely mention something is potentially harmful. Maybe I should just crawl back under my rock.
Or.
I’ll keep saying whatever pops into my head on the off-chance it could help someone. Cuz, you know, I have managed to get to 47 and raise three fairly healthy kids. There’s a lot of experience in my brain even if I can’t access it like I usetacould. And if I speak out of turn you can either ignore me or understand I said it with love.
Cuz if I didn’t care, I’d be making fun of your mistakes instead of trying to help. I like making fun of people. Would you rather be on that list? I’m very careful not to make fun of my friends, but just about everyone else is fair game. Cuz I’m pretty sure people are out there making fun of me.
Getting even worrieder
Jan 29th
I looked on my dashwire (great free service, BTW – syncs everything on your phone/online) last night and Max hasn’t called me since December 10th. I’ve left a couple of messages on his MySpace because I can see he’s logged in there recently. Or his girlfriend Kela has, I dunno if he gave her permissions. She’s over there too, but not in the same location. He’s back in Kirkuk and she’s admin for their battalion and is in Tikrit.
I know there are times they are restricted from calling. I know he can’t always afford a calling card for his cell. I also know – even though it’s a PITA to wait in line – there are company phones available. But every time I stop and think about him (like now) I get really worried and tear up. Yes, even I have a heart.
Last time he was there and didn’t call me for a while it was apparently when he got hurt. I didn’t know he was hurt until he came home and off-handedly showed me his purple heart like it was no big deal. Actually, it really wasn’t that time, but the point is he never told me and when I asked him why he said he didn’t want me to freak out.
I don’t freak out when shit happens. I’m calm as hell when shit happens. It’s when I’m imagining shit that I freak out. And after. When the boys were in that car accident a few years ago, I was calm as hell the whole evening until I got them both safely in my car for the ride home. Then I fell apart.
Anyway. My friend Jamie offered her son’s help getting to Max. He’s some Army muckety-muck and can track him down and make sure he’s okay. Problem is, the information Max gave me before he left isn’t any good because his orders changed once he got there. AND he’d be really pissed if his Mommy went over his head and tracked him down and he was fine, just being a thoughtless asshole – which is entirely possible.
Okay, I’m practically sobbing now so I need to put him out of my mind. Just thought some of you would like an update and now you can stop asking and making me worry more.
PS. Aranel? Do you still have that casualty link you gave me last time? I don’t have it on my new laptop.
I'm sure there will be books written
Jan 27th
My long-time LJ friend Gareth (lj user jhirat_dai) posts this:
Obama to sign executive order to end world hunger, cure cancer
Well, no, but that’s what it seems like. I ask you though – how much of a fuckwit does your last leader have to have been to make a few common-sense executive orders appear to be strokes of divinely inspired genius?G
I know he’s being sarcastic, but it’s so true. I’m not really political, and being prior military I find it difficult to trash the President. I’m trained he’s the boss, not matter who it is at the moment. Even years later I still can’t just mouth off about all the crap I think he did wrong. At the end I’d lost all respect for Dubya and what he’d done to the Office of the President in the eyes of the rest of the world. I was completely embarrassed for our entire country.
And yeah I voted for Obama, though I’m not one of those that thinks the sun rises and sets on his command. I see someone who is chomping at the bit to get our country back in some sort of order. I see someone with a clear plan, determination, and intelligence. Will I agree with everything he does? No. Is he the second coming? Ha, that’s funny. I don’t even believe there was a first coming.
Bubye Bush. He was such a horrible President that people sang in joy as he left DC. He was such an embarassement of ineptitude and stupidity, he should just retire quietly to Texas where he belongs, never to be seen again.
At this point Obama could spend all of his time cleaning up messes and never come up with anything new and still be a better President. I just hope he doesn’t turn out to have some secret agenda or you know, get shot or something. Hilary’s what, 4th in line now?
But they're FAMOUS!
Jan 26th
I’ve never claimed to be the perfect parent. In fact, when my kids were very little I made all kinds of obvious mistakes. But I’ve noticed in the last couple of weeks a new one.
First there were all those parents who dragged their very small children down to the mall for the inauguration festivities. Seriously, it was freezing, there were no facilities or room for children to play, no strollers allowed, and massive amounts of people for HOURS. So there’s a new President. Great! But honestly, what exactly is a kid supposed to get out of that entire experience. They can say there were there when? That’s like me saying I saw the first moon landing from Cape Canaveral instead of safe at home. Unless you’re on the frakking space ship it’s all the same. Unless Obama could stop and take a picture with them, there’s no reason to drag your children down there.
And yesterday as I wandered through the autograph area at Phoenix Comicon I noticed Marina Sirtis holding an infant to her shoulder. That baby couldn’t have been more than few days old. My first thought was that “she’s got a baby?” and I wandered on. A few minutes later I watched as the Father handed that same baby over to Wil Wheaton and I realized some fan was getting photo opportunities for a child who might never know it.
Now I know Mirina and Wil are decent (and likely clean) human beings who would not hurt the baby, and in fact were very touched by and loving to the tiny infant. But the fact is, both of them had been shaking hands, signing whatever was handed to them, standing close to strangers for photo ops and generally NOT being in the most germ-free situation for HOURS and someone hands them a newborn. What were the parents thinking? Who else did they hand that kid off to for a stupid picture?
Taking your child into adult situations can be dangerous. As well as inauguration day went, the whole area had disaster potential. Imagine the panic of 2 million people had there been any terrorist activity – or even just some bigot making a statement – and how would you protect your child in that panic? And there’s a reason we all talk about Con funk. All those unwashed bodies spreading what have you and you’re taking an INFANT into that and handing it off to strangers? Just because these people are on TV that doesn’t mean they didn’t shake hands with disease ten minutes before you stepped up.
Parents, please give your baby a couple of months to build up some sort of immune system before you take them out in crowded places. Especially if you’re going to pass it around to strangers. I think they’d rather be alive in the future than just a memory in a photo.
About last night
Jan 25th
Well, we didn’t end up going to Karaoke after all. Something better came along. Jack called and invited us to join him and the group he was with which turned out to be some of the Farpoint Media people and some voice actors from the con, and Aaron Douglas. Yes, I hung out with Aaron Douglas!
CJ, Scotty and I met them all at some restaurant in Tempe but we quickly shifted the entire party to Four Peaks, where Scotty and I were seated between Aaron, Yuri Lowenthal and another extrememly interesting voice actor whose name I was never sure of. He said Boris, but I think he was pulling my leg. All very nice, very funny people. I had such a good time and I’m pretty sure I didn’t make too much of an ass of myself. I was well behaved, honest! Athough in the end when we were heading out onto the street to wait for their limo/van and I said, “I guess we’re walking out on the street.” Boris quickly replied something like “I would think you’d be used to that.” Dude!
We’d told jokes, chatted about twitter and other similar internet stuff, fear, government conspiracies, a little about their careers and lots about podcasting. Very fun night. Even when CJ’s car wouldn’t start we immediately got a jump from some other people and kidded around with them, too.
Edited: Boris is actually Boris Kievsky and he was amazingly interesting to talk to.
Phoenix Comicon and more
Jan 24th
Holy crap what a long weekend, and it’s only Saturday night. I’ve been sooooo busy!
Wednesday evening I grabbed my friend Wendy and dragged her up to Gangplank with me. She played silent studio audience during the Gangplank recording and joined in on the Evo @ 11 (no, it’s not posted yet, but I linked to the site anyway) one. I think she’s going to fit right in there. After that we went back to Wendy’s to watch the tail end of Dark Knight and then Definately, Maybe.
Thursday I edited and posted Gangplank show, ran some errands and went to the opening of the Phoenix Comicon – which is actually in downtown Mesa. Hung with CJ and ScottyJ and Dan and Jack Mangan.
Friday, oh Friday. Back to the Comicon, with friends again. Chatted with Wil Wheaton, wandered the booths but with no spare money kept going. Left to go to #EVFN at nearby restaurant. Epic fail and if you really want that whole story, go HERE. The group left there and went ’round the corner to Kirk’s where we should actually have started, and had a great time socializing and eventually karaoke. I left there in time to go back to Comicon for Wil Wheaton’s Rock Band Party where a room full of geeks and nerds rocked out like rock stars and had a great time.
Today, back to Comicon to hang with Evo and Sheila and Marshall. Too crowded, too many anime teenagers, too many unshowered and undeodorized bodies. Oh well. I came home for a nap and now I’m waiting for CJ to come pick me up to go out for more karaoke.
I HAVE A LIFE!
Let's try this again
Jan 23rd
I’m posting to my site (through wordpress) from now on, but I’ll be crossposting to LJ.
This is a test of the emergency cross-posting system!
There are simply more options for adding stuff using wordpress. I’ve found LJ very limiting (and it has nothing to do with the whole Russians thing) and decided when my LJ subscription ran out I’d move.
I will continue to read my friends page ALL THE TIME. I’ll just be posting through www.spellwight.com. You LJers shouldn’t see any difference but now other people can stop bitching at me for using it.
So far, I’ve changed my theme, added twitter, figured out this cross posting thing (I think) and now I’m trying to figure out why it won’t import the XML file from LJ and trying to find the perfect flickr thingy.
This is frustrating but it’s fun!
(second attempt – first try didn’t work)
In which I explain why I'm fat
Jan 23rd
Fine, I’m not fat. I’m chunky, big, chubby, overweight, padded, etc.
Why?
I don’t necessarily overeat, but I don’t make the best choices. I love mac and cheese, pizza, chipped beef in gravy, sausage-egg-cheese biscuits, clam chowder, onion bagels and cream cheese, cheesy sauces and pasta, etc. These are meals I tend to eat the most of. I’d love steak more often if I could afford it. Not a big fan of vegetables unless they’re covered in cheese. And I’m allergic to most fruits. Throat swelling and minor anaphalactic shock, or maybe anaphalactic startle.
I don’t get a lot of exercise. I lay (lie, shit I can’t remember which is correct) awake at night and swear the next day I’m going to get off my lazy ass and do some leg lifts and sit ups. Then I fall asleep until the next night to have the same conversation with myself. To be fair, with my asthma there’s very little exercise I can do. Hell, walking upstairs leaves me breathing hard. A brisk walk of any distance turns me into a guppy. I once joined a water aerobics class that I loved, but the instructor asked me to leave because I’d use my inhaler at least three times in a 45 minute class. Made her nervous I guess. I do park further away from my destination when the weather is cooperative. It doesn’t help that I’m naturally lazy.
When I think about my body image, I’m not chubby. Of course, I’m not svelte either. I imagine myself decently proportioned for my height, thinner and confident, attractive even. Then I pass by a mirror and see myself and think, “oh shit, look at those rolls! See how round your belly is, suck that shit in! And your ASS!” I don’t even look at my face anymore. I doodle with my hair and scan to make sure there are no boogers or dirt spots on my face, but I don’t wear make-up specifically because I don’t want to see myself close up.
I like the person in my head. I just wish the person in the mirror would match.
www.spellwight.com
Jan 23rd
I’m officially moving over to a wordpress blog. I’ve got a couple of entries, but I’m having a bit of trouble changing stuff. Like, it’s really ugly and I can’t seem to load up any widgets, namely the one that will cross-post to here. It a whole permissions thing. I’ll be getting some help with that. Go, like, check it out if you want because that’s where I’ll be posting from now on. I figured my subscription for paid LJ is up so I’d put my money somewhere that allows more widgeting, when I actually figure out how to um, widget.
http://www.spellwight.com/
