so don't ask if you don't want to know
Levels of friends
Are you my friend? I think so.
I have an uncanny ability to decide on the spot whether I like someone or not and find out later I was totally off the mark. I can’t tell you how many of my real friends I started off not liking at all.
I won’t say which ones because well, I like you NOW and that’s all that matters. Not my initial impressions which were wrong. I can’t trust my own judgment! I suck at reading people.
I often “friend” people on LJ or twitter or Facebook based on whether or not someone I do like likes them. If so-and-so likes NewPerson and I initially cringe, I friend them anyway and try to get to know them better. Why does so-and-so like them? Is there a different person in there than the one I’ve met?
I think I make a lousy first impression myself. Maybe too abrasive tinged with a bit of obnoxious. Or I turn wallflower and barely open my mouth. But people tend to like me once they’ve hung out with me for a while, right?
Sure, there’ve been a few people I’ve met where the consensus has been rolled eyes and shudders, but I’ve learned (from my friends BTW, I wasn’t born with this ability) to be nice and civil and just hope the encounter doesn’t last too long.
On top of that, there’s this whole social networking friends thing that tends to lump real-people-you-can-count-on friends equally with I’ve-met-them-a-few-times-and-I-like-them friends. Someone once called their real friends “funeral friends.” Who would come to your funeral or at the very least send a huge bouquet versus those who would mumble a sincere “ain’t that a shame” and get on with their life if you croaked?
And then there’s the short list of people I absolutely can’t stand and even that one gets fuzzy. That list is topped by my mother and yet I talk to her at least once a week – damned duty calls. Another person on that list was actually very nice to me yesterday so I’m going to have to rethink his position in the lists.
Is the word acquaintance out-of-date? I have friends and I have acquaintances. Except on LJ and twitter and facebook and myspace and countless other sites, everyone is a friend.
hmmmmm.
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about 3 years ago
Geography would tend to cloud things too. There are the social network friends who you have to wonder what level they’d be at in the same town as you. I think a lot of my “online” friends would be much closer friends if they were in fact, well, closer.
about 3 years ago
Funny subject since I’ve been going through and trying to figure out who I consider my real friends. Those in social media I don’t consider friends but aquaintances that I only see during social media events. A few have become friends, like you, I consider you a friend, because I enjoy hanging out with you.
about 3 years ago
I have MANY aquaintances and few friends. My friends are a mix of people that live near me and people that I first met online. I do use sub-groups on LJ because most people on my FL aren’t friends, they are aquaintances. *shrug* Some people that I would claim as a friend would only say I am aquaintance. Ahhhh….unrequited friendship.
I tend to piss people off and then they decide I’m too much of a pain in the ass to be friends with. Or, I don’t play all the talk-behind-the-back-let-me-tell-you-a-secret bullshit that seems to form most of the interaction between women – and then people either believe the bullshit that someone claims I have said and they drop me. Which I find laughable because if I have something to say to you, I say it. Of course, THAT ends up not too good, too. I have learned some tact, though.
For the most part, I tend to make decisions about people I don’t like right away and that usually stands. I make decisions about who I like, slowly.
about 3 years ago
I love this icon…it makes me want to go back in time and snuggle with Debbie again!
about 3 years ago
For a long time, I’ve wished that these social networks used another word besides “friend”. I know that “acquaintance” is a mouthful, but how about “pal” or “buddy”?
I wouldn’t presume that any of the people I’ve met online are my true friends because we don’t know that much about each other’s lives. It is too easy to shield the undesirable stuff online and make yourself look fabulous. Real friends get to see it all and like you, anyway. None of the people I correspond with online have had a chance to do that.
about 3 years ago
I think about this whole “real life” RL friends and online friends thing a lot. I have tried hard to get my local friends to develop friendships and while it is ok (excepting snowcalla of course) I find that the friends that are on LJ or facebook are way closer to me.
I’m pretty openminded when I meet people, but I find that if people aren’t going to put any effort into friendships, it just means it wasn’t meant to be. I have had a hard time with me doing all the work, and not getting any of “the love” in return. sigh. On the other hand, my online friends are always there for me and are a great bunch of people. I’d say they are all real friends too.
Debbie, I see you once a year, and everytime I see you I am so happy! I love that we discovered hard cider, and get to see you blossom after your divorce. You are an awesome lady! Always remember that!
about 3 years ago
Correct me if I’m wrong, wickedgroovy, but I think the difference between you and me is that you eventually get to meet your online friends in person to cement the relationship. I have never met any of my online pals in the flesh, so I will never feel like they are my “through thick and thin” friends. I guess I am old-fashioned that way.
about 3 years ago
When I finally get to travel around the country, I’m so finding you. You can’t hide from me! I want you to be my in-the-flesh friend.
about 3 years ago
You are so sweet! One of these days I will get brave and go to Atlanta for Dragon*Con weekend. My sister lives in the area, but I’ve never gotten the courage to go down when the rest of the geeks are there.
about 3 years ago
The person she’s talking about in the intro paragraph? Me. Totally me.
E.
about 3 years ago
I never ever friend acquaintances back on stuff like myspace/facebook, and love it when they send me indignant messages about not being their “friend”, because no, I’m not their friend. I don’t know them well enough. If they want to become penpals or call me, that’s cool, but I’m not just going to friend them because we took a class together. People are starting to to this on livejournal and it’s driving me crazy. “Friend me?” UH, no. if you like my journal, you’re welcome to watch and I’ll check you out, but this isn’t myspace. Gah.
I think that acquaintance is a perfectly good word.
about 3 years ago
Friends?
I agree with most of you that it’s hard to know the “inner person” via the internet, but as I live in a place where overseas phone calls (pre-skype) are cheap & I’m geographically separate from most I know, if I feel a kinship or in-commonness, I’ll ask if I may call them – that way we can have a decent chat and make a deeper decision as to if we really like each other or not.
Personally, in RL, I keep few close “girlfriends” and not many total people I’d call a friend, but have many acquaintances & I’m happy with that.
I’m an outgoing person but won’t go out of my way for someone who’d not do likewise for me.
Caer